As soon as the tube was pulled from my throat the light came back into my eyes. I was laying in a dark and really cold little chamber of sorts. I began to beat on the ceiling above me which was metal. I heard shoes squeak on what sounds like either tile or pavement. I began to dread my worst fears that I didn't die and this was a new hell that Gabriel had put me in. Gabriel was the name of the male who pulled me from the party. He wanted me to scream his name and stop whimpering while he assaulted me. It lasted for days upon days. He fed me a couple of pieces of toast with peanut butter. As soon as I began rejecting the food he decided to start beating me. Not just with his hands but with bats, baseballs, a golf club. I had free range of the house for the first week. I knew where to hide and that didn't make him happy. I didn't try to leave because I heard the crash of water against a ledge. I didn't know where I was but I knew I was going to die.
"Do you hear that?" Someone said and I didn't recognize the voice.
I kept beating my fist on the top and sides. I didn't have a voice from screaming all those days then having a tube down your throat isn't fun. I was told by the nurse when I arrived that Gabriel would be to get me. I needed to work quick to get out of her. I needed out of here.
"It's coming from 307." A young gentleman who looked like he could be a murder slid the table out that I was laying on.
As soon as he realized I was alive he began to freak out. He went to grab the phone on the wall and I grabbed a blade off the table and pointed it at him. I was still in two hospital gowns to cover my body completely. I had no means of communication though.
"Woah, Woah," The assistant came and put his hands up and kept walking toward me.
I pointed the sharp scalpel blade at him.
"Are-what the hell is going on?" He said and I noticed the gun on his hip.
He was probably a cop just like Gabriel. I looked at the male and held the scalpel in both hands now making my way toward the door. Neither of them chased after me as I made my way out into the real world.
I roamed the streets for a few days. I had met a nice young woman who took me in. She fed and gave me food. She asked me questions like how I got here, who I was. I couldn't give her any answers because as far as everyone was concerned Logan Blake Urie is dead. I just prayed that I could find any of the guys or Ryleigh. I knew they would probably be flying back to LA soon though. The woman who took me in let me stay for a few months before putting a newspaper in front of me. There was a photo of a young girl with long hair on the cover who was me.
"You are her, aren't you?" Cheryl asked and I still not talking nodded my head.
The tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I put my hand on the paper shakily and touched my face. I looked so different then. The newspaper used a photo from the tour. It was a relatively current photo. If I hadn't cut my hair for safety reasons you would have never guessed that was me. Cheryl sat at the table across from me with a cup of coffee in her left hand.
"You know they probably miss you dearly. Did you run away?" She asked and I couldn't answer.
I couldn't let those thoughts invade my mind again. I fought back the tears and pushed my body away from the table. I was fighting the panic attack and thought of all those nights with Alex. I thought of Rian coming to get me. I thought of Kolbi and her calling me mommy. I couldn't take it I ran my fingers up to my hair lightly giving it a tug. I pulled my knees to my chest as Cheryl watched me unsure.
"I know your name is Logan and I only want to help you return back to them. I have some money saved up and we could fly out. I know it will probably be hard to get an appointment with them or see them but it's worth a shot." She spoke and got up going to her room pulling out a lockbox.
I had seen the lockbox while staying here. Cheryl kept money in the lockbox maybe eight thousand dollars. Cheryl didn't trust banks and didn't want to claim it on her taxes. I didn't blame Cheryl for keeping it in the house but I didn't think it was safe either.
A thought popped into my head what if I could access my old phone and try and pull my contacts. I grabbed Cheryl's phone and logged into my iTunes account praying my phone backed up saved numbers. Sure enough, it did. I looked at the contacts I thought about my options for a minute. Would he even believe I was alive? I mean I had officially been gone now for three months. I was surprised Gabriel hadn't found me. We weren't exactly in a small city but I still was in a safe distance to the hospital I ran from three short months ago.
Cheryl came back into the room with a back of stuff for me and herself. I handed her phone and she noticed the new phone contacts a little confused. I had been working on talking again, it wasn't going terrible but it wasn't going well.
"They are my family. I logged in and pulled them onto your phone. I should've asked sorry." I then looked down at my feet.
Cheryl ran a hand on my cheek and patted my back telling meet was fine. She looked at the contacts then looked at me.
"Do you want me to ring one of them?" She asked and I nodded my head.
"this one." I pointed to the one for dad and she pressed call.
Cheryl walked out of the room. I heard her voice through the house. As Cheryl walked back toward me I recognized the person on the other line. It was Zack Hall. He was being pretty much a dick to Cheryl.
"I am not lying to you. She is standing in front of me right now." Cheryl said before walking into the lounge room.
She came back with the phone hung up and shook her head at me. I thought for a moment. Who would believe it? I thought for a moment debating who would be more likely to answer Lisa or Alex. I decided on Lisa and pointed to that contact. I didn't want Cheryl to waste her money on a trip out to LA if she didn't have to. This time I made Cheryl first try and audio call her.
"Hello, Lisa Gaskarth speaking." I heard Lisa's voice on the speaker before I quickly hung up and then grabbed the phone and hit face time.
It went straight to voicemail. I then texted her quickly asking to face time. She asked who this was and I told her she needed to answer her FaceTime and I'd answer her question. Next thing I knew I was not talking to Lisa but I was talking to Alex.
"Look, I give a fuck who you are, but stop fucking with my wife you mother fucker I'll-" Alex stopped and dropped Lisa's phone.
"No this is not real." I heard Alex shout and then Lisa picked up the phone crying.
"L-Logan?" Lisa said and I nodded my head.
By this point, I was sobbing too. I wanted nothing more to reach through the phone and hug Lisa and Alex so tightly. I didn't understand why I didn't think of doing this with dad honestly but it was too late he had probably told Zack Hall to block this number.
"Shit, you're alive," Alex said and I nodded my head.
"Wait, where the fuck are you?" Alex kept on talking.
It was noticeable to see Alex physically shaking. He was fighting the oncoming panic attack. I knew it as he wrapped an arm around Lisa. Lisa leaned into Alex trying to stop it. We spoke for a while me sending text message answers. Lisa said she would come to get me from the airport if Cheryl didn't want to come with me and Alex would order me a phone all we had to do is go pick it up from the apple store. I told Alex that was too much and I couldn't leave the house and go to the mall. Alex didn't press but I knew he wanted to.
The next day though I was on a plane with Cheryl. She didn't want to send me off alone. She said it was also always her dream to see LA. As promised Alex had ordered me a phone that Cheryl went and picked up for me. I had texted only Alex and Lisa. Lisa said as soon as Brendon and Sarah saw me we could begin to fix everything and she'd be there. Lisa stood at the baggage claim and I ran over wrapping my arms around her. Cheryl yelled the name I had originally given myself which was going to be my name if I wasn't named Logan.
"Carter!" Cheryl yelled as I hugged Lisa so tightly.
Lisa hugged me back letting out loud sobs. She put her hands on my face and checked me over before wiping her eyes and shaking Cheryl's hand. They greeted each other and I got mine and Cheryl's bags. Lisa took one of the bags from me as Cheryl took her own. I carried the carry on bags. Lisa held out her hand for me which I took. I gave it a tight squeeze and Lisa just squeezed mine back equally as tight. Lisa never asked what happened knowing I'd eventually tell her but first I needed to see Alex.
Lisa pulled up to the studio. Alex was working with the boys that day and told me he would be unavailable to come to get me as much as he would have loved to. I knew he was busy they were practicing and trying to set a new normal. There would be so much I'd have to explain if the guys saw me so I just hid in the car as Lisa ran in to get Alex. Alex ran out to the car and pulled open the door. I had ducked down and moved to the floor. When he noticed me he pulled me out of the car holding me close to his chest knock the air out of my lungs.
"'Lex, need to breathe," I mumbled in his ear as he held me close sobbing.
"In a second," He mumbled back and just held me close a little longer.
Alex did and inspected my body for injuries before greeting and being introduced to Cheryl. Alex swore to pay the woman back for taking care of me and for flying out with me. Alex kept an arm wrapped around me as though he was afraid I'd disappear or like this was all some sick twisted dream.
"Hey Alex, Dude we really need you for- Holy shit!" Jack said as he noticed the back of my head.
I ducked back into the car and quickly pulled my hands above my head and Alex tried to rub my back as I flinched. I was still slightly underweight so I tried to move closer to the clove compartments as possible.
"Jack go inside. I'll explain in like, fuck I don't know. I'll explain though just don't say anything!" Alex shouted to Jack who now was closer to me than before.
"Alex she looks like-" Jack began while Lisa climbed up on the passenger seat.
"Did she do this with you?" Lisa asked Cheryl.
"Yeah, I think it has to do with what happened to her," Cheryl said.
"Yes, Jack. I do know who she looks like and it's her that's why." Alex said and sighed knowing he wouldn't be able to lie to Jack.
Jack didn't believe him though and got down to my level.
"If you really are who I think you are. What is something only we'd remember or know about each other?" Jack said and his eyes flicked between both of mine staring at me.
"I painted a ceiling with stars. You found my lists." I spoke shakily as Lisa played with my hair.
"Holy shit." Jack pulled me into his arms and I fought him.
I didn't want to but I was scared and Jack was loud and sometimes rougher than Alex. Jack looked at me hurt and then slowly backed away. Once I got my courage back I slowly stalked over to Jack with open arms. He opened his and wrapped me in a hug. Jack picked me up though and held me there whispered in my ear the same thing he had promised me before. Alex decided it would just be a great idea to take me upstairs. So that is what we did. We went upstairs, everyone. Rian was in recording drum parts and Zack sat at the controls tapping his foot to the beat Rian was playing before I heard a very distinct.
"What the fuck!" Shouted from Rian Dawson.
I put my hands on my ears and began to move my arms. I backed into Lisa and looked around the studio for the best place to hide. There was a sofa I could slide under. I went for that but Rian ran out so quickly and put his hands up and the world slowed for a few seconds.
"Is it really?" Rian said and then I noticed Zack had earbuds in and couldn't hear a damn thing.
"Yup," Alex said and Rian looked at me.
"What is-"
"You picked me up when I ran away to Vegas. You never yelled at me." I spoke softly and kept eyeing the sofa.
Alex whispered something to Rian who put his hands in his pockets. I kept my hands by ears and was ready to move them to my head and shimmy myself under that sofa. Alex calmly removed the earbud from Zack Merrick's ear and told him to turn around. Zack was the only one who didn't recognize me and I guess in some ways I was thankful. Jack couldn't help but wipe his eyes as he cried. Rian had cried and I finally let him in on a hug. Zack was so lost then it was like it all clicked in his head.
"How the hell are you alive... We watched you die." He said and went to wrap his arms around me in the hug.
I wiggled in Rian's arms. Rian let go and I went over to Cheryl and Lisa. I hid behind them for a minute before Alex kept the boys at bay. I answered Zack Merrick's question though.
"I never died. It was staged. He is probably still hunting me. I'm a prize." I spoke softly before crying.
I let everyone hug me and I was held once again by Lisa who now sat on the sofa. She cradled me in her arms rocking us side to side. I hadn't truly slept in a few nights. It was something I often fought because I was afraid to wake up and it all be a dream. I closed my eyes as Lisa brushed her fingers through my hair.
"Holy shit she made it out alive," Rian said and I felt the eyes on us.
"Does her family know?" The question was asked and Cheryl spoke.
"They didn't believe me when I called. I found out a few days ago. She told me her name was Carter. She has been trying to protect herself and save herself. She is a strong girl you guys got here." Cheryl said and I felt Lisa's chest vibrate.
"Yeah, We do have a strong, tough, miracle girl here," Lisa said and I knew she was speaking.
I couldn't fall asleep though. I got up and pushed myself up off Lisa's lap and went to sit with Rian. I sat on his lap and nuzzled my head into his chest listening to his heartbeat. I pulled my legs up onto his leg. Rian wrapped his arm around my leg and one around my back. I kept listening to his heartbeat. Alex then began to sing a really old song. A song I told Alex I loved for a long time.
"I know it gets hard for you to stay but do you really want to throw it all away," Alex said in the room.
Someone came in with a guitar and Cinderblock garden was singing to me. Soft and sweet, sleep came and visited like an old friend. Nightmares haunted the candy coating of sweet sleep. I twitched in my sleep. I heard Rian talking to Alex in my dream and maybe I wasn't really asleep.
Maybe sometimes we drift to shores so unsure we forget the sky was ever our guide.