I ran after dad as he went to start packing for the tour. It literally took months to pack for a tour, and I was giving a few days. I rushed upstairs passing dad as I was making a scene now. I looked at dad with pleading eyes, I would give anything for him not to go in my room. I knew he would have to though and then he'd see my self-destructive state.
"I got it, dad. Um, Jack will you come to help me get my suitcases down?" I asked as dad glared at me.
"I'll find what you're hiding Logan," Dad said and pointed at me as Jack jogged up the stairs.
I walked in a bitter silence looking at my own toes. Jack came to my assistance and got them out of the top of my closet not asking a question. I threw most of my everyday clothes onto the floor and groaned. I then noticed that one wall was visible.
"Ooh, what's that it has names by it," Jack said and tried to get a closer look at it.
I shoved him out of the way closing the door and standing in front of it. Jack looked at me a little hurt. My breathing began to pick up as I fought back the now violent assault on my cheeks. I shook my head and kept a tight grip on the door handle to the closet.
"Logan, maybe if Alex was here would that help?" Jack asked putting a hand on my shoulder.
I flinched and shook my head. Jack then moved his hand on top of mine and tried to untangle my fingers from around the handle. It wouldn't give though my knuckles were turning white. I sniffled and kept trying to breathe in real deep to stop the snot from running down my face. Jack just kept looking at me with these same sad brown eyes. He then got out his phone and I hear Alex's footsteps upstairs. He wasn't followed by anyone which was shocking. Then the soft footsteps came up with him.
"Just stay here a second. I'm going to talk to her and maybe she'll calm down. If not you may need to get Brendon," Alex said to his wife before knocking my door.
"Come in 'Lex," Jack yelled as I just stood there arms behind me.
"What's up with her closet what is in there? Logan is there something you are hiding?"
"I- No..." I said rather too quickly.
Before I knew it both boys were untangling my fingers from the door handles and Jack opened the doors. Shoving my clothes from one side to the other than throwing them out onto the floor. The violent assault on my face continued as tears kept falling.
"Reasons to stay: Dad, Mom, Beckett, Kolbi, Jack, hey I'm above you, Alex, Rian, Zack, Ry," Jack kept reading then looked at the other side sadly.
"Reasons to leave: Disappointment, Worthless, Trashy, Mute, Ungrateful, Terrible, Ugly, Messy, Attention Whore, Rude, Bitch." Jack stopped and looked at the lists that I had painted flowers around.
The flowers were sunflowers making my words pretty clear to see. I had painted them on with white paint and the dandelions with different variations of yellows, browns, blacks, greens, some reds. Jack looked at me as Alex stared at the list on my wall. It was at the bottom of my closet and it was working its way toward the corner. There were quite a few reasons to leave on there. Alex looked at me as he shook his head. He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of my room and toward the studio where dead was most likely working on something or doing a stream. Alex knocked on the door as Lisa followed him out of our house and around the pool.
"Brendon! Open up we have an issue!" Alex shouted and beat on the door some more.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me you were having these thoughts," Alex said bitterly at me.
I shook my head and ripped my arm out of his fingers. I saw mom and Jack talking in the kitchen and made a run for the house as Alex grabbed me around the waist. Dad opened the door to the outdoor studio and I began to flail my body trying to getaway.
"What's wrong Alex?" Dad asked as I was now in dad's arms.
"Go look in her closet," Alex said and I glared at him shaking my head.
"I can't believe you," I seethed at Alex.
"Did it ever occur to you I painted that a long time ago and I hid it for a reason? That I was going to paint over it. No thanks, now I am going to have to stay on his bus and not with you guys or Ryleigh. Not that I even want to go on this stupid tour!" I yelled at Alex still really upset.
Lisa came and placed a hand on my shoulder. I jumped and turned around to shover her off me but I didn't I looked at her and shook my head silently and moved around her walking into the kitchen.
"Do you want to— Jack told me," Mom said as I rummaged in the fridge throwing some carrots at Jack before getting my water bottle.
"No, I don't because it is my wall. You and dad told me I could paint the room. Sorry I didn't ask, the list is old not like it matters anymore because now dad is up there rummaging through my room. Thanks, Jack you couldn't. I don't know. Drop it!" I said and he looked at me giving me that sad half-ass smile.
"I do it because I care about you, Logan," Jack said as I shook my head.
"I can't fucking believe the two of you. I don't want to go on tour, I get kicked off from it, I want to move in with my boyfriend who tells me no. I want to go to college and they tell me now. I want to live my dream and just I am so fucking tired of this mind game." I said and slammed my water on the counter making it squirt out from the top.
"Log-" Mom began as I looked at her.
"You could have stopped him or we could have had a discussion about this but no you let him run through this house. It's not like I am going to run away. For this whole house's information, I am an adult now. I can move out if I want to I am twenty! I can-"
"Then do it." A voice said from the side and I knew it to be dad's bodyguard Zack Hall.
"What?" I stammered.
"You complain about how hard it is living here and dealing with everyone then leave. You think it's so hard literally people would kill for this and you are standing here like a child. You're twenty, not two. You make it so hard on your mom and dad, on Alex and Jack, on Alex and Lisa, on fucking everyone and yet you are still here. Just because Beckett isn't signing those precious papers why aren't you? You know since you're such an adult." Zack Hall said and everyone stood their silently.
I then made a B-line for the stairs and ran up them grabbing my purse and then back downstairs grabbing a set of keys from the bowl. I began clicking the lock button to see which car keys I grabbed. I groaned seeing it was the hummer. I got in the car though and pressed the button to let me out and sped my way down the street.
I drove to the realtor agent place Beckett and I had gone together a few times. It was mainly more for Beckett then it ever was me. I closed my eyes sitting in the parking spot not having turned the car off yet. I, however, found the courage to take out the keys and climb out of the car and walk up the steps. I had left my phone at the house not caring. I knocked on his door and he turned around to look at me.
"Ah, Ms. Urie correct. Mr. Harrington told me he wasn't going to be signing for the apartment today I didn't expect to see you here. I figured he would have-"
"I want to sign for the apartment and be the solo singer." I said for the first time to the man.
"Well okay then. Ms. Urie I will need to run your credit so if you would please provide me with your ID that would be a great help. Also if you would like to begin the paperwork it will be easier for me to put you in the system and we can virtually look at apartments or were you looking at the place Mr. Harrington was going to sign for?"
"The one Beckett was looking at," I spoke and handed him my driver's license.
After a few short minutes, I was signing some paperwork and was being handed a key. The realtor offered to come and make sure the key still worked as it had earlier. I smiled and allowed him to drive us to the apartment complex. I had what most would consider a small house. It had an upstairs and downstairs. There were 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, a rather small kitchen but it would do for now. I smiled holding the two keys in my hand while the realtor finished up the long spiel of the rules to the apartment complex. I got this giddy feeling in me the longer I held these keys in my hands.
Before going home, I stopped at Beckett's knocking on the door. His mom opened the door seeing me and rolling her eyes. I didn't understand why she didn't like me her husband did. It was okay though I guess. Beckett came down quickly holding Kolbi who was wrapped in a mermaid towel.
"Hey, I didn't expect to see you. Please tell me you didn't run away and this time you are saying goodbye." Beckett said and held Kolbi tighter in his arms.
"No, but I got us a gift," I said and smiled as Beckett invited me into the house and told me to wait in the entrance for a few moments.
He walked back down childless. I pouted as Katrina came back carrying Kolbi. Kolbi's hair was now done in two pigtails like when I first met her. I picked her up and whispered something in her ear. She nodded her head and smiled at me sweetly.
"Daddy come on mommy is going to show us our new home!" Kolbi cheered and began to pull on her dad's hand.
"What do you mean Kolbs, Daddy never- That is why you are here. Did you get the apartment? Oh my god, they are going to kill me." Beckett said and put Kolbi down.
"Kolbs why don't you go run off and play with aunt Kat for a few?" Beckett swatted her but playfully and the child ran off.
"You aren't happy?" I said making my statement feel like a question.
"No, I am happy. I am just a little, I guess at a loss. I gave up on us being a family because I knew it was wrong for me to ask you to give up your dream. I really don't how this is going to play out. I don't want to just up and move, I want to transition into this, and..." We were cut off by Beckett's phone going off.
He picked it up and flashed the screen at me.
Logan's Dad Calling
I shook my head as he gave me a knowing look before answering it.
"Hello? Yeah, she is with me. She has done what!?" Beckett looked at me shaking his head as I smiled at him guiltily.
"Yeah, I will send her home now Mr. Urie." Beckett hung and looked at me.
"Oh my god, you're so dead." He states before turning me toward the door and yelled that he would be back later.
We got in the car and off we went. Toward a new destination with angry faces, I had already met.