Swirling in Worries
(I don't own this picture)
(Hey everyone I miss writing so much... I'm so dealing with school. I'll be writing some more stories)
The thought of wanting to feel my diploma snuggled tightly against my chest melts my brain
As I lay in the warmness of my room I begin to think of my graduation day
All I could think about is the hopes and dreams of becoming a professional because that is all I ever truly wanted
Just because I want my future job does not always means I'll get what I want in the first try
The struggles, the tears, the depression, the doubtfulness does not permit my brain to rest at night
The amount of anxiety that kicks in before sleep haunts me with multiple worries
The worries of "What if you don't even enjoy this occupation?" or "What if this isn't your calling?"
I turn my body while pulling on the sheets and I soon began to feel tear drops that soaked the pillows
Then I remember something Important....
Something that will alter my life forever
I remembered the day I looked at my transcript it said you received a D
I received a D meaning that I cannot move forward to the next step in my career
The realization of there will be NO graduation day within two years because I couldn't even pass the most Important class. . .
A semester that now I am held back. . .
Having people to encourage me doesn't help when you feel so helpless and unconfident in yourself
Knowing that you have done your very best and your school work doesn't reflect upon your work
To know, you have been in school since 2016 and feel as if you have gotten older and have gotten nowhere
Is the worst feeling in the world
So there will be no graduation day for me I will have to retry again and pray I will make it
I wish things didn't have to be this way I thought to myself as I pulled the thick checkerboard blanket over my body
Maybe one day my mom will understand I didn't mean to fail the most important class on purpose... that this class was extremely difficult
But will she truly understand?
Will I be left to cry every night in my bed. . .