ASHLEY'S POV
I woke up to the feeling of lips gently kissing and biting my neck. Inhaling Alex's lavender scent, I immediately smiled as I opened my eyes and saw her hovering above me, her intentions quite clear.
"What time is it?", I asked in a low groggy voice as her lips lowered to my collarbones.
"Sex o'clock?", she smirked, bringing her eyes up to mine.
"Ugh, I can't baby..", I groaned in frustration, earning a puzzled look from her. "It's that time of the month for yours truly."
"Party pooper.", she mumbled against my neck before planting a kiss on my lips and climbing off me.
"Sorry.", I chuckled, rolling on my side and resting my head on my hand as I watched her shuffle through her clothes. "You okay by the way? You were pretty emotional last night.."
"I'd be better with my tongue inside you.", she teased, flashing me a devious smirk and causing me to laugh. "But yeah, Ash. I'm great actually."
I smiled warmly at her and watched her as she got undressed, absentmindedly biting my lip at the wonderful sight before me. I allowed my gaze to scan every inch of her perfect, toned, inked body, taking notice of every single detail that made her so perfect in my eyes. I then focused my attention on one specific tattoo that went from the side of her waist all the way down to her thigh, ending mid way. Compared to her sleeve tattoos, this one was definitely the biggest one and the most detailed she had, and it made me wonder if there was a meaning behind it.
"See something you like?", she inquired, causing my eyes to shot up to hers as I felt myself blushing.
She sure as hell caught me checking her out.
"I do actually.", I smiled sheepishly at her as she put her shirt on. "Why the phoenix?", I then questioned, tilting my head to the side.
"Huh?"
"That big ass tattoo.", I clarified, seeing that she had no idea what I was talking about.
"Oh..", she paused, glancing at it for a split second before looking back at me. "Like it?"
"Very much."
"Good. Cause I've spent 600 bucks to get it done.", she chuckled softly as she slipped into some light blue skinny jeans, eventually covering her wonderful ass.
"Why a phoenix though?", I questioned again, sensing that either she was avoiding my question or there actually was a deeper meaning behind it.
"Aren't you curious, Miss Stevens.", she sighed, laying back on the bed next to me.
"Pretty much so."
A comfortable silence fell between us as I waited patiently for her answer, her eyes never leaving mine as she stared at me intensely.
"You know the legend for which a phoenix rises from it's ashes once they die after bursting into flames?"
I nodded silently, urging her to go on even though I had a feeling of where this was going.
"Well, basically I got it after getting custody of the kids.", she paused, slightly biting her lip. "After my fucked up teenager years, bouncing from one foster home to the other, and after getting into every possible drug I stumbled upon let alone troubles.. getting clean, getting a job and eventually bringing my brothers back home signified a fresh new start for me. My parents, my past, every weakness and nasty thoughts I had that made me seek comfort in drugs and alcohol.. everything was left behind. I wanted to change. My brothers needed me to change, little did I know that I needed it myself in the first place.", she smirked, letting out a soft chuckle. "Anyways, back to my tattoo.. after getting custody of the kids, I was stronger, or at least I like to think I was. After losing myself for years, I overcame my past and I reached the light at the end of the tunnel as stronger as ever."
"So you rose like a phoenix from the ashes?", I whispered, smiling weakly at her.
"Yup.. that was the sentiment behind it when I got it."
"Now I like it even more.", I stated, earning a cute grin. "It suits your body and your story very well."
"My body, huh?", she teased, eying me mischievously.
"What do you say we get ready and grab something to eat on the road?", I suggested, ignoring her last statement.
"I'm not really hungry."
"You seemed pretty hungry to me.", I frowned, laughing.
"Yeah, that's a different kind of hunger now, isn't it?"
"You're having breakfast, Alex. No arguing that."
———
Halfway to my parents house, we stopped at a little diner to grab some breakfast. We took our seat and quickly scanned the menu before the waitress walked up to us to take our orders.
"Welcome to Jenny's. What can I get you ladies?"
"I'll have a cup of coffee and a piece of cheesecake, please.", I quickly stated, closing the menu in front of me and glancing over to Alex who seemed deep in thought.
"What about you?", the waitress asked, blatantly checking her out, might I add.
"I'll have a cup of coffee as well, blueberry pancakes, some of your chocolate cake and a cupcake, please.", she stated, closing her menu and bringing her eyes up to mine without even glancing towards her.
I smirked internally as I watched the waitress huff in disappointment before walking away.
"What?", Alex questioned, definitely catching me staring at her in a funny way.
"Nothing.", I shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "That girl was literally tearing off your clothes with her eyes and you didn't even notice."
"I guess it's too bad I have a stunning, sexy ass teacher sitting in front of me.", she teased, sticking her tongue out at me.
I giggled and blushed simultaneously at that, feeling my insides tingle just like every other time her hazel green eyes were entirely on me. It was amazing, really, what this girl could do to me with just a simple gaze. Don't get me wrong, I was dreading what was about to go down in the next hour with my parents, but just having her here with me made me feel ready for whatever was coming my way. Just looking at her made me feel safe, and warm, and in complete awe of the beauty in front of me.
"Thank you.."
"For what?", she frowned, a puzzled look on her face.
"For coming with me. It means a lot."
She smiled warmly at me, eventually reaching for my hand from across the table and intertwining our fingers together. I tensed up at first, but I soon relaxed as I remembered where we were: at a diner, an hour and a half away from Chicago, away from school, our homes and people who would recognize us. There really was no reason to overthink a simple PDA.
"Don't mention it. I'm glad I can be there for you.", she whispered, eyeing me carefully. "I didn't want to ask cause you seemed pretty relaxed about it or at least you were pretty good at hiding it, but how are you feeling?"
"Honestly?", I sighed, running a shaky hand through my hair in the process. "I feel like crawling into a ball and cry my eyes out."
"Understandable..", she trailed off, flashing me an encouraging smile. "But I honestly think that everything's gonna be beyond fine, Ash."
"What if it doesn't?"
"It will. And if it doesn't, I'll be here to make everything a little less painful."
"I'm starting to rethink this entire thing..", I mumbled, fighting back the tears that were threatening to escape.
"Ash..", she started, squeezing my hand gently. "Look, if you don't want to do this we can literally get into my car and drive back to Chicago. Honestly, it's as simple as that. You don't have to do this if you aren't ready."
"I think I am, I'm just.. scared out of my mind I guess."
She was about to speak when the waitress approached our table with our food. Her gaze fell from Alex to our conjoined hands and she lingered in her spot for a brief second, probably waiting for us to release our grip on each other but soon realizing that neither of us was going to do that since there was plenty enough space on the table. She not so subtly rolled her eyes before placing our plates in front of us and finally leaving.
"If she looks at you one more time I'm gonna kick her ass.", I gritted, causing Alex to laugh out loud at me.
"Jealous much?"
"Fuck yes.", I retorted in annoyance, earning a slight blush.
"Relax.", she chuckled shyly. "She's not even my type."
"Oh, so what's your type?", I inquired, cocking an eyebrow.
"Most definitely you, Miss Stevens.", she smirked, stuffing a big piece of chocolate cake in her mouth.
"Well played."
"Anyway, back to you.", she giggled and trailed off, sipping on her coffee. "It's okay to be scared or nervous babe, after all you haven't seen or spoken to them in a really long time, so it's okay not to know what's gonna happen.. but, do you trust me?"
"Yes."
"Good. Then trust me when I say that everything's gonna be fine. In fact, things will go so well that you'll probably beat yourself to death because you haven't done it sooner.", she concluded, smiling warmly at me.
"I really hope you're right..", I sighed, trying my best to relax.
We made small, comfortable talk as we finished our breakfast before paying and heading out, quickly climbing into Alex's car and getting back on the road. As the miles went by, I started to get more and more anxious by the second, to which Alex most certainly took notice since she shamelessly and goofily started to sing along each and every song on the radio, even the ones she didn't really know the lyrics to, making me laugh out loud.
"Are you trying to distract me?"
"I don't know..", she shrugged, smirking at me. "Is it working?"
"Weirdly enough, yes.", I nodded, smiling shyly at her. "But there's something I need to tell you though, about last night."
"Oh, right! About last night, thank you.. you know, for talking to Chase and-"
"You're welcome, but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about.", I paused, earning a puzzled look before she got off the highway, urging me to continue. "Er.. how can I say this?"
"Ash, you're scarin-"
"Your Grandma knows about us. And with that, I mean that she knows I'm your teacher."
Thank God I was wearing the seatbelt, cause Alex, after glancing in the rearview mirror for a split second, pulled over on the side of the road before harshly stepping on the brakes and glaring at me with a shocked expression on her face as soon as her car came to an halt.
"Come again?!"
"Your Grandma. She knows-"
"No shit, Ashley!", she hissed, her voice shaking slightly. "I fucking got that part! How do you know for sure?!"
"She confronted me about it last night.", I stated briefly, secretly enjoying how terrified she looked.
Jesus, I'm an idiot.
"And how on earth are you still breathing?!"
"Not sure.", I giggled, reaching out for her hand and squeezing it lightly in the attempt to make her relax, but by the way she was frowning at me, she wasn't following. "Honestly, at first I thought she was gonna kill me or worst, getting me arrested and-"
"You seriously need to get your priorities straight.", she mumbled. "But please, do continue."
"As I was saying..", I trailed off, playfully rolling my eyes at her. "At first I thought she was going to either kill me or report me and eventually get me arrested, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. She did tell me that what we're doing is legally and ethically wrong, but she also said that I'm good for you and that she's never seen you so happy.. so I guess that makes it alright in her books?"
"Is that a question?!"
I laughed out loud at the face she was pulling, causing me to take a few minutes to gather myself.
"What I'm saying is.. It's not like she approves of this, but at the same time she's not going to take this away from you.", I whispered softly, gently brushing my thumb against her knuckles.
"I.. I need time to process this.", she muttered under her breath, bringing my hand to her lips before letting go of it and eventually resume driving towards my parents house.
A comfortable silence enveloped us, Alex still lost in her thoughts as I nervously directed her to our destination. It didn't take us long to reach the outskirts of the oh so familiar small town that I've seen so many times during my childhood, but we never actually made it there since I directed Alex down a narrow and winding road leading to what looked like the countryside when in reality it lead directly to my parent's house.
Staring out of the window, I fell into some sort of a trance as memories from my younger years flashed by me and hit me like a hurricane, a sense of uneasiness settling in my chest as I recognized our surroundings but at the same time they felt so, so distant in my heart.
"Are we here?", Alex questioned as soon as we came face to face with an old, rusty black gate surrounded by weeds and overgrown grass.
"Yup..", I breathed out heavily, not fazed by the fact that the gate was wide open. "I can't believe they still haven't fixed it."
"Huh?"
"The gate.. it's been wide open since my Grandpa died. They never bothered.", I scoffed, motioning for her to go ahead.
We slowly crossed the gate and approached the long dirt path surrounded by trees that lead to my parent's house. The further we went, the more I couldn't help but notice that the inside of the property looked just as I remembered it: the grass was neatly trimmed, the garden was covered in beautiful and colorful flowers, and the house that we could now see in the distance looked whiter than usual. It was nothing compared to the carelessness that I've just witnessed outside.
"Holy shit!", Alex gasped, her jaw hanging wide open as she scanned every inch of her surroundings, definitely not missing how huge the house was or the pool sitting just outside of it. "Your parents live here?!"
"Yeah..", I trailed off, running a shaky hand through my hair as Alex's car came to an halt in front of the main house. "It's my Grandparent's house though.. They left it to my parents while all their inheritance concerning money went to me and my sister.", I briefly stated, my eyes fixated on the red wooden door also known as the front door.
"So, you're loaded.", Alex blurted, quickly glancing at my annoyed face and realizing what just came out of her mouth. "Shit. Sorry, not the moment nor place, let alone not the way I wanted that to come out."
"I guess this is it.", I mumbled nervously, bracing myself in my seat as I felt the color drain from my face just at the thought of stepping out of the car.
"Hey..", Alex whispered softly, gently grabbing my chin and turning my face around to look at her, a warm smile playing on her lips. "Want me to come with?"
"I thought you'd rather die than meet my parents..?", I questioned, staring at her wide-eyed.
"Well, 'dying' is a little over the top, don't you think?", she teased before shrugging slightly. "Then again, yeah, I'd probably prefer to be hit by a bus.. but I'm more concerned about you at the moment, and if being by your side involves meeting your parents, then I'm in. Just say the word."
I stared at her in utter shock, a grateful smile creeping on my lips as a wave of warmth invaded my heart. This girl in front of me, the girl that used to be a player and was terrified of commitment, was willing to get herself into a really awkward and uneasy situation just to stick by my side, just to show me how much she actually cared. I wasn't going to let her though, but the fact that she was even suggesting it made my heart flutter.
"You're amazing, you know that?", I whispered sheepishly, losing myself into her green hazel eyes.
"That's why you love me, isn't it?", she grinned, causing me to blush.
"Very much true.", I nodded. "But you were right.. I have to do this on my own. I really appreciated your offer though."
She smiled at me in understanding before leaning forward and planting a soft, tender kiss on my forehead.
"I'll be here if you need me baby."
I pecked her lips and climbed out of the car, eventually taking those few steps that separated me from the front door. Standing there, I lingered on my spot, taking a few deep breaths and brushing my sweaty palms against the fabric of my jeans. After what seemed to me like hours, I slowly raised my fist in order to knock, but before my hand could even make contact with the wooden door, it swung wide open, revealing not one, but both my parents. And they were staring right back at me.
I froze, not being able to move, let alone speak. The conversation that I've played and replayed countless times in my head in the previous week suddenly didn't make any sense. My mind went blank, my heart rate sped up like I was on the verge of having a stroke, and I swear to God I was shaking from head to toes.
Despite my emotional state, I allowed my eyes to study them: they both looked older, but given that I hadn't seen them in almost ten years, I guess that was normal.
Time has been kinder on my father compared to my mother though. He still had short black hair, the same sparkly blue eyes, and all in all he was still pretty much in shape despite him being a couple of years away from his 60's. My mother, on the other hand, seemed a couple of years older than she actually was: her long blonde hair was now kind of faded, mostly replaced by a couple of white strands here and there; her eyes were always piercing grey, just like mine, but they seemed empty in a way.. Wrinkles: that's definitely something both of them shared.
"Took you long enough.", my father stated, a teasing grin on his face that totally threw me off, while my mother stared at me with a mix of disbelief and utter joy.
"Were.. were you heading out? C-cause-"
My stuttering ended right then and there, as two pairs of arms wrapped around me and pulled me into a tight hug. A hug that I've missed for ten years, a hug that I used to cherish but instead I ended up longing for. A hug that brought tears to my eyes, tears that threatened to escape any second.
"W-what did you mean with 'took you long enough'?", I mumbled, their grip on me tightening as I was taken completely off guard and didn't really know what to do with my arms.
"I think your father meant a lot of things, but right now he was referring to the fact that we heard a car approaching and we saw you from the window..", my mother explained, parting from the hug and sniffling her nose, an uneasy look on her face that I couldn't quite place. "Aren't you going to introduce us to you friend?", she then questioned, eyeing Alex's car in the short distance.
"Uh, not right now..", I trailed off, hesitantly. "I-.. I came here to talk actually, if that's okay with you guys?"
They shared a knowing nod, probably sharing the same thought that I was experiencing: this was long overdue. We slowly and awkwardly made our way inside, my eyes taking in those familiar surroundings and causing an aching feeling in my chest as I realized that nothing changed, not even in the slightest. We quietly took a seat in the living room, happy and cheerful memories from the countless Christmas' that I've spent here flashing through my mind.
I shook those thoughts out of my mind as we sat in an uncomfortable silence, me trying my best to get my shit together but to no avail: my brain wasn't cooperating, and I had no idea where to start. What comforted me though was that my parents seemed to be in my same position.
"Seriously Ash..", my father breathed out, locking his severe yet hurt gaze with mine. "What took you so long?"
"What do you mean?"
"It's been 9 years, sweetie..", my mother paused, looking down at her knees. "We tried to get in contact with you several times but we never heard back from you, not even once.. At first we thought that because you were in college you just wanted to embrace it and live your life, you know? But then college ended, you went back to Chicago and you've never tried to contact us, or show up, or whatsoever.. You completely shut us out of your life when all we wanted to do was to be there for you.. so yeah, why? And why did you take so long to come back to us?"
I stared at them, blinking like a maniac for several minutes. Were they for real? They really didn't understand what made me do what I did?! Were they so naive to think that I would cut them off just for the sake of it?!
"I-.. well, I don't mean to come off as a bitch or for this to come out as harsh as it sounds, but by the way you guys acted around me before I left for college made it pretty easy for me to stay away."
I watched them in silence, a very confused and lost look appearing on their faces, my mother scrunching up her nose at my cussing but didn't even bother to call me out on it.
"What are you talking about?", my father questioned, leaning forward in his seat and eyeing me carefully.
"Are you serious?", I scoffed, shaking my head at him as tears started to form in my eyes once again. "Dad, you guys completely changed around me after that jerk did what he did to me! You stopped talking to me, you started to avoid me in the house like I had a horrible disease; you wouldn't look at me, you wouldn't even ask me how I was doing, and most certainly you never even tried to be there for me when I fucking needed you the most! Jesus fucking Christ, I was raped and the only two people that were meant to be by my side every step of the way were instead looking at me with judgmental and disgusted looks on their faces!! That's what took me so-"
"Disgust?", my mother mumbled in shock, cutting me off from my heartfelt ramble and causing me to look at her. "You thought we were disgusted by you?!"
"By the looks of it?! Hell yeah, mom. There's no point in even trying to hide it."
Silence fell between us, me trying my best to keep my shit together instead of bolting for the door and cry my eyes out while my parents just stared at each other at a loss of words. Right now, I was so regretting coming here and following Alex's advice.
"We're sorry that such an awful thought even crossed your mind, Ashley.", my father cleared his throat, a few stray tears escaping his eyes and causing my heart to clench since I've never, ever seen him cry. "We weren't disgusted by you, sweetie.. If anything, we were disgusted with ourselves."
"W-what?", I stuttered, staring at him wide-eyed as I wiped away some tears myself.
"Yes.", he continued, my mom breaking into sobs next to him and burying her face into her hands. "What happened to you was awful, and when you came to us for help we just ruled it out as a typical teenager shenanigan.. Little did we know that you were right, and that the situation was beyond serious. How do you think we felt when that happened to you, huh? I'll tell you how we felt. We were annihilated, we were broken, we felt like we failed as parents because our only job was to love and protect you, and we most certainly didn't do that. You came to us for help, and we didn't listen. What happened to you was our fault, it was completely and ultimately our fault. We were ashamed, we were hurt, we felt extremely guilty, and the only people we were actually disgusted by were ourselves."
It wasn't long for me to break into tears as well. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but mostly I couldn't believe that I actually managed to misread this entire situation for so long. But I still couldn't understand, let alone process it.
"Then why-.. why did you guys change around me?!", I managed to utter in between sobs.
"We didn't mean to, Ashley..", he sniffled, bringing an arm around my mother's shoulders and pulling her into him. "I guess.. your mother and I had no idea how to be around you after what happened. The guilt was eating us alive from the inside. We didn't know how to talk to you anymore without that inevitable pity in our eyes and that horrendous feeling in our stomach that made us want to puke every single time we thought that we could've avoided the entire situation just by listening to your concerns. We had no idea how to ask you how you were because we didn't want you to relive it all over again.. We thought that you needed your space and time, but clearly every single thing that we thought was wrong! You needed us, and we weren't there because we were too busy crying ourselves to sleep or dragging ourselves through our day with this constant feeling of guilt. But Ashley, I want you to believe me when I say this: never, not even for a single second, were we disgusted by you. And we're really, really so fucking sorry. For everything.."
"Yes, Ash.. we love you so much."
Hearing her say that, hearing my father say the words that I didn't even realize I so desperately needed to hear, that was it: that was the moment in which I realized how much time I wasted being apart from them, how much time I wasted thinking things that only existed in my head. I've spent nine years thinking that my parents despised me when none of it was true, and it literally took half an hour with them to get the answers that I needed so desperately. Half an hour to forcefully reopen that wound and magically mend it at the same time.
They didn't hate me, they hated themselves, and realizing it made me feel even worse.
"I'm so- so sorry too..", I cried out loud, rushing towards them and hugging the shit out of them. "I'm sorry for leaving, I'm sorry for shutting you out of my life, I'm sorry for letting nine years go by before having this conversation with you.. I just really thought that you guys wanted nothing to do with me anymore, and it broke my heart.."
"That makes three of us, Ashley bear.", they both sniffled in unison, a soft chuckle escaping my lips at the way they called me.
God, I missed that.
"And.. I don't want you guys to feel guilty.", I stated weakly, parting from the embrace and looking at them both. "What happened, happened.. It's in the past now, and I really hope we can make up for the time we've lost."
"There's nothing more we'd like to do honey.", my dad replied, smiling warmly at me.
"So..", my mom trailed off, gently cupping my face and wiping away my tears with a cheeky grin on her face despite her red puffy eyes. "Is it too early to ask who's the gorgeous beauty sitting out front in her car, waiting for you?"
I smiled sheepishly at her, my cheeks instantly blushing at her remark. I guess it's true that mother's always know when something's up, huh?
"It's not.", I giggled, suddenly feeling like a 15 year old all over again. "Uh.. her name's Alex, and she's actually the reason why I came here today."
And just like that, I realized that without her, none of this would've happened. I would've probably spent the rest of my life avoiding this conversation and never clearing the air with my parents. Instead, she barged into my life and made me go back to face my past just so I could look forward to my future without any regrets. She was right: I needed closure and I needed answers. And that's exactly what I got, but most importantly, I got my parents back, and that's something I won't ever be able to repay her enough for.