"Okay, you seriously need to calm down Alex.", Jess addressed me, glaring at me from the mirror as she adjusted her makeup in the school's bathroom.
"What now? Sorry, I can't hear you while I am trying to crack my skull open.", I retorted, going back to banging my head against the door of one of the stalls.
"I said that you need to calm down.", she rolled her eyes and repeated herself, a little louder this time even though she knew I heard her loud and clear the first time.
"Never in the history of 'calm down' has anyone calmed down by being told to 'calm down', Jess.", I hissed at her, finally resting my aching forehead against the door.
"True.", she chuckled in amusement. "Ready to go?", she asked me after she gathered her stuff and turned around to face me.
"Ugh.", I mumbled in resignation, dragging my body past her and making my way into the crowded hallway.
Unlike yesterday, today went by in a heartbeat. Of course it did, since I was practically shitting myself for 5th period. It was weird, for me to feel like this: I was never really scared of anything, mainly because most of the times I didn't care. I couldn't help it, I was wired this way you know? I was kind of broken, in that sense.. it wasn't that I was selfish or self-absorbed, mind me. But certain events and dynamics throughout my life brought me to build these gigantic walls all around me, and it was almost impossible for me to let people in. Let alone feelings. Yet, the closer I got to my science class, the more nervous I felt. Truth to be told? I was actually afraid that she would confront me about what happened. And I had no fucking clue what I would say or do in that case.
Thankfully, today she wasn't standing at the door greeting her students, which gave me more or less 30 seconds to release a long breath that I didn't even realize I was holding, and pull myself together, brushing my sweaty palms on my jeans.
"Breathe, moron.", Jess whispered in my ear as she gave my hand a little squeeze and entered the class. I followed her hot in her heels, holding my head up high trying to fake what I hoped looked like little confidence, which I was definitely lacking right now but who cares. I had to at least try.
I walked up to my desk, never glancing once towards the teacher's desk until I sat down, took my textbook and notes out of my bag and eventually looking up.
I was greeted by piercing grey eyes deeply staring right back at me, and saying that I suddenly felt really small was an understatement. I couldn't read her though. I couldn't tell if she was mad at me, or disappointed, or desiring, or upset, or whatsoever. The fact that there wasn't even the hint of a smile on her lips was probably enough evidence for me to see that she was, in fact, pissed. But the intensity of that gaze both really turned me on and made me want to run as far away as possible at the same time. And I can't believe I just thought that.
I shook that thought away as I broke the eye contact. She was really making me uncomfortable, but I guess stupid me was the only one to blame in this case. I looked down at my book, feeling her eyes on me as I found myself suddenly interested in reading about whatever it was that I was allegedly reading.
God, I'm an idiot and I'm so going to fail this stupid class. I didn't think it was possible, but my hate towards science just got to a whole new level.
She didn't glance at me not even once, and I found myself actually following throughout the lecture. Don't get me wrong, I was bored to death, but I didn't want to piss her off even more by being distracted and it wasn't like I was seriously paying attention to what she was saying. In fact, I was just paying attention to her. What a surprise. When she wasn't looking towards the class, I allowed my eyes to linger on her beautiful figure, which never seized to mesmerize me.
Before I knew it the bell went off, dismissing us from our class. I was slightly startled by it, as I realized that I spent the last 50 minutes just checking out my teacher whenever I could. I sighed, gathering my things and standing up to head out along with Jess. Just as I had one foot out of the door, I heard her calling my name.
"Miss García, would you mind if I stole 5 minutes of your time?", she asked me, never looking away from her laptop.
Kill me. Now.
"Uh.. Yeah, no problem.", I blurted, then turning around to face Jess and tossing her my car keys. "Wait for me in the car, okay?", I whispered anxiously, as she subtly winked at me in reply and left.
"Close the door.", she ordered me. I did as she asked, then turned around and looked at her, this time locking our gazes together.
We stayed like that in silence for what seemed to me like 20 years, neither of us uttering a word as I uncomfortably stood next to the door, not daring to move. There was tension, I could feel it in my bones and I wasn't liking how vulnerable I became under her unreadable gaze. I knew she was pissed, but there was something else in her eyes that I was pretty sure it had nothing to with anger. But I couldn't put my finger on it.
"What you pulled yesterday is unacceptable, Miss García.", she finally spoke in an authoritarian tone, sending chills down my spine, if you know what I mean.
Jesus, this is so inappropriate right now.
"I.. I know, Miss Stevens. I'm really sorry.", I basically whispered, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat and feeling my cheeks blush.
"Are you?"
"I am.", I honestly deadpanned.
"Good.", she simply stated, standing up from her chair and rounding her desk, leaning on the left side of it as she folded her arms and kept staring at me.
"Good.", I repeated, mostly to myself.
What was it with all the staring? Just fucking dismiss me and get this over with!
"And I believe I shouldn't be stating the obvious, but since we're here-.."
"It won't happen again. Got it.", I sternly cut her short, earning a silent nod and a somehow inquisitive look in response as she took a couple of hesitant steps towards me. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't expecting this outcome, but I definitely didn't expect to feel.. hurt? I couldn't stand here any longer. "Can I go now, Miss Stevens?", I basically pleaded her with my eyes as she was now in front of me, making me really uneasy.
"Yes."
"Have a good day, Miss.", I dismissed myself, not being able to look at her anymore as I turned around to get the door.
But before I could even touch the handle, I heard a faint 'wait' and felt a hand grabbing my wrist and forcing me to turn around once again. Our eyes locked for a split second, and I swear to you that I thought she was about to slap me.
"Wh-", I started in utter confusion but I was cut short as I felt her grip let go of my wrist and a pair of warm, soft hands suddenly cupping my face and pulling me into her, crashing our lips together.
I was completely taken off guard, my eyes wide open in shock as my body didn't seem to be able to react in the slightest. She not so gently pushed me against the door and deepened the kiss, tangling her fingers in my hair as I finally managed to kiss her back. I could feel my legs weaken under the amount of electricity that was spreading throughout my body, tingly feelings in every fiber of my being as I grabbed her waist and pulled her closer, pressing our bodies together.
I felt her tongue on my lower lip, begging me for entrance, which I most certainly allowed as I brought my left hand behind her neck and pulled her into me even more, if that was physically possible. Our tongues met, instantly fighting for dominance as our breathing became heavy and uneven. I could hardly control myself at this point. Needless to say that if we weren't in her class I would have already ripped her clothes off. But, sadly we were.
The kiss grew harder and passionate by the second, and I couldn't think straight anymore. No pun intended.
I cautiously placed my leg in between hers, slowly lifting it till my thigh brushed against her core, causing her to release a loud moan in my mouth at the sudden friction. I knew I went too far by doing this. In fact, just as the whole kiss started, it abruptly ended when she pulled away, untangling her hands from my hair and taking a step back, trying to compose herself but to no avail: she was all flustered, her lips swollen and she looked simply breathtaking.
"Did I miss something when you agreed to this not happening again?", I chuckled as I attempted to catch my breath.
"Let's just say that you owed me.", she winked at me, then giving me her back and walking towards her desk, sitting down and focusing back on her work as if the fact that she just had a heated make out session in her class, with a student, never happened.
Hell, if it wasn't for her taste still on my lips, I wouldn't have believed it myself.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Miss Stevens.", I smirked at her, a teasing hint as I pronounced her last name and opened the door. Throwing her one last glance, I left, hearing her say 'Goodbye, Alex' just before the door closed.
What the hell just happened?
———
The end of September came relatively quick.
It's been 3 weeks since the kiss with Miss Stevens, and apart from the brief yet intense looks that we exchanged during her classes, I tried my best to stay away from her, which wasn't that complicated honestly. After all, I had my brothers, my job and my school assignments that kept me quite busy. As for my mind, well.. it kept going inevitably back to her each and every day. It was like the more I tried to get her out of my head, the more she managed to fuck with my thoughts over and over again.
I couldn't understand why she did what she did. I mean, yeah, the tension between us was undeniable, but she's my teacher, she should have known better than messing around with me. On my part, I did almost cross the line, but for some weird reason I didn't go all the way through with it.
She definitely did though, and it didn't seem to me like she was regretting any of it. In fact, some days, the way she looked at me and the way she subtly bit her lip when she took in my entire body told me that she would do it again and again. While other days, she barely even acknowledged me. So yeah, my head was all over the place.
I was sitting on my porch, enjoying the end of September's sun and puffing on a joint while waiting for Jess to bring the last of her things over to my house and finally finish moving in. It was a quiet Friday afternoon, Matt was at football practice while Chase was inside playing video games. As for me, I was just trying to relax before my shift at work, and weed managed to always do the job. Puffing on my joint once again, my phone buzzed, revealing a text from Rachel.
Rachel 4.50pm
'Hey beautiful! Fancy some alone time later? ;)'
Jesus, this girl is relentless. She's been trying to reach out to me for the past two weeks, but despite the fact that I never replied to her texts and that I was blatantly avoiding her at school, she still wasn't giving up. I did have some sexual frustration that desperately needed to be taken care of, but that didn't mean I should have sex with her, knowing she actually likes me, right?
See that? Thinking this way for me was weird. I was the kind of girl that slept around and didn't really give a shit about the other girl's feelings. The moment they started to show affection, I was out.
"Weed huh?", Jess interrupted my thoughts as I noticed her getting out of the car and joining me on the porch.
"It prevents me from thinking too much."
"Yeah, that's really not the way weed works babe.", Jess chuckled, snatching the joint from my hand and puffing on it.
"Got everything you needed from your house?", I asked her as she gave me back what was left of the joint.
"Yup! I'm officially part of the García's household now.", she replied with a genuine smile. "Again, thank you so much Alex."
"Don't mention it, really.. so, are you going to ask Tyler to tomorrow's homecoming or not?", I asked, playfully nudging her in the side.
"Hell no! I'm not as brave as you are. Plus, I don't even know if I wanna go to be honest.", she sighed. leaning further into her seat.
"Bullshit. We're going, Jess. It's senior year, and I really need to get out of this house and have fun. Tomorrow's my night off, so we're going together. End of discussion.", I simply stated, putting out the joint and turning to face her with a warm smile.
"I thought you were going with Rachel..?", she teased me with a devious smirk.
"Ha-ha, as if.", I laughed out loud.
"Come on, she's cute Alex. Plus, it might be a good distraction for you.", she chuckled, wiggling her eyebrows.
"You know I don't do relationships, Jess. And what that girl wants from me is exactly that."
"You don't know that!"
I frowned and looked at her, limiting myself to toss her my phone for her to read all the text messages she has sent me lately. After a few minutes of silence, she sighed in defeat and gave me my phone back, earning a 'I told you so' kind of look from me.
"Anyways..", I started, turning slightly more serious. "It's not true what you said about yourself, Jess. You are brave. You're not afraid of showing people your true colors, you're not afraid to let people in even if the possibility of them hurting you is always around the corner. You're not afraid of commitment, you're not afraid of not being enough for someone. I could go on and on, but you're not afraid of the things that scare the living shit out of me. And that's enough bravery for me.", I added, reaching for her hand and giving it a squeeze.
"Plus, you were brave enough to stick with me after everything I told you about me. And I don't think I'll never be able to express how grateful I am that you didn't give up on me."
"Stop, you're gonna make me cry Alex.", she let out a nervous giggle, her eyes watery. "You seriously need to stop smoking weed."
"I'm serious, dumbass.", I chuckled back at her, flashing her a playful smirk. "So, as for Tyler.. I know you're afraid of him rejecting you, but I really don't think he would. He cares about you. You should take a risk if he's what you want."
I studied her in silence, as a small smile crept on her features. I really meant what I said, and I honestly think that Tyler wouldn't miss the opportunity to be with this wonderful girl sitting next to me. He would be an idiot if he did.
"I'll.. I'll think about it, okay?", she eventually broke the silence, squeezing my hand. "But, the only person I want to go to homecoming with is my very best friend. So you're stuck with me tomorrow night."
"Fine by me babe.", I replied, letting go of her hand and standing up from my seat. "Come on, lets take your stuff inside, I have to be at work in an hour. You're gonna be okay with the kids tonight?"
"Hell yeah, mommy.", she teased me as she also stood up, earning a quite strong punch in the arm.
——
Being Friday night, the bar was literally packed. The smell of cigarettes and the blasting music filled the air, drinks were flowing and that meant a lot of tips for yours truly.
I was currently serving a sex on the beach to what I assumed to be a couple, before passing on to the next customer. When I looked up, I was greeted by a very pretty girl which I recognized from my school. I couldn't really remember her name, but I was confident we shared a few classes together. She smiled at me as she took a seat on a stool, leaning forward on the bar and allowing me to take in her features. Her long blonde hair was tied up into a high ponytail. She had perfectly trimmed eyebrows and big green eyes that were now locked into mine, and all in all, her features were soft, beautifully fulfilled by a gorgeous white smile.
"Hi there, what can I get you?", I asked her, leaning closer onto the bar in order to hear her voice over the music.
"A whiskey sour, please.", she basically yelled to my face, causing me to chuckle before getting to work.
"Here you go.", I pushed her drink towards her and lingered there for a couple of seconds to see if she liked it.
"Wow, this is good!", she started, bringing her drink to her lips once again to get another sip. "Alex, right?"
"Yeah."
"I'm Jamie, we have history and Spanish class together.", she replied, sticking out her hand as she flashed me a smile.
"Nice to meet you, Jamie.", I shook her hand and smiled back at her.
"So.. you're not going to rat me out right? You know.. not being 21 and stuff..", she trailed off with a mischievous smirk.
"I'm not, don't worry. I'm not 21 either, so that would be pretty stupid on my part, wouldn't it?", I shrugged, smirking back and starting to move on to other customers. She must have noticed that I couldn't stay and talk to her, cause she grabbed a napkin and a pen from behind the bar and started scribbling something.
"I'll leave you to your job, but.. call me if you ever wanna hangout.", she dismissed herself, seductively biting her lip as she passed me her number and walked away.
I smiled to myself, stuffing the napkin into the back pocket of my jeans. My spirits were pretty high at this point: that girl was sexy as fuck and I wouldn't have minded at all to hook up with her.
I went to check on the other bartender I work with since it was his first week on the job and I wanted to make sure he was doing fine with everything.
"Hey Max, you okay? How are you holding up?"
"I'm good, Alex. Thanks.", he said, before shifting his attention from the drinks he was making and on me. "Who was that hottie you were talking to?"
"Just a girl from school.", I shrugged, ignoring the devious smirk on his face.
"Well well, look who's breaking hearts tonight."
"It was one girl!", I scoffed, laughing at him and playfully hitting his shoulder.
"Yeah? And what about that?", he arched his eyebrow, nodding towards the crowd onto the dance floor.
I looked at him confused, then followed his gaze till my eyes locked with a familiar pair of piercing grey eyes staring right back at me, making my heart shift like every other time.
Ashley had an unreadable look on her face, never breaking eye contact with me, but I could see that something was bothering her. Did she see me talking to Jamie? Did she see that she was flirting with me and gave me her number? Was she... jealous?
Whatever the answers to my questions were, I shook them away when I saw a girl snaking her arms around her waist and whispering something in her ear, making her laugh and nod back. Before Ashley was dragged away by this mysterious bitch, she glanced back towards the bar, but I was already gone. Cause I don't know about her, but I was definitely and annoyingly jealous, and no way in hell I was going to show her that.