It has been two weeks. I had been in the hospital for two whole weeks. All thanks to mother dearest, I had surgery to repair my torn eardrum. Apparently, it had been ruptured too many times. So this time, it needed surgery. To top it all off, I couldn't even get the surgery straight away because it was that bad. So yeah, these two weeks were fun. Not. I won't even be able to fully hear with that ear until it heals completely.
Ethan visited me after I had surgery and we got into a fight. Who's surprised? Not me.
Basically, it was about him wanting to ruin my mother's life and me not wanting him to do so.
So he hasn't visited me since then. He just didn't understand why I wanted to forgive and forget her. And I just didn't understand why he cared so much.
Quinn visited me almost every day and told me all about the stupid stuff happening at school. Also, apparently, Alisa held an entire support group meeting about me. Yep, kill me now.
Meg came over every day to remind me that none of this would've happened if I just let her beat my mother up from day one. Also, Dylan proposed to her. So, that's exciting.
Other than all of that, I had been laying in bed watching TV or sitting by the window and stalking people. Ugh. I could already imagine the mountains of school work I would have to do when I got back.
Quinn walked into the room, smiling like a Cheshire cat."Hey, sexy!" She chirped, plopping down onto one of the armchairs by the window. I took in her happiness, furrowing my brows.
"Hey, what are you so happy about?" I asked. She rolled her eyes and laughed at my gloomy mood.
"They're letting you out today!" She clapped.
I gaped at her, blinking occasionally.
"Apparently, they did a check-up yesterday and your eardrum is looking almost perfect! I had to interrogate your doctor, but at least I got the truth out of him" She chuckled.
"Really? So I can get dressed? No one's going to come in and shove things into my ear? No ear drops? N-nothing?" I stuttered, not believing that I could go back to my normal life now. Well, who am I kidding? When was my life ever normal?
She nodded, springing up from the armchair."Yes! Well...I think you might have to take some medication for a while, but other than that...you're good to go!" She cheered, excitedly. I sprung up from the hospital bed, jumping up and down like a child. She laughed at me and shortly, she was jumping around and cheering with me.
Our joy was cut short when someone coughed. My head snapped towards the doorway, eyes landing on him. I held my breath, shocked."I'm guessing I chose the wrong time to visit..." Ethan rubbed the back of his neck, awkwardly. I stared at him, not sure what I could say. He spilled some pretty nasty words out of his mouth, the last time he was here. And to be completely honest, he hurt my feelings. Not the first time, but still. I thought he was done doing that.
Quinn coughed and walked out of the room, muttering something about needing some water.
"So..." Ethan began.
I plopped back down onto the bed, grabbing the clothes Quinn brought me."What? Do you wanna insult me again? You just love to make me feel like shit, don't you? Well, go ahead!" I huffed, pulling my black jeans on under the hospital gown.
He groaned loudly and I felt my blood boil even more."You know that's not what I want" He sighed, coming closer.
"Oh do I?" I scoffed, grabbing the black sweater. He eyed it, hesitating for a bit before turning away so I could change into it. I squinted at his back, trying to control the urge to karate chop his balls off. Instead, I slipped out of the hospital gown and pulled the sweater over my head.
"Why did you come here then?" I grabbed my shoes. He watched me shove my feet into them, a look of confusion on his face.
"Wait, you're leaving?" He asked. I groaned, putting my hands on my hips.
"Bingo! I'm out of here" I threw my hands in the air."Now stop avoiding the question"
He ran a hand through his hair, thinking hard about something. I walked up to him, eyeing him suspiciously."Something tells me your not happy to hear that" I dared to say.
His head snapped up, his green eyes meeting mine."No! It's just...you can't come home today" He winced at his own words.
I raised a questioning eyebrow."Excuse me?"
He pressed his lips into a thin line."We've got some plumbing issues...so I have people over, fixing it. It's loud and I'm sure that's not what the doctor wants to let you go home to"
I bit the inside of my cheek."So where am I supposed to go?" I asked, my tone cold and emotionless. I knew he was lying.
He looked into my eyes for a moment, trying to see through my emotional walls."I was thinking at Quinn's...or Meg's?" He reckoned, trying to sound as if he actually cared.
"I'll figure something out" I spat, walking passed him and out into the corridor.
"Oh, Mel" Quinn bumped into me, nearly spilling her water."What's wrong?" She noticed my furious face.
"Nothing, let's go. I'll tell you in the car" I muttered. She nodded, hurrying into the room to get her stuff. If he thinks he can lie to me and I'll believe him like every other whore he fools around with, he's got another thing coming for him.
***
Your father always tried his hardest to see you. He snuck into your kindergarten, bribed the teachers to let you talk to him, begged your mother to bring you outside for at least a minute. You probably don't remember...but he did that for you. He wasn't a bad guy, Melanie. He just fell in love with the wrong woman.
I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to block out the memories of Louis's letter. I could remember not believing a single word, at first. But then I talked to Megan and she explained that her father would never lie for another man. Besides, he prolonged his sentence for my father's justice. They were really close. I knew my father wasn't an angel. He was a criminal...a drug dealer. But he was my father. And to this day, I just didn't understand how my mother could be so cruel. He didn't even do anything wrong. He just made her keep the baby. He made her keep me.
When my mother found out she was pregnant, she was young. Too young.
She was an addict and going from one foster home to another. She thought a baby was more like a curse. So she wanted an abortion. My father didn't allow it. He was young and just got into drug dealing, he was making fast moves in life. Day after day, he realized that he was getting somewhere. Money-wise, at least. So he told her it would be fine, that it would all be okay. But she didn't want to listen. She wanted to be young...to do whatever she wanted. My father wanted to be a parent. He wanted to give his child what he never received. He wanted to love me, unconditionally.
Somehow, my mother made it to 8 months of pregnancy. And I was brought into this world. Prematurely, but still. When I was born, my father snuck in to see me. My mother was asleep, so she was unaware of it. My father kissed me and cried over my tiny frame. He didn't want to leave me with her but he knew that a newborn needed her mom. So he left. That was what Louis wrote in his letter, at least.
Soon, my mother and I were able to leave the hospital and that was when everything went downhill. Year after year, boyfriend after boyfriend, bruise after bruise...and still no father. Yeah, I wasn't too happy. But after reading the letter, I understood everything. Now I knew where I got all the secret letters from. The ones addressed as letters from school but had money in them. I just kept it because I didn't want my mom to take it and buy more drugs. I never even thought that it could be from my father. And I'm guessing he didn't leave any notes because he was afraid of my mother finding out. Sometimes, I would see him outside of school, somewhere in the distance. It was like he was watching over me. I remember feeling hurt that he never came up to say hi. But now, everything made sense.
"Mel?"
I jumped.
"Jeez. Quinn, you need to be careful or else I'll be going back to that hospital in no time" I put a hand to my chest, breathing heavily.
"Sorry" She chuckled."But you looked like someone killed your dog"
"Never had one" I snorted.
"Oh, you know what I mean" She rolled her eyes, driving into a parking spot by her apartment building."Ever since you told me what Ethan said, you had that lost puppy look on your face"
"This isn't about him!" I snapped. She raised her eyebrows, shocked at my outburst.
I huffed.
"Sorry I said anything" She muttered, letting the engine die down and pulling the key out. Just as she was about to step out of the car, I grabbed her arm.
"I'm sorry" I sighed."I was just thinking about my dad"
She frowned, plopping back down in the driver's seat."Do you miss him?"
I laughed.
She stared at me as if I was insane.
"Sorry, it's just..." I wiped a laugh-tear."I didn't even know him"
"Oh..." She whispered.
"Yeah..." I pressed my lips into a thin line, admiring the silence."I often think about how different my life would have been...if my mom just let my dad take me away"
She frowned deeper, putting a hand on my shoulder."But then you'd never be in the support group so we would never meet" She bit back a smile.
I laughed. Or Ethan. You'd never meet him either.
"I'm sure my drug-dealing father would somehow traumatize me. Enough to be in that support group, at least" I nodded, laughing along with her.
"All jokes aside though..." She leaned back in her seat, looking out at the children running around in the playground."I think about that too. Like what would it be like, if he was still alive"
I looked at the children too. "Your brother?" I asked, quietly.
She nodded.
I looked down at my hands, fiddling with my long nails."I'm sorry. I mean, I don't know what it's like to have a sibling. My mother killed them off, every chance she got. So, maybe I shouldn't be talking about this...but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry"
She smiled, sadly."It's okay. It was a long time ago...I was small"
I watched her. She was smiling sadly at the children. The contrast of her sadness and their joy was insane."You miss it" I blurted out.
She looked at me for a brief moment, enough for me to catch the tears in her eyes."What?" She asked.
"Being a child" I shrugged.
She chuckled, agreeing with me."I never say it. Because everyone, well...my parents, think it's selfish. You know, to say that I miss being a child...before we all found out about his cancer. I miss running around with him. With my big brother, you know? He would protect me from all the bullies and would even play barbies with me" She laughed at the memories, looking away from the children."He was only 12. I was only 9. We were still kids. My parents knew that there was nothing the doctors could do but they still chose to ruin everything. They proceeded with the medication and all the horrific procedures. They were too selfish. He only wanted to be a kid" She nodded, letting a tear slip.
I let my own eyes fill with tears, feeling for her. I always wanted a sibling. A partner in crime. At night, I dreamed about how we would team up against my mother's boyfriends. I even had names picked out for my imaginary siblings. But every time my mother got pregnant, she would get an abortion.
"I know what it's like. To have selfish parents" I gave Quinn a small smile, squeezing her hand gently.
She wiped her tears away with her other hand before speaking."Come on, let's go inside. My parents are gone on another business trip. We have the apartment to ourselves" She winked, lifting the mood.
"That's a sentence I love hearing" I smirked.