Of course.
~
It all seemed surreal.
When the doctor had told her 4 year old mind about the change of path in her life - the limits and obstacles she'd face - it's as if time had been too slow then. Her heart was weak and as a child, it's as if her whole childhood was stolen from her. Taken away from her.
Chaeyoung remembered the anger, the frustration, and how much she wanted to curse every damn thing on the planet. She remembered how, in her teen years, she would lash out on some of the doctors. Chaeyoung would snap at them, telling them to leave her alone; rebelling against their rules and restrictions, and even risking her life with extreme movements.
The only reason she's stopped being irrational was because of the time her mother practically begged her to stop. Chaeyoung cringed at herself; she made her own mother cry. She disowned herself, scolded herself for doing that to her own precious mother. Chaeyoung broke her heart and she really didn't want to be the one to cause tears to her own mother's face. In fact, Chaeyoung would much rather suffer the boredom of sitting in a brightly lit room - with the sound of a machine beeping annoyingly every few seconds - then see her mom cry.
After those insufferable moments, Chaeyoung would be lying if she had hope. Her mother always spouted how even the smallest bit of wishes or positivity will be heard, and surely a miracle would happen. Chaeyoung would only nod, smiling as she listened to her mom go on and on about the many trips they'll go on once her heart is in better condition.
But Chaeyoung didn't believe that.
Chaeyoung only thought of that as distorted reality. A world where only the good happens. She thought of this awaited miracle and the aftermath as a way of coping with the harsh reality of her deteriorating life. Chaeyoung no longer looked for the miracle; she stopped. She gave up. What she wanted, was a dream. A dream that'll only be stuck in the very depths of her thoughts.
A dream that won't happen.
That's why Chaeyoung knew that all of this was too good to be true. She knew the very moment she heard the doctor's words. And now here she was, contemplating about the day of the surgery. The day where they make an attempt at saving her life.
This miracle seemed too good. Too convenient. Too, fake. Chaeyoung wasn't even surprised when the doctor had mentioned a possible death; she was expecting it. Her heart had been weak since she was a child, Chaeyoung isn't surprised if another wouldn't be compatible with her body. She knew full well that her body was failing, just like her heart was.
Chaeyoung didn't believe in miracles. She never did.
If miracles existed, then why am I like this? Chaeyoung asked herself. She even screamed at her mother once due to all the irritation within her thoughts regarding the possibility of miracles. Chaeyoung apologized right after and mentally scolded herself for being a moody teen.
But then she came.
Chaeyoung wouldn't admit it right off the bat, but Mina's smiled seemed to have poisoned her. Seeing her was like seeing a light shine against the midnight skies. Like she was the brightest star among all the others.
She didn't lie to herself. Chaeyoung fell for her. She knew why her heart pounded against her ribs when Mina smiled at her. Chaeyoung was aware of the shivers that crawled up her neck when Mina held her hand. She knew about how her stomach filled with butterflies when Mina would laugh at one of her corny jokes.
Chaeyoung knew.
But she didn't say anything because-
They weren't soulmates.
Her heart fell when she didn't see the black pen graze against Mina's porcelain skin. Chaeyoung didn't cry, but she felt like she was going to. In fact, she was sure she had felt a few tears brim her eyelids.
But then Mina had to go on about declaring her suggestion. Mina's eyes filled with desperation when she held Chaeyoung's hand, asking for a chance, telling her that they can try. That maybe they can try to be together; forget about this soulmate system.
Chaeyoung tried to answer, and she was certain her mouth would've moved faster than her mind had it not been for Tzuyu's intervention.
She was about to be selfish.
"Hey, it was just moved to Friday. That doesn't mean-"
"It doesn't matter." Chaeyoung smiled, "It's still a miracle, right?" She sighed, twisting her whole body so her legs would dangle effortlessly on her hospital bed.
Tzuyu looked up at the older girl, "You don't believe in miracles.." She trailed off, not knowing how to speak lightly of the situation they were in.
Chaeyoung hummed, "I know." She pushed herself off her hospital bed, hopping off in one go. Tzuyu was about to stand up and help her balance but Chaeyoung was able to handle herself. "But who knows? Maybe this will prove that miracles are real." She smiled.
Tzuyu only watched in sympathy as she watched the other girl walk over to the wooden table. Chaeyoung ignored her continuous stare and just let the younger girl be, after all this was hard on Tzuyu as well. "I'm sure it'll all work just fine."
"There are complications because my body has a high chance of rejecting the new heart." Chaeyoung muttered, grabbing herself an apple from the bottom of the straw basket, "It'll be a surprise if the surgery goes smoothly."
Tzuyu opened her mouth to protest but figured it was best not to. Chaeyoung wasn't always one to voice her opinion as she would usually just agree to whatever the other person would say; but these were one of those rare occasions where she actually let her thoughts run through her mouth. So Tzuyu just listened to the older girl, even though she wanted to deny her pessimism.
"By the way, why are you all dressed up? Going somewhere?" Tzuyu chirped, hoping to lighten up the thick atmosphere.
Chaeyoung nodded, "I'll just walk around the hospital. Visit the garden if I can." She looked away, her eyes stayed attentive to the glass window, "Maybe see Mina."
Tzuyu's eyes widened at the mention of Mina. Just a few hours ago, the two seemed to have gotten into a slight altercation; if Tzuyu had to guess. Nevertheless, Tzuyu was a bit worried about the sudden distance between the two. "Are you sure?"
Chaeyoung looked at the taller girl, her facial expression was unreadable.
"Maybe Mina needs distance." Tzuyu muttered, her eyes dipped, looking away from Chaeyoung's gaze.
Chaeyoung shook her head, "I can't. I need to talk to her."
Tzuyu was about to say another word but Chaeyoung had already rushed out of the hospital room. Tzuyu stood up to chase after the older girl but she stopped her feet from even moving an inch; she knew that whatever she did wouldn't stop Chaeyoung from going after what she wanted.
~
If someone were to look at Chaeyoung, they'd probably think she's a courageous and a get-to-the-point person; she really isn't. Maybe Chaeyoung would consider the courageous part, however, she was no where near straight forward or punch first, think later.
Hence why, she's internally sweating; if that makes sense. Chaeyoung was afraid to see Mina, she was weary of what'll happen once her eyes meet with those elegant orbs. What am I gonna say?
She just let her feet walk, hoping it'll take her some place where she can clear the many thoughts inside her head. Chaeyoung wanted to answer Mina, but the dilemma that keeps poking at the side of her head was starting to become bothersome.
She needed time even if if she doesn't have enough.
Chaeyoung groaned inwardly before quickening her pace, so much so that she failed to notice a body approaching her. Someone taller clashed into her small stature, pushing her back ever so slightly. Her eyes widened with the new contact and she was finally taken out of her toxic headspace.
"So-Sorry-" Chaeyoung stopped midway, steadying her balance before looking up at the person she bumped into, "Lisa?"
"Oh." Lisa smiled, waving, "Chaeyoung, it's been -well- a few weeks?" She chuckled, scratching the back of her nape.
Chaeyoung nodded, returning the smile, "Yeah. Uh, is everything ok?"
Lisa was and is a former friend of Chaeyoung. The two met in the hospital during their childhood and soon shared pains and experiences. However, Lisa was admitted to the hospital much earlier than Chaeyoung ever was. It draws sympathy and it pains Chaeyoung to see how tired the taller girl looked when walking around the halls.
Lisa has the same condition, though hers is much worst considering she's had it a few months after she was born. Chaeyoung remembered Lisa telling her that the doctors who delivered her had no hope and even tried to convince her mother that her life had no chance of continuing. However, mothers are mothers; they never give up on their child.
Lisa said it was both a curse and a blessing of how she lived until today. Blessing because she's still breathing and she even met her soulmate at a young age, curse because the pain can hit 100 and it's insufferable to live with.
"It's been the same." Lisa sighed, coughing into her sleeve right after, "But I was able to attend the movies and go to the amusement park a few weeks back. So, that's a plus one." She smiled, throwing a thumbs up.
Chaeyoung raised an eyebrow, "Really? How-"
"Didn't ride any roller coasters." Lisa frowned, though it was playful.
"Well I'm not surprised-" Chaeyoung looked up at the taller girl, "-Jennie would probably chicken out before she gets in line for the ride." She teased.
Lisa let out a dry chuckle; it escaped her pale lips. Chaeyoung studied her features and only then did she noticed the very few changes. Lisa looked paler than before, her cheeks flushed of the red that used to give her face life. Her back was lazily slouched and eyebags were a habitat under her doe eyes; eyes that looked exhausted.
Chaeyoung felt her heart squeeze at the sight.
"Well, I should get going. Jisoo's waiting for me and I need to get back to my room before she panics." Lisa smiled weakly before turning on her heel. She walked off in a slow and tired manner almost as if she was too sleepy to move.
Chaeyoung muttered a short see you later considering she couldn't hold back the pain that resonated within her. It was hard seeing a friend like that; suffering. Lisa would usually use humour to cover the painful truth but Chaeyoung is aware of Lisa's vulnerable side.
"Chaeyoung?"
She turned around, her eyes widening from the familiar voice. "Mina." She breathed out; air was technically knocked out of her lungs. Chaeyoung tried to force a voice out of her dry throat but nothing had come out.
Instead of being civil, Chaeyoung pushed her heel against the hospital floor and dashed forward. She ignored the several stares, pushing them off as something not important.
Her body roughly crashed against Mina's; Chaeyoung could even feel the older girl take a step back and gasp from the sudden movement. "Ch-" She opened her mouth but stopped when she felt Chaeyoung's hold tighten.
Chaeyoung buried her face into the crook of Mina's neck, her shoulders slightly shook. "I'm sorry." Is all she whispered. No one else but Mina could hear Chaeyoung's small fragile voice. The voice that cracked by the words.
Mina felt her heart fall to the pit of her stomach. So this is how it feels. Mina didn't speak, she only returned the hug with soft touch. Her touch was barely even there but Chaeyoung could feel it. Just the presence of Mina's hand, shyly hovering over her back. Mina felt her eyes sting. She could feel her fingers suddenly start to tremble.
Chaeyoung hugged her even tighter, her hands wrapped securely around Mina's waist. The former left her face unseen, but Mina knew she wanted to spew out any emotion she needed to show. Chaeyoung's breath shook against Mina's skin, making the latter shiver.
"I-I want to be with you. But, we aren't meant to be together."
~
Whew! Ok, so, I'm super sorry for the super late update. School's just been hitting me with a truck every day and It's been pretty hectic. Await a few one-shots coming up though :)
Thank you for reading this chapter🐧🐯