"Okay, on the count of 3, let it go."
"One"
"Two"
"Three!"
Beyoncé watched proudly as her three year old daughter, Blue released the balloon into the sky.
Their loved ones put their hands together and clapped for her, making her feel extremely special. She hugged onto her mother's legs and shyly looked away from everyone.
"Good job baba," Beyoncé said putting her hands together, "Everyone is so proud of you."
"Can I do it again?" She asked, stuttering over her words ever so often.
Beyoncé then looked around until someone handed her another balloon. "Okay, last one. Release it when you're ready."
They clapped again when she released the balloon into the sky. Beyoncé then felt a hand on her waist which made her look at the person on the side of her.
"You're doing amazing." Trevor said. Beyoncé nodded her head a little, trying her best to not cry in front of everyone. She hated feeling like everyone had to be there for her.
At the end of the day, she wasn't the only one to lose him.
"Cry if you need to baby." Monica said, pulling her in. Beyoncé laid her head on her chest as Monica rubbed her back. Pulling her away from the crowds of people, they walked off to get a little privacy.
"It doesn't get any better," Beyoncé said through her cries, "Every year I say it will get better, but it don't. I lost my soulmate. I don't know how I made it this far."
Monica wiped her tears, "You made it this far because he's still with you. It may not be physically, but spiritually he's here with you. You think that when you walk out the house, you're alone? Trust me, you're never alone. I feel him and I know you feel him too."
Beyoncé nodded her head. Physically, she was okay but emotionally and mentally, she was a wreck.
She don't know how she made it this far without her man, the father of her child. Losing him felt like she lost herself and sometimes she felt like a horrible mother.
She was still grieving, sometimes resulting to alcohol to wash the pain away but it made her feel bad.
She was sure that Hov was spiritually still with her because of the progress she made. Though he passed before they could make it happen, her and Blue still moved to New York.
With the money and different business investments he left behind, she'll never have to work a day in her life but it was her decision to continue going to school and getting her second degree.
However, Blue would be set for life. She was still granted more money from her father's death but wouldn't be able to touch it until she turned 18.
"Everyone grieve differently," Monica said, "It takes some people longer than others, but trust when I say you'll find the light at the end of the tunnel and you'll understand the reasoning behind everything that has ever happened. Do you have faith?"
Beyoncé nodded, "I do.."
"So trust that you'll make it through. I'm here for you and so is everyone else. You're not alone."
They shared a hug and walked back to join the crowds of people.
Today marked three years since Hov passed so his neighborhood held a memorial for him each year. It was crazy to see how many people loved and looked up to him, and he honestly never knew how big of an impact he had on his city.
Despite his many run ins with the law and other gang members, he was still loved by so many.
Everyone that knew her gave Beyoncé a hug. It definitely helped to uplift her mood because she was feeling extremely down.
"Want to go out to eat?" Aaliyah asked her. She held onto Blue's hand while staring at Beyoncé.
"Sure, I don't mind."
"Okay. Police is going to clear everyone out the area. You can ride with me. Trevor is driving granny and MeMe."
Everyone got in their separate cars, waiting on the police to escort them out. Every year, the crowd of Hov's memorial would get bigger. It wasn't just people that knew him, but people all over that respected him and his hustle. Even people he used to beef with would come and show their support.
They made it to the restaurant, called Aunt Sally's. It was a wing spot and Hov's favorite place to eat. Beyoncé could still remember when he would take her and introduce her to everyone that worked there like she was his biggest blessing.
A smile spread across her face just thinking about their small moments together that she would cherish forever.
12 people were seated at the table with Beyoncé on one end, and his grandmother on the other. Everyone was having their own conversations while studying the menu.
"Mommy." Blue called out.
"Hmm?"
"I want cake."
"After you eat real food. I tell you that a thousand times."
Trevor looked at Blue and grinned, "Cake makes you fat."
Blue laughed, "Uh uh."
"Yes huh."
"Uh uh."
"Yes huh."
"Uh uh."
Beyoncé sighed and looked at Trevor, "Could you stop going back and forth with a 3 year old?"
Everyone laughed and went back to looking at their menus. Looking around, Beyoncé was very thankful for Hov's family and friends. They never mistreated her and she was thankful that they checked on her daily. She needed it more than anything.
She loved how Trevor took his time with Blue, being that example of a father figure any little girl needed. She loved Aaliyah for sticking to her word.
Just before Hov died, he asked her to take care of his family and she did. She took care of most of his money, making sure Beyoncé was getting her portion of everything he owned. She was always there, even moved to New York with her to make sure her and Blue was safe.
Their loyalty to Hov was everything Beyoncé wished she had. She was thankful for her one true best friend though.
"What are you eating?" Nicki asked her.
Beyoncé shrugged, "I don't have an appetite, but you're going to make me eat anyway so I think I'm gonna get the catfish plate."
"That sounds good," Nicki said, "I still don't know what I want."
After their dinner together, everyone went their separate ways. Beyoncé and Blue went back to the home they lived in before moving to New York.
Walking in, everything was still in place. Trevor held a sleeping Blue while Beyoncé lit an incense and played soft meditation music. Since Blue was asleep, she figured she'll have her moment of alone time.
"I changed her into her PJs," Trevor said, "And she's in bed so you don't have to worry about that."
Beyoncé smiled, "Thanks a lot. It means a lot how much you help me out with her. Shawn would appreciate it."
"It's all love sis. Let me know if you need anything, and I got you."
"Alright, love you. Be safe."
She watched him get in his car safely before pulling off.
She let out a loud sigh as she sat on the floor of the living room. She crossed her legs and closed her eyes as she got in position to meditate.
Only a few minutes in, she busted out crying. She couldn't control the tears that fell down her face. No matter how many times people have told her it would be okay, she just didn't feel like it was.
No one could fill that empty void in her life — no one but Hov and she couldn't get him back. Three long years of crying, grieving, hurting herself, and feeling depressed. It didn't get any better and she knew it wouldn't.
"Oh God," she cried, "I want to end it all... so fucking bad."
She knew for sure that if she didn't have Blue, she would've been ended her life but she didn't want to leave her daughter without both parents.
Blue was the only person that kept her going. As a little girl, she doesn't know that but as she get older, she'll understand.
She sat up and walked in the kitchen to grab a napkin. She wiped her face and eyed the bottle of Vodka.
She badly wanted to drink but something told her different. Unexpectedly, she grabbed the bottle of Vodka and began pouring it down the sink. She did it for every bottle that was in the kitchen until there wasn't anymore.
After doing all of that, she felt ten times better but her heart was still hurting. She sat at the kitchen table and thought about any and everything to get her mind off him, but it didn't work.
Hours passed and it was now 3:22am. She always found herself peeping those numbers together. It was the same time she got the news that Hov had passed.
She was laying in bed, but she knew she wasn't alone. She could feel the goosebumps on her arms as she sat still in bed.
It felt amazing knowing that even though he wasn't there physically, he was still there. She even found herself smiling — her first genuine smile in years.
"I'm going to be okay.." She said to herself, "I know it.."
__________
I ended Thug Love the way I did for a reason. The ending is whatever you want it to be. This first epilogue is the {what if he died} chapter.
The second epilogue which I may post later on today or sometime soon will be the {what if he lived} chapter.
However you want the story to end is up to you, but I'm pretty sure y'all want him to live so that update will be coming soon.
Again, thanks for the support☺️