Luca
I'm the biggest idiot walking on planet earth. The look on her face when she told me how insecure she got when seeing those pictures. I broke. I know I didn't do anything wrong; I didn't even know Sydney was going to be there. I didn't even know who she was. I still should have comforted Skylar and reassured her that I like her and only her. But what did I do? I told her not to overreact and get over it. I'm such an idiot, a loser, an asshole, a jerk. She broke down in front of me and this time I knew I was the cause of it. I hate myself. How could I hurt her like that? I care for her more than anyone in the world, but still, I hurt her.
I want to call her or text her, just go to her apartment. But I also know I'm probably the last person she wants to see right now. I can't stand to stay in the house any longer, so I go to the football field where I know my friends will be. Maybe they can distract me from the mess that I've caused.
No matter what I do, nothing helps. Her face keeps popping up in my mind. I haven't seen her since Friday morning and it's tearing me apart. We've gone longer without seeing each other, but we would call or text every day, no exceptions. Until this weekend. I know it's unhealthy to let my happiness be dependent on someone else, but how can I be happy when I know that she's hurting? And I'm the one who hurt her. I wanted to protect her, be there for her, but all I did was the opposite.
"Dude! What's up with you?"
"I'm fine. Just tired." The guys buy my excuse or they just don't want to push me. We continue to play until it's getting dark. Julian and I are the last two on the field. I know that he sees right through me. I can make up many more excuses, but he won't buy any of them. I make it easier for both of us and tell him everything.
"You messed up bro."
"Tell me something I don't know."
"Take it easy there. Just talk to her. Explain to her why you acted the way you did; she will understand as long as you tell her the whole story."
"She will just realise how fucked up I am."
"You haven't seen the way she looks at you. How you look at each other. It takes a whole lot more to stop whatever you two have going on. If you don't believe me, I'm happy to get Finn involved to tell you how well you fit together."
Just that is enough to get me going again. I've heard Finn talk about other couples before and I never want to go through that again. Let alone have him rant about mine and Skylar's relationship. That dude is one hopeless romantic and he will be more than happy to come up with a full rom-com movie if I talked to him about this.
On my way back home, I go over everything I want to tell Skylar. There is so much to the story and I'm afraid it will be too much. I also have to follow the advice Adrina gave me a long time ago, I have to prepare Skylar for what's coming once people find out about us. Just looking at how fast pictures of me, mum and Sydney were online, I have no time to lose if I want to keep hanging out with Skylar in public. I hate that I'm doing this to her. I'm no good for her. Me being famous, my fucked-up life, she deserves better than that.
I keep on staring at the pictures I made of her on my phone. She's beautiful; the way her eyes sparkle when she laughs, how she tries to hide her face when I make her blush. She's on my mind all day long and I just want to feel her body close to me. I know that her being with me will complicate her life, but I also know that no one loves her the way I do.
Today is the day. I'm going to talk to Skylar and explain everything. I hope she responds the way Julian expects her to, but at this moment I'm not sure of anything. I'm nervous as hell and I know that I can't face Skylar before I calm down. There is only one place that always makes me feel at home, Foyles bookstore.
After taking the tube to Tottenham Court Road I walk to the bookstore. This place is what I imagine heaven to look like. I want Skylar to be here next to me, so we can talk about what books we want to buy and which ones we've already read. I wander around the shelves until I find a poetry bundle Skylar told me about. I pick up a few more books and head to the cash register.
"You! I need to have a serious word with you. You hurt my best friend." I look at the girl standing in front of me. First, I thought it was some crazy person, but I recognise her from a picture. I know I seriously fucked up if she came all the way to London.
"Abby, right?"
"You know me..."
"Skylar has a lot of pictures of you two. And believe me, I know I fucked up and hurt her. I'm the biggest idiot alive."
"No that would be my ex, but you're a close second. You really need to fix this."
"I know, it's on today's schedule."