Chapter Seventy-Two
"No, I don't want to." I sobbed.
I was so confused and hurt right now. Feelings of happiness had invaded me thinking of how Alec and Mom were giving me this choice but I just didn't want to know right now. I was too scared of the unknown. What if Alec didn't tell the truth? What if he wasn't my father and would want nothing to do with me. I might resent him for not being the father I hoped he would be to me.
I'd likely grow to hate Kenneth even more for not being the dad I wanted and needing For becoming the man who cared more about alcohol than his family. For not loving me as he once was. Even if Alec was my dad would it change a single thing? It wouldn't make things any better for mom and I doubted it would for me either. I felt an ounce of anger once more surge through me.
Why had they done this to me?
Why put something like this in my hands?
Why put me through this?
How could they selfishly not want me to know the truth?
It wasn't fair.
"Ariel?" Mom asked putting a hand on my shoulder and I shook my head.
"How could you be so selfish? How could you do this to me?"
"We never meant to hurt you," she frowned.
"I don't want to know. I don't want Keneth to hate me. I just don't want to know," I sobbed into her shoulder.
Mom was crying again as she rocked me just as she used to when I was little. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. I really am. We don't have to do anything you don't want to."
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders hugging her tightly. For once her loving embrace didn't comfort me as it usually did. My chest hurt and I had no idea why. She rubbed my head for a long moment and I looked up to Alec who was watching us with a sad expression not invading this moment between us.
"I'm sorry," I looked up at him meaning it.
"No Ariel you have nothing to be sorry for. Not a single thing. I'd never force you into anything you didn't want to do."
I was sorry to him because I suddenly felt like I was letting him down. Maybe he wanted to be a dad. Maybe I was letting mom and Kenneth down because I didn't want to know the truth. They needed closure and I was the one who was selfishly not allowing them to have it. How could I be so selfish?
"I'm sorry," I repeated.
He walked over to us placing his hand on my back and I looked up at him.
"It's alright. This is your decision as much as it is anyone else's. If you ever want to change your mind I'll do it at any time. If you never want to then we'll never do it. Simple as that," he smiled.
"Thank you," I voiced leaning back into mom's embrace.
"Thank you, Alec," I thought I heard mom mutter softly.
Once I'd calmed down I wanted nothing more than for us to leave. I needed to stop wanting to go home and lay in bed when something went wrong. Right now I just wanted to find everyone else and see how they were doing. I stood to my feet and told mom where I was going.
"Okay meet me at the car when you're done. I'll probably find Kaylin before that if you don't."
I wiped my eyes nodding my head and I looked at Alec one last time and he gave me a smile and after a moment I awkwardly returned it before leaving the room. I realized I was leaving the two of them alone together and I wondered if I subliminally did that on purpose or if I just a glutton for punishment.
I walked into the hallway planning to look for Liam and Maggie but I quickly noticed they were nowhere to be found. However, once I actually began to search I found them rather quickly. They seemed to be having an intense conversation and Maggie looked upset. I wondered if it had to do with her mom. I didn't want to disturb them but they saw me and smiled waving me over.
"Is everything okay?' I asked cautiously.
"It's fine. I just made a C in one of my classes and mom was upset. She's going to tell dad and I didn't want that."
"Sorry," I frowned.
"It's not a big deal. How did things go with you?" she asked.
"They explained some things to me which I'd like to tell you later and not in the hallway. It's kind of a lot. They offered us to do a DNA test but I didn't want to do it."
"You didn't want to know gummy bear?" Liam asked.
"No, I don't want to know. I can't right now. I just want things to go back to the way they were."
"Ar-
"They told me if I ever wanted to change my mind they'd do it. They offered to tonight I just couldn't."
"It's okay. It's better your ready for it," Maggie comforted hugging me and I squeezed her gratefully before Liam joined in.
"So how did your conferences go?" I asked pulling away.
"Other than the C really good. Even Mrs. Hollowell was nice," Maggie smiled.
"Yeah, she was nice to me too."
"Speak for yourselves. She called me and Zayn the worst students she ever had in her class," Liam frowned.
"Did she really?" I gaped.
"Yes, and I could practically hear mom cracking the whip."
"She's not going to attack you with a whip," I laughed.
"We haven't gotten home yet. I'm probably going to be dead," he sighed.
"Tell her I love you too much," Maggie smiled leaning up to kiss him.
"I will," he said against her lips.
"Maggie!"
Carmen's angry voice sounded just down the hall and she had an angry look on her face as she approached us. Maggie pulled away from Liam though she kept her hand in his. I could tell she was embarrassed about her mom's yelling but there was little she could do about it.
"Hey Carmen," Liam tried but she ignored him.
"What do you think you're doing kissing him in the middle of the hallways like this? Is this what you doing school hours?"
"No, I-
"You need to be focused more on grades!"
"I know I-
"No, clearly you don't know. I think these friends of yours are distracting you too much.
"Mom-
"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking Maggie."
She shut her mouth a frown appearing on her face. I hated the way she was embarrassing her like this and not even giving her the chance to talk. A C was still a passing grade and she was clearly overreacting here. Liam had a frown on his face and I could tell he was about to speak. I didn't want to upset Carmen but I was glad he was going to intervene because Maggie didn't deserve this.
"Carmen I'm sorry but-
"Carmen? Are you Maggie's mom?"
Liam was interrupted by the sound of Miles's voice. I looked over in surprise and he had a polite smile on his face as he looked at her. Though she'd never done anything personally mean to me I hated the way she was with her daughter. The fact Miles was not a little bit afraid of her was impressive to me. She was nothing like our moms. She did a double-take as she looked at him.
"I am why?"
"Well, I just wanted to thank you for raising such an incredible daughter. She let me borrow some notes recently and helped me make a B in one of my classes," he responded with the same charming smile in place.
It was a smile that would quickly make me forget all my anger but she was probably different. It shocked me he was the one intervening. Clearly, he was trying to help her but why? Because it was the right thing to do? I was glad because she needed to be defended and Carmen needed to stop.
"My daughter?" she raised an eyebrow looking at Maggie like she was stupid.
"Yes she did and I'm very thankful to her. She helped me a lot. So maybe go a little easier on her."
"Excuse me, young man, what I say to my daughter is none of your concern. However, I do appreciate she was able to help you."
"Of course not ma'am. I just wanted to let you know what she'd done to help me. You must do a good job at teaching her manners. You should be proud."
It was spoken in absolute certainty with a sales pitch I could imagine James doing to get him into the career he was today. They were alike in some ways and it was moments like this you could really tell. However other than that those two were nothing alike. Miles tried hard not to be his father.
"Yes well, I'll consider that. Maggie, I'll be in the car. Come on when you get ready." she said over her shoulder as she walked away.
I looked at Miles in wonder. He'd defended her and may have even stretched the truth a little bit to help her. I wished I'd been able to do that for her. I'd just stayed quiet and allowed her mom to keep yelling and embarrassing her. Liam was comforting her and speaking softly to her now. Her cheeks were red with embarrassment but she finally turned toward Miles.
"Thank you for that," she said gratefully.
"No problem. I just don't think she should have been yelling you like that and I wanted to show her what a good person you are."
"Thanks but I know I didn't get you a B. As you can see she didn't believe it," she said with a small smile.
"Well, you did give me your notes so that helped with my B," he offered.
Liam glared at him but said nothing. I could decipher he probably didn't like the fact he had been the one to help her. Liam had been attempting to do the same thing himself. At the same time, he couldn't say much because it was to help her and he couldn't' be mad about that.
"You haven't left yet?" I questioned deciding to change the subject for Liam's sake.
I knew he must feel bad for not standing up for Maggie the way Miles had but he had tried. I had no doubt he'd defend her if given the chance. It's just Miles had gotten their first. He had nothing to be ashamed of and I knew Maggie wouldn't blame him.
"Not yet. I was about to when I heard the yelling of Maggie's name."
"That makes sense," Maggie frowned clearly still embarrassed.
"No worries it happens. If my dad wasn't so big on how he appeared in public when it came to yelling he'd be yelling at me all the time," he offered with a kind smile.
"Yeah, it does." She sighed.
"Thank you for doing that, "I insisted meaning it.
"Don't thank me. I hate seeing other people getting yelled at like that when they don't deserve it."
"I wish I'd been able to do that for her," I frowned.
"Ariel I don't expect anyone to defend me from my mom," Maggie assured me.
"That's right gem, It's okay, we all do what we can," he insisted and then turned back to Maggie. "I know I've said it before but I'm really sorry for calling you a bitch. I had no right to call you that," he frowned sincerely.
"You owe her a lot more than that," Liam muttered.
"It's okay, once again I shouldn't have slapped you. Well, you deserved it but I'm sorry it was you," she chuckled.
"I'll watch my language next time," he promised.
"Good."
"So did your conferences go okay?" he asked turning to me.
"Yeah, they went fine."
"I'm glad to hear that." His eyes twinkled.
"They even went okay with Alec?"
"Yeah better than okay."
"Good. I wish I could stay and talk. I don't want to keep mom waiting. I'll still see you tomorrow night?" he questioned hopefully.
"Yeah," I promised unable to resist smiling at him.
"We'll talk about everything," he promised me.
"Okay."
"Miles you're leaving already?"
Of course, Zayn would decide to make a new appearance right about now. No girlfriends in sight which was a good thing. It did make me wonder where they were and if they might make an appearance. I turned to Maggie who was already eyeing me.
"They were in the bathroom taking selfies," she mouthed to me.
"Oh," I mouthed back.
Of course, they were. They'd be all over social media if I went to look and they'd be filled with likes and comments to rub their egos. Not that I ever looked on social media anymore. I looked to Miles zeroing him on his face as he answered Zayn and turned my attention to his face as well.
"Yeah, it's time I left. Your still here? Figured Eric would do yours early."
"We already did them. Just waiting on Melinda. You're not staying with Lita?"
"She told me to go ahead and leave. She's about to be grounded."
"Why?"
"Bad grades."
"You should help her study," Zayn suggested.
"Yeah I think Liam used to," Miles mused.
Did we have to get reminded those two used to date every day? It would be laughable if it wasn't the cause of so many arguments. Considering Miles had helped Maggie he was already on thin ice with Liam. No matter if his motives had been pure or not. Liam was not going to like him.
"I think she used to make good grades when I helped her to. Seems like your not doing a good enough job," Liam snapped.
'Shots fired,' I thought sourly.
"Wow that was a low blow," Zayn muttered.
"I wasn't going to say this. But you know I'm the one who just had to defend your girlfriend because you couldn't," Miles snapped back and Liam's face turned red with anger.
"Why-
"It's fine guys," Maggie interjected.
"Ba-
"Focus on actually being good boyfriends instead of actually fighting about it okay?" she insisted.
"I am a good boyfriend," Liam frowned.
"Me too," Miles defended himself.
Well he had been and I was not supposed to be judging him about the past so I guess he was. Apparently, he just didn't help his girlfriend study. Her aside I knew he was really smart and could help her get good grades The question was if Lita would devote the time to her studies.
"Yes, you are so act like it," Maggie raised her eyebrow at him.
What was it with these guys and their constant arguing? It seemed like I was never going to get away from it. It was typically one of these three all the time. I doubted they'd be sending each other Christmas cards this year.
"Your right," Liam agreed though he made no move to even look in Miles's direction.
"Liam." She pressed.
"What?"
"You need to apologize."
"Why?"
"Because he was nice enough to help me. I don't think he meant anything by the Lita comment."
"I think he did."
"I really didn't," Miles frowned. "Sorry If I made you mad."
Liam had the expression on his face that told me he didn't believe him despite Miles's innocent expression.
"It's fine," he relented.
"I really should be going now. See you tomorrow, see you guys," he smiled at me than them.
"You're seeing him tomorrow?" Liam and Zayn voiced in the exact same disapproving tone and at the same time.
Maggie looked between them with an amused expression on her face and I looked at them in annoyance. Was there an echo here or something? Or were they supposed to be my conscious now?
"Yes, I'm having dinner with him since his sister is coming home."
"Oh yeah, Jenni was cool. Not like her brother," Liam mused.
I happened to know he used to have a crush on her when they were younger. Then again most boys did as she was beautiful.
"She is nice. Pretty too," Zayn commented and I glared despite myself.
Well, it was nice to know there was one more woman he thought was pretty. Though I agreed she was and I'd always wanted to look like her when I was younger.
"Yeah, she is," Liam agreed.
"Wow you guys can actually agree on something," I rolled my eyes.
"I didn't know you guys turned into Adam. Where is he anyway?" Maggie asked.
"He's around somewhere. Believe me, the teachers will have a lot to talk about with him Mags." Zayn said.
"Mags," Liam muttered in disgust.
"Okay there K&D," she smirked back at him and it was my turn to roll my eyes once more.
"Anyway, you'll probably see him before you leave."
"She doesn't need to. He called her babe and said she was easy on the eyes," Liam complained.
"True and true "she smiled.
"Adam does that with everyone. He flirts with anything that's a female," Zayn smirked slightly.
"Gee thanks for making me not feel special," Maggie pouted.
"He called Ariel hot too," Liam revealed and Zayn sighed.
"Like I said he does that. It's just best to ignore him."
Wow, no jealousy? I slightly wished he'd make more of a big deal out of it like Liam did. Then again I believed he was right and that Adam had meant nothing by it. The last thing anyone needed was to get Zayn mad at Adam. Or Miles mad at him and I didn't need to egg this own.
"Liam why don't we go this way and give them some privacy," Maggie tugged at his arm.
He seemed ready to argue until he looked at her face and his own expression softened albeit slightly. I knew he wouldn't be able to refuse her for long. She was too sweet and he was too smitten with her.
"Hmph fine."
"You need to be nicer to people," she said taking his hand.
"Miles is a jerk and he's just trying to flirt with you."
"He was not."
"I'm a good boyfriend."
"I know you are."
"He needs to know it."
"I'm sure he does."
"Apparently not."
"You're just too preoccupied with Lita."
"No, I'm too preoccupied with you."
"Good."
"He called you Mags too!"
"Really Liam!"
She pinched his arm and they continued to walk down the hall playfully arguing and I shook my head as I turned back to Zayn. They were so cute together and if anything they gave me hope in relationships. Zayn was watching them too and I caught a hint of something in his eyes but he hid it quickly.
"I'm heading outside," Zayn announced startling me.
My chance to be alone with him and he was leaving? I didn't want him to and selfishly I wasn't ready to leave tonight without speaking to him more. Besides Maggie had made sure I have privacy for a reason. She wanted me to talk to him and I needed to take that chance for once.
"Can I go with you?" I asked dumbly.
Yes, I was both dumb, desperate, and embarrassed. I should never be trying to invite myself somewhere or begging him to spend time with me. It was a losing battle I had no chance of winning.
"Sure," he shrugged though I was sure he had a hint of amusement in his voice.
Did he think I was as stupid and desperate as I felt like now?
"Where's Melinda?" I questioned following after him.
"For someone who doesn't like her, you sure spend a lot of time wondering where she is."
"I just want to make sure she's not going to get upset and I know she will," I snapped.
He was the one who cared if she saw us together and rightly so. Yet here he was acting like he wasnt concerned about it at all when we both knew he did.
"I know where she is so you won't have to worry."
"Aren't you going behind her back?"
"Maybe but I'm not doing anything wrong."
"Okay," I shrugged.
He was right. Talking to me wasn't doing anything wrong but it would appear that way in Melinda's eyes. I knew he knew that as well.
"There's no reason to upset her when she doesn't have to be. She just overreacts," he voiced
"I'm not questioning your relationship."
"Don't you always?" he commented.
"No, it's you who questions mine. "
"Fair enough."
We reached the outside parking lot and walked around the counter where he began shifting in his pocket and pulled out a cigarette and lit it with a silver lighter he dug from his pocket. I looked at him for a long moment no doubt with a deep frown you could see from miles away.
"What?" he asked putting it between his lips and he observed me.
"Nothing," I looked away from him and out into the parking lot.
"You don't like smoking?" he pressed.
"I don't but it's not that."
"Then what?" he pressed curiously.
"It's bad for you."
"It is?"
Smartass
"It's against school rules."
"Yeah, I know."
'You know how bad it would look on your dad?" I questioned.
"I don't care," he shrugged.
Of course, he didn't. It almost wouldn't surprise me if he didn't do it just to spite his father.
"I don't want you to be unhealthy," I admitted pressing my lips into a thin line.
"It's just a cigarette."
"Youve done other things in the past. I don't want you to start again, I admitted.
"I'm not going back to that," he refused.
"Good," I nodded my head still feeling unsure of myself.
"Eric used to smoke too. He and Kenneth did at the house sometimes," he revealed looking out in the parking lot as though looking at the past.
"So you're going to be like both of them?" I asked looking out with him.
"I stopped but I've been stressed lately."
"Why?"
"I think you know."
Because of me? I didn't want that. For him to be so stressed he thought he needed to smoke.
"If I'm stressing you-
"It's not you. It's me quite literally. This is what I'm really hiding from Melinda too."
"She doesn't know you smoke?"
"She knows I did."
"She doesn't know you started back?"
"Nope and with a good breath mint she won't."
"You chose to show me."
"I have nothing to hide from you princess."
"But you have a lot to hide from other people."
"Only what I want to."
"What you don't want to?"
"I do it or I show it."
"I know that," I frowned.
"Your right. Some things I don't want to show people. I don't feel like I owe anyone anything. An explanation, nothing. I barely tell anyone anything. Except her and you."
"It's always between the two of us isn't it?"
"It's never been anyone else. There's always been you and she's helped me deal with you."
"She's always been good at helping people when she wanted to."
He leaned off the wall dropping his cigarette and putting his boot on it and I listened to the sound of the pavement as he shoved his hands in his pockets.
"I've seen other girls I thought were beautiful. It's not about that. There's something else that sets you both apart. I can't explain it."
"So your saying I'm ugly?"
"No thats not what I'm saying. You should know your beautiful. It's just not about looks."
"How can you say that when you're so...
"So what?"
"So you, your one of the most handsome guys I've ever met. To me your just, nothing."
"What were you going to say? Unless you're saying I'm nothing."
"No, you're so handsome. So perfect."
"I'm not perfect. Far from it. You should know."
"You look like it. I'm just so plain."
"You're beautiful but that's not the point. It's not your looks. It's who you are. No matter who you are I can't just get you out of my head. Even though I haven't seen you in years. When we came back together it's like nothing changed. You were the same old Ariel. Even though I changed so much."
"I don't remember you then so how could I know?" I asked softly. "How could I judge you then."
"You will, everyone does."
"What do people judge you about that isn't true Zayn? They judge me, so what makes you think I'd judge you on something that wasn't true?"
"That's just it. They judge me on what's true. You're not going to judge me on who I was. You'll judge me on who I am now."
"Then who are you since I'm going to judge?"
"I'm an idiot who can't decide what he wants in life or who he wants. I'm disappointing my parents. I know they wouldn't want this. I'm not dumb. Eric tries but hell that doesn't mean anything to me.
He can't do all that my entire life and suddenly act like he's the father of the year. He's not and it's pitiful to watch him try. If I wasn't his kid he wouldn't have raised me. Not like Jace did."
"How do you know?"
"He told me so."
"He did?"
"More than once during his inspiring drunken binges. I think Kenneth was there for some."
"I'm sor--
"Don't apologize Ariel. That's got nothing to do with you. Not what either of them does. I wouldn't be so pissed if I was old enough to do anything about it. We were kids who couldn't do anything."
"I know."
"It's not your place to apologize for either of them. They'd have to do it and even then I wouldn't accept it. I'd probably forgive Kenneth before I would Eric. If he wasn't hitting you that is."
He clenched his fists in anger and I was starting to worry he might get mad and hit the brick wall behind us. He was getting upset and I wanted to stop him before he got any angrier."
"Zayn—"
"He does doesn't he?" he demanded, turning to me with an expression that unnerved me.
"No, not really just mom."
"Yeah, I don't forgive him for that either," he stated bitterly.
"Did Eric ever hit your mom?"
"No."
Rage welled inside me at a fast pace. How could he say that? Forgiving Kenneth when he abused my mom almost daily before he could forgive the man who'd become a better person. Who loved him enough to never lay hands on him. It wasn't right or fair of him to say that to me.
"Then how could you forgive Kenneth before him? Because it's not your mom he's hitting? Your dad doing it?"
"Ariel," he frowned.
"No, Zayn. Your dad is not that bad. I understand you're angry with him and you have a right to be. You just refuse to see that he is trying. He's the only parent you have. You don't have to forgive him immediately but you can try.
You can attempt to be nicer to him. He's had to raise you by himself since your parents passed away. You can try—"
"It's too late." He interrupted.
"It's not," I disagreed.
"I don't want to talk about this. So drop it." He ordered.
I didn't want to drop it. That was the last thing I wanted to do but I have learned I could only push him so far. If I went over the limit I'd never get him to consider a single thing I was saying to him
"Fine then. You'd rather talk about how you can forgive Kenneth for what he's done to me and my mom," I spoke bitterly.
"I could forgive him. Didn't say I would."
"How has he done anything remotely as bad as Kenneth."
"At least Kenneth has alcohol as an excuse to be a shitty father. Eric doesn't anymore."
"Because you won't forgive him." I snapped.
"Whatever, I'm not going to forgive him, now I said drop it."
His rudeness wasn't lost on me but what else was new? My words weren't reaching him and I was starting to feel queasy at the thought of him being angry at me and saying something horrible. Besides that I didn't want him to get so angry with me he ended the conversation. It wasn't often he opened up to me and it was all I could do to keep him talking when he did.
"Why are you having dinner at Miles' house?" he said suddenly.
His question surprised me. Not to mention he was trying to change the subject again because he couldn't come up with a good excuse as to why he couldn't forgive his dad. He just didn't want to. Besides that, he'd just ordered me to drop a conversation that was personal for him but was fine with opening one that was personal to me and demanding to know all about it. Talk about double standards.
"Because Jenni is coming home and he and his mom invited me. I haven't seen her in a while and she and I always got along really well and—"
"Right," He interrupted stopping the explanation spilling out of my mouth.
My eyes narrowed, "That is right. That's why."
"Is it really?" He asked, looking at me with an arched eyebrow.
"Yes."
He scoffed, "Don't lie to yourself."
"What—"
"If it were just about going to see Jenni and spending time with friends that would be one thing but it isn't."
"How—"
"I'm very good at reading people's expressions sometimes. Call it a gift because I spent a lot of time doing that when Eric left me to my own devices and I didn't have my friends any longer. When you said you'd see him tomorrow you were nervous. Because you know why you're really going."
"Yes, because mom declined to go because she was busy and said I could go," I explained.
"You're nervous about going because of how you feel about Miles."
"Yes, but—"
"You shouldn't be going over there and bringing up old thoughts like that. You've just gotten out of a relationship if you remember." He said causing me to frown.
"I remember."
Of course, I remembered. No matter how things were with Reggie now it was still something I had not get over and grow from. Which was going to be hard considering he felt the need to keep reminding me about it every five seconds. Which wasn't fair in the slightest.
"Then don't go," he responded breaking me from my thoughts.
"Why do you care so much where I go?" I demanded.
"It won't end well if you do. No matter what he's telling you or how he feels about you."
So now this was Miles's fault? Or was he saying I had no hope and that we should stop talking? Who was he to make that call when he couldn't even make amends with the only parent he had left. This wasn't his concern and I wasn't attempting to do anything with Miles nor would I let him blame him for it.
"He's not doing anything wrong." I denied.
"Okay."
He looked away from me and I studied him for a moment. Why was he being like this? Truly why care if he wasn't going to act on his supposed feelings for me? At least Miles wasn't bothered as much with having me over.
"Things won't be how they were before between you two. Not after what he's done." He spoke after a moment.
Now he was clearly judging him and he was his friend. I was not going to just sit back at let Zayn judge him when he couldn't' even admit his own faults. That wasn't fair for him to do and my affections for him did not mean he shouldn't be held accountable for his own actions.
"He's not the only one who's done things wrong."
His eyes found mine instantly. "Is that directed at me or are we just talking about your insane views on forgiving anything and everything."
Now he was attacking my views? Moms views? That was not something I was about to tolerate. Screw making him upset when he was asking or this.
"What do you think?" I snapped.
"You tell me," He replied.
"There's nothing wrong with forgiving someone when they're sorry about what they've done. It's good to forgive and mom has always taught that to me and I've always remembered. It doesn't help to hold on to anger and that's what Kenneth does. That's what you do. But if we are talking about you then yeah. You've done things world too."
"Things you can't forgive me for?" he demanded.
"I'm not angry at you."
"I think you are and if that's true then you haven't forgiven me and what you said about forgiving everyone wasn't true."
I sighed, looking away from him briefly. "I forgive as much as I can okay? You should try it"
"If I forgive Eric like you're trying to get me to then what will I get, huh?" He demanded.
Now he was being incredibly selfish thinking he was supposed to get something for doing the right thing. That was one of the many problems he had to deal with if he had any hope of happiness.
"You're not supposed to get anything but a good relationship. That's what you need. That's what he wants to have."
"He'd never measure up to Jace."
"Then don't compare the two."
"That's your answer?" He scoffed.
"Yes, it is. I know he meant a lot to you and loved you. But he was in your life for six years and that's no fault of his own. Eric has been in your life for much longer. You need Eric."
"I don't need him. You are right about one thing. I had both my parents in my life for six years and that impacted me for a lifetime. That's the kind of people they were."
"I'm glad you think of them that way, that you love them but you can forgive Eric and it wouldn't be doing anything against them," I argued.
His jaw clenched as his gaze hardened. "Your mom forgives, Ariel. She forgives your asshole of a father every single time he hits her!"
I hated the fact she did that as well but I didn't want her to be judged for it. He could attack my views all he wanted but he would not attack hers. Whether she was right or wrong it didn't matter to me.
"If he's even my father!" I shouted.
It was the best defense I had for her other than she loved him which I'd heard so many times and knew to be true. It was easier to be angry about not knowing if the jerk I dealt with was my dad or not. That had become my fault for not going ahead and agreeing to a test but I wasn't ready.
He paused momentarily. "Yeah, that's right. You were supposed to find out something?"
My whole demeanor changed just like that; once he'd questioned the meeting. "I—No, I didn't find out anything." I sighed.
"Why?"
"Because I didn't want to, okay?" I spat, clenching my fist.
He scoffed, "All that spatting about wanting the truth just so you could change your mind in the end? I don't believe you."
"It's my business when I decide to change my mind, Zayn."
"Never said it wasn't but do you really expect me to believe you just changed your mind about the whole thing?"
"Yes, because that's what I did."
"Lies." He laughed, shaking his head.
Now he was calling me a liar?
I scoffed, "Think what you will but that's the truth."
"Alright," He shrugged, "But I hope you know what you're doing, princess."
"I do," I claimed.
"Okay." He said and I could tell he didn't believe me.
"I do, Zayn."
"Okay."
"You don't believe me," I explained, frowning up at him.
"Don't I?" He arched an eyebrow, smirking down at me.
"Look I'm not ready to find out."
"Why not?" his face softened.
"Because finding out means I've either had a jerk of a dad who abuses my mom or my real dad didn't want me."
"A-
"They both explained a lot to me so it's not like I didn't learn anything. I know he thougth he was doing what was best for me. I don't fault him for that even though I want to. At least he tried to do the right thing. It's just mom and I could have had an escape if she chose him and she didn't. All three of them didn't want to do the test. They wanted to leave it up to me whether I had them take it or not."
"You said no."
"Right."
"You don't want to know."
"No."
"Really?"
"I don't know," I admitted with a frown.
"Maybe it wouldn't matter to you whether you knew or not. Maybe it wouldn't change a thing or maybe it would. Is that what you think?"
"I don't know," I said again.
"Or maybe it will make all the difference, you'll never know."
"How could it make any difference?"
"Because it made all the difference to me. That could be just me and maybe it wasn't for the best but I'm glad I knew then instead of much later. Jace was my dad when I wasn't his kid and he loved me. I know he did and I know what kind of person he is by that. If he wasn't dead he'd still be right here being my dad. I am Eric's kid and he couldn't do any better than what he did. Tells me who he is, who he was whatever. As far as you? I think you do want to know.
Because it wouldn't have bothered you so bad if it didn't. You wanted this hoping you could find out the truth then when you had the opportunity you threw it away and didn't want it. At least if you change your mind they'll still do it. So it's not a total loss."
"You're right," I sighed though I really wanted to argue with him further.
"I know." He said smugly.
"I did find out one interesting thing."
"What's that?"
"He's our godfather. Mine, yours, and Liams. Just not legally."
His dark eyes furrowed, "Alec?"
I nodded.
He gave a chuckle, shaking his head, taking another cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it. "Alec Gray, my godfather. Imagine that."
I watched him blow a puff of smoke from his mouth with a frown. "I take it, you didn't know then?" I questioned.
His eyes snapped to mine. "No. I didn't. Don't you think I would've told you if I did?" He asked, taking the cigarette between his fingers.
"Honestly, I'm not sure if you would've or not." I shrugged.
He took another puff of his cigarette before turning slightly to smudge it against the brick wall to put it out. He put the rest of it back in the pack and placing it back in his pocket before facing me again.
"Ariel, I—"
"Zayn?"
We both turned, meeting those too familiar brown eyes. She always had an act for interrupting conversations when they were starting to get important. How'd she even find him? Better yet, why wasn't she with her mom?
"Melinda, what are you doing out here? I thought you had one more conference." Zayn spoke, clearly showing he wasn't fazed by her finding us together.
"I finished early. Why are you out here with this loser?" She asked, eyeing me in disgust.
Nice to see you too, Melinda...
"Nothing. We were deciding when we should finish our project." He shrugged.
"You had to do that all the way out here?"
"Yes. Plus, I just needed to get away from my dad."
I kept quiet as I wasn't sure what to say if there was even anything to say. Melinda wouldn't believe a word out of my mouth and I wasn't too sure if Zayn even wanted me to speak right now. So I kept silent and merely watched with my head downcast.
"Was he giving you a hard time over the D you made in History?" She frowned.
He'd made a D in history? How was that possible? From what I could tell Zayn was incredibly smart so how was it possible he made a D in any class?
"Yep, that was it. Anyway, you ready to go back inside?" he asked putting a mint in his mouth.
I was reminded that he'd told me she didn't know he smoked again and I wondered if the mint would hide it quick enough or not. I could tell her of course but we both knew I wouldn't. It was hard enough having anything in common with her at all. I would keep this to myself.
"Yeah I'm ready," she said as he reached out wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
I wished it was me. He nodded to me and she gave me a smirk as they walked away leaving me behind once more.