"All I've kept within lay before your eyes."
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July 25. 11:30 PM.
I am in Scott's room, on his bed, by his side. This is my new favorite place. He fell asleep about an hour and a half ago. I, on the other hand, couldn't sleep hence I'm writing on my iPad mini.
Dinner was fun. He brought home groceries and attempted to cook something for me. I probably shouldn't have stayed in the kitchen, though. I swear I just wanted to watch him. But then I hugged him from behind, he hugged my arms, he turned around, we kissed, we kissed some more, we kissed A LOT, and then we smelled burning food. So we ended up with delivered pizza for dinner, which, by the way, went perfectly with chardonnay.
We were eating dinner on the couch with his legs resting on my lap.
"Hey, Jane," I said, putting down my half-eaten slice on a plate beside me.
"Yes, Sandra?" He asked, smiling. He really looked very happy.
"Shouldn't we talk about... you know... things."
"Why do I feel like you're breaking up with me?" he replied, pouting. He moved closer to me, his knees coming up the level of my shoulders.
"Come on, you know what I mean." I rested my hands on his knees, my cheek on the back of my palm, and looked at him.
"Do we absolutely have to? Right now?" He leaned in. "Isn't this..." Kiss. "More..." Kiss. "Fun?" Kiss.
His kisses are starting to become addicting. I closed my eyes because if I saw how cute he looked, I would've given in. "I know what you're doing. And it's working. But we need to, Scott. You know we need to." I opened my eyes.
"Fine, fine." He moved his legs away from me and planted his feet on the ground. He put his arm around my waist. "This okay?"
Every fiber in my being wanted to jump at Scott and kiss him and do... other things to him. But I wanted to get "the talk" out of the way. I couldn't fully enjoy whatever I had with Scott if I still had so many questions in my head. "Yes." I sighed. I mirrored what he did and put my arm around his waist. I rested my head on his shoulder and stared at the TV, which wasn't even turned on. I figured it would be easier to talk if I didn't have to look at him. "No distracting me until we're done talking."
"Okay." THEN HE TICKLED ME. He fucking said okay but he tickled me.
"SCOTT!!!" I tried to get off the touch but he was faster at grabbing me, keeping me in place. "You're making this impossible!" I looked at him and saw that he had this adorable, playful smile. It was hard, but I managed to keep a straight face.
He must have seen how serious I was (or at least how serious I was pretending to be) so he wiped his smile off his face and tried to look serious, too. "I'm sorry." I could see that he was trying to suppress a giggle so I raised an eyebrow. "I'll behave starting now. I promise."
"Do that again and I will punch you in the face." I said as I put my head back on his shoulder.
Silence.
I sighed. I wanted to talk but didn't know where to start.
"Mitch, I love you. Just wanted to say that before anything else."
I literally felt my chest constrict when he said that. It sounded new to me. When we dated before, we only got as far as "I really like you" but never that 8-letter sentence. I think my chest hurt because of too much emotion. "I love you, too, Scott. But are we really doing this?"
I felt his hand hand stiffen at my side. "Have you changed your mind?"
How could he think that? I literally just told him that I loved him too, did I not? "No, of course not. But what's going to be different this time?"
He started to relax again. "Well, now I am sure that I love you. I already felt all these things before but I didn't know that it was love. The emotions were too much for me back then, and I was young. I got scared. Now I know that I love you. That's what's different."
It was reassuring to hear that. "When did you know?"
"That I loved you?" He seemed to think his answer through. "When Alex asked me to move in with him."
I was the reason they broke up? I didn't know how to feel about that. "Explain."
"It wasn't on that exact day. I mean, when he asked me to move in with him, the first thought I had was I was going to live with him and not you, and it didn't feel right to me. Then I thought about me telling you I was moving out, and it crushed me."
"Does Alex know?"
"Know what?"
"Why you said no?"
"I gave all sorts of excuses. It was too soon, I wasn't ready, etc. At the time I also believed my reasons. But I think Alex knew exactly why."
"Oh."
"I spent the next few months trying to figure out my feelings. The coffee runs kind of helped me. I missed walking with you to Starbucks, but I also loved seeing your smile when you thanked me for the coffee. And then I started doing all those sweet things. See how I'd feel about it, see how you'd react. I know that was selfish, experimenting like that. But I wanted to make sure of how I felt about you. Besides, I knew you'd analyze me. When you didn't do anything to stop me, that encouraged me to go on."
He's right. That was selfish. "So you knew I loved you, too?"
"I was hoping, but I wasn't sure."
"Now, are you sure?"
"Did you not mean it when you told me you loved me?"
I sensed the tension in his voice. "I did."
"Then I'm sure." Tension gone.
"But what about our friendship? We're taking a big risk, Scott." I hated myself for having so many doubts but it was the best time to lay it all out.
"I'm still your best friend. It's just that now, I'm also your boyfriend."
Boyfriend. I couldn't help but smile. I shifted in my seat and looked at him. "So we're best friends AND boyfriends?"
He also turned to face me. His smile was so wide. "We are."
"Making scomiche a real thing, huh?"
"Yes."
My heart was exploding and melting at the same time. "Thank you."
"For what?" His forehead wrinkled a bit.
"For getting over your fear."
"It was worth it, Mitch. You're worth it." His lips captured mine. Softly at first, though it didn't take long before it turned a little more passionate. My free hand traveled to his chest and I grabbed on to his shoulder as he slowly pushed me down the couch.
Then I felt the pizza getting squished. The very same pizza I put beside me before we started the talk. "Oh my god, eew."
"EEW?" Scott sounded offended.
"Not you! The pizza." I sat up."I better clean up."
"Oh." I got up but not before Scott planted another quick kiss on my lips. "Bad pizza!"
Talk about shitty moment spoiler.
I disappeared into my room. I was going to just change my top but I decided to take a shower. I didn't realize I spent almost an hour in there, alone with my thoughts. When I got out, I saw that the living room was all clean.
"Scott?" I called out.
"In here!" he yelled from his bedroom.
I walked over and opened the door, taking a peek inside. The room was dim, the only light coming from the bedside lamp. Scott was under the covers with his head sticking out.
"Get in here, Jennifer."
I traveled the short distance to his bed and then went under the covers with him. He was freshly showered. "You smell nice, Amanda."
"So do you. I bet you also taste nice."
If the room was brighter, Scott would've seen that my cheeks turned tomato red.
"Come closer."
I did until my face was an inch away from his and I could feel his warm breath against my cheeks. I expected the kiss that came next.
"Mmmm. Called it. You taste sweet."
"Do I? Maybe you got that wrong. Try again."
He obliged, lingering this time. "Spicy? Hot and spicy."
It was a fun game. "Are you sure?"
"Wait, last try."
And boy, did he try. Oh my god I am blushing just thinking about it. Let me put it this way: he EXPLORED my mouth with his tongue. Took his time exploring, too. That's the best description I can think of right now.
"Nope, you're sweet. Final answer." He said as he stifled a yawn.
"You've had a long day, Pumpkin. We both did. Go to sleep."
"I'm fiiiiiiine," he said, unable to suppress his yawn this time. His eyelids were starting to droop as well.
"Good night, Scottie. I love you."
"You'll stay here with me?"
I nodded.
"Okay. Good night, Mitchie. I love you, too." He gave me one last kiss on the lips.
In less than 5 minutes he was sleeping peacefully.
I, meanwhile, couldn't sleep. So many thoughts were running through my head.
I'm still scared. I don't think I'll ever be not scared. But I'm also excited. Happy. Relieved.
My chapter 2 with Scott is just starting, and heaven knows I will do anything to make it last this time around.