Title: Bluebells and Hanging Ropes
Author: MissLacybee
Reviewer: Marykhah77
Summary: 3.5/5
I actually think the summary was a very good hook. It captured your attention, but it still left you with questions—which is a good thing, in this case.
The only issues I have had to do with the stakes. As I read the summary, I understood what the conflict was, but I didn't know what would happen if he "failed". Also, I wish you mentioned the other characters. I feel like they were essential to the plot, so it would've been nice to know about them too.
If you mention the stakes and mention the other characters, I think you'll be good to go.
Grammar + Punctuation: 3.5/5
The grammar in your story is very well. There were a few typos throughout the story, but they were scarce, so I'll just point out a few so you know.
What to do with himself? -He did not know in the slightest.
I'm sure you didn't mean to put the hyphen in front of He, but if you did, then it should be:
What to do with himself? He did not know in the slightest.
Besides that, I did find actual punctuation mistakes.
When you write dialogue, it's important to know about verbal tags. These tags tell you how a characters says something. Here are some examples:
He whispered.
They cackled.
She said solemnly.
He said.
As I read through your story, I caught instances when you wrote dialogue incorrectly. Here are some I found:
"Nay, there is no need to do it now." replied Benjamin...
In this example, you made sure the first word was lower-case, but you didn't add a comma, which is needed for it to be correct. Here's the correct way:
"Nay, there is no need to do it now," replied Benjamin...
See that comma I added right before the closing quotation mark? You use them instead of periods whenever there is a verbal tag.
It was quite strange reading through, as I did find some places where you wrote dialogue correctly. However, the number of times you wrote it incorrectly was much more than correctly.
You seem to already know that you keep the question mark or exclamation point, so I won't go into that.
Throughout your story, you wrote earth a good number of times. If you are referring to the actual planet, then you need to capitalize it to make Earth. If you're referring to the ground or dirt (otherwise known as earth), then you're fine—I just thought to point it out.
You used colons and semi-colons correctly every time. The sentences flowed extremely easily. The paragraph weren't too long—they were just the right size to describe things.
Plot Development: 4/5
Can I just start off by saying that I adored the way you started off the story? It was new, refreshing, and very interesting. I also use letters in my story to start off, and I think the way you wrote them were so fun to read. Excellent job!
The plot starts off relatively soon; the letters themselves were from a war soldier, so we already got a glimpse into his life and the war. You also gave us a subplot, which you mentioned in the letter.
But I found that the story started to trail away from the war-aspect and toward the subplot if romance. It's all right to focus on the subplot sometimes, but it felt like you concentrated it too much.
Don't get me wrong; the romance is very angsty and suspenseful, and I grew to feel so sorry for a character, but if you're writing a historical fiction, that's your chance to give us information on the world. What's happening to the country? Why?
Historical fiction is one of my favorite genres, and most of the time, I read it to learn about the time. I might know what happened around the 19th century, but others might not. There's a war—but which? What was it referred to back then? Where in the world are the battles happening?
The romance in this story, though, is beautifully heartbreaking. The amount of times I just wanted to hug the poor guy was endless. The way you managed to write heartbreak was too good.
I know this because I teared up at one point. I won't say because I don't want to spoil it, but if you're interested in knowing what scene it was, just PM me and I'll rant about it to you.
All I can say is: what have you done to my heart?
Character Development: 4/5
I always have a soft-spot for too-good guys; you don't find enough of them on Wattpad. Can I be the first to call dibs on him? If he doesn't get anyone equally as good, I want him in my life.
That said, his emotions were truly saddening. The way he went on with his life was so realistic and so... mature of him. He refused to betray his friend, and he didn't try to steal the girl away. Benjamin has his flaws, and they are mentioned, but he's just too good for this world.
Myers is such a party person. He's not afraid to show that he's visibly bothered, unlike Benjamin.
Then why did I rate this a 4?
Easy answer: Molly.
She has beautiful blonde locks, piercing sapphire eyes, and flawless skin. She is so kind and caring. There seems to be no flaws to her. If I'm being completely truthful, she just seems so... perfect. She isn't; because her parents died. But even then, having a character with unnoticeable flaws can be very tiring for a reader. They'll try to find something wrong about the character, and it can drive their attention away from the story.
Don't get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with a beautiful, kind, and caring character. In fact, you'll be surprised by how hard it is to find just a simple character like that. As I read, I tried to find any flaws about her, and I can tell you now, it was hard.
And Frederick. Oh, Frederick. I'll talk about him in Characterization, though.
Other than that, I will say this again: I adore Benjamin. He is one of my favorite male characters, and I can tell you now, it's hard to get me attached so fast.
Characterisation: 4/5
The way you described the characters personalities were unique. You showed rather than told (which is a good thing to do, so keep it up).
I could easily tell the difference between Benjamin, Molly, and Myers. They all were so special and so different in their own ways. Myers is so bold, Molly is so soft, and Benjamin is so mysterious.
You're probably going to ask: "What about Frederick?"
That's just it; Frederick seemed too much like Benjamin (minus the part where Frederick is a soldier and Benjamin isn't). I couldn't bring myself to enjoy Frederick's character, and it felt like he's just a replica of Benjamin.
It might just be me, but I kind of despise him (in a good way, if that makes sense). And I think you know why (if you don't, I'll explain it to you if you PM me. I don't want to spoil anyone).
Just add a bit of variation between Frederick and Benjamin and you should be fine.
OVERALL SCORE: 19/25
This has one of the best male characters I've ever read about. The story is written uniquely and with so much emotion. I can't remember the last time I breezed past chapters.
Just fix the dialogue and edit the summary a bit, and you should be golden.
If you have any questions, please PM me at Marykhah77. Please leave feedback, and I'll try my best to answer you.