It's been a month since Danton showed me that bloody memory. A month since my desire of revenge got stronger and stronger, feed not only by what he did to me but also by what Danton showed and told me he did to other people.
I look at me in the mirrors, at my most recent wound. A thin but long red line in my forearm. It was made by a sword during the train. Dominic said it may leave a scar. I don't really care if it leaves one or not. It would be just one more to add to the amount of scares and bruises I won in this last month. One more prove of what I'm becoming: a warrior.
I make a little smile. I'm becoming a warrior. By now, I'm already an expert shooting guns, with the bow and arrow and throwing daggers - even if it is not a big deal since it is not the most difficult thing in the world, it's just necessary aim and some train. And I am already very decent fighting with daggers, one-hand swords and stakes. With some more train I'll become excellent. And then I will be good enough to kill Dominic, to do what Danton couldn't do.
Danton... I don't see him since he showed me his memories. He didn't return to the castle since then. It's not as if I miss him, he is scary with his lack of emotions, but... he knows the truth. He is the only person with who I could talk about it. About what I'm doing, what I'm becoming, what I want to become. And maybe, just maybe, he had the information I want. The information about the golden tattoos. What they are, what they mean.
I hear a slight creak. Other advantage of my train that also includes a sharpen of my senses with the objective of make life harder on someone who wants to surprise me. I know it is not Dominic. I made myself very clear the day after Danton showed me his memories: I don't want him inside my room anymore. I feel my body tenses and my hand immediately flies to the stake that I now have always with me.
The clickety-clacking of high-heels shoes on the marble floor, without any concern in muffle the sound makes me realise who entered in my room and sigh in relief. But even if I already know, my body just relax and my hand just leaves the stake when I listen her voice:
"Kiara, are you here?" That sweet, broken voice. My only friend in an entire castle.
"Where else would I be, Beckie?" I ask, getting out of the closet, with a small smile.
She visited me everyday, always bringing with her the phone she borrowed me but I never used it again. I m concerned with Emma and what happened with her but she's alive and that's the most important thing. Whatever happened did not end with her death and that's enough. I left her alone and if she's happy - and even if she was irritated when she spoke with me, I could say she was happy before, I could listen to the smile in her voice when she said hello the first time - nothing else is important.
She's wearing black leather pants, a red top with three silver strips - by now I already understood the strips have some meaning but I didn't find the courage to ask her the meaning yet - and red high-heels shoes. She blushes and I let my smile grows a little, to assure her that it was a joke. Even blushing, she is pale, fear shinning in her eyes. She's always like it whenever she visits me. And when I ask her why she mumbles one name - Katherine - or other - Dominic - and changes the subject. I respect her decision, I need to. I'll not oblige her to talk with me. She'll do it when she wants, if she wants. She twitches, uncomfortable under my gaze.
I look around, trying to make her more comfortable. She also looks around but not for too long. As always, her eyes rest on the stake stuck in my waist and her lips form a thin line while she closes her eyes. I wonder what would be her reaction if she saw the dagger inside my boot.
"Do... do you want to train?" She asks, her voice low and insecure. My eyes wide in surprise. Is that the reason because she always stared at my stake? She wanted to train? But she...
"You know how to fight?" I ask, incredulous. She seems so fragile, unable to even hold a weapon, let alone fight. "Who taught you?
"Not very well. Katherine wanted me able to protect myself if it was necessary and she taught me a little. Not really much because she wanted someone who knows to fight and not a warrior." She explains. "But I trained whenever I could to become better. I... I don't want to die, Kiara." The pain is now visible. Pain and disgust. "It was always my problem. I don't want to die. If I didn't care I would be able to try to scape. But I am afraid. I want... I want a life." Her eyes are watering.
I hug her. "It's not a bad thing to want to live, Rebecca. You deserve to live, to be free and able to explore the world. To see all the wonderful things that surround us and choose what you want to do." And you'll have it. I'll give you that. I don't say it but I know she understood by the way she hugs me tightly and whispers a thank you. "And I would love to train with you." I say. Her eyes meet mine, shinning with gratitude and happiness.
She grabs my hand, happy as a child, and leads me out of the bedroom and then for the near training room. We enter and close the door behind us. I shiver without reason, a strange feeling that's something wrong growing inside me. I try to shake the feeling but I can't. Never ignore your feelings. They're a part of you that will be always right. My eyes wide, in fear. This voice... The voice of my visions. I hadn't heard it since the day when I used the haladie. To be honest, I avoided the haladie since that day, fearing what could happen, what the visions mean, even if it could be the only way to find out about what Katherine and Dominic were talking about.
"Kiara, are you okay?" Beckie asks, concerned.
I shake my head again, clearing my thoughts. I want to ask her if she knows something about the tattoos, something about Dominic and Katherine's plan. But I can't. She hasn't the necklace with her. Dominic would hear her thoughts and know. And he can't know. He needs to think everything is okay. Or near it. I know he knows something is wrong since the moment I refused to let him enter again in my room and refused to tell him why. But he doesn't insist and I'll not explain, of course. "I am fine, don't worry. Let's fight?" I ask, raising a eyebrow.
"Of course." She answers, grabbing two short swords. I grab a one-hand sword. It's bigger than Rebecca's swords but not much bigger. It's a medium length sword, I think.
"3, 2, ..." Rebecca counts. I raise the sword, ready to attack when she says one. She swirls the swords in her hands, holding the hilts tightly. She is also ready. "1." She says and attacks, faster than what I expected. I almost don't have time to move my sword to a protective position before she reaches me, her strong attack making me step back.
She makes a series of attacks, obliging me to continue moving back while I defend them with difficulty, the sound of metal against metal resonating through the room. I feel the wall against me and Rebecca in front of me, ready to attack again, knowing I don't have more space, totally concentrated. But I know what to do. When she attacks again I duck and make her a shiv. She stumble, losing her balance and I spin away from her.
She hits the wall, using her hands to prevent the impact. Seeing an opportunity, I attack. But when she spins as quickly as she did I understand it was a trap. But I am too close to stop it now and her swords stop mine and pry it from my hand. It falls in the floor, the unpleasant sound of metal hitting the marble floor replacing the metal against metal sound. The absence of the sword weight in my hand makes me loose my balance and makes me fall forward. Rebecca grabs me and throws me against the wall. I hit it growling in pain and she comes close, putting the cold metal against my neck, the expression of joy on her face telling me she thinks she already won. But I am not finished yet. My legs are still free. I knee her and she groans in pain, her hands flying to her stomach by instinct, freeing me. I slip the dagger out of my boot, slightly annoyed. I don't like to use daggers as I use a sword. But for lack of a better weapon, the dagger will have to do.
Rebecca already recovered from the knee and is ready to my attack. I pretend to attack and when she moves her swords I use a trick that Dominic taught me and moving the dagger quickly I can pry one of her swords. She gasps surprised and I take advantage of it and pry the other sword. She hisses when she feels the metal against her neck, our positions suddenly inverted.
A smile spreads on my face. She has no weapon. I win! And then I see her grin and a warm hand grabs my wrist, spraining it. I cry out in pain while my hand, involuntarily, opens and lets the dagger fall. She leaves my throbbing wrist in a attempt to reach the dagger. Knowing I will not be able to grab it first, I shut it away, listening Rebecca growls, enraged.
She tries to run in its direction but I don't let her, grabbing her by her foot, ignoring the pain that spreads through my arm. She looses her balance but does not fall, using her foot to shove me, making me fall. She gets close and I grab this last opportunity. Literally. I grab her ankle and pull it. She screams while she falls, hitting the floor with a groan of pain.
We look at each other. Her hair is a mess - and I suppose that mine is not better - and her cheeks are red because of the fight. We are both panting, completely exhausted. Suddenly she laughs. She laughs! I'd never heard her laughter before. It's beautiful, a proof of completely happiness. The kind of laughter that makes everyone around her laugh too. As I do. Now we are both laughing as if we are crazy.
Still laughing, she gets up, visibly sore after the fight. She walks to the more distant wall. It's just now, lying there on the floor, my head resting on one of my arms, following Rebecca's steps that I realize Rebecca's barefoot. She puts her shoes again and grabs a small glass bottle with a blood red substance inside. It's equal to the one Dominic gave me in the first day I trained. He told me it was his blood and asked me to promise him I would drink it if I get seriously injured. I told him I would but didn't promise anything. I don't want his blood inside me, running through my veins. I don't want nothing from him.
But Rebecca drinks it without problems. More, she drinks it with a happy expression on her face, the desire for the vampiric blood shinning in her eyes. When she stops drinking she closes her eyes, savoring the last drop of blood. And then, slowly, the bruises, cuts and wounds she won during our fight start to heal.
When she opens her eyes again, she looks at me, expecting me to do the same. To drink vampiric blood. I feel my wrist throbbing as if reminding me of my pain. And then I understand, Rebecca fought as she did, carefree, hurting as much as she wanted, because she was expecting me to drink the blood after the fight. To heal, to be okay again. And now I need to drink it, I can't tell her I will not because if I do she will feel guilty. And I don't want it. I hiss in pain while I get up and start walking in her direction, waves of pain running thought my body, making me whine. Near her, there's the bottle Dominic gave me. I grab it and drink a little.
The sweet, delicious, smooth, cold flavour hits my tongue. I want more. More and more. I want the entire bottle. I drink more and more until Rebecca steel the bottle, the worry and determination in her gaze enough to make me realise I can't drink more. But the flavour... It's perfect. And now is running in my veins, making me feel alive. When it reaches my throbbing wrist, it starts burning, an intense and impossible to ignore pain. And then it stops, replaced by nothing. No pain, no throbbing. My wrist is fine again. The sensation of burning appears in many parts all over my body, moments later all of them replaced by nothing. Aches that I don't even know I had stop. My body is healed, ready to another fight, another round. I am perfect. As well - or even better - as I was before the train with Rebecca.
I look at her, grateful to have been obliged to drink. It was amazing. I'm incredible! Full of energy and without aches or pains.
"It tastes amazing." Rebecca says with a weak smile, in the tone of someone who knows about what is talking about. "It's the perfect poison. As perfect as the vampires are. You don't want to stop drinking. Even knowing it is dangerous, it do no good, you want more and more. Until the day when you will not be able to stop. Until the day when you will become addicted to their blood." She is remembering what happened with her. Her past, her story. How she became what she is. How she ends here, unable to run away, unable to fight.
"I am so sorry, Beckie." I whisper, putting my hand in her arm in a stupid attempt to give her some comfort. To tell her I am here with her if she needs me.
She shakes her head, the pain and sadness replaced by some kind of happiness. A weak reflection of the happiness she showed after our fight. The old one was complete happiness, formed by the joy she felt in the moment. This one is not a complete happiness, this one is formed by the attempt to remember that moment, the attempt to not make me worried with her. This one is stained by the awful memories of her past.
"Rebecca," I mumble, my hold on her arm tightening, "you're an amazing fighter. Better than what I expected from what you told me..."
"You too." She interrupts me, raising an eyebrow. "You started training a month ago and you're already that good? I had years of train, Kiara!" She exclaims, something like envy hidden in her voice.
I shrug, not bothered with what she says. I can be good but I am not good enough. My 'fight' with Rebecca ended in a draw. If I can't defeat a human how will I defeat a vampire? "Dominic says I have a natural talent to that. But that's not important, Beckie! You have incredible skills. More, you've incredible skills and no one knows about them. You could defeat Katherine, attacking when she didn't expect, and run away. Why don't you try?"
I hear the sound of something hitting the floor behind me and see Rebecca's face turns pale while her eyes wide in an expression of pure fear. Already knowing what I will find behind me but needing to be totally sure I turn. And now in front of me is who I expected to see: Katherine. She was all the time in the ceiling, watching our fight. And now she decided to let us know she is here, wearing a turquoise silk dress and four inches high-heels, obviously the perfect outfit to jump from the ceiling to the floor. How didn't she hurt herself? I roll my eyes. Vampires!
"Rebecca knows better than do what you suggested, little sunshine." Katherine says, in a sweet singing voice. But her icy stare is dangerous, almost enraged, threatening Rebecca.
"You're sick! How can you treat Rebecca as you do?" I shout, freeing the anger.
She laughs, amused by my lack of control. "It's not your business, sunshine. I can do whatever I want and you can't stop me." She raises an eyebrow, daring me. Daring me to disagree.
"No, you can't." I growl. "She's a person, deserves freedom and not be stuck with a horrible person like you!"
"Really?" She asks, her amusement growing. "And what'll you do about it?"
"Fight me. If I win you free Rebecca." I reply, regretting my words in the moment I say them, seeing the sick smile in Katherine's face growing. Rebecca gasps in disbelief.
"Katherine, please, Kiara is just..." Rebecca whispers, fear clear in her voice.
"Shut up, Rebecca. Don't make things worse for you." I listen Rebecca whining in fear. I want to look at her, try to reassure her, but I'll not be the one avoiding Katherine's gaze, the one breaking this eye contact between us that is like a game that any of us formally said we're playing. Smiling, Katherine says the word I wish she didn't say, "Deal."
A shiver runs through my spine and I try to prevent Katherine from seeing it. By her smirk I doubt I've been successful.
"Choose a weapon." I say, my voice firm and not shaking as I was expecting it to be.
My answer is a cold laughter. I frown, confused, and Katherine's enjoyment grows even more. "Ma chérie, I don't need a weapon to fight you." She explains. And then as if she was making me a big favour she adds, "But you can choose as many weapons as you want," she shrugs, "you can make yourself a walking armory if you want. I'll win anyways."
The rage hits me. Rage by her behavior, her fake indulgence, her mocking tone, her indifference, her cruelty. I grab my sword, put the dagger on its place inside my boot, make sure the stake is still stuck in my waist and grab a second sword.
"Ready?" She asks, her eyes analysing her turquoise fingernails as if they were more important than the fight she'll start.
"Ready." I declare. She smirks and then disappears. I look around and at the ceiling but I don't see here. Where's she?
I feel her high-heel shoe hitting my back and I fall on the floor, my nose breaking when I hit it, the blood splashing all over my face. I turn, removing the blood from my eyes. She is in front of me, still smirking. Getting up as fast as I can, I attack. She moves and I hit the air. She twists my arm, making me drop the sword, and then she dislocates my shoulder. I cry out in pain when she drops my now useless arm and whispers:
"Too slow!"
I use my other hand to grab a dagger and she sighs as if asking me why I don't give up. But I'll not give up. I'll not let her win without fight. She grabs my hand with an iron grip. I feel my hand bones breaking while her grip gets stronger. I scream, louder than I'd even screamed, the pain of a broken nose, a dislocated shoulder and broken hand bones mixing in one unbearable pain. I feel my vison blurs while I start to pass out. She throws me against a wall and I fall, unable to move, unable to fight more. Someone is screaming and crying. Probably Rebecca.
I listen the clickety-clacking of Katherine's shoes while she gets close but I can't see her. I can't see anything. The pain is too much. I feel her cold breathe in my ear when she says, "I told you once, little sunshine. Pick your fights." I feel something cold touching my blooded face and moments later Katherine's sweet voice again, "Your blood is delicious."
Your blood should be delicious. I fought this memory all this time, refusing to let myself think about it. About my weakness, my fear, the sensation of being helpless. And Katherine with just one sentence brought the memory back. I start trembling while the tears fall, the sensation of a cold hand between my thighs haunting me. Katherine laughs of my fear, enjoying my weakness.
I feel her breathe again while she whispers more words in my ear, "You made me a promise, Kiara." Her voice is still sweet, smooth. But I can hear the venom in it, making me shiver. "And you broke it. You are keeping Dominic away with no reason, destroying what he was finding again, destroying my Dominic. Making him becomes again what he was before you. I remember that day when he arrived at this castle, dragging you with him as if you were the most important person in the world. He was afraid, scared that something might happen with you." She pauses and I understand she is fighting against her emotions. "He cared, Kiara. For the first time in years and years, he cared. For you. And then you started keeping him away even if he was doing everything you asked him as if he was a servant. And he is losing what he was winning again. He is losing his capacity to care. Also because of you." I almost feel bad because of it. Almost. But Katherine will not fool me. I will not believe her. "Stop it, Kiara. Let him be close to you again and make him continue caring. Make him becomes my Dominic again. Because until this happen you'll be my enemy and as I told you once before, you don't want me as your enemy."
Her hand makes pressure in my shoulder and I scream in agony, my vision darkening. I listen an inhumane roar. And the pressure disappears. I try to clear my vision trying to see what's happening. I can only listen what seems to be the noise of a mortal fight.
"Kiara!" Rebecca's voice is so close to me. "Kiara! I am so sorry."
I try to smile but I am not sure if I was able to do more than just a grimace of pain. My voice is barely more than just a whisper. "It's not your fault, Beckie. At all. Don't blame yourself." It was my fault. I was arrogant and let my emotions control me. I believed I could win against Katherine. I was stupid.
My vision starts to clear a little and I can already see Rebecca's face, covered with tears and with scared eyes. I turn my head slightly, trying to ignore the pain in my shoulder. Katherine is against a wall, barefoot and with her dress partial destroyed. Dominic holds her by her neck, his face distorted in a frightening expression of pure rage. He is telling her something while Katherine tries to do not show her pain.
"Do... Dominic," I whisper. His eyes meet mine, completely black. Literally. There's no iris, no pupil, no white. Just black. His eyes are completely black. Or were. Slowly, while he stares at me, something changes. The black starts to disappear, giving space to the white until it is confined to the iris and pupil.
"Kiara..." He mumbles, his brow furrowed. He seems confused. Katherine struggles against his iron grip. He looks at her and I see his eyes getting dark again as if remembering what happened. I don't know what's happening, I don't know what the black eyes mean but it can't be good.
"Dominic, look at me, please." I ask, my voice hoarse because of the pain. He looks at me again, seeming delighted to listen my voice, a strange, animalistic smile spreading on his face. And then, again, the black starting to disappear while the smile fails. And this time, the black becomes confined to the pupils, his iris returning to the marvellous golden colour. "I... I need help." I breathe, finally letting my expression shows all the pain I am feeling.
Dominic immediately leaves Katherine - who falls on the floor, letting out a small squeal of pain mixed with relief - and gets close to me in seconds.
He examines me, worried, and then he grabs a dagger that was stuck in his waist, hidden by the black T-shirt. The dagger touches his wrist and cuts, creating a small red line.
"Dominic, no!" Katherine screams. I see her getting up and walking in our direction, faster than a human but not as faster as Dominic did. Dominic looks at her, a cold stare, with an eyebrow raised. She is finally near us and grabs Dominic wrist, staring at him with a serious expression. "She drank half bottle of your blood some minutes ago. And your blood right now is even more powerful than usually. Do you really want to give her more?" Even with my mind clouded with pain I can understand that there's something happen right now with Dominic. Your blood is even more powerful than usually. But I can't evolve this thought. I can't almost think at all. The pain is so much, so strong, so horrible.
"And what are you suggesting?" Dominic asks and his voice is even colder than his stare.
"I give her my blood." She simply says. I try to speak but the only thing that escapes from my lips is a cry of pain. I don't want her blood. I don't want nothing from her.
"And why would you do that? Regrets, Kat? We both know you don't have them..." Dominic replies.
Katherine sighs. "You're not the only person who is affected and you know it, Nick." Dominic's expression doesn't change, his cold glare still piercing her. "Look, I know you are mad. I know you don't believe me. And I know we will not solve that until we find Allocer and kick him out again. But believe me when I say that I don't want to see you losing your control again. And heal her is important if I want to make sure it doesn't happen."
"Find someone ridding a giant black horse shouldn't be that difficult..." Dominic mumbles to himself, finally freeing Katherine from his stare. Find what?! He sighs. "Okay." He says, giving to Katherine the dagger.
"Rebecca, get out." She calmly orders.
"No. I'll stay with Kiara." She firmly says.
"No, you'll get out now or face the consequences." Katherine replies, her eyes turning red.
Dominic runs a hand through his hair, sighing. "Rebecca, get out, please. It's for your own good." He says in a kind and calm voice, staring at her. "You know what happens when you see Katherine's blood. Do you really want to see it happening now, keeping Kiara in pain during more time?"
As if to comprove Dominic's point, a new wave of pain hits me, making me press my lips to prevent any sound. But somehow they still see my pain because Dominic repeats, this time a hint of desperation audible in his voice, "Rebecca, get out, please."
She looks at me as if apologizing and gets out. I listen to the door closing, leaving me completely alone with two vampires with thousands of secrets and a strange plan that includes me. And to make everything worst, I am in so much pain that I can't even move.
Katherine cuts herself and puts her wrist close to my mouth. "Drink." She demands. I want to refuse but I can't. The smell of her blood hits my nostrils, making me desire it more than any other thing in the world. For moments, even my pain evaporates. It's just me and her blood, running and falling on the floor, the white marble turning red. So I drink.
I drink and drink, her blood making me feel alive, feel powerful, full of energy. Even when a excruciating pain formers, I continue drinking. Even when I feel the bone in my nose being healed, I continue drinking. Even when I feel a cold hand touching my shoulder and pushing it to its right place, I continue drinking, the blood suffocating the scream of pain that wanted to get out. And even when I feel all the bones of my hand returning to their right places, healed by Katherine's blood, I continue drinking, her blood suffocating a new scream of pain.
"Enough." Dominic says and Katherine takes the wrist from my mouth. I savour my last drop of blood, desiring more.
But this time is not as when I drank Dominic's blood. I am still tired, the energy I felt when I was drinking replaced by the tiredness I was feeling before.
Dominic gently grabs me and without thinking I place my arms around his neck. God! I forgot how good it feels to be here, feeling safe and protected by him. But the feeling is just a illusion. I know it now. I can't trust him, I can't trust my heart. And I'll not.
"I can walk." I say. He looks at me, sadness - more than I'd ever seen before - appearing in his eyes.
"Tell me what's wrong. Tell me what I did." He begs. "Please. I can't be like that. Not knowing what I did. Why you're like that."
I look away. "I can walk." I repeat.
"Please." He tries again but I just shook my head, telling him to stop.
"I can walk." And he puts me on the floor, leaving his arms around me more time than what is necessary.
"I am sorry. For whatever I've done. If it made you feel like that, if it made you start acting like that, then I am sorry." I don't answer. I don't even look at him. I just walk to the door. I open it, planning to get out without even one more word. But I can't stop myself from looking back, to see Dominic and Katherine who are side by side, still where I left them, Dominic with the saddest expression I'd ever seen; Katherine without any emotions in her expression, just a deadly glare, a way to remember me of what she said before. Because until this happen you'll be my enemy and as I told you once before, you don't want me as your enemy.
"I wanted to, Dominic," I can't help but say, "but I can't believe what you said." I close the door behind me, listening something hitting the wall moments later. I wonder if it was Dominic's hand. But I do not care. I do not care at all. He is a liar and a killer. He killed my mother, my father and my little brother. He is using me in some sick plan of him. And he was playing with my emotions. But no more. He will not play with my emotions anymore. And I will not be a pawn in his game anymore.
I refuse to. I refuse to be a pawn when I can be a Queen. When I can control the entire game. I'll make him regret the moment when he decided to bring me to this game. And after that I'll kill him.
I enter in my room. A black rose lying on my bed. Danton was here. I look at it. Under it, there's a note.
Did you see his black eyes today? A small birthright, courtesy of our Father. If you ask to Dominic about them, will he tell you the true? Or just another lie? If you want, you've two days to find out. Ask him. Listen his answer. In two days you'll receive mine. Or just wait for my answer. Your choice as always.
I am tired of those secrets. I am tired of all of this. Why can't he tell me the true and end this mystery? Why make everything so complex? I am tired. To tired to think about it right now. Tomorrow I'll ask Dominic about his eyes even if I know I'll not receive a honest answer. But now I'll sleep. I am tired. Too tired.
I lie down on the bed, placing the note on my bedside table and the rose above it, and close my eyes. The last thing I see before I close them is the rose turning into ashes, destroying the note.