Trying to ignore the dark, scary thoughts, I wipe away the ashes, throwing them through the window. Dominic doesn't need to see them. And then I raise the old phone Danton gave me. What the hell did he mean?
Scared of what I might find out, my heart furiously beating inside my ribcage, I dial my aunt's number. My sweaty hands almost let the phone fall when I place it near my ear but I manage to hold it in place. I wait for what feels like hours only to be answered by the impersonal voice of the voicemail.
Sighing, I hang up. So, my aunt doesn't answer. I close my eyes for a moment, trying to remember Emma's number. I know I memorized it once as a challenge as Oliver said I wouldn't be able to memorize all the numbers in my phone list. But... it was a long time ago. I am not sure if I still remember it.
Hesitantly, I dial the number I think that's hers, unsure if the person who will answer my call will really be Emma or a old man that will tell me to go to hell. I hope that's the first.
"Hello? Who are you?" This voice! The phone almost falls in the floor with relief. Emma!
I feel the tears of happiness, happiness because I am hearing her voice, because she is alive and sounds well. She is okay.
"Hello?! Is anyone there?" She is starting to sound angry. And still I don't care. It is still her voice, it is still my friend. "Is this a prank or are you just stupid?"
I laugh. Just Emma to insult someone that might be a stranger. "Emma," I finally manage to say, all the relief I am feeling clear in my voice. "You are fine!"
"Of course I am fine! What did you expect?! To be talking with a dead body? Now can you please tell me who in the hell you are before I hung up?"
Can you tell me who in the hell you are? No, no, no. Why isn't she recognizing me? "Emma, it's me. Kiara."
"Kiara?" she asks and for a moment I think she is finally recognizing me. "That name should mean anything to me?"
I stumble back, not knowing what to say, what to think. "Emma, I am your best friend!"
"Right. Look, I know today is Saturday and all, but being drunk at 3 PM is surely not good to your health, sweetie. I don't know any Kiara and I was having quite a nice evening. So goodbye."
"Wait!" I scream. She says nothing but she doesn't hung up either. "Do you really don't remember me, Em?"
She growls, clearly frustrated. "Why would I remember anyone I had never seen, do you care to explain me? Look, if you are not drunk then you called to the wrong person. Check the number and try again. I am not your Emma."
"Make an effort, Em, please," I whisper, tears now freely running down my face. "I swear you are the right person. I am Kiara. Your friend. We have been best friends since we were children. We know literally everything about each other. Emma, please!"
There's a strange noise in the other side as if someone had grabbed the phone. "Hello?" My heart skips a beat, fear invading my veins, when I hear this voice. Oliver's voice. "Hello?"
"Hi. Oliver. It's... it's me. Kiara."
He mumbles something, the only audible word being prank, and then he says, "Look, we don't know who you are but Em and I were having a really nice evening before you call. So make everyone a favour and go bother anyone else. Thank you." And he hangs up.
I stare at the phone, utterly shocked and confused. What did Dominic do? Why can't Emma remember me? Why was she with Oliver? Really nice evening. It can't be what I am thinking, can it? She would never do that, she wound never date Oliver after what he did.
It can't be true, it can't be. They were just joking. But why would they be together? I am not your Emma. No, she isn't. She is someone else, someone I don't know. Dominic destroyed my Emma. Why?
Dominic destroyed my Emma. The shock and confusion start being replaced by a way more dangerous emotion. Anger. Who gave Dominic the right to destroy my Emma, my best friend?!
I enter in the closet, not sure about what I am doing, and hide the phone under the tones of bras that are in one of the shelves, pushing the mirror back to its place after that.
I look at my reflection, at my red eyes of crying and messed hair of all the times I've unconsciously run my hands through it. At my clenched jaw and lips forming a thin line because of the fury I am feeling.
And then I take a deep breath. Put my hair in place again. Oblige myself to relax. Quickly walk to the bathroom and wash my face, trying to hide the redness of my eyes. Dominic has one more question awaiting him when he returns. And if I don't like the question if he lies again, then I know there's no more excuses, no more explanations I can find. I'll be obliged to face what Danton claims that's already true but that I refused to accept - that Dominic lied because he choose to, because he is not who I thought he was.
I clean my face with a towel and walk out of the bathroom. I walk towards the desk and grab my mother's book, completely ignoring the letter near it, and then lie on my bed.
Opening my book, I force myself to start reading it. Pretend that's everything okay. Dominic can't suspect of anything.
Minutes later, someone knocks at the door. I look at it and then again at the book in front of me, realizing I've spent those minutes blankly looking at the page I was supposed to be reading, unable to understand what was written there.
"Dominic?" I ask, knowing that he is surely the one in the other side of the door.
He enters as soon as he hears my voice, smiling at me while he closes the door. "Hi. Sorry to interrupt your reading," he says, mentioning the book.
I shrug, placing the book on the bedside table. "No problem. I wasn't reading anyways."
"You weren't?" he asks, raising an eyebrow while he walks towards me. "What were you doing then?"
"Thinking," I answer, moving to the side to give him space near me in the bed, even if everything I want is to throw him to the floor. Or through a window. Maybe the last would be a better choice.
"About what?" he lazily asks, grabbing one lock of my hair while his shoes fall on the floor with a thud.
I move my head both to have a better look of his face and to free my hair from his touch. "A question I hadn't time to make you."
"You have time now. I understand that you had a lot to think about before. I should have told you things earlier instead of waiting for you to ask," he says, "but I was afraid of seeing your reaction, of seeing you look at me with disgust or worst. I couldn't bear the idea of losing you because of things I did in the past."
I bite my lip. Maybe he hadn't done anything wrong. Maybe there's a good explanation and he will easily give me that explanation. I am not your Emma.
I stare at him, at his golden eyes that seem so honest, at his face I got so used to see, at the person I love and that I hope that loves me back. And I know I will not be able to forgive him if he destroyed my Emma, if he took her away from me forever. Because I need her. I need my best friend. "What did you do?" I ask, my voice sounding more angry than I wanted.
He seems taken aback by my voice tone, looking at me clearly surprised. And confused. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," I explain, trying to soften my voice tone, "what did you do to my aunt and Emma? To prevent them from worrying too much with me."
He looks away for a moment, his eyes darkened, a serious expression on his face. "Please give me an opportunity to explain," he asks, sorrowful.
And everything I want is to strangle him, to hit him, to scream. Because nothing good can come after those words. But I control myself, I hide my rage, my fear, my feelings. "Explain what?" I ask, scaring myself. I sound like Katherine, cold and empty. What is happening to me?
He sighs, sitting up on the bed. I do the same and for a moment we stay like that, staring at each other. And then he shakes his head as if clearing his ideas. "Remember when I said I could edit memories?" I nod. "That's what I did. I edited everyone's memories, banished you from their minds. For them, all of them, you have never existed."
"How could you do that?" I ask, my voice trembling due to the fury I ma feeling. "My aunt is alone! If I don't exist my aunt lost everyone she had, her whole family! And Emma! I was her best friend, how could you erase me from all the memories we shared, from all the moments we had together? How could you destroy a friendship like that?"
"Your aunt is not alone, Kiara. She had a lover, even if she hadn't told you about him. A sweet guy that will take care of her."
"Lover and family are not the same thing, Dominic. Don't pretend they are."
"They were planning on getting married before what happened, before your parents and your brother have died. They do love each other. They will become a family. And Emma has a best friend. I didn't delete you from her memories, I replaced you with Amber."
I close my eyes, fighting tears that are threatening to fall. My aunt. Married. Not knowing that I exist, all her family gone, but having the opportunity of creating a family to herself with a man I'll never know. And Emma, our shared memories gone forever, my person replaced with Amber. For some reason that's what hurts the most. Being replaced as if I mean nothing, years of friendship becoming dust under Dominic's control.
"I can make everything return to what it was, Kiara."
"What?" I ask, opening my eyes. What does he mean?
"When I find a way of making you go back to your old life, when I find a way of giving back to you the life I stole, I can make everything return to the normal. I can make their memories include you again. You'll become Emma's best friend again, your aunt's alive niece again. You'll have your life back, with everything it had before you come here. I just did what I did because you didn't want them to be worried with you. And I thought that give them a life, a real life where you didn't exist, was the easiest way of doing so."
"I didn't lose them forever?" I whisper, hope starting to flourish in my heart.
"No, Kiara, of course not. I would never stole the ones you love from you." He grabs my hand. "I promise you, Kiara, I promise you that I'll find a way of giving your old life back, of making you happy again. And in that day, in the day I take you back to your old life, they will all be awaiting you, their memories back. And you'll be at home again. Surrounded by the ones you love. I promise."
I smile, hugging him. I want nothing else. Just to know the ones I love are safe and not worried with me. And he gave me that. He offered me the best way of do not make them worried. And now is offering me a promise, the hope that one day I'll be back, near the ones I love again.
"Will you be part of those surrounding me? One of those I love?"
He kisses my forehead. "I'll never leave you, Kiara, unless you want me to leave. I am yours, all yours. There's no one else I want."
I nod, unable to find the words to thank him for everything he did. For becoming my friend, support me, care for me and help me. For being with me now that I've no one else. But more than that I can't find the words because the guilty is consuming me.
I let a completely stranger control me, I let him tell me what I should think, what I should feel. I let him make me doubt Dominic when Dominic did nothing to deserve that. Now, there are no doubts anymore. Dominic wouldn't lie about his brother and then tell me the truth about this. He just doesn't know his brother is alive. And that brother tried to destroy what I have with Dominic. Why?
I look at him. He needs to know about Danton. "Dominic, I —"
He stops me with a kiss, a soft, sweet kiss that leaves me wanting more. Much more. "Is it another question?" his voice, barely more than a whisper while his golden eyes are fixed on mine, observing every single inch of my face, full of desire.
"No, but I need to —"
He kisses me again, a longer kiss than the last but still too short. I want him to kiss me until I lose my capacity to breath, until I can't think about anything else. I want his lips on mine, his tongue exploring my mouth. I want to bury my hands on his smooth hair, feeling his on my body. I want him.
"It doesn't matter, then," he says, but I can't even remember about what we were talking about.
It doesn't matter. I kiss him, letting him cup my face and deepen the kiss. I bury my hands on his smooth hair, enjoying its softness and let him make me lie down on the bed. I feel his hand, touching the bare skin under my sweater, and I shiver in pleasure. He grabs one of my breasts and I moan, the moan muffled by his lips against mine.
Suddenly the clothes feel like a barrier, something that shouldn't be there. He must have had the same thought because his lips leave mine and he helps me taking off the sweater. And then start trailing a path of kisses down my throat until my breast, catching the nipple with his mouth and starting to suck it. I moan again, aching my back, no lips on mine to muffle it this time.
His hands take off my jeans and then my pants and then suddenly, there's no clothes covering me. His hand moves between my tights, finding that sweet spot, and I moan again, louder this time, throwing my head back, the sensations of having his mouth in my nipple and his hand touching my sweet spot giving me a pleasure that I didn't believe that was possible to feel.
You smell divinely, little thing. I will enjoy tasting you. But first I want your body.
I grab Dominic's wrist out of reflex and he looks at me, his mouth leaving my breast, worried. "Kiara?"
"I... I can't," I whisper, hating myself. Hating myself because I am letting that monster stops me from doing what I want, I am letting the fear control me.
"Ethan," he states, his voice low and angry.
"I am so sorry," I say, nodding.
"No." I observe him, surprised. No? "Don't ever apologize for what happened. It is not your fault, it will never be. I should be the one apologizing. I should have known you couldn't... I am sorry."
"It's okay," I say, caressing his face, wanting nothing but make the sad expression vanish. "I... I also wanted it but..." But I can't.
"I understand. There's no rush. In fact, there's no need of doing anything." He gets up, carefully, his eyes fixed on my face. "Wait a second."
He moves. And literally seconds later, he is back with a pyjama. He hands me it and turns around, giving me the privacy I need to wear it.
"Done," I whisper moments later and he turns to me again.
"Beautiful," he replies, winking at me.
I giggle, pushing him towards the bed. But he doesn't move, eyeing me, worried. "Are you sure it will not bother you to sleep with me in your bed?"
I raise an eyebrow, trying to pretend the fear the memory that destroyed what we were having brought is gone. That I am fine. "You were sitting on bed almost all day. I think that having you there will not be a problem."
Considering his expression, I highly doubt I was successful. "Kiara, seriously. I can protect you outside."
I shake my head. "You can protect me from real threats but and from the ones my mind creates? How can you protect me from those being outside?"
"I can't protect you from those, no matter where I am."
"No. But you can be here when I wake up. You can embrace me and make me forget my fear. You are quite good doing that. But only if you want, of course."
He finally stops resisting, letting me lead him towards the bed. "I would do anything for you, Kiara."
We lie down on the bed, near each other, and Dominic covers us with the sheets. I lean my head on his chest, feeling his arms around me.
"I would do anything for you too, Dominic," I whisper, even if I don't know what could I ever do to help him.
He doesn't answer, holding me tightly. "You've already saved me from myself. You need to do nothing else."
I want to answer him but a tiredness I didn't know I am feeling, something resulting from the stressful, confused day I had, stops me from doing so, obliging my eyes to close, my mouth to stay shut.
So I just try to get even closer even if that's impossible and grab one of his hands, intertwining my fingers with his. I should be scared, so scared after what happened last night. But he is here. Dominic is here. And as long as that's true, I am safe.
§§§
Red. Red everywhere. Red as blood. No. Not red as blood. It is blood. Red. And I am suffocating in this blood. My blood.
I can see a silhouette. Someone to help me. I try to scream for help. But I make no sound. But I taste the blood. I feel its metallic taste. Blood. Blood around me. Suffocating me. My own blood. And I can't scream for help.
Now I can see the silhouette. Dominic. Or Danton. He seems red because of the blood. I can't see any other colour. Just red. As my blood. He is staring at me, lust and hungry in his eyes. But not for me. For my blood. I try to see better. And now I can see his eyes colour. Everything else is red. But I can clearly see his eyes colour.
I want him to get away. Away from here. Any other person. He will not help me. He wants me dead so he can drink my blood without problem. And I will not last long. I'm suffocating in this red blood. My own blood.
I try to fight it but I can't. I can't fight anymore. I'm too tired to fight more. The strength leaves me. And I stop fighting. He gets close to me. Lust and hungry in those eyes. Not for me. But for my blood. My red blood which is suffocating me.
He makes a smile, sharp and dangerous. As him. His fangs completely visible. Two natural weapons. The smile of a predator when it finds its prey. And I am his prey.
I feel his fangs in my neck, drinking my blood. The blood which was suffocating me. The red starts to disappear from my vision. I can see better. Less red. It disappears while my blood is drunk.
He drinks all my blood. Until the last drop. Making me stare at his eyes while he does it. Making me stare at his golden eyes.
"You shouldn't trust a vampire. And definitely not Dominic."
"Kiara! Wake up, please!"
I wake up, screaming, feeling the hot tears running down my cheeks. The nightmare. So much blood. And Dominic. And my body without blood. And this voice.
"Kiara! Kiara! Shhh. It's everything okay. It was just a nightmare," Dominic whispers, his strong arms around me.
I push him away. Space. I need space. I feel my body trembling while I push my knees to my chest and put my arms around them. This nightmare was horrible, worst than any other I had before. The red of the blood. My blood even if I don't know how I knew it. The dream doesn't make sense. How could I be seeing something inside me? And be suffocated by it as if it was water. It does not make sense. But still scares me. The blood. Dominic looking so much as a predator. The mysterious voice, sweet as honey.
"Shhh, forget it. You need to keep calm."
You shouldn't trust a vampire. And definitely not Dominic. I look at him, at his golden eyes visible even in the darkness of the room. No. I let no one makes me doubt him again. And definitely not a nightmare. No matter how scary it was.
I get close to him again. He places an hand on my forehead, its coldness against my burning skin feeling like a blessing. "You are safe, Kiara. I am here to make sure you are."
I want to tell him that I know, I want to tell him that I trust him. But I can't. The words die before escaping my lips, suffocated by my tears, by my fear, by my confusion.
"Focus on my breathe. Do you hear it? You need to focus on it," his words so soft, so sweet. Preventing me from drowning in the middle of the ocean of fear where I am.
And I let them be my anchor. I rest my head on his chest, feeling it move as he breath. In and out. Up and down.
I close my eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Dominic is rubbing my back and whispering something in my ear, something I can't understand, but that relaxes me. He is here, I am protected. Breathe in. Breathe out. It was just a nightmare, a meaningless nightmare, provoked by my own mind just like any other. Breathe in. Breathe out. My heartbeat slows down, my breathing becoming more regular as well. Breathe in. Breathe out. I am safe.
I am safe. Dominic is here. I am safe. Breathe in. Breathe out. I can sleep. No monster will catch me tonight. Dominic is here.
"Thank you," I try to say. But I'm not sure if I say it loud.