Connors POV chapter now, it was a little harder to write, Murphy just comes easier for some reason.
I hope you enjoy it.
All the feels.
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It had been two days since Murphy had told Lila he loved her and she said it back, and Connor noticed the world hadn't actually fucking ended. Things didn't dramatically change or get weird. The only difference was Murphy being able to openly admit how he felt, whispering it to her a hundred times a day, making her giggle and blush like a kid that got exactly what they asked for on Christmas day. Connor still hadn't told her, but he was getting the deep urge to do so. Seeing Murphy tell her, seeing how happy it made her, it inspired him. He wanted to tell her because of Murphy, not in a competitive way, but because he had seen that he had done it, and it didn't make blood rain from the sky or the world set ablaze, it just made them really fucking happy.
She had always said she cared equally about them, she would never play favorites, and in telling Murphy she loved him, Connor knew it applied to him too. So it wasn't like he was scared she wouldn't return the sentiment anymore, because she obviously did. He was just guarded. He wasn't used to this, feeling things this intense, feeling love at all for someone other than his brother, and it was hard for him to know what to do with those feelings. He wasn't surprised his brother had just told her, no plans, nothing fancy, just the words. It was Murphy all over. And Connor was the one to push him to do so after all. He knew his brother would feel better once those words left his lips. As the days had gone on, he had seen how his brother looked ready to crawl out of his skin when he was around her, wanting so badly to tell her but being too scared. Connor was glad he gave him that push, because now his brother was free from that burden and so fucking happy it made his heart clench.
He wanted to tell her, and he would, but he wanted to plan it out. He wanted to do it in a way where he could show her too, he was never good with words. It wasn't that he wanted to outdo his brother, it wasn't like that at all and he would never dream of it. Lila knew how different they were. Murphy felt so deeply, and words just fell from his lips, he was always better with words. When Murphy spoke, he fucking meant it and it was hard for you not to take notice. Connor was more of a doer, to show her as well as tell her because deep down, he felt like the weight of his words wasn't enough.
That was why he enlisted the help of his emotional counterpart for his plan. Connor wasn't romantic in the slightest. He had never taken a girl on a date, he didn't get them gifts, he was clueless. Murphy, on the other hand, was very sentimental. He'd never cared for lass before, so it wasn't like he was more experienced than Connor, but with Murphy being so soppy, he would be better at knowing what to do. Murphy used to pick flowers from the neighbours garden and give them to their Ma when he was a young child. It would always make her smile and she'd put them in a vase on the table, and when they died, Murphy would cry. Connor never really understood why the flowers dying upset his brother so much, but Murphy would always go and pick more to replace them. That was the kind of sentimental person he was, and Connor just wasn't like that. He was a little more sentimental when it came to his brother and now Lila, but with something like this, he didn't even know where to start.
They couldn't execute his plan for another couple of hours though, and he was on edge with waiting. He was usually patient, Murphy was the one who had trouble waiting, but this was something new to him and he just wanted it over with. It didn't help that Murphy was so fucking excited about the whole thing that Connor could feel it. He knew Murphy was just excited for Connor to come out with it, so then it was all finally done and out there, completing the circle as it were. He was grateful when Murphy ended up falling asleep, head on Lilas' tummy as they just chilled on the bed talking and cuddling like they always did. Connor could finally get some semblance of peace from his twin's excited energy.
Connor and Lila decided to leave Murphy to sleep, he always looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, not like the hellraiser he really was. So Connor helped to ease Murphy off the lass and then they went to the sofa to watch some tv. He loved how no matter what they were doing, he just really fucking enjoyed her company. Being around her made him feel so happy, so fucking relaxed, he always wanted to be by her side. He just didn't show it like his brother did, the way Murphy followed her around like a puppy after a fucking treat. Connor had far more pride than his needy other half.
They were watching some old soap opera, laughing and commenting on every fucking thing that was wrong with the God awful show. She was sat in his lap sideways and he was stroking the nape of her neck, he was pretty sure he could hear her purring.
"Can I ask you something?" She asked suddenly, taking him off guard. He looked down at her and she was looking up with her beautiful blue eyes. He felt nervous all of a sudden, like she was going to ask him something he wouldn't want to answer and he swallowed thickly.
"Aye lass, what is it?" He asked carefully, looking wary almost. He watched as she raked her teeth over her bottom lip, she seemed nervous to ask whatever she was about to ask, he could feel it, and that only served to make him nervous.
"Will you help teach me how to block my thoughts?" She asked quietly, blinking up at him. She looked like she half expected him to shout at her.
He was confused, of course he was, and a tad offended that she would want to block her thoughts. But being the rational twin, he thought about it, and he knew that she had the right to keep her own shit private. The boys had blocked her on occasion too, because some things were too personal, or they just weren't ready to share something with her, so of course she would feel the same. The connection was deep and profound, but it didn't mean they had to share every little thought with each other. Even the twins didn't do that. They didn't so much block each other that much, but they had become so accustomed to their telepathy, they could just tune it out, turning the volume down almost. Lila was new to this, a babe in the world of their weird twin connection, and he felt a little ashamed of himself that he hadn't just offered to teach her how to do it. He felt irresponsible that he and his brother hadn't even shown her much of anything, like they had given her the gift and then fucked off to let her figure it out herself.
"O' course sweetheart." He smiled down at her, she graced him with a beautiful smile in return. It always made his stomach feel weird when she did. Like there was a flock of birds inside of it fighting to get out and take flight.
"I was gonna ask Murphy but..." She looked down, blushing a little and Connor tilted his head as he looked at her.
"But ye know he'd pitch a fit that ye'd want te block us out." He stated, amusement colouring his words, not even asking because he knew that's what she thought, he knew because he knew his brother and it was very true. Murphy wouldn't rationalise it the way Connor did, he would just instantly be offended and upset. He wouldn't think about the fact she deserved fucking privacy in her own head, even though the darker twin had been the one to say the whole thing was invasive in the first place. But now things were different, Murphy had told her he loved her and she returned it, he knew Murphy would take some serious offense at the mere suggestion.
Lila nodded up at him, her cheeks crimson, and he knew she felt bad because he could feel it off her. He just smiled, stroking her neck soothingly, much like he usually did to his brother when he was upset, just far more gentler.
"Ye've got no need te feel bad lass, ye know yer right. Murph doesn't really think about things, he just feels. But I get it, and o' course I'll show ye, should o' shown ye in the first place." He said softly, pressing a sweet kiss to her head. She beamed a smile at him, looking like she felt better already. He tapped her leg, signaling for her to move and she did. They sat facing each other on the couch. He was a little nervous, he wasn't good at explaining things like his brother, showing her would be easy but he'd still have to explain it first so she really understood.
He took her soft hands in his own, stroking them as he looked at her, his brain in overdrive as he tried to figure out the best way to explain it to her.
"So ye know how te push yer emotions onte us aye? Ye've done it before." He said quietly, looking at her carefully. He knew the answer yet it still seemed like a question. She nodded as she looked up at him, squeezing his hands.
"Yeah, I'm still learning and stuff, but I can do it when I really concentrate hard on it." She replied, looking so serious it made Connor grin. Like she was in school learning something super fucking important. And it seemed he was the teacher, that led to some interesting thoughts. Lila snorted and swatted his arm, giving him a playful glare. Connor barked a laugh, it seemed the lass was getting better at hearing their thoughts, though he doubted she did it on purpose. The boys weren't really used to blocking them out, they didn't need to with each other, so they only really thought about blocking the lass if it was something intense.
"Aye, sorry lass, ye can't blame me...So, I'll try te explain it the best way I can, and then ye can practice on me. Sound good?" He smiled at her, making her grin and nod. He licked his lower lip and took a breath.
"So te block things out, ye gotta think o' a wall as such. Like a barrier. It's hard te explain, me and Murphy just do it if we need te, we've done it since bein' wee babes so, I'm not quite sure how te...explain it te ye so ye can grasp it." He muttered, pursing his lips as he thought of a way to teach her something he just knew how to do without being taught.
"How do ye push out yer feelin's, how is it ye do that? WIll ye explain it te me sweetheart?" He asked carefully. If he knew how she managed to figure that out, it might help him know where to go with this. She nodded and sat up a little straighter, looking like she was bracing herself.
"Umm...well it's like...I just see it in my mind? Does that make sense? Like I feel it, and I have to close my eyes to really think about it, but I focus on how I feel, and I kinda like, push it, ya know? I picture it like a bubble, and I'm like, making the bubble grow? I sound ridiculous." She snorted, looking down at their hands.
Connor frowned, he didn't like it when she took the piss out of herself, although he knew just how hard it was to try and vocalise what the fuck this was with them. It was one thing understanding it in your head, it was another to try and put it into words.
"Doesn't sound ridiculous Lila, it makes sense. Me and Murph don't have te do that because we've just always been able te, but yer new to this. We've both been pretty impressed with how ye've been pickin' it up so quick." He said firmly, making her look at him with a smile as her cheeks flushed. She looked so damn proud her herself from his compliment, he resisted the urge to just grab her and kiss her until she couldn't breathe.
"So, ye visualize it? That seems te help ye with the focus. So maybe, if ye visualise a wall? Like a barrier aye? Think o' putting the barrier up, like the bubble ye mentioned, only this time, the intent isn't te push out so we can feel, it's te keep us out." He suggested, shifting in his seat a little.
"Okay, I can try that." She smiled, she seemed nervous though and he brought her hand up to kiss it before letting it go.
"I'll not touch ye at first, it's harder to block with physical contact, we can take it one step at a time. Let's have a go aye? Think o' the wall, and when yer ready, think o' somethin' and I'll tell ye if I can hear it or not. Might take a few tries for ye te get it, since I've been doin' it longer." He grinned at her. She nodded, inhaling deeply as she shuffled back from him ever so slightly, just to make some more distance between them. She closed her eyes and Connor watched her intently, she was breathing slowly and her brow was furrowed in concentration, it was fucking adorable. He was waiting, tuned in to her and waiting to feel the barrier like he usually could with Murphy, or if he could hear her thoughts.
He could feel a slight block, but he knew before she did that it wouldn't be enough. It would easily be able to be broken. But with practice, she would get better. He didn't say anything to her, waiting to hear what he knew he would definitely be able to hear, knowing the barrier wasn't strong enough.
'I think it's cute when Murphy talks in his sleep.'
He barked a laugh at her thoughts, she was too fucking adorable for her own good but he knew damn well what she was talking about, his brother never shut up, even when he was asleep it seemed. Lila opened her eyes, squinting and huffing at him looking so disappointed. He reached out and squeezed her leg.
"Hey now, none o' that aye? I told ye it would take a few goes. I felt the wall, but it wasn't enough, it was weak. I could hear ye, but it wasn't as strong, ye sounded further away. Try again." He demanded firmly. She was pouting at him, but she closed her eyes to comply once more. Connor noticed she always did as he told her too, unless she was mad at him or his brother for some reason. It gave him a rush of primal satisfaction that she submitted to him every time.
'I think Murphy is the oldest brother.'
He blanched, so fucking offended and when she opened her eyes she laughed loudly at his face.
"Ye wee cheeky lass, I'll have ye for that one! Ye know it's not true, I know ye think it's me." He snorted, shooting her a playful scowl. She blushed and smiled, looking down and he knew he had her there, she did think he was the oldest, but unfortunately for him, he knew it was nothing to with the size of their cocks.
"Try again, concentrate harder mo stór (my darling), I know ye have it in ye." He said confidently, patting her knee before removing his hand once more. She heaved a sigh but nodded, he knew this was hard. He couldn't imagine having to learn all of this now, he was lucky enough to just be able to do it second nature. She had her eyes closed, breathing steady, and he tried to reach out to her again, but this time he couldn't. He kept trying, testing the barrier so to speak, but it didn't budge. He smiled to himself, feeling pleased and proud of her.
After a minute she peaked at him, he knew he had not reacted to whatever she had thought and he was actually curious about what she might have said this time. He was grinning at her, not able to hide his pride as he just looked at her like she was a glass of ice cold water on a hot day.
"You didn't hear me?" She asked hesitantly, a small smile creeping its way onto her face.
"No lass, although I can't lie, I'm fuckin' curious te know what it was." He smirked at her, making her laugh. She pretended to zip her lips and Connor shook his head snorting at her.
A few hours passed and it was now go time for his plan. He was regretting the whole thing though as he stood there on the roof alone. As part of his plan, it meant the twins had to separate in order to get Lila out of the fucking loft for a bit so Connor could get set up. He was on edge as he paced, checking everything over. It all looked so...fucking romantic, he almost gagged to himself. This wasn't him at all, yet he knew this was what he needed to do to show her, not just tell her, he wanted it to be special. People didn't really come up to the roof anymore, although they used to at one point. That's why there were a table and chairs, looking like garden furniture that looked so out of place there on the roof. There were also pots of plants scattered around looking like they'd seen better days. It was 6 now, the sun was starting to set and it made the whole thing feel even more romantic.
The take out was set out on the table, a few tealight candles in the middle of it. There were even some fairy lights twisted around one of the long planters, blinking at him softly. Murphy had thought of all of this, of course he fucking did. Connor wouldn't know how to set up something like this even if it smacked him in the face. And it seemed that despite his brother never being in this situation before, he had clearly thought about it. He'd even suggested bringing a blanket incase Lila got cold.
~
"-and ye should get some o' those twinkly lights, ye know, like the Christmas ones? But not the colourful ones, the plain ones." Murphy suggested as they stood side by side at work, putting the meat cuts in boxes.
"Ye mean fairy lights?" Connor asked, looking at his twin for a moment, his face all serious. He was just glad Murphy wasn't ribbing him for all of this, if anything he seemed in his element. Murphy looked at his brother incredulously before he snorted a laugh.
"Aye fairy lights. Ye sure ye need me help brother? Ye seem te know what yer talkin' about." Murphy laughed, Connor knew the teasing would have come along eventually.
"Fuck you! I know shit, alright?" He huffed, stuffing the meat in the box. Murphy just laughed louder.
"Mhm, alright. But ye should also take a blanket out for her, it's gettin' colder now and ye don't want her gettin' cold when we're up there." He said softly, becoming serious. Connor smiled to himself, it was cute to see his brother looking out for their girl.
~
He was anxious, he kept reaching out to his brother, but he'd have to stop to really think about it since he wasn't there with him. He imagined this was how Lila had been feeling when she was learning all of this. From what he had felt from Murphy, his twin was also anxious to be separated but was also delighted at having some time with their girl. He had taken her shopping, saying they needed booze. Lila had been suspicious from the get-go when Connor had told her he was going to stay behind because he felt under the weather. The longer he waited for them, the more anxious he got, and he was pacing around wondering if he should not tell her at all. Maybe he could just avoid it? His brother would never let him, he knew that, and Lila would only be confused why he had arranged all of this in the first place. He looked off over the building, may he could just jump off and not have to face his responsibilities. He snorted to himself, since when was he turning into Murphy?
He was broken out of his thoughts when the door to the roof opened. Murphy came out first and Connor watched as his twin's eyes scanned the place, eyebrows raised as he looked impressed and he grinned at him. Of course, he was all too pleased with himself, it had all been his idea in the first place. Lila came out from behind Murphy and she stopped dead when she looked around, she looked shocked and Connor bit his lower lip nervously as he watched her. Her shock melted into one of her lovely laughs, the kind she did when she was so fucking happy, and Connor couldn't help but smile as he relaxed. He saw his brother give her a light shove and watched as she turned back squinting at him, no doubt putting two and two together and knowing Murphy had been part of the plan and it was why he had taken her out of the loft without Connor.
She looked back to Connor, walking over slowly as her eyes still took everything in. He glanced to Murphy nervously, his brother was still stood there giving him their privacy and Murphy shot him a smile. He felt the nudge in his mind, his brother comforting him, urging him to just do it. Lila reached him, smiling up at him as she slipped her hands up his shirt, resting her hands on his stomach. She did that a lot he noticed to both him and Murphy, it made him feel good that she wanted to touch him.
"What's all this?" She asked softly, she was overwhelmed, he could feel it, he felt the fucking same if he was honest. His hands came to rest on her hips as he looked down at her, feeling the panic bubbling away in his chest.
"I just...I wanted te do somethin' nice for ye...te show ye...te show ye that..." He clenched his jaw, getting frustrated at himself that he couldn't seem to just say the words, like something was stopping him. He wished he wasn't so guarded, that he was more like his twin who just said what he was feeling, damning the consequences.
Murphy nudged him again as Lila looked up at him curiously, he closed his eyes and rested his forehead on hers. He wasn't blocking her, he was pushing onto her, letting her feel it so it would help him with what he was trying to say. He heard her gasp, her eyes widening as she looked up at him as she felt the absolute love he had for the lass, the love he was letting her feel. He knew it would be intense, it was intense for him. She didn't say anything, just blinking up at him looking like she was scared to move and break the moment. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. It was now or never.
"Is tú mo ghrá (I love you)." He said firmly, looking her right in the eyes. He knew she could still feel him and he didn't want to break the poor lass, so he stopped pushing his feelings onto her, letting the words hang in the air.
She looked shell shocked, he wasn't really surprised, she had probably expected to have to wait a lot longer for him to say it, maybe even thought he never actually would. But it was done now, he had said it, and just as his brother had, he felt better to get it off his chest, like a weight had been lifted, making him feel lighter. Her face broke out in a grin and she grabbed his shirt, yanking him forward and crashing her lips onto his. It caught him off guard but he soon got over it, gripping her hip tightly with one hand as the other went to her neck. He could feel her rapid pulse under his hand as he kissed her deeply, and he growled when he felt her nip his lips before pulling away. He actually chased her lips, in a Murphy act of neediness and she snorted at him.
"Is tú mo ghrá freisin Connor (I love you too Connor)." She beamed at him, making his whole body flood with warmth. He already knew she did, since she had said it to his brother, yet to hear her say it directly to him, not just knowing like some kind of after effect from her declaration to his brother, it made his heart squeeze painfully tight and he grinned at her.
He was just looking down at her as she looked back, making fucking moon eyes at each other when he heard Murphy clear his throat as he walked over. Connor looked at him, taking note of the shit eating grin on his brothers face.
"Well then, now that's outta the way, let's eat." He laughed lightly, sounding so happy. Connor watched with delight as Lila walked over and pinched Murphy's side, making him yelp and grab her around her waist. She squealed and giggled, squirming to get out of his grasp as he laughed joyously. Connor knew Murphy was right as he watched them, it somehow did make it feel complete, like the whole thing had come full circle. They weren't hiding shit from each other now, the feelings were out there and there was no need to hide them anymore. There was no need to feel the intense pressure in his chest every time he felt it so deeply, but wouldn't tell her, there was no need to carry that God awful weight around on his shoulders anymore, because it was out there. They loved her, she loved them back, equally and unconditionally. He didn't need his guard up so much with her anymore, she was one of them, she was fucking a part of them, their very being, their very soul. She was ingrained in them, bound to them some fucking how and for some fucking reason. But he wasn't about to question why God had gifted him and his brother with such an angel, he would just graciously accept it and thank him every day for the rest of his damn life. It was the very least he could do for such a precious gift.