So, I don't really know what to say about this one. It's a lot of internal monologue, mainly Murphy but some of Lilas and Connors too. Again Murphy just comes easier to me, he's more open and unguarded so it makes sense you find out more about his bond with Connor through his eyes.
If the driving test stuff seems off, I'm from the UK and have no idea how different it is for people over there, so just roll with it.
I never plan my chapters, some just follow from the last one, others just happen. And this just fucking happened. But it's important and full of brotherly fluff. It's also leading up to something, probably not what you think too. But it's the calm before the very thunderous storm. Enjoy the fluff whilst it lasts, because shits about to get real very fucking soon in a few chapters.
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Connor sat at the dining table, huffing and cursing to himself. He was surrounded by books, all spread across the table as he scribbled in a notebook. He was due to take his theory driving test in two hours, he'd already passed the actual driving portion of it. But for some reason, this part made him anxious. It was one thing actually doing the driving and showing he knew how, but this felt like a fucking exam and he hated it. So he was cramming, he'd borrowed every possible book from the library that could lend to his aid, and he was studying intently.
Lila and Murphy were sat on the couch snuggled up together with her legs over his. The pair kept glancing to the grumbling twin sat at the table, but whenever one would ask if he was okay or tell him he should take a break, they'd get a scowl, Murphy would get a few colorful words thrown in too but he didn't swear at Lila. They gave up in the end, just settling for watching some crappy tv and cuddling. Murphy was amused at his brother, he hadn't seen him like this since school. The pair had been rambunctious boys of course and they caused mayhem wherever they went, but at the same time, they enjoyed learning and always applied themselves. Connor more so. Murphy was still sometimes a little shit, even in class learning something he was interested in. He just couldn't help himself, sassing the teachers and making people laugh, he was the sillier twin after all. He could feel his twins nervous energy radiating off him strongly, and he knew Lila was feeling it too, although not as intense as he was. She kept shifting in her seat and he smirked to himself. She wasn't used to this yet, the connection, feeling things that weren't your own. He knew she was having difficulty with separating it from her own emotions, and right now, Connors anxiety set her on edge as if she herself was anxious.
Murphy had his whole life to deal with that, yet even he struggled to compartmentalise what was his and what was his brothers. He wasn't sure how Connor managed to do it, but he did. But he could also stuff his own feelings down whereas Murphy couldn't even do that. He was just more sensitive, more emotional, he had been that way since a young child. And as much as he would deny it until the day he died if anyone asked, he had a feeling deep inside that Connor was in fact the oldest of the two. The harder hearted twin who was always level headed, who was always there for Murphy when he needed him, picking him up time and time again. Even as children Connor was the one who looked out for him, whether it was teaching him to ride a bike because he couldn't seem to grasp it, or cleaning his scraped knees afterwards, apologising profusely after he had fallen off yet again. Their large differences in personality made them complete once together though, like two halves to make a whole, and that's why they worked so well together.
Of course, Murphy still had Connors back, he always would. He raised hell in his teens if anyone so much as looked at his brother the wrong way. But he'd never really been in a position where he had to take care of his brother, not in the way Connor had to take care of him every time he had a mental breakdown. Even if they got sick, Connor just got on with it, almost like he wasn't sick at all. And Murphy couldn't fathom how he did it, because when he was sick, he was miserable, even more emotional and very fucking whiny. Yet his twin never complained when he was sick, he would care for Murphy, looking after him without making him feel like a burden, even if Connor himself was sick at the same time. He took on the big brother roll from such a young age, almost acting as stand-in father since their own was absent. Murphy could never thank his twin enough for everything he had done for him, he didn't know what he could have possibly done to be graced with Connor as his counterpart, his better half, he didn't know where he would be without his brother.
He was broken out of his thoughts by Lila glancing up at him, she had a huge smile on her face and her eyes looked shiny like she was choked up, he looked down at her confused before glancing to the tv, like he would find the answer there to see why she was emotional all of a sudden, but it was still some cheesy ass game show. He looked back to her and she leant up kissing his cheek.
"He looks after you because he loves you." She whispered softly, making sure the other twin wouldn't hear her, although she doubted he would since he was so engrossed in his studying. Murphy's eyes widened, still not used to someone other than Connor being able to venture inside of his brain, but he knew it was the overwhelming love he had felt for his brother whilst thinking those things, coupled with being tangled with Lila, that made her able to feel it, hear him so clearly. He felt shy almost, like he had been caught out feeling soppy shit for Connor and he looked down, his cheeks flushing red.
It wasn't like she didn't know they loved each other, she knew just how deep their bond ran and she was right there with them. But the whole thing was still intense. They loved each other so deeply, in such a way people could never understand, and some people in their life, mainly jealous lasses along the way, had twisted those feelings. Saying they were in love with each other and that it was incestuous. But it wasn't like that, in any way shape or form. Murphy had no desire to fuck his fucking brother and he knew Connor didn't either. It wasn't romantic or sexual. But it was hard for other people to understand the bond the twins had without getting it mixed up with those things. And even though he knew Lila didn't think those things for a second, it still made him awkward, sometimes even ashamed as those feelings of embarrassment washed right over him all over again.
When those comments had been made, Connor would be offended of course, but it didn't affect him how it affected Murphy, just because the darker twin was far more sensitive to anything. Words hurt his soul, he took them fucking personally and they ate him alive. Connor could let words roll off him like water off a duck's back and they didn't bother him, sticks and stones and all that shite. But Murphy could never just ignore them. Those people had made him so deeply ashamed of himself and how much he cared for his brother and he hated it, because at times he had questioned their bond himself and wondered if it was even healthy. In the end he would be alright, they both would be. Because no matter what anyone fucking said, it was him and Connor until the end, and he didn't care. But every so often, like now, he could feel the embarrassment creep its way in, like even though Lila understood, he thought one day she would turn around and tell them how sick they were and how she had it wrong all along.
Lila frowned up at him, he seemed troubled but he was blocking her now. She knew it was her own fault for mentioning what she knew was going on in his head. She hadn't really meant to, Murphy's thoughts just touched her and she couldn't help herself. The adoration the brothers had for each other was something to behold and she felt lucky to be a part of that. But now Murphy was shutting down on her, he was shutting her out because her words had embarrassed him and that wasn't her intention in the slightest. She knew he was more sensitive to the issue than his blonde counterpart, he had mentioned in passing that people had said some unsavoury things, so had Connor. She didn't know exactly what those people said but she could take a wild fucking guess. She thought it was sick that people would accuse them of such things, they just didn't get it. They saw something they didn't understand and they twisted it up, making the brothers feel weird about how much they loved each other. That shit didn't sit right with the redhead at all. She wanted to nurture their bond, to encourage them. She never wanted them to feel ashamed of the way they cared for each other, it always made her smile when she saw them interact.
She took his face in her hands, making him look at her through his lashes and she could see him blushing.
"Stop shutting me out Murphy, you don't need to do that. Not with me." She said firmly, making him nod. He relaxed a bit, he already knew he didn't have to feel that way with her but it was almost a knee jerk reaction. He was unaware that Connors intense concentration was broken by Murphy's huge wave of embarrassment and he was looking over curiously. He was more guarded after the things people had said, it was why he and Murphy didn't really tell anyone about their twin thing, only Lila knew about the telepathy. Even with her, he was hesitant but his brother had told her in depth anyway. Because his guard was up, things didn't affect him as much, not as much as the first time it had happened. But he knew Murphy still felt that shame each time, it never got any easier for him, and right now it was resurfacing for some reason and he wasn't sure why. He hadn't been in Murphy's head, he had been too caught up studying, he had missed something said between the pair and now his brother was sat there blushing feeling embarrassed about their bond.
He looked to his work forlornly, he only had about ten minutes before he had to leave to get to his test in time, he doubted he was going to learn anything he didn't already know. He was still nervous but he closed the books, setting them neatly on the table before walking over. Instead of sitting near Lila, like he usually would and sandwiching her between them, he opted to sit next to his brother. Murphy was so far into his own head, he hadn't even noticed Connor coming over and he jumped, looking wide-eyed at his brother. He looked guilty, caught out as he knew without a doubt Connor had felt it, he wouldn't be sat there next to him with a stern look otherwise. Connor glanced to their girl who was looking at them both concerned, she was worried about Murphy, and Connor was glad the girl was such a beautiful soul, never judged, never made underhand comments. They were blessed to have her.
"Lila lass, don't suppose ye could make us a cup o' tea before I have te leave?" He asked softly, leveling his gaze on her. She blinked a little, she felt weird about leaving Murphy's side when he was acting like this but Connors face made it clear it wasn't really a request, it was a command. He wanted to talk to Murphy alone. It miffed her ever so slightly, she didn't like feeling out of the loop, but at the same time, she understood they needed to talk without her sometimes. Just because they were together and had this connection didn't mean they weren't still brothers. She nodded, kissing Murphy cheek sweetly, making him look at her pleadingly, like he didn't want her to leave. He felt like Connor was about to shout at him if he was honest, it wouldn't be the first time he had done so over Murphy being so bothered about it all. She felt bad, really fucking bad, but Connor was practically staring at her and his dominance had her instinctively submitting to him, and she scurried off. She almost snorted at the three of them. Connor was like the leader of the fucking pack, always in charge, always protecting. And despite Murphy's defiance and his dominance over Lila, because he was a bossy bastard with her, when it truly came down to the twins, it seemed like Connor was in charge. Not that she would ever tell sweet little Murphy that though.
Murphy shifted in his seat, unable to look at his brother and Connor watched him carefully as he heaved a sigh.
"Talk te me deartháir (brother)." Murphy was shocked at how soft his brother's voice had come out, it wasn't harsh like he had expected. Murphy glanced at him through his lashes, licking his lower lip anxiously before turning his head to look at Lila who was making the tea for them. He looked back at Connor who was still looking at him expectantly but with kind eyes. He didn't fucking deserve his brother.
"Hey! Fuckin' stop that shite right now! I'll not be havin' ye thinkin' shit like that. Is that what this is about? 'Cause I don't know what I fuckin' missed but I sure as fuck missed somethin' with ye feelin' this way." There it was, Murphy knew Connor would shout at him, although it wasn't really shouting this time, more like talking with enthusiasm. He almost laughed to himself.
Lila had heard Connor, it was hard not to with such a small loft, it was why the boys usually resorted to just talking without words or using a language she didn't understand, she was honestly shocked they hadn't done it this time. She didn't look over though, she figured they didn't realise she had heard them. Murphy lowered his head, once again not meeting his brother's eyes and Connor huffed, grabbing his jaw and making him look at him.
"What? Ye don't want me anymore is that it? Ye don't want yer brother around?" Connor asked angrily. He knew it wasn't the case, he was goading his brother, because if he pushed, Murphy would break and actually tell him what the fuck happened. Lila swallowed thickly, Connors words making her heart seize up, she hoped to God they wouldn't have another physical fight. Murphy's eyes lit ablaze, forced to look his twin in his eyes with his hand gripping his jaw. Connor could see his nostrils flaring and he knew he was getting somewhere. He could feel the anger stirring within the darker twin.
"O' course I fuckin' want ye around, how can ye even ask that?" Murphy ground out, clenching his fists as he tried to resist the urge to deck his brother for even saying such a thing.
"Then what the fuck happened? We've been fine, ye've not felt like this in ages and suddenly it's back?" Connor squinted. Lila couldn't help herself, she didn't like this, both twins were blocking her now, too focused on each other it seemed and she was terrified they were going to fight. She brought the tea over, setting it on the coffee table as she sat on the floor in front of them.
"It was my fault." She said softly, looking awkward and her cheeks flushing from embarrassment. Connor let go of his brother, turning to her with narrowed eyes, almost accusingly and Murphy looked at her with wide eyes.
"It wasn't yer fault, what are ye talkin' about?" He asked confused, not liking the way his twin was staring the girl down.
"Ye fuckin' say somethin' to him?" Connor asked harshly, making Murphy glance at him cautiously. Lila just squinted unimpressed at him. He loved Murphy, she understood why he would jump to that conclusion and be mad, but it hurt her a little, she thought he knew her better than that.
"I was in his head, by accident. He was thinking about you, how much you take care of him all the time. And I told him you do it because you love him. I think I embarrassed him and it dragged a lot of shit up. Don't fucking take your shit out on me Connor, you know I wouldn't say shit like that." She frowned, glaring right back at Connor. Murphy looked down again, he hated how he couldn't control his emotions at times and now he had caused all this, Lila blamed herself and Connor was being an ass. Connor visibly untensed and looked at her apologetically. She was right, he knew she wouldn't have said something like that.
"M'sorry Lila, I know...I just..." He wiped a hand over his face and Murphy reached out, grasping his wrist. Lila chewed her cheek as she glanced between the pair.
"I get it. People have said some shit and you're looking out for him. But it will be a cold day in hell before I ever think that kind of shit about you two. Whoever said that to you in the past needs their teeth kicked in, and I'll gladly do it if I see them." She huffed, hugging her knees a little, still sat on the floor.
The twins' mouth quirked up at her comment, she really did care about them. She knew them inside out, and she still didn't change her stance on their bond. They both loved how protective of them she would get, it was cute. She was a tiny thing but she was full of fucking fury when she was mad. Connor reached out, taking her by surprise, she could never get used to him doing that since he mostly expected her to come to him. He stroked her cheek affectionately with a sweet smile.
"We're lucky bastards te have ye Lila, ye don't know how special ye are." Connor said softly, just admiring the angel sat before them. Murphy made a humming noise in the back of his throat in agreement as he looked at her the same.
"Hmm...Maybe. I'm nothing special though, I'm just someone who sees you both for who you are. One soul, split in half." With those profound words, she stood, brushing off her ass from sitting on the floor. The boys looked up at her in awe, how she just fucking knew them so well. It was overwhelming for them.
"Drink your tea, you've got like two minutes until you have to go." She said softly as she made her way back to the kitchen.
Connor looked to the clock with wide eyes, he hadn't realised how much time had passed since he stopped studying. He felt the panic set in again and Murphy laughed next to him, looking like he felt better already, and Connor was glad. Murphy was intense at times with his emotions, it could make the air around them thick and tense. But now he was back to being normal Murphy, laughing at his brother's worry about the test.
"Ye'll do fine brother, stop worryin' so much." Murphy grinned, slapping him on the back affectionately.
"Fuckin' hope so, been wanting' te drive the thing since she got it me." He grumped, thinking back to the beautiful car their girl had got him. It had just been sat there since he didn't have a license. He had wanted to take it for a spin, but when Lila found out, knowing he had no license, she flipped her shit. He was almost desperate to get it out there. There were places he wanted to go, to take his brother and their girl. He loved his time at home with her, and even at the pub, but he couldn't wait to take her other places, do romantic shit with her that he hadn't even done with anyone before. Murphy snorted next to him again, looking at him amused at his train of thought and Connor clipped him around the head, but it only caused more laughter.
"Fuckin' shut it." Connor grumbled with a huff, but his twin just gave him a toothy grin. Yeah, they'd be alright in the end, they always were.