Title: Hot Ticket
Author: itmebijou
Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf
Summary: 1/5
Definitely needs to be longer. Introduce the main character(s), give some conflict, a possible solution to entice the readers! What sets your story apart from all the other ones about rich kids! Check out ray_of_sunshine9 and her book 101 Writing Tips From An Exhausted Reviewer, she's got great information on how to write blurbs! :D (Will say though that I love your cover!)
Grammar: 3/5
First thing that popped out to me were the long sentences and the switch in tenses (verb tenses). You use a mixture of present and past tense verbs and I suggest asking an editor to help pinpoint them (she's = she is (present tense), dejected = past tense, etc.) I'm not to great at judging commas, but I think some of your longer sentences can be broken up with either a comma or a semicolon.
Character Building: 3/5
She's a typical rich girl...scratch that, they're all typical rich girls. Bougie house, bougie descriptions...it almost had me laughing that she wanted pity. I think the descriptions of their surroundings are a little too...descriptive. Throwing a few things here and there that hint at wealth (like cars, or descriptions of houses), can give the reader enough information. Doing more than that, way too much more...it can be off putting and frankly, I found it a bit funny.
As soon as Paige entered her spacious room, she slumped on the nude pink carpet covered floor, sparkly tears threatened to fall down on her rosy blemish-free cheeks but she quickly wiped it away.
It's a run-on sentence, for one thing. Two, it's...kinda over-kill.
Paige collapsed on the soft, pale-pink carpet of her room as soon as she walked in. Tears, warm against her cool skin, rolled down her cheeks. Even though she quickly wiped them away, they didn't stop.
Just my little take.
They seem like typicalspoiled rich brats, so I think you've got that down.
Writing Style: 2/5
I've mentioned before, but you've got run-on sentences as well as overly-described descriptions. It made it a little hard to read (Sorry, I'm poor! I can recognize the brand names, but not the specific product you spoke of.)
There's a section in chapter two that I had no idea what was going on. Paige, considering she runs in high circles, automatically assumes that Zoe's talking about the thing she did and lashes out at her. I've met wealthy people and a majority of them are incredibly careful about how they speak, even the kids (I swear they train them). I find it a little unrealistic what happens there, and then the last part, with the whole champagne thing. I had no idea what was happening. Did she spill it on Zoe? What happened in the last half of that chapter?
If a chapter is being written from a specific person's POV, they can't know what another person is thinking.
"What?" Paige's muttered before she heaved a sigh. "Oh. Yeah, I heard my mom talking about that to her friends," She said and took a sip of her champagne while mentally cursing herself for jumping to conclusions.
How would Zoe know what Paige is thinking about? Here's my suggestion:
"What?" Paige muttered. "Oh yeah, I heard my mom talking about that to her friends."
She took a sip of her champagne, and wore a very constipated look, as though regretting something.
I think the same thing happens later on in the same chapter and in chapter three.
Plot + Uniqueness: 3/5
I haven't read too many rich kid MC books, but the ones I have read...kinda follow the same format. They've all got something behind them, something that could destroy them. They all seem to have too many descriptions too. I like how yours has many different POVs and I think you could really build on that!
OVERALL SCORE: 12/25