Josie’s POV
The tour manager came and pulled Luke away since the concert was starting in less than five minutes and I couldn’t help but feel grateful for that. It was so hard. Having to act strong all the time when all you wanted to do was hide yourself from the world. I liked to think that there was good in everyone… But that usually gets me screwed over in the end
I was in the tour bus long before the concert had ended because I just needed to be alone. For once I needed to be alone. I felt myself drift off into sleep before I was rudely awoken by the loud noises of those four boys. I was in my own bunk facing the wall as I tried to force my eyes to close so I could escape reality for a little bit until Luke’s voice entered my mind
“Josie,” he whispered sliding the fabric to the side to open the bunk
“I know you’re awake,” he continued placing a hand on my shoulder which I quickly moved away from
“Leave me alone,” I muttered scooting in closer to the wall to create even more space between us
“The text… It was real alright? But you don’t know the whole story,” he said
“I don’t want to know the whole fucking story Luke I just want you to go away,”
“Let me explain,” he pleaded
“Leave me alone,” I repeated
“She asked me to make you fall for me, but I was already in love with you before that,” he confessed
I didn’t move. I didn’t even know what to say. Love? Did he really say love? Those were the only words processing through my mind right now as silence filled the air with the rest of the guys piling into their bunks to sleep
“I know you’re still mad at me, but I just needed you to know that,” He whispered
"I’m sorry," He finished before finally sliding the fabric back leaving me alone in my bunk again
I let out a deep sigh as I heard him shuffle into his bunk under mine. I couldn’t even think straight. I didn’t know whether to believe him or if this was all just another lie. I had a mix of emotions in me, anger, sadness. I just wanted us to be happy. I wanted to be with him. But of course our other lives got in the way. That’s how it always was. Fame was everything to some people. You just have to know who those people are. But I don’t anymore. I’ve been in this business for almost five years now and I still don’t know
I woke up the next morning in a different state. I think we’re in New York, or at least that’s where we’re supposed to be according to schedule. The guys had a talk show to do here in the afternoon, so we found a hotel out here to stay in since we’d be here for two days for the concert tomorrow. It was 11 am and I was surprised to find the rest of the guys up this early voluntarily. The interview didn’t start until 4, and we liked to stay in the bus more than the hotel. Even though we were parked outside the hotel, he bus was like our home, no matter where we went, the bus was always with us, instead of hotels that changed with each new location we arrived in.
I walked out into the lounge/kitchen area of the bus, but only Calum, Michael, and Ashton were out. I didn’t know whether or not I should ask about Luke’s whereabouts because I didn’t even know if I wanted to see him myself. Even though I didn’t ask, Ashton already knew exactly what was on my mind and answered for me
"He went into the hotel, he said that he didn’t want to bother you anymore," Ashton said as I grabbed a water from the fridge
"Do you wanna talk about?" He said quietly so only he and I could hear
"It’s fine Ash," I mumbled walking away from him so I wouldn’t have to talk about it anymore. Michael and Calum were both watching tv as I sat down to join them. It was already two o’clock and Luke hasn’t come down from the hotel room yet. Their tour manager, Robbie, had to physically go up to his room just to get him down because he wasn’t answering any of his calls.
"The cars are here lets go," Robbie said to us since we couldn’t drive to the tv station in the tour bus
The hotel blocked out the back exit so the fans couldn’t get back here which was pretty bittersweet, but I wasn’t ready to get yelled at again so I guess it was pretty okay. I still couldn’t shake off what they told me. The amount of hate that I was getting was almost too much to handle, but I had to handle it anyways. At least for a few more weeks until the contract was up.
We all piled into the black SUV with Luke already there, I came in last so I wouldn’t have to sit next to him. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to him. I didn’t even know if I was going to forgive him. How are you supposed to forgive someone like that? God did I want to. I just wanted to forget about everything, but in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but think that maybe he was just another one of those guys. For fucks sake, he signed a contract to do this publicity stunt anyways
We all got out one by one with a surplus of fans waiting outside of the tv station for us. I wanted to meet them, but to be honest I was scared out of my mind. It was terrifying having that many people hate you. Having to be judged by your choices. I know it was cold, but I couldn’t do it. I kept my shades on looking straight ahead of me towards the doors trying to ignore them calling my name
The guys stayed behind to meet some fans, but I was lead to the studio where the interview was being taken place. I’ve done a few interview in here, so I could farely say that I knew my way around. I was greeted by the interviewers who instantly recognized me from my previous appearances on the talk show and allowed me to sit back behind the camera to watch. The audio guy let me put the extra headphones on so I could hear the microphones like he did which was pretty cool. When the guys finally got here, Luke didn’t look at me or even speak to me for that matter. Maybe it was for the best. I don’t know what I would’ve said anyways
"So I remember the first interview we did with you guys while you were touring with One Direction, now you’re all on your first headlining tour in the US how does it feel?" The host asked them as the interview began
"It’s amazing. We never thought we’d get to this point honestly, I remember when we started in my garage in our small town in Australia and now we’re out here, it’s incredible," Ashton said
"Yeah, it’s crazy to think of how we started and what we’ve become now," Michael added on
As the interview continued, of course my name was brought up eventually
"Your fame has grown to new heights recently, would you say that it came from Luke’s girlfriend, Josie?" The host asked
All three guys looked to Luke for the answer since I was technically his girlfriend, but Calum eventually took the lead since Luke didn’t look like he was going to be saying anything for anytime soon. He barely even said a word the entire interview and I guess the producers were starting to notice and figured that a little commercial break would give him a little time to get back into shape.
"Alright we’ll take a 10 minute break before we start again," The producer said letting the interviewer and the guys disperse
I left the headphones on since they were sound canceling and I wasn’t really in the mood to hear all the commosion going on around me before the interview was about to start again. I kept my eyes focused on my phone in my lap as I scrolled through twitter reading all my mentions about how cold I was for not meeting any of the fans outside. I was honestly just really fucking done with everything at this point and decided to just tweet what was going through my mind
"@JosieCastano: When I do meet you, I get negative comments yelled at me, but when I don’t, I’m suddenly a cold hearted bitch who doesn’t give a fuck about my fans."
Obviously not my best decision to tweet while I’m angry. I wasn’t angry at the fans per say so much as I was angry at Luke. I just felt like all the hate would be worth it if he was actually into me for me instead of the fame. Too bad he wasn’t. Too fucking bad I was just being used again
My train of thought was interrupted by those four familiar aussie voices running through the headphones
"What’s going on with you bro?" I heard Michael say. My head instantly shot up to see where they were, but they were nowhere in sight. I think they went to the bathroom then my thoughts were confirmed by the sound of pee entering a urinal. I didn’t know whether to be disgusted or to be amused. I looked around once more to see if anyone else was hearing what I was hearing, but no one else was. I think the guys left their microphones on them before leaving for the bathroom.
"Nothing," I heard Luke mutter making my heart stop
Hearing him always did this to me. No matter how much I talked to him, his voice always gave me those certain chills, the way his accent rolls off his tongue regardless of how raspy or loud it was
"Obviously something is up, Josie wouldn’t even tell me what was wrong this morning," Ashton said
"It’s none of your business just let it go," Luke spoke with a stronger voice this time letting some of his frustration seep through
"It is when it’s hurting you and Josie, it’s making this interview really shitty and Josie is fucking miserable Luke, just tell us what’s going on and maybe we can help," Calum said
Miserable? Was my acting really that bad?
"I fucked up alright! There’s nothing else you can do about it, she fucking hates me already," Luke snapped making me cringe at the way his voice cracked at the end. I didn’t know it hurt him that much. He was just using me for fame, wasn’t he?
"Luke," Ashton sighed
"She doesn’t hate you, she could never hate you," Michael said
"But she does. I fucked up big time. I love her, but she’ll never believe me after what I did. I love her so much, but she won’t forgive me. Not after this," Luke said
"I know how much I hurt her. I saw it in her eyes. You know what she said? She said that she thought I was different. I wanted to be. I didn’t want to be one of those shit faced dicks that has fucked her over before, but it turns out I am and she’s never going to forget it. Just fuck off alright, I’ll try harder during the interview but there’s nothing else you can do with Josie. She already fucking hates me." Luke finished
I could hear everything in his voice. Every word he spat towards them all built up on the frustration. I didn’t know he felt that way. I didn’t know he really loved me. I didn’t fucking know. I should’ve. I should’ve believed him when he said he loved me. I should’ve listened when he talked to me, but I didn’t because I let all the bullshit from my past cover the real him. I saw Luke come out onto stage still fuming and I immediately got up to talk to him, but the producer pulled me back and didn’t allow me back on stage because they’d be continuing the second half of the interview in less than a minute. I unwillingly sat myself back down watching Luke the whole time. He didn’t even take one glance at me, the rest of the guys came in looking more than disappointed at the confrontation earlier. And none of them had any idea that I knew what happened
During the interview, Luke did talk more. Even though it was small comments, nods of approvals, fake smiles, he tried and that was enough to get through with the rest of the interview. When they walked off stage to head back to the cars, I was quickly pacing my way behind them to catch up to Luke but I was stopped by one of the crew workers who asked me to sign an autograph for their daughter. Of course I accepted, but I couldn’t help but think about how much I needed to fix this with Luke.
When I stepped out of the building, night was already dawning on us and I hadn’t even realize how long we’ve been in there. It was already 9 pm
The car was left open for me and Luke was distancing himself from me the best he could. I couldn’t say anything because I didn’t want to involve the rest of the guys in this mess more than they already were. The car ride back to the hotel was silent, you could feel the tension in the air each block we came closer and closer to the hotel. The hotel. The hotel room. We have a hotel room together, we can talk there. It’ll be alright Josie, just calm down. When we got to the hotel, Calum, Michael, Ashton, and I had to make a trip to the tour bus to get our suitcases and bring it up to our rooms, but while we were packing up the extra things, the tour manager, Robbie, came in to talk to me
"Josie, here’s your hotel room key," He said handing me the card
"Thanks Rob, is Luke already up there?" I asked him making Calum, Michael, and Ash jerk their heads towards me. They probably thought that I was mad at Luke and wanted to see what I was going to do
"Well he’s in his hotel room, he said he wanted to get a separate room to be alone tonight. He didn’t seem like he was in the best mood so I didn’t question it," Robbie replied
"Wait what? A separate room?" I asked confused
I know he wanted to give me space, but he’s not really giving me any chance to try and fix things here
"Uh- yeah he said you were okay with it?" Rob said turning it into a question
"Do you have the extra key?" I asked
"Wait so you’re not okay with it?"
"Extra key Robbie," I repeated
He handed it over to me and before he could say another word, I grabbed my suitcase and went towards the hotel. My heart was pounding to say the least as every floor in the elevator increased to where Luke was. Does he even want to fix this with me anymore?
I rolled my suitcase towards his hotel room. 321. 321. Where is 321? I asked myself as we went by each hotel room door until I finally found it. I opened the door slowly to find a dimly litted room with Luke laying in bed snuggled inside the blankets.
"I don’t care who it just go away," He said pulling the blanket over his head
I rolled in my suitcase, closing the door behind me and taking in a deep breath
I slipped my shoes off carefully climbing into bed next to him pulling the blankets over my body as well so it was just us two. He was shirtless making his bare back face me as I laid on my side to face him. Out of instinct, I scooted in closer to him before placing a kiss on his shoulder. A habit of mine that he knew all too well. He immediately turned his body to face me as my eyes bored to his. He was finally looking at me
"I’m sorry," I whispered
"I thought you hated me," He breathed putting his arm on my waist to pull me closer to his chest. I let myself sink into him again, wrapping my arms around his neck feeling every warmth from his body against mine
"I wanted to," I sighed
"But you didn’t?" He asked letting me go so we could look at each other
"You guys left the microphones on in the bathroom and I heard everything," I confessed
"I should’ve believed you Luke. You are different. I was just blinded by my poor choice in douche bags before," I let out a small laugh before kissing him on the forehead
"I really thought you hated me," He said again placing his lips on mine
His lips perfectly formed to mine. I couldn’t imagine anything else I’d be doing in this moment. All that mattered was that I was with him. I wanted to be with him
"I could never hate you,"
"I love you," I mumbled into the kiss
"What?" He asked pulling his lips from mine
"I love you," I said softly looking into his blue eyes
"Could you just say that one more time? I don’t think I heard you correctly," He smiled
"Luke Robert Hemmings I love you," I laughed
"I love you too,"