Congratulations!
You have been qualified to be a part of the Auburn University Varsity Swim Team.
I was beyond surprised upon reading the introductory statement of the e-mail. It was sent seven in the morning. Halos lunch time na at kagigising ko lang pero ito agad ang bumungad sa akin.
I can feel the excitement and kilig as I continued reading the contents of the e-mail kahit na alam ko naman na ang mga 'yon. It's the very same feeling when I got accepted for the first time.
I honestly can't believe it. I think I sucked. They attached my results and it was many seconds away from my best record back when I was alive. Did the others suck that bad? I can't say that I'm that good. To be honest, my scores were almost average. Almost.
I showered and got dressed for today's agenda. Mamayang hapon na ang napag-usapan namin ng pinsan kong si Gavin.
Mixed emotions ang nararamdaman ko. I'm thrilled to see the mansion again after such a long time but at the same time, I'm sad because I know there's a possibility that this will be my last chance to step foot in my own home.
Lunch time na nang makababa ako. All of Kinsley's siblings were on the living room, watching a movie.
"Oh, good. You're awake," Mariah's voice suddenly came out of nowhere. Napatingin ako sa kanya na mukhang galing sa dining area. "We're about to eat lunch."
I smiled and nodded. Tinawag na ni Mariah ang iba at ako naman ay dumeretso na sa dining area. The table was already set and there were two dishes served aside from the rice. Fried chicken at isang vegetable dish. There's clam soup, too.
I settled down and waited for the others. Like every lunch, we offered a prayer to give thanks for the meal. Based on my weeks of being Kinsley, I've learned that their family is not a regular church-goer. Pumupunta lang sila kapag may mahalagang okasyon but they always pray.
Meanwhile, my parents were agnostic. They don't see any proof of celestial beings but they're not dismissing the idea either. My grandfather was a true believer though. That's why he used to require me to attend masses with him every Sunday. Personally, I think religions are doubtful but I do believe in the existence of someone powerful out there. The Creator.
I remember telling my grandfather my opinion about religions. He laughed and said, "True faith isn't measurable with your religion practices and beliefs. It's about your belief in God."
Mariah mostly talked, like always. Nagtatanong ng mga updates tungkol sa buhay ng mga anak niya. They mostly talk about school. Kirsten had a lot to say. Si Noah naman ay wala masyadong sinabi.
"How about you, Kinsley?" Mariah asked. "Anything new?"
They never asked me directly if I remember something. Pasimple lang lagi ang tanong nila. I think they're just trying to be sensible of my condition.
"Nakapasok ako sa swimming team," I told them. Wala na kasi akong ibang maisip na sasabihin sa kanila maliban doon?
"Really?" Noah's the first one to react. "I didn't know that you're into that sport."
"That's amazing, Kinsley!" maligayang sabi ni Mariah.
"Wow. Ang galing mo naman, Ate," manghang sabi ni Kirsten.
"Sinubukan ko lang." I timidly smiled and shrugged. "It's actually fun."
"It's really nice to see you participating in activities. I'm glad," Mariah said.
They looked genuinely happy for me. They were beaming with pride. I couldn't help the guilt that was crawling on my skin. I don't like the feeling.
I was fooling everyone. It's wrong for me to use this body. Kahit na sabihin pang ginagamit ko ito para sa mabuti, that still doesn't justify that I'm borrowing someone's life.
Hindi ako ang dapat na nandito ngayon. I'm already dead. I should be resting in peace right now.
That's why until now, I don't get why I was placed in this body. To resolve our deaths by finding the killer? Bakit ako? Bakit hindi si Kinsley? What's with me? What makes me special? Am I even special?
I'm just blindly guessing my moves here. Hindi ko nga alam kung nilagay ako dito para nga alamin kung sino ang pumatay sa akin.
Isa. Hindi. Dalawa ang makakasagot sa mga tanong ko at sigurado ako na hindi sila tao. If my suspicions are right... I think they are angels. Damn it. It already sounds crazy in my head; what more if I say it out loud?
Nagpaalam ako sa kanila para sa lakad ko ngayong hapon. Hindi ko nagamit ang kotse kagaya nang plano ko dahil gagamitin daw ito ni Noah. I didn't have a choice but to book a ride. It wasn't that expensive anyway. Two hundred forty lang naman.
I arrived just on time. The guards opened up the gate and asked for my identification. Once they've confirmed that I'm on the guest list, they thoroughly checked my bag and my body. It didn't surprise me. This is actually standard protocol but I find it weird. Ngayon ko lang naranasan ito. Nilalampasan ko lang naman kasi ang mga guards.
Kinailangan ko pang maglakad ng kaonting distansya mula sa gate patungo sa foyer ng mansion. I immediately saw a familiar face standing by the main door. Si Dessa. She's one of our maids but that's not the reason why I know her by name. She was my designated... cringe... handmaiden.
"Good afternoon, Miss Kinsley. Ako na po ang magdadala para sa inyo," mahinhin na sabi nito at inilahad ang mga kamay sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung gusto kong matuwa at mairita dahil hindi pa rin ito nagbabago.
I really hate it when she does this. I have two working hands. If I needed help, I would have asked them. Hindi ko naman magawang lubusan magalit dahil ginagawa lang naman niya ang trabaho niya.
I moved my bag away from her reach. "I can manage. Thank you though."
"Okay po. Sumunod na lang po kayo sa akin. May inaasikaso pa si Sir Gavin pero susunod daw po siya agad sa library." Tumalikod na siya at nagsimulang maglakad papasok ng mansion.
Back when I was alive, she used to be the one following behind me. Hindi ko magawang manguna ngayon dahil kailangan kong magpanggap na hindi ko alam ang lugar na ito.
She lead the way to the second floor. Walang tigil ang paglibot ng mga mata ko sa paligid. From a different point of view, I probably looked like a newcomer who's taking in everything she's seeing.
I resisted the urge to tear up as we walked. It's like walking in memory lane. Lalo na nang madaanan ang naglalakihan naming family portraits. I stopped following after Dessa when a new portrait caught my attention. Nasa gitna ito at malaki kumpara sa size ng iba.
It was a picture of me. I was looking at the camera but it was a candid shot. I was wearing a yellow summer dress; sitting on a white chair with a white table in front me. Hindi ko maalala kung anong meron sa araw na 'yon. May matamis na ngiti sa mga labi ko. I looked genuinely happy with the way my eyes glimmered though.
"Miss Kinsley?" narinig kong tawag ni Dessa.
Naalis ang mga mata ko sa malaking portait. She was already standing by the library door. I cleared my throat and rushed my way to where she was.
Binuksan niya ang pinto nang makalapit na ako. She gestured me inside. Pumasok ako pero nanatili lang siya sa may pintuan kaya tumigil ako sa paglalakad.
"Maghintay na lang po kayo sa loob. Kukuha lang po ako ng maiinom niyo. May gusto po ba kayong pagkain?"
"Okay lang ang kahit ano."
"Sige po. Ang bilin po sa akin ni Sir Gavin ay siguraduhin na manatili lang po kayo sa silid na ito hanggang makarating siya."
I nodded. "I won't go anywhere."
"Okay po. Babalik po ako agad," she said and eyed me carefully before closing the door.
I was left all alone. I was tempted to leave the library and explore the whole mansion. Well, that's impossible because the mansion is too big for me to explore in a matter of few minutes; but I want to check out my room for one last time.
I contented myself with searching through the library. This is the only room in this mansion that has an actual fireplace. I don't remember it being used. Sa tingin ko ay for architecture's sake lang ang purpose no'n. In front of it was a comfortable reading chair and ottoman.
The walls of this room were braced with tall bookshelves. Punong-puno ng mga libro ang mga ito. Lahat ng libro na nandito sa library ay nabasa na namin. Either one member or a few. Books in here aren't for display.
On the side a little near the door, a long mahogany table and chairs were placed. Katulad ito ng mga nakikita sa library talaga na lamesa at upuan. Meanwhile, the presidential-looking table was placed in front of the Victorian windows. This used to be Grandfather's home office. Hindi na siya nagtatrabaho kaya hindi niya na rin ito masyadong ginagamit.
A button in my head was pressed and a memory from the past played. Nakita ko ang batang Fabienne na tumakbo patungo sa kanyang Lolo na nakapwesto sa kanyang desk. My Grandfather looked really happy to see me. I was his favorite ever since I was little. He never failed to tell me that I was special.
"You're special, Fabienne. You're my little angel," Granddad said.
"Hey."
I was startled by a voice and a soft thud of the door. Naalis ang tingin ko sa desk at hinarap ang pumasok sa pintuan. It was Gavin.
"Hi," I greeted with a smile.
He smiled and then looked behind me. "Bakit ka nakatayo d'yan?"
"Oh. Uh... I was just admiring the set-up of the desk." I pointed behind me.
Gavin gave me an amused look. Ngumisi na lang siya at umiling. Naglakad ako para salubungin siya sa paglapit.
"Sorry if you had to wait. May biglaan kasing pinagawa ang parents ko."
"Is this a bad time?" I slightly grimaced.
"No. It's okay. So we still have," He briefly looked at his watch to check the time before looking at me again. "Three and a half hours. Shall we start?"
We got settled on the table. Kinuha ni Gavin ang first edition na libro na ipinagmamalaki niya. I had to pretend that I'm so amazed kahit na ilang beses ko na 'yon nakita.
Dessa came back with the promised snacks. Umalis din ito agad nang ma-i-serve na ang inumin at makakain namin ni Gavin.
We read in silence. Nararamdaman ko ang paminsan-minsang tingin ng aking pinsan. Pinipigilan kong kilabutan. I was afraid that the disgust will be seen on my face so I kept my eyes on the book. Instead of pretending to read, I read the book for real.
Gavin shortly laughed. It caught my attention. For the first time since I started reading, I lifted my eye to look at him. Nakatingin siya sa akin at may malaking ngiti sa mukha. He looked amused.
"What?"
Umiling siya. Nakangiti pa rin. "Seryosong-seryoso ka kasi."
"Gusto ko kasing matapos agad," I feigned my embarrassment.
"Don't rush. You can comeback naman if you can't finish it today."
"Nah. Nakakahiya naman kasi sa'yo."
"No, really," he laughingly said as he shook his head. "You can take your time. It'd be my pleasure to have you here again as my guest."
I smiled at him. Gavin is really attracted to Kinsley, huh? Should I try asking him now?
"Gavin, may tanong pala ako."
He nodded. "Shoot."
"May nadaanan kasi akong malaking portait... That's Fabienne Leona Sloan, right?" I tread lightly.
His eyebrows raised. He looked surprised. "You know my cousin?"
"Not personally. I just heard..."
"Oh." Sumeryoso ang mukha ni Gavin. "Yeah, that's her."
I pursed my lips, thinking of the right words. Instead of asking him the same question that I asked Silver; I decided to be straight to catch him off guard.
"Is it true that someone killed her?" I stared intently at him.
This time, his eyes widened in shock. It was a brief second because he was able to recover from it quickly. He pursed his lips to hide his previous honest reaction.
"You shouldn't be listening to rumors."
"So it's not true?" I urged.
"What I know is that Fabienne doesn't have suicidal tendencies and she's too smart to accidentally slip off the railings," Gavin austerely said. Totoo naman ang sinasabi niya pero may kakaiba sa pagkakasabi niya. It's like he knows something else and he's giving away something without directly confirming it. Hindi kaya totoo nga?
With the way he's acting, he couldn't possibly be the killer nor did he hire someone to do it. Or maybe he's just a really good actor.
Bago pa ako ulit makapagtanong ay may tumunog na phone. It came from Gavin's phone. Our eyes both drifted on it. I saw Aunt Diana's name on the screen.
"Excuse me. I have to answer this," Gavin politely said before answering the call. He didn't bother leaving his seat.
I slumped back on the chair and relaxed my body. I didn't realize how tensed my muscles were when I was confronting Gavin.
"Yes, Mom?" He started.
I went back to reading the book. This time, I was truly pretending. I can't make myself concentrate; not after that talk with Gavin. Gusto kong ipagpatuloy ang pinag-uusapan naming dalawa.
He just indirectly confirmed that my family suspects that someone actually killed me. It confirmed my suspicions but it's still not enough. It only gave birth to another set of questions.
"May ginagawa ako, Ma. Can I just do this tomorrow?" he exasperatedly asked. He paused briefly; listening to his mother. Gavin frowned and heavily sighed. "Alright. I'll check on it now. Hanging up."
Gavin's forehead was creased as he locked his phone and brought back his attention to me.
"Should I leave?" I asked.
"No. We still have an hour and a half left. Is it okay if I leave you here for maybe twenty minutes?" he asked, pleading me with his doe eyes that maybe he thought was charming. I almost puked.
"Of course," I flippantly said; not wanting to sound too eager to be left alone. "Magbabasa lang ako rito."
"Okay." He smiled widely and stood up. "I'll be right back."
Ibinalik ko ang ngiti niya at tumango. I watched him leave. He gave me a one last look before completely shutting the door. Naalis ang ngiti ko.
This is the opportunity that I've been waiting for. Naghintay muna ako nang ilang minuto bago tumayo at naglakad palapit sa pinto I slowly peeked through the door. Nang walang makitang tao ay lumabas na ako.
I already have a reasonable excuse kung mahuli man ako na wala sa library. Pwede kong sabihin na naghahanap lang ako ng restroom. Even with a prepared alibi, I was still cautious as I paved the hallway.
I made it safely to the door of my room without any interventions. It felt like something was clawing its way out inside my stomach.
Huminga ako nang malalim bago inabot ang doorknob. It was fortunately unlocked when I twisted it. My heart was pounding hard against my chest.
I was struck with memories as soon as I opened the door. My vision was blurred with pent up tears as I took my first step inside the room.
Kung paano ko 'yon huling naalala ay ganoon pa rin ang itsura no'n. This only strengthens my theory that I really transmigrated to Kinsley's body. I was really Fabienne.
This isn't just in my head. It's all real and I don't know which one is worse; the thought that I'm Kinsley who'd be crazy for thinking that I'm someone else or the fact that I'm really Fabienne and I'm in someone else's body.
I memorized every inch of my bedroom because I know this is the last time that I'll ever see it again. I walked towards the bed and chose to sit there in silence.
I only stayed for a few minutes. I can't take too long because I'm only on borrowed time. Baka napaaga ang pagbalik ni Gavin sa library. Mahirap na.
After giving my room one last glance, I reached for the doorknob to open it. Hindi pa ako nakakahakbang ay natigilan na agad ako sa kinatatayuan ko.
My eyes widened. I went completely still. Coldness crept through every inch of my body.
An unfamiliar man was standing right before me. He was wearing a black and white suit and he looked like he's in his early forties. I've never seen him before. Who is he? Is he a new security detail?
Remember your alibi, Fabienne. You were looking for a restroom and you got lost.
"Miss Aguirre," the man greeted. My eyes widened at that. He knows me but then again, the guards took my identification. Of course, he knew me through that. "Mr. Antonio Sloan, the Director, wants to speak with you."
Mas lalong nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Granddad?
"I-I was just..." I tried to reason out but he gestured his hand towards the hallway.
"Please come with me," he politely and dismissively said.
I didn't have a choice but to follow. Kapag hindi ko siya sinunod ay baka kaladkarin lang ako nito.
This doesn't look good. I just came out of his deceased granddaughter. I'm just a meekly suspicious stranger to them and if they're doing an investigation around my death just like what I suspected... then I'm in big, big trouble for lurking on places I'm not supposed to be into.
Sumunod lang ako sa kanya. Hindi niya ako nilingon the whole time. He's confident because he knows running away would only make me guilty and it's futile to escape with this mansion's tight security.
At isa pa, wala rin naman akong planong tumakas. Kinsley's one hundred percent innocent. I'm sure. Suspicious, yes, but I know that she has nothing to do with my death. I don't even know her!
He brought me to my father's home office. Binuksan niya ang pinto at pinauna niya akong pinapasok.
I was anxious but my emotions were quickly replaced with happiness and longing when I saw my grandfather. He was sitting behind the desk. May dalawang lalaki na may parehong uniform sa kasama ko.
I felt a gentle push from behind me. Napalingon ako roon. It was still the same man who escorted me here. He gestured me to continue walking. Hindi ko napansin na na-estatwa na pala ako sa tapat ng pinto.
"Miss Kinsley Grace Aguirre is here, Director," the man behind me sternly said. it was different from the friendly tone he used with me.
"Ano pong meron? Do you need anything from me?" I asked, genuinely perplexed.
"Hello, Kinsley. I'm Antonio Sloan," he started. "Please, have a seat." He flashed me a kind smile but I know beneath that kind exterior is a ruthless man.
Don't get me wrong. My grandfather is one of the kindest and the most generous people that I know but he can be really stone cold to people who deserve it; those who've wronged him.
I gingerly walked towards the sofa placed right across
"We just have a few questions for you. Is that okay?" Granddad asked.
Kahit na wala naman ako ginawang masama at inosente ako ay hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang kabahan. I wish I could tell him that I'm his granddaughter; that I'm Fabienne without sounding crazy.
"Miss Kinsley, what were you doing in that room?" the man who was standing on Granddad's left asked.
"I was... I was looking for a restroom and I got lost. I-I'm sorry po."
My grandfather smiled. It was sarcastic that I almost got chills. "You first showed up at my granddaughter's funeral. My men shrugged it off; thinking it was an innocent visit. The second time, my men clocked on you. They shadowed when you followed Fabienne's bestfriend."
I froze. My eyes widened a little. I was being followed and I didn't even notice it?
"My men made a file. There's nothing suspicious and nothing that can link you to Fabienne. However, what you've been doing the past weeks got us... wondering. You worked your way to Fabienne's ex-boyfriend and my grandson. You also joined Fabienne's swimming team."
"They placed a bug on your bag when you met with Silver and discussed something that caught my attention particularly." He picked up the cup that was sitting on the table. Hindi ko 'yon napansin. He took his time sipping on what I bet was a coffee before placing down the cup and looking at me again. "So let me rephrase the question. What's your motive?"
Wala akong pwedeng idahilan pa. There's no other way but to tell them the truth.
"I believe that Fabienne didn't commit suicide and that it wasn't an accident. Somebody killed her and I wanna find out who," I frankly said.
"What will you get out of it?" Granddad asked. He looked sincerely muddled.
I austerely stared at my grandfather and flashed him a gentle smile. "Peace of mind."
His eyebrows raised. His lips parted. He looked completely taken aback with my answer or maybe with the way I smiled at him. I don't know. It was only a matter of seconds when he recovered from his shock and pursed his lips. He calmly nodded.
"I want to show you something, iha," he said before standing up and walking towards the door without a word.
A man assisted me by gesturing to follow after my grandfather. Kahit naguguluhan ay sumunod pa rin ako. Granddad led us to one of the guestrooms. Nang nasa tapat na kami ng pinto ay agad na may nag-abot sa kanya ng susi. It got me even more confused.
Pagkabukas niya sa pinto ay hindi siya pumasok agad. Tiningnan niya ako at iniling ang kanyang ulo.
"Go ahead, iha."
My anxiety came back. All of their eyes were on me. My heart was pounding slow and loud inside my chest; reverberating all the way to my skin.
I took a step towards the room and it all became a blur. My surroundings muffled. The next thing I felt was raindrops gently pattering on my skin. My eyes refused to blink even with the water oozing down my face.
My lips were parted as I breathed heavily. The way I catch my breath echoed in my ears; the rain was hushed in the background.
"What are you doing?" I heard someone say. The voice was muted; like it was coming from a distance. Nevertheless, it subdued the heavy breathing in my ears. The hushed rain slowly increased volume as my never blinking eyes focused.
"Bakit ka nagpapaulan?" the voice came from behind me. My feet moved on its own. I slowly turned until I faced a familiar face.
"Jakob," I uttered.
He was holding an umbrella over him. His eyes were dark and his jaw was clenched. He looked a bit pissed.
He closed the distance between us. He extended his arm to make sure that I was completely being shielded from the rain. "You're gonna get sick. Bakit wala kang payong?"
My eye level was on his chest that I had to tilt my head back a bit to look at him properly. Napansin ko na halos hindi na siya natatakpan ng payong at nababasa na ang likod niya. It did something to my numb chest. A mute sensation.
"Why do you care? You didn't like me before, remember?" I lashed at him.
His jaw ticked again. His hold on the umbrella tightened. His shoulders visibly raised as he heavily breathed. His eyes were darkened and focused. There's something about his eyes...
"Gusto kita." My heart slammed inside my chest at what he said. Nanlaki rin ang mga mata ko. I wanted to wheeze. "Gusto kita mula noon hanggang ngayon."
Para akong nakuryente. Malakas at mabilis ang tibok ng puso ko. My brain scattered and couldn't process anything.
He closed his eyes tightly. Pain painted all over his face. He opened his eyes again and I saw his struggle. "I want to kiss you."
Hindi na ako makahinga. His words affected my system too much and it's wrong. Hindi para sa akin ang mga salitang ito. Hindi ako yung gusto niya. He's talking to Kinsley. Not me. And I don't know why but that hurts my numb heart.
Unti-unting yumuko si Jakob. Umuwang ang labi ko nang dahan-dahan niyang inilapit ang mukha sa akin. Hindi na ako humihinga.
No... Fabienne. This isn't for you.
"You can't." I raised my shaking hand and pressed it against his chest to stop him from inching forward.
"Why?" he asked. His warm breath fanned my cold face.
"I'm not..." I breathed and struggled for the words to come out. "I'm not Kinsley."
Jakob's face remained straight. I was expecting a creased forehead from him and a perplexed reaction but instead, I saw relief in his eyes. His entire face softened.
A soft smile curled on his lips. "I know." He raised his hand to cup my cheek. He tenderly stroked it. His warm and dry hand felt nice against my my freezing skin. "I wanna kiss you... Fabienne."
My eyes widened. A gasp escaped from me but it's not because he called me Fabienne. I wasn't shocked because of what he said. I wasn't shocked because he knew.
I was shocked because...
"J-Jakob," my voice shook as I called. My frightened eyes never left his face. "Y-your eye... It's glowing."