*
"Guys? What's with this tensed atmosphere right now?"
Baekhyun glances at everyone gathered at the dining table. It is every dinner that the six of them would spend time together at home, sharing and talking about what happened during their entire day.
Tonight seems a bit different though, finding every single person around him quiet and focused on their food. The most noticeable one is Luhan who hasn't talked and touched his food ever since he sat on his chair. Kyungsoo in front of him seems to be not on himself as well; his eyes are gloomy and quite puffy as though he has been crying all day.
Jongin beside him keeps on asking Kyungsoo what's wrong, but the male would just silently shake his head and lifelessly eat his soup. Sehun appears very worried and anxious because he knows what has happened between Luhan and Kyungsoo, yet he can't even tell Jongin anything.
Helpless, Sehun just sighs as he finishes his dinner while still hearing Jongin's endless questions at his two boyfriends not emitting a single word to each other.
Baekhyun frowns on his meal. Although it tastes delicious because Chanyeol cooked it for them, he seems to lose his appetite now that he's affected by everyone's gloominess.
"I heard that Luhan got accepted on a job at a famous hotel at the suburbs," Chanyeol says as he nonchalantly chews his food, breaking the silence enveloping the air, "Congratulations on your first job. We must make a toast."
It is evident that Jongin is the most shocked hearing the news followed by Baekhyun. Baekhyun looks nothing but amazed more than surprised. The rest of the guys stay quiet.
"Really!? You got a job at a hotel?" Jongin asks, his voice sounding a mix of confusion, happiness, and disbelief, "When did you apply for the job? Where was it? Why didn't I know about this?"
"Jongin, let's talk later, okay? I'll tell you everything after dinner," Luhan mutters quietly, offering his boyfriend a small smile that confuses Jongin more.
"Hey, do you know about this?" Jongin turns to Sehun cluelessly.
Sehun longingly looks at Luhan as though to ask permission, receiving a headshake as a reply.
"What the hell was that!? You guys are keeping a secret from me?" Jongin exclaims, crossing his arms over his chest, "Even Chanyeol knew about it!"
"I just heard Luhan having a phone call with someone this morning," Chanyeol says, "And I kind of figured out he got accepted for a job." He shrugs. "I thought you already knew that. You're his boyfriend, right?"
If Sehun could only smack Chanyeol right now, then he already did it. He just doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut.
"Luhan hyung, congratulations on your first job!" Baekhyun says, who has managed to bring out a bottle of champagne to celebrate, "I hope you do well!"
"Thanks, Baekhyun," Luhan replies shortly, giving him a tiny smile.
Kyungsoo's clutch on his chopsticks tightens as he keeps his silence. After finishing his meal, he releases his chopsticks and puts them beside his bowl. He slowly pulls out his chair away and stands up, gaining everyone's attention.
"Thank you for the food," he mutters in a quiet and low voice, before he is turning around to leave without even looking at everyone.
Concerned, Jongin is about to follow him but he is stopped by Luhan gently holding his arm.
"Jongin."
Sehun lifts his eyes to look at them.
"You should finish your food. I'll help you do the dishes."
Sitting back on his chair after noticing everyone's heavy stares trained at him, Jongin just nods and sighs, "Okay."
"Chanyeol sunbae, I think Kyungsoo is sick," Baekhyun says after he eats his dessert that tastes not as sweet as he expected it to be, "I'll just go to his room and check up on him. I'm worried."
Chanyeol nods at him, "Yeah. You should." Then he watches as Baekhyun leaves the table to head upstairs going to Kyungsoo's room. Looking beside him, he observes at how Sehun is ogling at the kitchen, at Luhan and Jongin washing the dishes together.
"Hey, they're not gonna disappear from your sight. Stop staring."
Sehun only averts his eyes from the couple when he feels Chanyeol now childishly throwing bits of pieces of tissue paper at his face.
"I'm just worried, I guess," Sehun releases a heavy sigh as he buries his face into his palms.
Chanyeol lifts an intrigued eyebrow. He might want to just ignore Sehun's problematic aura, but that friendly side of him is wanting to ask what's wrong.
So he just did.
"Why are you worried?"
Sehun peeks at him, "And why do you care?"
"Just tell me about it," Chanyeol shrugs, "Maybe your worries will lessen if you share it to someone."
Sehun sighs helplessly and slumps on the table.
"Luhan broke up with Kyungsoo."
Chanyeol's eyes widen a little hearing that news.
"I know I don't have something to do with it, that Luhan decided to break up with Kyungsoo on his own... But I can't help feeling partly guilty because of that... It just keeps on crossing my mind that if I hadn't agreed to date Luhan, he wouldn't have to leave Kyungsoo... I feel like I'm responsible of that."
"I don't know what his reason is why he did that, but knowing Luhan," Chanyeol shakes his head, "The reason can never be you. He won't do that to Kyungsoo and you."
"I know that... but it's just... I don't want this situation to happen," Sehun says, "I don't want him to leave Kyungsoo, I know how much he loves Kyungsoo... I can't just understand why he did that, so I can't help blaming myself for what happened..."
"Because you can't do something about the situation, you are looking for someone to blame, and that someone you chose is yourself," Chanyeol says, and Sehun is slightly taken aback hearing that from the other male.
"That's what I did. I blamed myself for my mother's death when clearly it wasn't my fault that she died, same goes for you. What I mean is, don't make yourself a reason for something that is not your fault," Chanyeol continues, "You'll end up feeling guilty instead of feeling grateful for the things that you already have. You have to think of the brighter side of life and just be strong for the person you want to protect."
"How could you say something so optimistic?"
"Because I already had my fair share of complications before, so I don't want to complicate myself more."
"That's true, somehow."
"Oh Sehun," Chanyeol says, landing a hand on Sehun's shoulder that causes the younger to back away.
"Don't stick your nose into their personal business, they'll have to sort it out on their own. Yes, I understand you are worried about Luhan, Jongin and Kyungsoo, but that's just all you can do for now. You just have to be there for them and make them feel better. It's gonna be fine just like that. Having you near is enough."
Staring at Chanyeol's ridiculously handsome smiling face, Sehun realizes that the male has a point. Having him here by his side is kind of useful sometimes, so he just lets Chanyeol pat his shoulder like he's actually a caring friend.
"Well, maybe you're right about that," Sehun clears his throat, staring at Chanyeol'a hand lingering on his shoulder, "Thanks, I guess. You have this side of you after all."
"I'm perfect, you know? That is why Baekhyun chose me over you," Chanyeol smugly says, and Sehun may want to hit him but damn, where's the lie though?
"So," Sehun mutters.
"So?"
"You wanna hang out with me? Let's have ramen together."
Chanyeol glares at him, "Fuck, no. That's weird."
"How about some ice cream?"
"Still no."
"This is why you don't have any friends."
"Excuse me? I have many friends?"
"Tell me one."
"You."
*
"Kyungsoo... Stop crying, okay? It's going to be fine," Baekhyun hushes the sobbing male on his chest as he soothes his back affectionately.
He doesn't have any idea why, but the moment he entered Kyungsoo's room and asked him what was wrong, the male just burst out into a fit of cries as though he has been keeping it inside. Immediately he knows that there must be something heartbreaking that happened, because Kyungsoo wouldn't act like this if it was just nothing.
"There... There...," Baekhyun says, hugging Kyungsoo tight as he lets the male just cry on him, and he also can feel his heart clench in pain hearing every sob Kyungsoo makes, "I'm here for you..."
Kyungsoo clutches on Baekhyun's shirt tight as he lets his tears flow by.
The fact that Luhan just broke up with him like that fucking hurts like hell. How come it was just easy for him to say that he's sick of him and he doesn't love him anymore? Is that really what he feels?
Maybe within all those years they spent together, Luhan wasn't truly happy at all. Maybe it was all suffering for him, being with someone inconsiderate and coldhearted. Maybe Luhan is right, that they're just a burden to him, to the point that he wants him and Jongin out of his life.
Maybe he really wants freedom, to live by himself, and to get away from them for good.
"If only I had... treated him better... maybe he wouldn't have to leave me..." Kyungsoo weeps, that his heart already hurts as he speaks, "I should've... made him happier... That way... he wouldn't go away... and he wouldn't... choose to end things between us..."
Baekhyun tenses, suddenly leaning away to see Kyungsoo's messy face, "W-what did you say?"
"Luhan broke up with me," Kyungsoo mutters in between sobs, making Baekhyun's eyes widen in shock.
"What?" Baekhyun says in disbelief. "Why would he do that? I mean, I can never imagine Luhan hyung doing that..."
"He just did. He already ended things between us because he's tired of me and he doesn't love me anymore," Kyungsoo says, "He said he fucking hates me so much, that he can no longer stay with someone like me..."
"Oh my god," Baekhyun says, quickly pulling Kyungsoo back in his arms as he embraces him again, "Now I know why you're suddenly acting like this. I'm sorry, Kyungsoo."
He feels the male cry harder against him and it breaks Baekhyun's heart to the fullest. He knows Kyungsoo is usually composed and nonchalant. He always appears calm and gentle, so right now is totally different having to see Kyungsoo break down. He was really pained a lot by Luhan's decision.
"He's going to break up with Jongin, too. He's going to move out of the house and leave us," Kyungsoo says while he trembles, and Baekhyun does the job to get rid of the tears escaping from his eyes.
"What am I gonna do when that happens? I don't want him to leave us behind, I can't," He shakes his head furiously, "I can't live without him, Baekhyun... I want him to stay... Am I being selfish if I want him to just be with me for a long time?"
"I want Luhan hyung to stay, too. I can't see him gone in your lives... It's gonna be different without him," Baekhyun says, "Maybe he was just confused! Maybe he didn't mean what he said, maybe he was just lying. Right?" He hopefully looks at Kyungsoo in the eyes. "Should I talk to him for you? Should I convince him to change his mind?"
Kyungsoo can't bring himself to answer, he just lets his head fall on Baekhyun's shoulder as he wallows himself into a pit of pain and regret.
"I will never accept this break up unless I heard the truth from him. I don't believe Luhan hyung when he said that he doesn't love you anymore! That's just pure nonesense! What kind of lie is that!?"
"Baekhyun... If he has already decided to do what he wants... Then I can no longer do something about it."
"After all you've been through together, you're just gonna give up like this? No, Kyungsoo. He can't break up with you. It's only called a break-up when both parties agreed to it," Baekhyun says, "Well, did you agree to it?"
"No. I didn't."
"If that's the case, then it's not yet over. He will come back to you just like how Chanyeol sunbae came back to me."
"Let's just not complicate things... I don't want him to get hurt more because of me..."
"But Kyungsoo..."
Baekhyun only watches as Kyungsoo lies down on the bed, pulling up his blanket to cover his whole self, "Please turn off the lights when you leave."
*
"So you've got a job now."
"Yeah. I guess I'm just lucky. I got accepted as soon as they saw my application."
"It's a hotel, right? Where is it located at?"
"Far away from Seoul..."
"Are you planning to move out of Chanyeol's house for your job?"
"Yes... Soon."
"Then why didn't you tell me about this?"
"I swear I'm gonna tell you about it but you found it out first... I'm sorry..."
"Luhan, I'm not mad about you getting the job... I'm just disappointed about you keeping it from me. I don't want us to grow apart just because we're hiding things from each other."
A nod is just Luhan's reply which Jongin allows as they fall into a moment of comfortable silence.
"Did you and Kyungsoo get into a fight?" Jongin finally asks.
The two of them have just finished doing the dishes so right now, they choose to lounge beside the pool to view the starless clear skies before going to bed.
Luhan told Jongin he wanted to breathe some fresh air, but seems like the male hasn't breathed yet ever since they stepped outside. He's just quietly clinging to Jongin's arm like he was very afraid to let go.
Jongin smiles a sad one when Luhan doesn't reply to his question. It means that what he thought is true, that Kyungsoo and Luhan might be in a middle of a misunderstanding. He is the most troubled everytime this happens.
"You haven't been talking to each other lately," Jongin continues, "Did you borrow Kyungsoo's clothes again and forget to wash them? You know how he gets mad because of that, right?"
Luhan only nods.
"Or maybe you teased him again into bottoming for you," Jongin clicks his tongue, "Babe, if Kyungsoo's not in the mood to have sex, you shouldn't force yourself. You know how it annoys him so much, right?"
Luhan nods again.
"See? Kyungsoo wouldn't act like that if you won't tease him," Jongin says, "He gets really sensitive sometimes."
"Jongin..."
"Hm?"
Luhan releases his hold to look at Jongin for a short while, "Can I ask you one thing?"
"Sure, go ahead."
"Why did you brought me home that night?"
"What?"
"Do you still remember back in high school? That night when you brought me home to Kyungsoo for the first time?"
Jongin pauses to think about that randomly, "Yeah? What about it?"
"You two got into a fight because of me... You didn't talk for weeks because Kyungsoo thought you were cheating on him with me."
"That was like, an eternity ago. We all decided to forget it already. Why would you suddenly bring it back up?"
"Nothing, I'm just asking..."
Jongin can trace a hint of something different in Luhan's eyes he has been noticing these past few days. It seems like there is a burden that he is keeping from him which Luhan can't say.
And that fact worries Jongin a lot.
"We've been together for many years but I actually didn't know the reason why you took me in," Luhan says, "Was it because you pitied me? Or was it because you didn't have any choice but to accept me?"
"It's because I love you. Is that enough reason for you?"
Luhan keeps his tears at bay, "But how could you love someone so undeserving like me?"
"How couldn't I love someone so deserving like you?" Jongin asks back, smiling at him.
If Jongin could only be a jerk for just once, then it wouldn't be this hard for Luhan to break up with him.
"Jongin..."
"Yes? What is it again?"
"Do you remember that night you took Kyungsoo to the amusement park?" Luhan says with a smile yet in never reaches his eyes, "That day you spied on me and Sehun on our first date?"
"You knew we were following you?"
"Well, it was really obvious. I could feel you even miles away."
Jongin shyly rubs his nape, "So, what about it?"
"That was the first time again I saw Kyungsoo smile so bright like that," Luhan says, imagining how the male looked that night, "When he was riding that carousel, I thought he was really pretty... His eyes went really big and wide, you know how it is like, right? When his eyes gets really sparkly whenever he is happy?"
Jongin just nods, "Yes, I know what you're talking about..."
"The way he laughed that night was really precious too, especially when he called your name." Luhan looks at Jongin in the eyes as he continues, "Jongin!!! Kyungsoo said it like that in a really cute voice, then you came over to Kyungsoo and hugged him tight... Looking from a far, you two looked so happy together... You even carried Kyungsoo on your back though he was heavy."
Jongin clearly remembers that night like it was just yesterday.
"That was the first time again... I've seen something so beautiful in my life..." Luhan smiles sadly, "Though it kind of hurts, I still want to look at that scene and remember that it happened without me... I still want to see Kyungsoo in his prettiest smile even without me."
"Why... why would you say that all of a sudden," There is fear reflecting on Jongin's eyes as he squeezes Luhan's hand. "Luhan... Why are you telling me this?"
"So just like that night... You should always make Kyungsoo happy from now on," Luhan mutters as his heart aches while tears start to trickle on the corners of his eyes, same goes with his voice staring to crack, "You should... keep that smile on Kyungsoo... even when I'm gone..."
"Please stop... Don't talk anymore."
"You shouldn't make him feel ignored ever again... Make him feel very special like he is your everything... And give him all your heart and attention..."
Jongin tenses, his eyes stays wide while he feels his heart stop the moment Luhan says those words.
"Jongin, I'm breaking up with you."
The first tear on Jongin's eyes falls on his cheek.
"I'm setting you free now..."
Luhan's breath hitches inside his chest when Jongin suddenly clutches him for a hug, unabling him to say anything.
"Hey, this is a joke, right!? Tell me. You were just pulling a prank on me, weren't you?" Jongin forces a grin, although it hurts when Luhan doesn't laugh like what he expected him to do, "Babe... You didn't mean it, right? What I heard right now.... what you said right now..." He shakes his head. "That's not true, right!?"
"Jongin..." Luhan slowly pulls away, releasing himself from Jongin's grasp, "Let's not do this anymore... I'm letting you go now... So just be happy with Kyungsoo and take care of him for me... Please..."
"No, Luhan... Y-you can't do this to me," Jongin takes a deep breath, quickly wipes his tears away, and clenches Luhan's shoulders as he attempts to be strong, "Don't leave me like this... Don't leave me and Kyungsoo alone... I can't let you go.... I just can't live now without you!"
Luhan shoves him away but to no avail, he's just too weak to even function, he's greatly suffering seeing the man he loves cry because of him.
"Babe... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for everything," Jongin mutters, and he's already getting on his knees to beg Luhan not to go, "I-I'll promise to do better, I'll be a good boyfriend to you! I'll do whatever you want and give everything you ask... so just please don't leave me and Kyungsoo... Our lives will be different without you, Luhan... Please..."
Luhan bites back his tears, squeezing his eyes shut before he musters enough courage to say it.
"I just don't love you anymore, can't you take the hint?" he tells Jongin, sharp words piercing like daggers, "I already told Kyungsoo I'm breaking up with you... I just don't feel like doing this anymore."
"Is this because of Sehun? That's why you're doing this?"
"No! It's not because of him. He's outside of this matter. I chose to do end things by myself. I want to finish everything between us so please," Luhan pushes Jongin away as he cries, "Don't make it harder for me... Just do me a favor and let go of me... I don't want to see you anymore. We're over---"
Jongin harshly grabs his face and kisses him on the lips. It tastes salty because of his tears as he crashes their mouths together, so Luhan instantly pushes Jongin away and slaps his face hard.
Jongin steps back and holds his cheek.
"Don't do that to me ever again," Luhan mutters. "You're not my boyfriend anymore."
"No... Don't leave me, please," Jongin says, chasing for Luhan's hand one last time. "I love you, I just love you so much... Don't break up with me and Kyungsoo..."
"I'm sorry, but I'm already disgusted just seeing you beg like that, Jongin. Even thinking about how I loved you makes me sick."
Hearing those heartbreaking sentence, Jongin slowly releases his hold on Luhan's arm as the male turns his back at him. He helplessly watches him go as Luhan takes a piece of his wrecked heart.
Sehun only watches them from a far.
"Please forgive me," Luhan whispers to himself while he runs back inside the house not to hear Jongin's pleas, "I just love you so much... I'm sorry..."
Knocking on the door lightly to check up on Luhan before he goes to sleep, Sehun opens the door only to find the bed empty. His eyes search for the pretty male, seeing him slumped on the very corner of the room sobbing hard he almost loses his breath.
He is about to step towards Luhan and ask him if he was all right, but his feet seem to get heavy, making him unable to move from his spot outside the room while hearing Luhan's heartbreaking cries.
Taking a deep breath, he decides to announce his presence by silently closing the door again, stepping back, and pretending to make a noticeable noise of his footsteps, before he loudly knocks on the door.
"Hyung! Luhan hyung! Are you sleeping already?"
It is silent inside for a while, before he hears Luhan yell:
"Nope! Come in!"
The moment Sehun opens the door, he sees Luhan with his phone now lying comfortably on top of his bed as if nothing happened. The pretty male smiles brightly at him like he was completely okay, and the pain it brings to Sehun's chest.
"I was about to sleep when you called me. What now?"
Sehun averts his eyes.
"I just..." wanted to ask you, why are you doing this? Why are you hurting yourself and the people you love? Is this what really makes you happy? "wanted to see you before I sleep..."
"Come here," Luhan stands up and walks towards him, pulling Sehun's arm until he is being pushed on the bed. He straddles his torso so that he is sitting on top of him, "Do you want to fuck?"
Sehun opens his mouth to answer no, to just say he only wanted to talk about what happened between him and Jongin; to ask Luhan if there is still a chance to mend the relationship of them three, to just tell Luhan he wanted things not to be as complicated as this; to just let Luhan know that he could cry on him if he just wanted to.
"Hey. Are we gonna fuck or not?"
Sehun looks up to his yearning eyes, "Will that... make you happy?"
"Of course. Sex makes me happy," Luhan smiles, and again, it never reaches his eyes. "Come on, let's do it."
Sehun finds himself just nodding to his proposition.
"Okay, if that's what you want, then..."
"Good. Now undress me."
Sehun ignores the guilt building up inside his chest as he takes off Luhan's clothes with his heavy fingers. He tries his best to forget how Jongin looked so broken tonight, and how Luhan looked so torn apart while hiding his tears underneath his gaze.
*
To be continued.