{I'll be updating in a about two hours or so again. So yes it's a double update in a day. Heads up! You're in for a surprise. For anyone who is interested I will be doing a livestream/twitcam at around 1:30pm PST today. If you don't know what that is, it's 1:30pm LA time. Here I will answer some of your questions and thank ever yon for the amazing support in writing this fanfic, and I'll obviously talk about twitter too ahah. Thank you so much! I hope to talk to a few, and vote and comment on this chapter while I go write the next one! ILYSM <3}
Songs for this chapter -
Burn - Ray LaMontagne
*Harry's POV*
He was stuck in this haze of confusion and solitude. No where to turn, he felt as if his life was almost over. He couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, no solution for his actions, or what had happened. Everyone he knew, turned on him, everyone he trusted, was no longer there for him. He had lost everyone, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that one person, the one who would make his world spin round and round. The one who he looked forward to seeing everyday, his only reason to be, his savior was no where to be found. He'd lost the most precious thing he ever owned, his treasure. He no longer had his safe haven, would he ever be safe again? There wasn't a moment where he wouldn't question himself. Would he ever be happy again? Would he ever find someone? Would he ever find something that would keep him going, just like he did. It was as if his world had plummeted on top of him, crushing his every bone. He was suffocating in his own reality. There was nothing he could do, at least he thought. The thought was quick and done. So he heard he had someone new, he wanted him to be happy, what else was he supposed to do. With no way of stopping it, he turned to the only thing that would cloud his mind, cloud the memories, forget his voice, forget the one person who he had ever loved. It was never easy, but under the influence it was as if he were in heaven, with nothing to fear or doubt. There he was, sitting on stool, slouched over a counter. Two, three, four, five, shots at a time. The burning at his throat hurt, but not as much as the burning in his chest. Pain was nothing now, so much pain would eventually lead to numbing, and that's exactly what he was, numb.
"Are you sure you have enough money for this kid?" the man behind the counter asks, his voice echoing in my head, once, twice, three times. I can feel my head spinning, everyone around me, everything is doubled. My body isn't complying with my brain, I'm trying to move, but my body is almost as if it were moving in slow motion. All my reflexes are slow, every time I try to talk, nothing comes out. My eyes are closing, but I'm doing my hardest in keeping them open. The cold sweat that covers my body is the only thing that keeps me cool, yet it's still so hot in here. I find it harder to breathe every minute that passes, almost as if my lungs were collapsing. The only thing that has kept me from losing all ability to breathe, is the small inhaler I still carry with me. It's become sort of a habit carrying it, even if I'm no longer with him, there's barely enough space in my pockets to keep it in there along with this ring, and phone. No matter what I do, I can never leave the two items behind.
"Kid, I asked you a question. If you can't pay for it then I'm going to call the authorities to escort you out." his words jumble up in my head, causing it to hurt even more than it is already.
I slowly try to stand up off the counter, but fail and slump back over it. My head searches Scott, but he's no where to be seen. The bar is almost empty, yet the music is still as loud as ever and the lights just as bright. It's when I realize, I'm in this alone, all for nothing.
"I've, I've got it," I mumble, tripping over my words. My hands slips into the pocket of my jeans, picking in it, trying to find what this man wants. In searching between the thin fabric between my thigh and the other layer of fabric, my fingers get caught in it, and as I pull them out, everything in my pocket falls to the floor. My eyes are set on the ring that I've been carrying for so long, it spins and spins, and my vision isn't helping. Each time I try grasping it, I miss.
On my knees, trying to pick up the piece of silver, a pair of legs stand in front of me, bending down, retrieving the ring for themselves. "No, please," I breathe, trying to regain my balance to stand up again.
"This will do, you clearly don't have enough money," the man waves the ring in front of his face, inspecting it as if it were some kind of diamond. "Give it back!" I shout, lunging forward towards him, only to fall to the ground again.
The mall laughs at my action, his irritating gesture only makes me want to get up even more than I already do. With all my strength, I pick myself up, walking over to him, my legs wobbling below me. This sudden kick of adrenaline kicks in, giving me strength and power to dominate the man, snatching the ring that he holds between his fingers. No matter what I do now, I know I'm going home with something to worry about.
My feet move swiftly under me, so quick my body hasn't had the time to react. I look back and see the man chasing behind me, trying to catch up. I don't know if it's the adrenaline that's giving me the ability to get away as fast as I can, or the desperation to see Louis. All I know is that I have to get to him with this ring, no matter what. All my sense of thinking has vanished and I only have my mind set to one thing, seeing him.
It's like I'm back in time, trying to run and see Louis. I'm not aware that what we had is gone, all I'm thinking about is seeing him. Whether it be when I hit the ground, or the alcohol that has gotten to my head, one of them is messing with my thoughts and memory.
Outrunning the man outside isn't hard, at nearly two blocks I lose him after hearing him shout, "I'm calling the police," it's then I know it's my time to flee. The streets are empty, the streetlights are the only things that light the street. I look around and there's no where for me to turn to, it's already drizzling a bit, but not enough to get me soaking wet. In an instant, thoughts of Louis could my mind, all my senses are numbed but I feel that Louis' close, at least I think he is. The only place that's set in my mind is my room, and get this urge to hurry and find him there. Everyone I ever knew is out of existence in my head, except him. All the bad that has ever happened is gone, and it's as if we're back in time, like nothing ever went wrong, and I know he's waiting for me back in the room. Before I know it, I'm running down streets, without getting tired, crashing into walls due to my drunkenness, my feet wobble under me, I'm falling every five steps, but I get up, and I'm going for him.
I have no idea how long I've been running, or how much, but I know he's close. My clothes are wet from the rain, hair sticking to my face, yet I'm still holding up, not giving in to the coldness.
As I turn the corner, I can see the lights inside the room lit, he's inside, it's only obvious. I hurry up, running up a few flights of stairs, finally reaching the room. My hand fiddles with door knob trying to get it to open, after the third try, I've finally managed to open it.
Walking inside, there's only a small table light that's on. The small table side lamp illuminates a small portion of the room, enough for me to see his silhouette. He's sat at his bed, reading by the looks of it. Once he takes sight of me, he sets down his book, leaning forward to take a look at me.
"Harry, are you drunk?" he asks, his voice sounding a little off, not like I remember it.
"A little," I laugh, falling down onto my bed. My eyes try to focus on his face, but my vision is still blurred, only letting me recognize his blue eyes, they too are slightly off, not like I remember them.
"You said you'd come back at lunch, you didn't," he says, sitting at the edge of his bed.
"They almost took your ring, but I got it back," I wave the ring in front of my face, showing it off. He stares at me with a look of confusion.
"Ring? Harry, I think you're confusing me for someo-"
I cut him off before he can complete his sentence, "How could I ever confuse you for anyone else Louis,"
"I'm Lu-" he begins, only to be cut off again,
"It feels like it's been forever, since we've been together. I keep having this nightmare, a never ending one, where you aren't mine anymore and we split. Oh I was miserable, and then I met this boy named Luke and tried to replace you with him, it was horrible," my voice slurs , hiccuping here and there.
"What?" he almost screeches, scooting back on his bed.
"That's not it," I continue, "Liam and Noah were trying to break us apart, the whole thing was a mess. Then I went out and got drunk, but sooner or later I'll wake up, right?" he shakes his head,
"You need help," he breathes, eyes wide open as he reaches to turn the light up a little higher.
No matter what I do, I can't help but walk over to him, and touch him, feel his finger run through my hair. I need him. Without thinking it through, I walk over to his side, legs still weak but I manage to make it over. My body stands in front of him, watching his every move. I can barely see him, but it doesn't matter, I just need to feel him, his embrace.
My hand reaches towards the bed side light, switching it off, leaving the room pitch black.
"I need you Louis, your body pressed against mine, our breathing in sync," my voice becomes shaky as I lean closer to the bed, his breathing has increased by the sound of it, and it's as if he's trying to talk but he's caught between his words, not knowing what to say or do.