Locker 17

Chapter 94

{So while I was writing this chapter, I was listening to Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars which brought me to tears. So if you want, you can listen to that song while reading this chapter. Just a suggestion ☺️}

*Harry's POV*

He thinks he was a replacement for Sam and he's right.

"You want the truth right?" My voice is low, but loud enough for him to hear me. Louis nods his head telling me he wants the truth. It'll hurt him but this will be the best way to get closure from all of this. If he can take half about what I'm about to confess to him, otherwise the rest will have to wait. This isn't going to be easy, not at all. I've been avoiding all this hoping that Louis would never bring it up. Sometimes you just have to get things over with.

He has a point to be curious about the whole thing. How we rushed things was uncalled for, I guess I thought it would be over soon. I never planned on having an actual relationship with Louis, hell no. But either way it happened and that turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I clear my throat before I start talking. This shit won't be your short, causal conversation. It'll take a while, a long while.

"When you first came to school and I saw you nearly get beat up by Zayn, I didn't make much of it. Not until I got a closer look at you. You reminded me so much of Sam. The way your hair was styled, your eyes, your lips, your face was just wow. But the one thing you didn't resemble to Sam was your personality. You two are complete opposites. He loved to wear black, you rarely do. He was covered in tattoos, you're not. Sam was three years older than me, you're not. You two have your differences but I couldn't see that at first." I look down at my fingers before I can continue. Louis won't even look at me straight in the eyes after I brought up how he reminded me of Sam, "The day I asked you out to the cafe was because that's was mine and Sam's little get-a-way place."

"Is that why Barbara said I reminded her of S-Sam?" He asks, he's caught up quickly. He flinches when saying Sam's name almost as if it was acid in his mouth.

"Yes but please listen." He nods his head, letting me continue, "So I took you there and that's where it began."

"What began?" His eyebrows meet at the middle, his forehead crinkling. God, why does this have to happen.

"Replacing Sam with you." Louis' eyes widened and for a moment I swear he's going to cry but he hold it in. I can see him swallow the excess saliva he has in his mouth, "The whole week I went missing from school was to put my shit together, that's when I made the plan to get closer to you. I needed time to get myself composed, ready and become determined to the horrible shit I was going to do. After I finally made up my mind, I went back to school. You were the only thing I had in mind. Everything was going great, getting to know you and all the stuff in between. When I was finally close enough, that's when I took you to the back of the abandoned house...where I kissed you. I called you Sam on purpose when I kissed you for the first time. I know, I know. It was stupid, specially when I knew it'd be your first kiss. When I went running after you I wasn't running after you because you left, but because the opportunity to hurt you was slipping through my fingers." No words can explain how much I wanted to hurt Louis, not physically but emotionally. I wanted him to feel what Sam made me feel, unwanted, worthless, useless. Louis did nothing to me, not one thing and I still hated him. I hated him because I wanted to. The simple fact of him reminding me of all the bad memories Sam created came back.

"Hurt me? Why would you want to hurt me?" His voice is calm, surprisingly, but I know he's slowly breaking from the inside and I can't stop that.

"Because you looked like Sam. I thought that maybe I'd be able to hurt you like he hurt me, that way I'd get some sort of closure. I wasn't able to hurt Sam, so I wanted to hurt you. You had done absolutely nothing to me, you ended up being nothing like him. And I ended up hating you for that. I hated you so much. When you went out with Lily was when I found that out. Yes, I ended up finding it out the hard way way but it was worth it, I swear. So many things came after that. Finding out about our past, mine and yours. The fact that we knew each other before was mind blowing. It caught me off guard, yes, but that only showed me that there was another reason why I started liking you." He's been quiet during my whole time talking. The tears rolling down my cheeks are inevitable.