Jieun lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
"The truth is... I really, really like you - no, I think I love you."
Jieun's heart hammered against her chest at the mere thought of what Jungkook had said to her hours ago. It was now 1am in the morning, yet she was still unable to fall asleep.
It was unimaginable, to think that Jungkook actually liked her. She always wondered if anyone would ever want to be with her - well, she didn't talk much, her grades weren't spectacular, she wasn't the prettiest girl around... that was what she thought.
"To you, you may have many flaws. But in my eyes, you're the most wonderful person I have ever met. You're really one of a kind."
Her heart did another tiny backflip. The way he looked at her when he said that outside her under the dim street lighting at the playground downstairs as well, before planting a soft kiss on her forehead.
It took her by surprise, yes, but she couldn't deny that she liked it. The way he pushed a few strands of her hair out of the way before gently placing his soft lips against her forehead... she felt like she could stay in that moment forever.
"Give it a thought, alright?" He'd smiled his trademark beautiful smile, before leaving. "Take your time, I can wait."
Now they both knew that they had mutual feelings for each other, yet Jieun was still hesitating to take that one leap of faith. The thought of dating someone still frightened her. Because it meant commitment, it meant vulnerability, it meant sharing secrets.
Jieun pulled the sheets over her head. Drowsiness was forcing her eyelids down, but Jieun fought back. She didn't want to fall asleep. If she did, she'd probably never come up with a decision. She'd end up procrastinating to the point whereby she ends up forgetting all about it and letting everything stay the way it was.
But was that a bad thing?
This was one of the things Jieun really didn't like about herself. Decision-making. To some people, it was like second-nature. A snap of a finger and the decision would be made. Some people followed their heart, some people went with what their minds told them to do. Whether following your heart or your mind is the better choice was a whole different story, but it didn't matter for Jieun, because she never could follow either.
Night time was always the time when Jieun's mind would be the most active. It was quiet, it was peaceful, it was when she could think without disturbance. Even with such an important decision she needed to make, her mind began to drift away, to thinking about the past, thinking about other things, thinking about her.
She couldn't help it. She was the one who influenced most of Jieun's decisions in the past. If she were still around, she'd probably slap Jieun in the back, and tell her to follow her heart. "You should always do what makes you happy," she'd say with a cheerful smile. "I want you to be happy, Jieun. Always."
Jieun fought back tears. She missed her so, so much. It was more than a year since she'd seen her- wait- Jieun froze under her blanket. What was the date? Jieun sat up on her bed, turning on the lights and reaching for her phone. As the phone screen lit up, she held a breath as she glanced at the screen.
2021.10.21
Her breath hitched as she saw the numbers on the screen. How could she forget? Never would she have thought that she'd forget such an important date. Jieun turned off the lights, before sliding back under her sheets, swallowing hard to get rid of the lump that had long formed in her throat. It was 18 months - exactly one and a half years, since she had left.
And tomorrow, she was going to see her.