Chapter Forty-Three
The rest of the day went by with me not being able to focus on anything, but Zayn's words and our kiss. Our incredibly beautiful, but risky kiss. Not only had we kissed for a third time, but we'd also been caught. By Zayn's friend and my ex-boyfriend of all things.
He hadn't said anything. Thank god, but that didn't mean he wouldn't. Zayn said he wouldn't, but I couldn't help but have my doubts. What was keeping him from saying anything? Zayn? Me? If he loved me like he claimed to then maybe he wouldn't say anything to protect me? No, it couldn't be for me. It had to be for Zayn.
"Watch out!" I turned just in time to be hit in the face with a dodge ball.
It caught me off guard and I fell back on my butt. Pain surged through me and I cradled my head in my hand as Liam and Maggie both ran to my aid. Our teacher blew their whistle, but it did little good as everyone began to laugh at me.
Liam bent down beside me. "Gummy bear, you okay?" He asked in worry.
"I'm fine. My head just hurts now." I sighed, trying to stand and Liam helped me to my feet.
"Aris, you sure you're alright?" Maggie asked.
I rubbed my head and nodded. "Yeah, just got a headache now," I muttered.
Just then I noticed Adam running up to us. "You okay there, Red?" He asked with a laugh.
Liam turned to him with a glare. "What's your problem?" He demanded.
Adam arched an eyebrow at him. "Chill, dude. I'm just seeing if she's alright." He assured. He turned back to me and eyed me for a moment. "You okay, Red?" He asked.
I furrowed my eyebrows. Now he was being nice and checking if I was okay? Usually, he was the one who was trying to hit me on purpose. Then again I tended to get hit with things every time I was in Gym class and I should have expected a random day of dodge ball to happen like this.
"I'm fine," I answered rubbing my face.
"Maybe you should watch the ball," Emma sneered.
"Give it a rest," Maggie frowned at her and she glared back.
"It's okay guys I'm fine really," I stood up though my face was burning. Another day in the life.
"Oh we're so relieved," Emma rolled her eyes.
"Be nice babe," Adam commented kissing her and putting an arm around her shoulders before leading her to the other side of the gym.
"That girl doesn't like you," Maggie chuckled.
"No she doesn't but at least she doesn't hate me like Melinda. Or at least I don't think she hates me."
"Think Lita hates me?" she questioned thoughtfully.
"Maybe but I can't imagine anyone hating you," I grinned.
"Me either but I don't think she hates you. She's obsessed with Miles these days," Liam said quickly pulling me out of the way of an incoming dodge ball. Wow, Liam saved me.
"Thanks," I smiled at him gratefully then frowned. I'd been obsessed with Miles for a long time and that didn't seem to be changing anytime soon. Add in Zayn to the mix and you had a recipe for disaster.
Liam and Maggie didn't know about our confession or our kisses. Only Miles knew and when Adam and Emma first approached I wondered if they already knew. It didn't seem like they did but how long could such a thing really be kept quiet? My stomach knotted in fear of what would happen if anyone was ever told. This wouldn't be good for me and probably not for anyone else.
"Maybe she still likes you," Maggie suggested.
"Lita is way over me at this point. Plus I'm obsessed with you," he winked kissing her cheek.
"Were in public," she chuckled smacking his chest lightly and I smiled at how cute they were.
The whistle was blown signifying we needed to head to the locker room to change and I was grateful. Another day in school was finally over. Just one more year and I could graduate and leave this horrible place. Just keep your eye on the prize Ariel. Maggie and I both chose to take showers before exiting the locker room. Looking in the mirror I had a red spot on my face from the ball.
"Dodge balls and me do not mix," I grimaced turning away from the mirror."
"No, they really don't. You okay?" she asked.
"I'm fine no worries," I grinned as we went out to meet Liam.
"You need to stop by your locker before we leave gummy bear?" he questioned.
"Yeah, I'm going to put some stuff up," I replied.
"You want us to go with you?" Maggie asked.
"No thats fine you can go on ahead. I'll just be a second."
"Alright."
I walked to my locker putting my book away and closed the door shut and went to turn around to go find Liam and Maggie when I felt someone grip my head, slamming it straight into my locker with great force. I sucked in a pained squeal as the locker came into contact with my face.
What in the world?
Instantly, I could feel a warmth dripping from my nose and a metallic taste within my mouth. The grip on my hair loosened and I quickly lifted my hand to my nose. Shakily, I pulled back my hand, seeing the crimson liquid on my fingers. A nauseous feeling overtook my stomach as I slowly turned to look at the person who'd done this.
"Next time you decided to kiss my boyfriend I'll do more than bust that ugly face of yours," Melinda warned, a scowl coving her lips.
Fear overtook me at being discovered. She'd found out but how? Zayn? Miles? Jane Doe?
My lip quivered as tears peaked my eyes. Cupping my nose to keep the blood from dripping on the floor, I made a move to run to the bathroom and away from her, but she grabbed my shoulders, slamming me against the lockers again. By this time, we had a full audience and I could hear all the laughter and gasps from them.
"Did I say you could leave?" She spat, putting a painful amount of pressure on my shoulders.
I yelped, flinching away. Somehow I lost my footing and fell to the ground. Melinda towered over me, an evil glint in her dark eyes. I tore my attention away from her long enough to look around frantically for Liam or Maggie. Or even a teacher for help, but to no avail. There was no one here that was going to help me. Liam and Maggie were probably out by his car waiting for me and I knew no one else would stand up for me.
Just when I was about to turn my attention away my eyes landed on his familiar brown ones. Our eyes locked and I pleaded for him to help, but despite the pain look in his eyes, he turned away from me. My heart sank right as I was forced to look away from myself as Melinda grabbed my chin roughly. I flinched and took my free hand to slap her away from me.
"Don't touch me! I don't want your disgusting hands on me." She spat. "You listen and you listen good, freak. If I ever see you so much as look at my boyfriend again I will end you. Do you understand?!" She growled, getting into my face.
The ache in my chest worsened and tears finally fell from my eyes. Her boyfriend. He was her boyfriend. I'd kissed Zayn and he'd kissed me back. Not once, but three different times. The first two times he'd been the one to make the first move.
So, did she know that? Did she think he'd helped play a part in this? Or did she think he was the victim? How did she even find out? Had he told her after he said he wouldn't? The only other person that knew that would say anything was—
"Gem!" My head snapped to the sound of his voice as Miles quickly pushed past the crowd and kneeled in front of me.
"Miles?" I quivered.
He met my eyes and gently reached out, taking my hand that was covering my nose and pulled it away to inspect the damage Melinda had caused me. Once he saw how bad my face was his eyes changed as I could see the anger swirling within them.
With my hand still in his, he turned to Melinda with a heated glare. "What the hell, Melinda?!" He barked.
She rolled her eyes, "Don't give me that, Miles. The freak got what she deserved. She kissed my boyfriend and she better be glad that was the only thing I did." She snapped.
Miles went ridged and I watched as his eyes roamed around the crowd until they found Zayns.
Miles helped me to my feet, making sure he was careful not to hurt me more. He turned to Melinda once more. "If you ever hurt her again I'll make sure you regret it." He warned and I could see a faint hint of worry in her eyes. I didn't want to admit it, but Miles could be really scary.
His icy glare then turned to Zayn as he kept an unreadable facade. "And just so you know. Zayn was the one who kissed her. So next time you want to pick a fight, maybe you should do it with the right person." He stated before walking us away from the scene. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Zayn standing with her now and I even thought I saw him gazing at us.
"Here we'll go to the nurse's office."
"No,' I refused pulling away from him.
"Ariel you need to get it looked at."
"I don't want it looked at!" I snapped tears spilling over in embarrassment.
"Just come here," he said softly taking my hand and leading me to a teacher's bathroom.
"Miles we can't-
"It's fine let me help."
He pulled me into the bathroom and shut the door behind us turning to turn on the faucet and grabbing a paper towel to place against my nose. I couldn't believe this had happened and I couldn't believe Zayn had done nothing. That hurt more than it should though I should have expected it. I'd been foolish enough to think his confession and our kisses had meant something when they meant nothing. I'd believed him and if it was true it just wasn't enough.
Melinda was untouchable if she had Zayn's heart. A guy like him seemed unable to stand up to her. How could I have ever meant anything to him if he had her? She was so beautiful you'd never think she was capable of something like this. I had the injured nose to prove it and more embarrassment to never get over. I pulled the paper towel away to see my nose had stopped bleeding but I was still crying.
"Does it still hurt?" he asked.
"It didn't stop," I sniffed.
'I'm sorry," he frowned.
"Did you tell Melinda? Or anyone?"
"No, I didn't."
"I guess it was Zayn unless Lita did."
"Gem I'm so sorry this happened. I don't know why she had to do that."
"She never needs a reason to do anything she does but I did kiss her boyfriend."
"You don't need to be with Zayn. He'll only hurt you-
"Miles-
"I'm sure he told you some really nice things and he made you feel special but he's not good for you. Melinda is the love of his life. He loves that girl and that won't change."
"I never said it would or that I wanted that. I didn't say anything!"
"Aren't you supposed to still be dating that Reggie guy?'
"Miles please don't judge me right now. I get it, maybe I do deserve what just happened but I'm not a whore."
"I would never call you that gem. I know you and I know you didn't deserve that," he said softly.
"He's good to me. Reggie is so good to me and I do love him."
"You don't love him like you should. Because if you did you wouldn't' be kissing another guy."
"I'm not going to be kissing that guy again. Were done. Not because of something he did for once but something he didn't do."
"That's good. You deserve someone who will love you and only you."
"Where am I going to find someone like that? Seems like Reggie's the only one," I chuckled.
"He's not," my ex-boyfriend insisted.
"Why are you so against Melinda all of a sudden?" I questioned.
"What do you mean?" he furrowed his eyebrows.
"You cheated on her with me so-
"Gem that was a mistake I've regretted ever since then you remember-
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. You have Lita now so everything's fine. I'm going to the parking lot before Liam and Maggie start to worry."
"Let me walk you," he offered.
"I don't think they want to see you."
"I want to make sure your okay," he insisted.
"Whatever," I relented.
Why did he insist on bringing up the past at such random times? Why deal with me when I was such an idiot? An idiot because I trusted Zayn and listened to the lies he told me. Maybe men really couldn't tell the truth. The only guys who could were Liam and Reggie who I was cheating on.
A guy who was so good to me and I was cheating on him with a guy who wasn't worth my time. Why did I do foolish things like this? Why fall for these guys who ultimately hurt me? There were Miles who was my first love and he hurt me by cheating on me with a girl who I thought was my friend and continued to parade himself around with the ex of my best friend all while pretending he still halfway gave a damn about me. He was confusing.
Then there was Zayn who was just as manipulative, could tell me all those horrible lies and then throw away everything like it had never happened. Oh, and he was hopelessly in love with the same girl Miles cheated on me with. How could they feel anything towards her? Beauty shouldn't matter all that much if she had such an ugly heart on the inside but it did.
Why did I have these feelings for them both? Apparently, it was because I was just like my mother. She too fell in love with the wrong people. There was the drunk abusive husband she was married to and even Alec, though a nice English teacher who may be my father, he never fought for her. Never seemed to be there to protect her. Had he promised her things also?
There had to be a reason why she chose Kenneth and not him. She said because she loved him but I didn't know how much you could actually love a guy like that. Even if you were mom. Meaning he must have done something to get her not to choose him. Perhaps he wasn't' good for her. Though he'd certainly be much better for mom and for me.
I jumped as Miles led me through the emptying halls with a hand on the small of my back. I couldn't accept his touch and not feel uncomfortable right now. Even simple touches like those were rooted in the past. I didn't need to go down that road again and I didn't need or want him touching me. I was so embarrassed and that was putting it mildly.
When we walked outside into the parking lot I saw Liam walking towards us with worry on his face followed by Maggie and it was only then I realized I had put another paper towel up to my face just in case it started bleeding again.
"Ariel, what happened?" Liam questioned in worry then glared at Miles.
"Melinda," I stated trying not to cry again.
"What did she do?" Maggie asked.
"Slammed her face up against the locker," Miles said in disgust.
"What why?" he asked.
"She-
"I need to go home and make sure my nose is okay before work," I interrupted Miles and headed for the car.
"Gem?"
"Thanks, Miles for helping but I need to go," I quipped getting into Liam's car.
"Did you do something too?" Liam demanded to Miles and for once I was too emotionally drained to intervene. Maybe I'd even call out of work tonight. No, I needed to go to get my mind off this.
"If your suggesting I let anyone hurt her-
"Well, you sure didn't stop it did you?"
"You want me to slam her face into the locker?"
"No, but she probably does deserve it," Liam frowned.
"Guys calm down. Ariel is ready to go," Maggie pointed out.
"Yeah let's go," Liam turned away putting his hand on Maggie's arm.
"Wait he did help her didn't he?" Maggie asked and Liam turned back to him.
"Did you?"
"Not really. I just got her off the floor and helped her to the bathroom to stop the bleeding."
"Thanks for that," Liam said as he and Maggie headed to the car.
I didn't realize I was crying again until they reached the car. Miles was still standing in the parking lot watching me and I tried to hide my face from him. I was ridiculous. Noticing I was upset Maggie got into the backseat with me and embraced me.
"Gummy bear what happened?" Liam asked.
"Just get me out of here please," I requested and he turned starting the car and I closed my eyes briefly as the engine roared to life.
Why had I allowed this to happen? Zayn doing this shouldn't be anything new. He came from his own complicated beginnings and perhaps that made him act in the ways he did. Still, this offered me little comfort and I didn't want to deal with him anymore. He shouldn't treat me this way and manipulate me knowing all he knew about me. I was a victim and I hated it.
A victim of my own romanticism just as much as mom was. Constantly looking for love from men who could never give me the love I needed. Whether it was romantic love or fatherly love like from Alec. So it seemed I did have daddy issues but that was no excuse for my behavior. Mom was in the hospital right now due to her own romanticism with the men she loved and I couldn't be like her. Even if I'd always wanted to in every other way I could.
I finally pulled away from Maggie deciding I couldn't allow myself to cry anymore but I already wanted to because I knew I had to explain to them what happened and that was the last thing I wanted to do right now. She put her hand on my shoulder in comfort while Liam watched from the mirror.
"Gummy bear what happened?"
"Zayn and I kissed each other again and it was great. He said he loved me and I told him that because I do love him. Melinda found out and she slammed my face into the locker and gave me a bloody nose and he did nothing. How stupid can I be? Why do I ever learn?"
"Oh Ariel I'm sorry," Maggie frowned.
"What a bitch which we already knew," Liam grimaced. "Sorry but maybe I should have taken Miles up on the offer. He can't do that to a girl but he can do it to Zayn. Actually, maybe I should."
"No, I just want to drop it and forget it ever happened. I'm done with him and I mean it. He's gone too far this time." I hoped I meant it this time as I couldn't let him manipulate me anymore.
Perhaps I did deserve what she did to me. I did kiss her boyfriend after all when I had a perfectly good boyfriend. I looked over to see Maggie talking on her phone and I quickly realized she was calling Pamela and telling her I was feeling sick and was too sick to come in today. I glared at her as I wanted to work but secretly I wouldn't mind going home and laying down but I'd have to go to Liam's as I couldn't risk being alone with Kenneth and I wasn't ready to see mom yet as upset as I was.
"I could have worked," I protested regardless of the fact I wasn't sure whether I wanted to or not.
"You need to rest. Pamela said that was fine and to feel better. She and I can handle it tonight."
"I'm taking you to my house so you can rest just in case Kenneth is there,' Liam explained reading my mind.
"Okay, thanks. Does your mom know?"
"No, she's actually with Luci now so you'll have the whole house to yourself unless you want me to stay out of work?"
"No it's fine you should go to work. I'll be fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
Right now I was actually relishing the thought of being alone with my thoughts after the day I'd had. Liam and Maggie were trying to help but right now talking to them only served to remind me they couldn't relate to what I was going to being in a still new but loving relationship. I couldn't explain what was going on to myself let alone to them and I knew I was in the wrong.
Reggie deserved better than me and he didn't even know it. Perhaps I was too selfish to let him go even though I knew I needed to for both of us. I couldn't keep him when he deserved to find someone who would truly love him for him and not cheat with other guys. This was a talk I would just keep putting off and I hoped I wasn't just hurting us both by doing that. Putting off the inevitable for sure. I didn't know who I was anymore and I didn't know anyone else it seemed like.
Zayn had betrayed me in his own way although we'd never been together and he'd never been mine, to begin with. He seemed to be using me in his own way even if he didn't realize that. Who knew? Maybe he was hoping to sleep with me. Show everyone he could bed the loser. Perhaps he'd even come close. He was a better actor than I thought. With all those kisses he may have gotten me eventually. Better I found now I supposed before I really got hurt.
Miles couldn't be trusted either. No matter how sorry he seemed or all the nice things he might do for me. He still did what he did and he could still turn into a jerk like his friend Zayn. Yes, those two were still friends and I was convinced they were cut from the same cloth. They didn't know how to love someone. They only knew how to manipulate others and that was how they were wired to be. What they learned and maybe they couldn't be blamed. This didn't mean they could treat me this way.
When we arrived at Liam's I wasted little time in going to my bedroom and laying under the covers. Liam and Maggie even made sure I was comfortable before they left causing me to smile just a little. I found I was too tired to even hold my eyes open and I didn't fight them when they closed. Only I dreamt of Zayn. Of his kisses, his touch, his scent, his rare smile. I didn't feel angry in the dream like I was in real life but I did feel sadness at knowing it was all a lie.
"Ariel?"
"Zayn," I said on reflex.
"No Reggie."
"Reggie!" my eyes flashed open in fear but I noticed it was only Nick smirking at me.
"Nick, what are you doing?"
"Sunny and I came to check on you. Liam asked us to stop by and even gave us a spare key."
"Where's Sunny?" I questioned noticing she was absent from the room.
"Bathroom."
"Oh okay."
"Aris, you want to tell me why you were muttering another guy's name?"
"Nick it's complicated please don't tell Reggie I need to talk to him."
"So you guys aren't going to work out then?" he asked.
"He's a great guy. Probably one of the best I've ever met. I'm just confused right now and I don't think he's the one. I feel like he sees that too."
"So you haven't told him?"
"No, I haven't."
"Thats rough."
"Yes, it is," I chuckled.
"Can I tell you something?" he asked.
"Sure."
"Well, it's nothing."
"Nick, what is it?"
"Really I might tell you some other time. Now's not really the best time."
"Oh okay."
I wondered what he had to tell me. For a jokester like Nick, he was rarely ever serious. It must be something important though I wasn't sure why he'd want to tell me. We were good friends but he was closer to Reggie. I almost couldn't believe I'd even confessed to him about my doubts with Reggie. Would he tell him? I didn't need someone else finding out a secret of mine and going to tell someone. I hoped he'd keep my secret but I didn't feel like asking him to.
"Hey, Ariel you feeling better?" Sunny asked with a smile as she appeared in the room.
'I'm okay but I wouldn't say better."
"Your nose has a huge bruise."
I turned to the mirror confirming she was right.
"Great now mom is going to see this and she'll freak out. She has enough to worry about."
"Which was why I was thinking about giving you some makeup."
"You think it will hide it."
"Or it will at least make it seem less serious. If she sees it doesn't look so bad she won't be as bothered by it."
"Thanks, it will help a little bit."
I watched as she pulled out her makeup bag and got to work powdering my nose. I really hoped she'd be able to cover it up.
"Are you really okay"' she asked.
"I'm alright."
"Melinda was definitely the one in the wrong whatever happened."
"Did Liam tell you?"
"Not in so many words."
"I kissed Zayn and we said we loved each other and then somehow Melinda found out and slammed my face into the locker and he did nothing. I was stupid for expecting him too. I don't know if Miles told them or what. He saw us but he didn't let his girlfriend Lita see. Maybe she figured it out," I sighed.
"He said he loved you?"
"Yeah."
"Do you think he meant it?"
"Not now."
"At the time?"
"Yeah, I did."
"You said you loved him."
"I think I do."
"Even though you're with Reggie?"
"Yeah, I know that makes me horrible." I frowned.
She shook her head. "Only if you don't tell him. No, it doesn't make you horrible even then," she corrected.
"He deserves better than me, but I don't want to hurt him. It's not just me I think he knows. He's just too good of a guy to break up with me because he doesn't want to hurt me. I don't want to hurt him even if it wouldn't hurt that bad." I admitted, looking down.
"I understand," she smiled sadly.
"Are things good with you and Nick?" I wounded.
"Great. Here you're all done," she said pulling her brush away.
"Does it look better?" I asked.
"It does." She nodded with a smile.
"Do you still see it?"
"Only a little bit." She shrugged.
"Thanks, Sunny."
"No problem. You know I'm here for you."
"I know and I'm here for you too," I promised.
"I know," she grinned.
"You girls done?" Nick asked coming back into the room with a mouth full of chocolate.
I quivered an eyebrow. "Where did you get that?"
He held up the half-eaten bar of Hershey's as if inspecting it. He then turned his eyes to me. "Downstairs, in the cabinet. Why?" He asked, taking another bite out of it.
"Was it the last one?"
"...Maybe..." Nick grinned.
"Nick!" I whined.
"Ariel!" He mocked me.
"Sunny!" Sunny chimed in with a laugh.
I sighed as a smile crossed my face. "You owe me a candy bar, Nicky," I stated with a playful glare.
He rolled his eyes. "I don't owe you anything."
"Oh yes, you do. You know how much I love candy and that was the last one and it belonged to me."
"It did not. This is Liam's house remember?'
"Yeah and he and Kaylin both saved it for me."
"Why not for Maggie?"
"She already had one. Next to the last one actually. I was specifically told that the last one was for me."
"Whatever you like Skittles better."
"That doesn't mean I don't like chocolate."
'I thought your nose got hit not your brain."
"Shut up," I snapped jokingly.
"Nicky you did steal her candy bar," Sunny chimed in.
"Don't you call me that too! You never have and whatever it didn't have her name on it."
"It was still the last one."
"So?"
"You should have known!"
"Excuse me for not being a mind reader."
"It shouldn't take a mind reader."
"You're a horrible person!" Sunny spoke.
"The both of you are ganging up on me and I don't appreciate it!"
"You have done the unforgivable," Sunny continued.
"Fine do you want me to take you and get another candy bar?"
"Yes."
"And with your money," Sunny chimed in.
"Geez fine I'll buy you both one if it's that important," he sighed.
"It is,' I replied smirking at Sunny who grinned back at me.
"Fine let's go you psycho's he chuckled.
Maybe we were both psychos or maybe we just really wanted our chocolate. Either way, we were victorious as he took us to the supermarket to pick up our chocolate. I made him buy me a huge chocolate bar that I had no hope of ever devouring the whole thing tonight and we headed back to Liams.
I didn't feel good but I knew I'd end up going to see mom tonight regardless. I couldn't not go visit her while she was stuck in the hospital. I'd ask Nick to take me now but I didn't want to go without Liam who'd promised to take me. He and Maggie would be off work soon anyway.
The three of us sat on the couch watching television and I tried not to think of today's events but it proved futile. How could I not think of all that happened? Of Zayn's betrayal? Of Miles help? How could the former have done nothing to help me? Why couldn't he at least apologize?
Not that it mattered when he should have stopped it. She was his girlfriend but that didn't mean he shouldn't rebuke her when she did something she shouldn't have. She shouldn't have done that no matter what after she'd done everything to me she had. She'd never been my friend but now her betrayal seemed like almost nothing compared to her boyfriends.
If she felt threatened by me or of him leaving him for me she shouldn't have. He'd never do that and maybe that was her little test. To see if he could ever care enough about me to stop her. He didn't. I wasn't asking him to hit her or yell at her. Actually, I hadn't asked him to do anything. Even so, the fact he did nothing was all the more hurtful after what he'd said.
He told me he loved me.
Kissed me in such a way I thought he meant it.
He didn't. He lied and he had never loved me. I shouldn't have trusted him.
Why was I so stupid?
"Aris?"
"Yeah?" I looked up facing her.
"Are you okay?'
"Yes, why?'
"Your eyes are getting red and you looked like you were crying."
"Oh um no," rubbing my eyes I felt some moisture there and realized she was right. I had been crying.
Why did I keep crying over him? Why did I insist on crying over all the people I did? They didn't deserve my tears anymore. If they ever did they didn't know.
"What's wrong?" Nick asked.
"It's nothing really."
"We know you better than that. We know when somethings wrong," he grinned.
"Just everything that happened today."
"Yeah it was a lot," he sighed.
"It was."
"Sorry I made fun of you for getting your nose hurt. I shouldn't have."
"No, it's fine I needed a good laugh today."
"Just putting my two cents worth in that is totally not needed but if he can't stand up for you he doesn't deserve you."
"Thanks, I'm not sure he even wanted me to begin with."
"He kissed you so he must have."
"Or he just wanted to manipulate me and it worked."
"You never know. Maybe he could explain or something?" Sunny offered.
"How could he ever explain that? He did nothing. I don't even want to hear anything he has to say!" I frowned at how hateful I was with her when she was only trying to help. "Sorry, I'm not mad at you."
"It's okay," she smiled at me.
'So what if he did explain? What would you forgive?" Nick asked making me think a little bit.
"Nothing I don't think there's anything he could say that would make me forgive."
"For the record, I don't think you should but you are a very forgiving of others you might forgive him."
"I don't think I will."
He was right so I didn't bother denying him. I could be very forgiving though I was thinking about how he was also wrong. I used to forgive Kenneth but I stopped doing so a long time ago. I once thought I could forgive Miles for anything he might be but I had yet to forgive him even if my heart still wanted to even now. I had forgiven Zayn in the past but I wouldn't be forgiving him any longer.
"You never know Aris."
"I hope I'm not that dumb," I groaned.
"You aren't," Sunny smiled.
Or maybe I was. There was a part of me that caught myself looking at my phone waiting for Zayn to text or even call me to apologize. Explain what happened and I had the idea if he did I'd forgive him despite what I'd just pledged. But he didn't and that confirmed I couldn't forgive him. What he did was more unforgivable almost than even Melinda bashing my face into the locker.
Another part of me kept hoping Miles would text or call to ask if I was okay but he didn't either. I supposed he'd done enough today for me. More than he should and if he did anymore Lita might decide to bash my nose next. Anger surged through me that I didn't do more to stand up to her today. I shouldn't let her treat me like that. My abusive alcoholic dad was one thing but I couldn't let a former friend turned petty teenager do this to me as well. Everyone had been watching us and I was embarrassed, hurt, and in pain.
She was also angry and I didn't think I'd ever seen her this way. She had a right to be angry but did she really have to react that way? Or actually, did she have a right? I kissed her boyfriend sure but she had sex with mine. So who's treachery was worse? I'd say hers but then neither of ours had been the best thing to do. Zayn had kissed me the first two times but I was no longer a victim in this. I had kissed him back and then the last time I'd kissed first.
That wasn't even the worst of it. Did she know he told me he loved me? Of my confession to him? Was she laughing about it now? Did she know of all our kisses and times spent together? Of the lies, he'd told me? Whatever she knew I wondered what he told her. Maybe she broke up with him.
She should. After what she'd done to me she deserved to feel pain and know her boyfriend cheated on her with me. The loser ex-best friend whose boyfriend she cheated with. Zayn deserved the girl he loved to break up with him for all he'd done. They deserved it.
No, they didn't.
No matter what they didn't deserve that. No matter what cruel people they were it wasn't right for me to wish anything bad upon them. If he loved her and she loved him who was I to get between that? If this utterly horrible girl made him feel love then maybe they needed to be together. Maybe they deserved each other. I couldn't question that any longer.
Zayn was damaged and maybe that was why he was the way he was. I felt sorry for him and all those around him. I also felt sorry for me. I stood up finally eating a tiny bit of my candy bar which Nick insisted better be the best one I'd ever tasted until the doorbell rang interrupting me.
"It's Reggie," Nick said.
Reggie.
When he walked inside he walked over placing a tender kiss on my lips.
"Aris I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you earlier. Liam told me what happened but mom was drunk and I had to take care of her. I'm so sorry I didn't-
"No don't apologize. Don't apologize to me at all and don't ever apologize to me for taking care of your mom. I understand," I insisted putting my hands on either side of his face.
"I should have been here for you sooner."
"No it's fine Nick and Sunny have been here for me and it's been fine."
"I'm your boyfriend and I'm supposed to be there for you. I wasn't."
Why did he insist on being so perfect and why did I want something else? Why did I want the ones who were jerks and who hurt me? I didn't deserve him and I didn't deserve a guy like him. I was a horrible person. Why was I like this? I hated myself."
"You don't have to apologize or feel bad. I'm not always there for you either when I should be. You deserve better."
"Aris-
"You deserve better than me," I said tears forming in my eyes.
"Aris don't-
"Reggie I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"Everything."
"Ariel I love you," he stated and I sobbed.
"I love you too."
He reached out to embrace me and I couldn't stop crying now. I did love him but not in the way I should or needed to. He did love me and I knew he wasn't lying like Zayn. I just didn't believe he loved me as any more than a friend. Did he see this? Was I only making it worse for him? By crying and making him feel sorry for me?
"Reggie,' I choked out.
"What?"
"You don't need me."
"What are you talking about?"
"You don't need me. I'm horrible for you, look at me."
"There's nothing wrong with you and I'm not leaving you."
Why must he do this? Why not just break up with me when I deserved it? I was a horrible person and I deserved it.
"You should."
"No, I could never. Not when you need me. I'll never leave you.
I had to tell him but I couldn't do it right now. Not with Nick and Sunny here to witness it. I could see Nick looking at us with sadness and pity because he knew. He wouldn't say anything even when he needed to. He wouldn't hurt me that way just as Reggie wouldn't. Not like Miles or Zayn did.
Selfish.
I was selfish because I couldn't break up with Reggie now because I needed him. If he wouldn't leave me then I wanted him to be with me and to comfort me. He wouldn't leave or hurt me like they would. Feeling those comforting strong arms around me were what I wanted and needed. I loved him but I wasn't in life with him. I was stringing him along and I was using him. He was here and he wanted to be. I had to do it but not yet. Not when I was so vulnerable. I had to have someone who wouldn't hurt me by my side. Right now I just couldn't take being hurt any longer.