So I wanted to get this chapter out today because I go back to college on Thursday and although I'll be updating as much as I can, we start planning and rehearsals for our Christmas performance, like...pretty much instantly.
I made it longer chapter just in case I don't get to update until like...next week, but it shouldn't come to that :)
Please vote and comment, tell me what you think! Enjoooooooooy!
**
Keeping promises had always been one of my strong points.
After being disappointed so many times by my mother breaking numerous promises to me while I was growing up—promises that she’d stop drinking and get help—I always did my absolute best to keep my own and not disappoint anyone or make them feel how I had felt.
I’d done extremely well so far. It hadn’t been hard to stay away from Ronnie because being around Zacky didn’t even make me think of him all that much, but the numerous calls and texts I had to avoid answering had begun to make it a little difficult.
Another two weeks had gone by since Zacky had made me promise to stay away from Ronnie, and I couldn’t quite believe that it had actually been four solid weeks since we’d started dating. When around twelve days passed without so much as a word from Ronnie, I figured it was going to be relatively easy. Now that he knew about Zacky and I, maybe he didn’t want anything to do with me. That would disappoint me a little, but I could live with it.
But that Saturday, with my dad out of town to see his parents again and Zacky busy discussing things with the guys, I’d been lounging around the house when my phone started blowing up with numerous texts and calls.
They were all from Ronnie—one after the other, demanding to know why I was avoiding him again and telling me it wasn’t fair that I was totally neglecting him now that I had a boyfriend. I tried to ignore all of them, but when my phone started ringing for the fifth time, I grew aggravated and decided to answer.
“What?” I snapped a little too harshly as I answered, immediately feeling guilty, “Sorry I didn’t answer the first four times, I was in the shower.”
“Your attempts of lying to me are always so ridiculously shit.” He calmly replied, not a hint of anger or irritation in his voice, “Where have you been?”
Rolling my eyes, I sat down on the sofa, turning the television on. “Around. Mostly with Zacky. Why?”
“Have you been avoiding me?”
I hesitated. I wasn’t sure whether to just come right out and tell him I couldn’t hang around him anymore or if I’d just make up a lie and see where it went. Still unsure of what to do, I sighed.
“You have, haven’t you?” He then said, stressing me out even more, “For Christ’s sake, Midge, I won’t tell anyone about you and Baker. I was just a little shocked, that’s all.”
“It’s not that I’m worried about.” I rolled my eyes, “I just...you know this isn’t just any normal relationship. I have to keep it a secret right now and with that comes a lot of effort and it takes up quite a bit of time. I just haven’t had the chance to see you.”
“You’re lying.”
I sighed. “No I’m not.”
“Oh yeah?” He then raised his voice a little, “Prove it to me. You don’t seem all that busy right now. Come see me for an hour and tell me the real reason. You owe me that much after everything I’ve done for you.”
Part of me wanted to yell at him to back off and leave me alone—that I’d finally got the relationship I wanted and I wasn’t going to let anything ruin that. But another part of me felt sorry for him. For all the times he’d picked me up and taken me numerous places when I needed a ride...the times he’d immediately took me out when I’d told him I was bored. Surely, if I was going to have to stop talking to him, I at least owed him an explanation face to face.
And Zacky didn’t have to know.
“Okay.” I sighed again. “But only for an hour.”
**
I kept a close eye on the time.
All the while that I’d been talking to Ronnie, I’d been doing regular checkups on the time on my phone, trying to cut it to one hour exactly. I wasn’t even sure why I was this paranoid. I knew I shouldn’t have been breaking my promise to Zacky, but I wasn’t seeing him tonight, so it wasn’t like he had any reason to find out.
I did, however, manage to screw up what I’d actually met up with Ronnie for. As I’d walked up to meet him, I thought it over in my head, everything I was going to say. I just had to come out with the truth—my relationship was the most important thing now and I couldn’t let anything get in the way and that I was grateful for everything he’d done for me.
It hadn’t gone that way. Not at all.
As always, Ronnie had completely twisted the situation and I’d got sucked into going to the beach with him to have fun, rather than talk about serious stuff. It didn’t stop me standing up and announcing I was leaving after an hour had passed, though. After listening to him whine for five minutes, I managed to peel him off my arm and began to make my way home.
Immediately, I was starting to feel the guilt of breaking the promise. Not only had I broken it, but I’d also not told Ronnie what I should’ve told him, which would now probably cause me to break it even more.
I incessantly checked my phone, wondering if I should just call or text Zacky and come clean. Telling him straight away might have made it better, but as always, I was too much of a coward. I continued to make my way home without saying a thing and let myself into the house, freezing when I found the door unlocked.
My dad wasn’t due back for another few days, so it couldn’t have been him. All the guys had a key to our house, so it could have been any of them, but it didn’t stop fear coursing through me as I cautiously kicked my shoes off and slowly walked through to the living room, noticing the light was on.
And immediately, my gaze landed on Zacky, just casually sitting in the armchair, his eyes pinned on the door as if he’d been waiting for me to come in.
I frowned and placed my keys down on the little table by the door. I couldn’t really make eye contact, but his stare seemed to follow my every movement, which told me something was definitely wrong.
“Um...Hi?” I finally managed to speak, my tone questioning as I forced my eyes to dart to his face.
He said nothing at first, simply raising a hand and slowly dragging it over his face as if something had extremely stressed him out. I watched him cautiously, unsure as to whether it was a good idea to say anything else or make any movement.
“I thought you promised me.” He eventually said, his voice coming out completely exasperated.
Immediately, even more guilt flooded through me. I shouldn’t have met up with Ronnie in the first place, and if I’d really felt like it was important for me to do so, I should’ve told Zacky beforehand.
“I—‘’
“Promised.” He repeated, cutting me off before I could say anything.
Sighing, I cautiously sat down opposite him. “How did you find out?”
“Saw you with him on my way home.” He shrugged a little weakly.
Again, I sighed. There was no way I could make excuses. What I’d done was wrong, and I knew I had to face up to that.
“I...” I began to speak, fidgeting, “It was one hour.”
He shrugged again. “It was one promise.”
He was completely right. Words couldn’t describe how guilty I felt, and I nodded, defeated. He, however, looked at me with the most disappointed look I’d ever seen anyone hold. It only pained me even more, and I had to quickly look away.
“I’m sorry...” I squeaked out, clearing my throat.
“I just...why?” He sighed.
I shrugged. “He asked to see me.”
“So?”
“So I said I’d give him one hour...”
He shook his head, still looking disappointed, and I had to look away again. As I stood up, I had to bite my lip, trying my hardest to push back the tears that were threatening to appear in my eyes. What if I’d blown it already?
“It was just an hour to explain where I’d been and why I hadn’t spoken to him...” I quietly said, my voice cracking even more than I’d expected it to.
He immediately scowled. “Sure.”
“It was!”
“I don’t care what the reason was!” He suddenly yelled, making me jump ever so slightly. Sighing at my reaction, he lowered his voice, “It still hurts.”
That made my face fall even more. I knew he’d be disappointed in me, but it was quickly beginning to occur to me that I’d really hurt his feelings. Biting my lip again, I edged a little closer, still keeping a fair amount of distance between us.
“But...he’s just a friend, Zacky...” I quietly told him, “He’ll only ever be a friend.”
“Doesn’t mean a thing.” He shook his head, throwing his hands up in the air in an exasperated manner, “Have you ever kissed him?”
I frowned. “You know he’s kissed me.”
“Exactly! It’s the same fucking thing, Midge!”
“No it’s not! I didn’t kiss him back!” I raised my voice a little, growing defensive, “He kissed me and I pushed him away. That was ages ago! Only the second time I met him!”
Crossing his arms over his chest, he stared forward. “Your lips still fucking touched his.”
“I didn’t expect it...”
“Does it matter?!” He shouted again, “It still makes everything different!”
“No it doesn’t!” I exclaimed, “He will never be anything more to me than a friend!”
He scoffed. “But he clearly has feelings for you.”
Although I was the one in the wrong, I was starting to grow annoyed. I’d faced up to what I’d done and apologised, so what more did he want me to say? He was just making stupid assumptions now. Assumptions that weren’t fair, and even though I’d broken my promise, there was no way I was going to stand there and take it.
“You’re impossible!” I scowled, raising my voice, “Have you even thought of what it’s like for me?! Now Charlotte and Linds are back at school, there’s nothing to do. It just gives me time to think about and dwell on things that I don’t even want to cross my mind! And now you’re stopping me from going out with my friend?!”
As he processed my words in his mind, he seemed to calm ever so slightly. I watched him as he sighed and dragged a hand over his face again.
“Midge, how many times do I have to tell you? I worry about you when you’re with him.” He shook his head, staring down at his hands, “He’s notorious around here. I worry so fucking much.”
I groaned, not wanting him to start on that again. If we got into this, I’d just end up making more promises that I wasn’t sure I could keep.
“But you obviously don’t care.” He continued, shrugging, “So what’s the point in me talking to you any more about this, huh?”
I immediately rolled my eyes. “I do care.”
“Then why are you being like this?”
“Being like what?!” I exclaimed, beginning to feel just exasperated as him.
“This!”
I shook my head. “What is this?”
“Ronnie!”
I couldn’t help but sigh again. I was growing completely bored of talking to him and I wanted out of this conversation before it grew into an unnecessary, full-blown argument. Zacky watched me, the disappointment now being completely replaced with hurt as he stared at me with a pleading look.
“Please, baby...” He quietly said, still keeping his gaze pinned on me.
Immediately feeling apologetic again, I went up behind the armchair and leaned down, gently kissing his cheek from behind.
“Sorry...” I whispered, stroking his arm.
As soon as the word left my mouth, he reached behind him and took hold of my hand, pulling me down so that I was perched on his lap and then studying my face with the same hurt expression still painted on his own.
“What’s the point in apologising if we both know you’ll do it again?” He shrugged weakly, still staring at me.
I exhaled deeply. “Do you really expect me to stay home and wait for my cousins to get home from school every day?”
“No.” He rolled his eyes, “But you can hang out with us...get a job...make new friends.”
“You’ll have a problem with anyone I make friends with.” I shrugged, “I’d call Dylan, but you don’t like him, either!”
Again, he rolled his eyes. “I’m sick of talking about this shit.”
“Well come on, Zacky! You will find a problem with whoever I become friends with!”
Immediately, as if someone had flicked a switch, he grew angry again.
“No!” He exclaimed, pushing me off of him, “No.”
I stared at him, the hurt I was feeling probably visible. “What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to stay away from him!” He yelled, “But it’s never gonna happen!”
“Why do we even have to talk about him?!”
He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head like it was obvious, which it actually was. I knew I deserved him shouting at me, but I just wanted to drop it.
“Because I fucking worry about you!” He shouted louder than ever, his anger seeming to grow even more.
“You don’t need to!” I also raised my voice, taking a step back, “I can protect myself just fine!”
“Not if he fucking drugs you!” He shook his head, “And ask yourself this...what would I do then?!”
He wasn’t making any sense to me now. I knew he was angry and probably hurting more than I expected, but I felt like this was growing a little out of hand.
I stared at him, confused. “What do you mean what will you do?!”
“What will I do without you?!”
“Exactly what you did before I came here!” I shrugged.
By that point, he looked completely defeated. An expression I couldn’t work out was painted on his face, though it looked pained—like what I’d just said had really hit him hard.
“No.” He shook his head, his voice cracking as if he was about to cry, “Not now that I’ve had you.”
I frowned. “I’m not gonna be around forever...”
“I’m older than you.” He scowled, “Chances are, I’ll die first.”
I winced. “Don’t say that!”
“Well don’t say I won’t be around forever!” He yelled again, “That hurts me, Midge! A lot!”
Growing more confused, I frowned. “Why?!”
“Because I love you!”
And immediately, I froze on the spot.
It was like time had stopped, just from those four words he’d spoken. I felt myself blink at him and it felt like my blood had run cold, but I couldn’t form any useful thoughts in my head, and I certainly couldn’t say anything.
He just watched me, studying my expression with a nervous one of his own. Whether he was actually meant to blurt that out, I didn’t know, but he’d said it for sure and he knew he couldn’t take it back now.
“I fucking love you and I don’t want to think about you going anywhere.” He then said.
And I still couldn’t do anything. I’d not even given it any thought that our feelings for each other might have grown this strong, and I wasn’t used to people—apart from my dad of course, since I’d moved here—telling me they loved me.
“You...” I attempted to speak, my voice coming out barely above a whisper.
“I love you.” He repeated for the third time, seeming more comfortable this time round as he shrugged.
Slowly, I perched myself on the edge of the coffee table in front of him, still entirely short for words. All I could do was stare at him, wide-eyed, like some kind of frightened animal.
Noticing this, he sighed, his cheeks turning slightly pink. “Look, you don’t have to say anything, I just—‘’
But I didn’t hear the rest of his sentence, as my thoughts finally began flooding back into my head. Zacky had just told me he loved me...for the first time.
And unlike when Alex had told me, I wasn’t feeling scared. I was happy. I was glad to know that he loved me.
And I realised it was because I loved him back.
When I zoned back, I came to the realisation that Zacky was still talking—rambling, even. His words weren’t really making much sense but I could tell he was trying to cover up his embarrassment by reassuring me that it was okay if I didn’t feel as strongly for him as he did for me.
A slight smile tugged at my lips, and I gently punched his arm.
“I love you too.” I loudly said, trying to make him stop talking.
And he did. His words immediately cut off and he stared at me, almost in shock, like he’d not expected me to say it back in a million years. I watched as his shock turned into to happiness, and a smile tugged as his lips, before he leaned forward to impulsively kiss me.
Immediately, I deepened the kiss, allowing him to pull me closer as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He happily smiled into it, raising his hand to gently stroke my cheek.
Finally pulling away, I smiled at him. “You mean it?”
“Of course!” He immediately said, chuckling slightly, “Do you?”
“Yes!” I exclaimed, hugging him, “More than anything!”
Again, he chuckled and proceeded to squeeze me tightly against him. The conversation had certainly taken a positive turn, but I felt him exhale against me, and I knew he’d reminded himself of what we’d been talking about before.
“I can’t make you stay away from him.” He quietly murmured, stroking the back of my hair, “But promise me this. If he tries anything, and I mean anything...you come straight to me, okay?”
Immediately, I nodded. “I promise.”
“Good.” He also nodded, then grinning. “I just love you.”
I smiled. “And I love you.”
“Hearing that is never gonna get old.”
The smile stayed on my face as I cuddled into him, nestling into his neck. It fell silent then, but it didn’t matter. We just sat there, holding onto each other, not caring about anything else but the fact that we loved each other.
Eventually, I pulled away to look at him, still staying sat on his lap. He grinned at me and I returned the smile, tracing a finger over the tattoos on his arm.
“Do you want to stay over?” I asked, my eyes still studying his tattoos.
“Of course.” He immediately shrugged, and out of the corner of my eye, a smirk made its way onto his face.
I looked up to meet his gaze, smiling. “We could...watch a movie...or just go to sleep...or...”
As my words trailed off, my gaze slowly trailed down from his eyes to his lips, my finger still gently stroking his arm. His eyes followed mine, and when my stare didn’t leave his lips, he immediately leaned forward to passionately kiss me.
Instantly, I reciprocated, deepening the kiss. He pulled me closer against him once again, trailing kisses down my jaw line and finally stopping at my neck, planting another gentle kiss on my skin.
I sharply inhaled, at which he chuckled, and I proceeded to move my hands to the top of his shirt, quickly unbuttoning it as he kissed my lips again. As soon as his shirt was off, he pulled mine up and threw them both to the floor, grabbing hold of my hand and pulling me up.
Although he’d already seen me in my underwear when we went drunkenly swimming together, I was completely sober now, and way more shy than I expected myself to be. Now standing up, he pulled away and stared down at me, and I turned my face to the side to avoid eye contact.
“Midge...” He whispered, placing a finger under my chin and turning me to face him again, “You’re beautiful.”
I smiled a little more genuinely and leant up on the tips of my toes to kiss him, at which he immediately kissed back. I wasn’t even sure why I was so nervous, as it was only going to be my first time having sex with Zacky as opposed to having sex in general.
I guess it was just because it was my first time having sex with someone that I actually loved.
“I’ll take care of you.” He quietly said, stroking my cheek, “I promise.”
And that was all I needed to hear, as he took my hand again and gently began to lead me up the stairs.