The PE lesson went on as usual.
Byulyi had come back with two bags, while Seokjin had come back with the other two bags a while later, his eyes all red. No one knew why the both of them had taken so long in the storeroom, that Mr Bang had sent someone to go look for them and modified the game while waiting.
And no one noticed how Seokjin and Byulyi didn't make eye contact at all when they both returned.
"Seokjin," Hoseok took a seat next to Seokjin on the bench during the short break. "What happened?"
"Nothing."
"There's something alright," Hoseok frowned. "Something happen after I left?"
Seokjin swallowed hard. Something big had happened. He was so guilt-ridden he couldn't look Byulyi in the eye, nor Jisoo- wait, where was Jisoo? Whatever, he didn't have time to think about that.
Seokjin didn't even plan anything, it all just happened so unexpectedly. One moment he had seen his best friend in danger, a moment later he had thrown himself on top of her without even thinking. He was just so afraid to lose her that he was willing to risk his life saving her.
And that kiss... Seokjin couldn't say that it meant nothing to him. Obviously he did. He didn't know what made him go for it in that moment, though. WS it the fact that they had both avoided a life-and-death situation together? The fact that they were sitting down in a completely obscure corner of a small and totally obscure storeroom? The fact that... he had held all these emotions of his in for... months?
But that wasn't the main point. The fact was that he had been so absorbed in the moment, that he had literally almost cheated on Jisoo. Before even breaking up with her.
And Seokjin felt awful.
"Nothing," Seokjin repeated. "Hoseok, you know what?"
"What?" Hoseok hummed.
"I don't think I can make it for the party tomorrow," Seokjin bit his lower lip. "I know I said I could, but I-"
"Nope," Hoseok hopped off the bench, shaking his head. "A promise is a promise, Seokjin. And I don't know what you're running away from, but you better stop doing that."
"Hoseok-"
"See you tomorrow."
Hoseok skipped off, leaving Seokjin sitting there alone, deep in thought.
What Hoseok said made sense. He was always running away. From his feelings for Byulyi, from breaking up with Jisoo, from Byulyi, from Jisoo and this time, again, he wanted to run away from facing them both at the party tomorrow, settling all these months of confusion he was facing.
Maybe... he should go?
Seokjin looked around him. His classmates... they've been together for close to two years now. He had seen them change over the past years - Jimin and Yoojung, who always had the eye for each other, were now dating; Jungkook, who used to be the quiet mind-your-own-business guy, was now talking and smiling once again; Jieun, whom he had just gotten to know a few months back, had transformed a really insecure girl into someone much more confident; Taehyung, his one and only brother, had gotten close to him - the biggest improvement they had in many years.
Seokjin himself knew he had changed in many ways, too. He used to be this really friendly guy who lived life with no regrets, going around cheering up people's day, but now he no longer had the energy to do so because honestly, he had enough of his own problems. He had lost his humour, his smile, his happiness in life.
But at the same time, he felt like nothing had changed at all.
He was still the coward he was from months back. He never ever challenged himself, he was always afraid of getting out of his comfort zone. A few months back, when Jisoo confessed... he didn't even give it much thought before saying "yes". And come to think of it, that could be because he didn't want to hurt her.
When he began realising that everytime they went out on dates, he was always thinking about Byulyi, he should have already guessed it. They go eat bingsu - he remembers the fact that Byulyi loves mango bingsu; they go to the arcade - he remembers Byulyi and his favourite game in the arcade, the basketball thingy; they take the bus - he remembers their long bus rides.
It wasn't something you'd do if you treated her just as a friend.
He should have realised his feelings long ago, but even if he did, would anything have changed? Probably not, because he was a coward, he was too afraid to own up to his feelings, to tell Jisoo that he didn't actually love her, to tell her that no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't bring himself to love her. Or anyone else...
Except Byulyi.