I lay in bed that night and I cried .
I didn't want to live anymore . It's not like I ever wanted to . I sat up . It was 2 am .
I grabbed a beer bottle and sat on the couch .
I go to work , acting like I'm fine and then I come home and act like I'm fine but when do I say I'm not fine , that I'm not okay .
A few weeks later :
I got into drugs . Do I regret it ? Deeply . Am I sorry ? No , not at all.
I'm slowly turning into my father . It's scary . Maybe he was just as broken as I am. It's because mom left . I understand now . I still don't know why he abused me . There's no excuse for that .
I met up with my drug dealer in the usual spot at the usual time . 3am in the alley behind the beach .
I'm not addicted yet anyways . Drugs are not like alcohol. It's doesn't make life bearable , it makes it blurry, so that I can't see how fucked up my life really is .
"Come on Frank" I said as I was almost freezing to death . He walked around the corner . "Frank" I said happily . "I told you last time , your deep in debt, if you called me again , you better have money" he said threateningly . "I have 500" I said proudly. "Your debt is 2,000" he said . My face dropped . How did I even get that much drugs . I blinked a couple of times and looked at the ground .
"I dont have it then" I said dropping my head . He sighed and shook his head . "I liked you Ella , I really did , but boss says anyone who's that much in debt , needs help , in taking you to him" Frank said .
"What no , I don't need help" I said stumbling back as he came toward me. "Yes you do" he said grabbing me and pulling me away . There's not much I could do now . I know he only said that so that I'd go willingly to my grave . "He's going to kill me , right" I said sighing . "That's the help" I said . "Maybe it won't be so bad" Frank said . "I'm not scared , I'm kind of happy actually" I said . "Okay , maybe you do need actual help" he said worriedly .
"The shit I've been through , you wouldn't last a day" I said to him as he dragged me and threw me into his car . "Oh trust me , I know" he said nodding .
He drove me to a building . We walked inside . There was so many people , this place was huge . They all glared at me as I walked down the hallways and stairs. "Bosses room" Frank said to a big security guard. Wait.
"No don't put me in there" I begged Frank . "Why are you so scared all of a sudden" Frank said . "Because I know that security guard" I said running out of his grip . "HAY- awh shit" I groaned . Frank had shoved me into the wall . He grabbed me . "Jesus , your really making me put these on you" Frank said shaking his head as he handcuffed me . Blood spilled from my lip . "Shit , sorry" he said looking at me . "It's fine" I said as blood ran down my chin and onto my clothes .
Frank knocked on the door. "Boss , we've got an addict here, massive debt , can't pay it back" Frank said . "Maybe he'll let me fuck for my freedom" I joked .
"Enter" the voice boomed through the room . Frank opened the door and shoved me in , shutting it behind us. "Ass" I mumbled .
"Boss , it's a girl , she can't be older than 25" Frank said. "Kneel" the man hissed . I looked at Frank jokingly , he wasn't going to actually make me - and frank pushed me onto my knees . I had my hands handcuffed behind my back and I was kneeling on the floor , I was a dead man or woman .
"She needs help , I don't think she should stay on this earth any longer , I've seen my fair share of broken and bruised people , but I've never seen someone this badly broken" he said truthfully shaking his head in regret . What he said hurt because I knew it was true . I was an addict , I am an alcoholic, I am my father and I hate it.
A tear ran down my cheek . "I'm sorry" Frank said with a look of regret in his eyes . "Kill her then" the deep husky voice echoed . The room was really dark and it didn't help the man had his back to us in his chair . There was moonlight coming from the window and that was all .
Frank took out his gun . I started to sob. "Can I atleast say goodbye to someone" I said . "Who" Frank asked taking out his phone . He gave me the phone and I dialed the number .
The phone rang and so did the scary mans phone . He froze . I froze. No , it can't be .
"Ash...Ashton" I said. He turned around slowly . He looked at me . "Ella" he said shocked . I looked at the floor . "I hate you" I said. Frank was confused .
"You look awful" he said standing up . "You did this" I said to him . "You broke me, are you happy ? Are you happy?" I yelled at him sobbing uncontrollably.
He stared at me. "What's wrong" he asked . "Your joking" I said angrily as I tried to stand up . Frank shoved me down again . Ashton grabbed Frank and threw him against the wall . Frank moaned in pain . Ashton took my handcuffs off .
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO SELL DRUGS TO ANYONE NAMED ELLA SMITH" he roared at Frank fiercely. "My names not Ella Smith" I said shaking my head as I kneeled on the floor . "It's Ella Mathews , Wife of Jake Mathews" I said as I spit blood onto the ground .
"Jake Mathews......The football player" he asked curiously. "What can I say , atleast he loves me" I said as I walked out . "The money" Ashton said slamming the door . I looked at him harshly . "I owe you nothing considering I saved your life" I said as I ran my finger along his chest where the scar that I stitched was . I bit my lip as I did it , because I wanted him to know what he missed .
"Don't" he growled grabbing my hand . "Ella give me the god damn MONEY" he yelled . I giggled as he got angry. "Your so sexy when your angry" I said as I pulled out 2000 .
"She- I thought - what the fuck" Frank said . "Leave Florida , I don't need you here , fucking up my life even more" I said as I opened the door . He looked at me hypnotized. "No wait" he said but it was too late . "Bye Ash" I smiled as I walked away . He looked at me confused.