Two days after Christmas something amazing happens.
I hadn't heard from Toby since that call on Christmas day, and I was absolutely terrified that something would happen because this is the longest he's ever gone without contacting me, so it was safe to say I was on high alert.
I'd texted the usual good morning, good night, I love you, I miss you, and are you okay texts, but nothing.
No response.
Radio silence.
Then there's a knock on my door while I'm sitting on the living room couch re-reading my favorite book, and I get up to answer it.
I open the door and I see him. He's standing there, his hands in his pockets, with a huge smile on his stubbly face.
"Toby, what are you doing here?" Is the first thing out of my mouth. I'm so scared that he's here to hurt me, but the smile on his face says otherwise. He looks...happy.
"Visiting you of course," he says and pulls me into a big hug, his large arms wrapping around my smaller frame, completely swallowing me up whole. I'm taken aback, of course, but hug him back nonetheless. I'm so surprised he's here, it doesn't even occur to me that I never told him where I live. All I told him was that I'm from Cheshire.
"I can't believe you're here!" I exclaim, beginning to get excited. I've actually been missing him because he was being so nice to me for a few days, and we haven't spoken for two days, so I just was missing the Toby that I fell in love with.
"I know! I just missed you so much I couldn't wait any longer. I'm staying in a hotel nearby, which means I'll be here for a few days," he tells me and I honestly forget about everything he's done to me so far. I, somehow, forget about the yelling and the accusing and the hitting - instead, I relish in the fact that he came all this way just to see me.
"Come on, let's get out of here," he says after a moment of silence, pressing a tender kiss on my forehead. I feel my cheeks heating up slightly, and I can't believe this is happening. It's almost like he's the guy I fell for in the first place - loving, sweet, and gentle. I love this so much.
"Where do you want to go?" I ask, my voice a bit higher than normal because I'm so caught up in a whirlwind of emotions.
"Where is a good restaurant around here? I want to take my man out to dinner," he says with a big smile on his face and I can't help but reciprocate it, beaming up at my utterly gorgeous boyfriend.
"Um, there's a really good Italian place nearby called Pasta Bella," I offer and his smile widens.
"Sounds perfect, it'll be just like the night I asked you to be mine," he says and presses another kiss onto my lips, this time leaving my cheeks flaming.
I'm swooning.
"Come, my love, let us go," he says all dramatically while holding his arm out for me to take, which I do. I close the front door to my house and he looks down at me, being significantly taller than I am, and beams at me. I can't help but smile right back up at him, and just as brightly.
We walk down the street, arm in arm, and he is cracking jokes left and right. He's being silly and playful and flirty, leaving me falling in love with this man all over again. I'm laughing heartily, I'm smiling a bunch, and I'm blushing even more. What's great is that I'm having so much fun.
He leads us into the restaurant, pulls out my chair for me (like a proper gentleman) and sits across from me, before staring at me with the most adoring eyes I've ever seen. I never thought anyone would look at me like this before - like I put all the stars in the sky. He's looking at me as though I am the sun, moon, and stars all combined, and it's doing something to me.
"I really missed you," I tell him honestly, speaking in dulcet tones as I speak these [arguably] forbidden words. If Zayn or my mum or even Harry knew I was here, and with Toby, I think they'd be in a right state.
But I missed this Toby. I missed this Toby so much, and it seems like I have him back, so I never want to let him go again.
"I miss you too, darling. I missed getting to see your pretty face every day. And, now that I see this hair in person, I completely fucking love it. I wasn't the biggest fan of it at first, but now I see just how amazing it looks on you and I can't believe it," he tells me, gushing about me which makes me blush.
"It brings out your eyes, my love. The blonde really makes them shine even brighter than they normally do, and I just know I'm going to have to step it up if I wish to keep your affections because there is no doubt in my mind that others are going to be after you. I mean, I wouldn't blame them, but I'm selfish and want to keep you all to myself," he continues before shooting me with a smile that sends me swooning.
I reach across the table and cup his cheek in my head, smiling at him the entire time with nothing but love and adoration in both of our eyes.
"You're purely amazing, Niall Horan," he whispers.
"You're the first person to see it," I whisper back, caressing across the top of his cheekbone with my thumb.
"As completely awful as that is, I'm kind of glad because I'm lucky enough to be able to love you. You are just too precious to lose," he says and smiles adoringly again, and I blush.
Again.
"So, how have you been?" I ask casually, changing the subject from the love fest that's presently drawing eyes from around the room.
"I've been good, but now I'm great," he responds cheekily, smiling over at me once again, "How about you?"
"I've been okay, but now I'm great, too," I answer truthfully because this is the happiest I've been with him since we began this relationship.
The waitress comes and takes our drinks, so we decide we should probably stop looking at each other and look at the menus instead to figure out what we would like to eat. After a full thirty seconds of deciding, I have decided on the Chicken Alfredo again.
"What are you having?" I ask him.
"I'm thinking...Chicken Parmesan maybe? What about you? Oh wait, I don't even need to ask, do I?" He asks rhetorically, chuckling as he does so, with an amused smile playing on his pretty lips.
I laugh at him and he chuckles, "No, of course not. You always get Alfredo," he continues.
"Hey, it's my favorite thing. I'm going to eat it as much as I can, whenever I can," I quip back, the both of us still laughing.
Once the waitress has come back to take our orders, and we give them to her, we chat about what we got for Christmas, what we've done over break, what classes we've got for Spring term, so on and so forth.
By the time we're done at the restaurant, and we're leaving, it's dark out.
I love my town.
We decide to head back to his hotel and, even though I know what he wants, I don't particularly mind it.
Walking up to his room, he holds all the doors open for me, then lets me into his room.
"Would you like something to drink?" He asks.
"Um, I'm okay, thanks! I'm so full I think even some water would make me explode," I joke and we both laugh, thoroughly enjoying one another's company.
"I can't believe you ate that entire plate of food," he says, completely blown away, his eyes wide and amused.
"I've got amazing food abilities. I can eat twice my body weight and still not gain an ounce. It's wonderful," I brag, humbly, and he sticks his tongue out at me.
"It's not fair, I'm going to have to do at least a five kilometer run tomorrow to work off that dinner. I hate you and your metabolism," he jokes and I throw my head back in laughter.
"No you don't, you love me," I say cheekily and grin at him, and his face softens.
"I know, sweetheart. I really do," he says softly and my smile goes from cheeky to genuine, completely loving how he's looking at me.
I lay down on his bed, my head hitting the soft pillow comfortably, and taking a deep breath. This has genuinely been such an amazing night with him, I don't particularly wish for it to end.
"So, do you want to stay here tonight? I'd love to have the company. I miss waking up next to you," he says and juts his bottom lip out adorably.
"Of course, I would love to. Just let me text my mum and let her know I won't be home tonight," I answer and grab my phone.
To: Mumsy
I won't be home tonight, I'm at a friend's. I'll see you tomorrow! Love you!
I hit send and toss my phone onto the nightstand, putting my hands behind my head, and closing my eyes. This bed is quite comfortably.
I feel it dip beside me and soon his arm is resting across my torso gently.
"I missed this, Ni," he whispers, sighing contentedly as he does so.
"I did too," I whisper back. I'm not even lying. I've had such an amazing time with him tonight, it completely erased all the bad memories from the past two and a half months that we've been together.
"Hey, Ni?" He asks quietly after a few minutes of comfortable silence where the only sounds between the two of us were our mingled breaths (and the occasional noise from a room nearby).
"Yes, babe?"
"Can I make love to you?" He asks and my eyes shoot open.
I've never gone there before. With anyone. The idea has always kind of terrified me, and it still does.
Toby and I haven't done it yet because I was never ready. He's pushed it a few times, but I've never fully given in, opting to do other things instead.
But tonight has been so amazing. He's been sweet, kind, funny, playful, flirty, and considerate. basically? He's been my dream man.
So...I can't help but say yes.
"Really?" He asks, getting a little excited.
"Really," I say with a smile. He told me he would wait to sleep with me until the time was right, and I truly believe the time is right.
"Are you sure? I don't want to force you to do this if you don't actually want to," he says suddenly, making me smile at how kind he is.
"I'm sure," I whisper and pull him in for a sweet kiss to convince him that I really do want this.
He hops up, "I wasn't planning on it happening, but I was prepared just in case," he says, grabbing a box of condoms and a thing of lube from his bag.
"I, uh, I've never done this before, as you know," I tell him a little nervously.
"I know love, I'll help you through it, okay? Do you trust me?" He asks softly and hovers over my slightly.
I nod my head at his sweetness, "Okay. What do I do first?" I mentally cringe for being so clueless, but I've never been in this situation before, so sue me for not know what to do.
"C'mere, you," he says with a smile and I sit up as he presses our lips together sweetly. He pulls my shirt off of my body and stares at me adoringly since our lips disconnected, "You are just so beautiful," he mumbles as he presses our lips together again and I feel my body heating up at his words.
He reaches down and lifts his shirt off of his rather toned body, reconnects our lips, and starts fumbling with the button on my jeans. He pops it open and undoes the zipper, looking up at me with doe eyes, and stopping my heart.
I lay on my back and lift my bum so he can slide them off of me completely, leaving me in just my boxers. He stands up and takes his jeans off, as well, before hovering over my body fully. My eyes close and he presses our covered crotches together, me, involuntarily, letting out a moan that makes him chuckle a little bit.
My eyes fly open in surprise and my face turns red, but he smiles at me, "That was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard," he mutters before pressing our lips back together and doing it again, making me moan into his mouth.
Soon enough, I'm so hard it hurts.
"Toby...please..." I whimper a little bit.
"What do you want, love?" He whispers, almost teasingly.
"Touch me," I say very breathy and he smiles, before he's palming me through my boxers, which makes me moan again, this time a little louder.
My hands go up to his hair and run through it, tug on it, and I pull his lips back down onto mine.
His lips separate from mine and start trailing down my neck, sucking harshly on a spot right above my collarbone, eliciting a very loud moan from none other than me.
Who would have known I could make a noise like that?
Not me, that's for sure.
He chuckles against my skin, licks the love bite I'm sure he left, and start moving south, leaving open mouthed kisses all the way down my chest and stomach, stopping at my hip right above my boxers. When he kisses in that spot, my hips buck up at the contact and I can't help but moan again.
My eyes are shut tight and I feel his fingers lightly trail along the skin right above my boxers, before dipping in to pull them down. When he does, I feel my very hard member come in contact with the cool air, only to be replaced by something so sinfully good. I open my eyes and look down, my breath catching as I see him wrapped around me. I let out another moan and throw my head back on the pillow as he bobs his head up and down. I don't know what he's doing to make this feel so good, but by god I never want it to stop.
When I feel him remove himself from me, I whimper at the loss of contact and make grabby hands in the air toward him. He chuckles at me and slips off his boxers before pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. Grabbing the box of condoms, he grabs one from it and rips the foil open with his teeth, leaving my mouth watering at the sight.
He slides it onto his length (which isn't really that big, but it isn't unimpressive) and grabs the lube before squirting some onto his fingers.
"This is going to feel uncomfortable at first, okay? Just trust me," he says and I nod before he inserts a finger into me, making me squirm a little bit. He was right. This is a bit uncomfortable.
After slowly moving it in and out, he curls it a bit and a wave of pleasure is sent through my body, making me tremble a little.
Oh, so that's what that feels like.
He inserts another and curls them in the same way, making another wave course through my body and I moan breathlessly, "Oh my God," I get out.
He smiles, kisses me, and slides a third finger in, moving in and out. But soon, that's not enough. I want more.
"More," I practically pant and I feel his grip on my hip tighten a little bit. His pupils are blown wide and I know he wants this as much as I do.
He spreads some lube on his length and positions himself at my entrance, pushing into me and kissing me hungrily at the same time, probably to distract me from the discomfort. When I'm adjusted, I nod and let him know he can move. And move he does.
Moving slowly at first, it becomes agonizing.
His hand grabs my length and starts pumping at the same speed of his thrusts, where he's hitting my prostate, leaving me a moaning, trembling, writhing mess under him.
I feel the all too familiar feeling in my lower stomach and I don't want it to happen yet, but I can't stop it.
"Baby, I-I'm gonna come," I pant out as he pumps me harder.
I come undone in his hand, and soon feel his thrusts become sloppier as he does so in the condom. After riding out our highs, he removes himself from me, disposes of the condom, and holds his hand out for me.
"We should shower," he says, completely breathless.
"I could fall asleep right now," I say and go to close my eyes.
"Me too, love, but let's get clean first, okay?"
I just nod my head and take his hand, following him to the bathroom, despite my sore bum, because he's right - we're sticky.
We step under the hot water and he massages the shampoo into my scalp, making me hum in enjoyment. When I'm all rinsed off, I get a surge of confidence.
"Turn around," I tell him in a whisper and he smiles a little bit, but does as I say. I squirt some shampoo into my hands and massage it into his scalp, even though he has to bend down a little bit.
When I finish cleaning him off, I press a soft kiss to his shoulder blade and I feel him smile. Still in the shower, he turns around, rests his hands on my hips, and looks down at me.
"This was amazing, Ni. I'm kind of glad we waited."
"Me too. I wanted my first time to be special, and it was," I say with a smile and he pulls me into his chest, his arms wrapping protectively around me.
Yes, I'm sore.
Yes, I'm tired.
Yes, I could sleep for a year.
But, despite all that, I want to stay right here in this moment for as long as possible.
When we separate, he steps out first and hands me a towel. I dry myself off with it, getting as much water out of my hair as possible, and then wrap it around my waist before taking his outstretched hand and following him back to his room.
We each pull on our boxers, and he hands me a pair of sweatpants, and then we climb into bed. Tangling our legs, I settle into the crevice his arm makes as it goes around me, my head resting on his chest and listening to his heartbeat.
"I love you," I tell him honestly.
"I love you too. Get some sleep, baby," he whispers and soon enough, am welcomed into the sweet arms of sleep, though there's a nagging at the back of my mind.
And then I think of Harry.