CHAPTER 15
KRISANDRAS POV
Kirke and I had been getting very touchy feely recently, and I couldn’t help but think that today or someday soon it will be the day we finally do it…I mean I’m not a virgin so it’s not a massively big deal but this time it means something. I want it to be special with Kirke because he means so much to me. My first time I wasn’t nervous at all, it was a drunken mistake, a couple days after I turned 16. I was so hurt about my mum and thought no one would love me, so I took comfort in the guy closest to me. Even though I already had feelings for Kirke at this point, I was blinded by the pain that my mum had caused me, so I lost my virginity to a random boy. We swapped numbers, met up a couple of times, it never got intimate only quick hook ups. That was what I needed at the time.
After that there was one other guy. The only time I had sex sober. It wasn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be. It felt nice, because for once there was something that I could do to take my mind off what had happened to me. Looking back I regret those years leading up to it, I can’t help but think if I didn’t get involved with drugs and alcohol I wouldn’t have lost it. I don’t regret losing it though, there was this big hype about it and it was my chance to do something that other girls my age considered normal.
It was no secret that Kirke wasn’t a virgin either. He was a player who had done it, a lot. I’m not angry or jealous of anyone before me. They had their chance and it’s my turn now and I’m not letting him go. Hey I don’t blame him, he’s a year older than me and it’s no secret boys are into sexual activity before women. Surprisingly I’m not insecure about being with him. What I’m scared about it being with him intimately. I know that for me, it won’t just be a meaningless one night stand like the other two. I feel like I have invested in this relationship and there is the fear and possibility of being hurt. That’s what frightens me.
I think I’m truly ready, I think that I if he’s ready I’m ready.