Maybe the doctor's right. Maybe Fabienne is just a product of my brain filling the blanks inside my head and none of my memories are true. Maybe I'm just being crazy. But then, those are just guesses. How's that different to my gut-feeling that maybe I'm Fabienne and my soul inhabited Kinsley's body for some bizzare and inexplicable reason?
There's only way way to find out. Wala akong panahon para umiyak dahil sa labis na pagkagulo. I have to stay level-headed and think of a plan.
Before anything else, I have to check first if all of the information in my head are correct. I have to make sure that Fabienne Leona Sloan does exist and that it's not a by-product of this messed up brain... But first, I have to keep up with Kinsley's life.
My last memory is during the swim meet. I remember winning. Our family celebrated over dinner and that's it. I asked for today's date to measure the span of the memories I've forgotten.
The swim meet was held last September 20. Isinugod si Kinsley sa hospital ng September 28. I gained consciousness yesterday. Ngayong September 30 ay pinayagan na akong umalis ng hospital at umuwi sa bahay nila Kinsley. That means I'm missing a week and a half worth of memories. What happened during September 21 onwards?
Ngunit bago ko problemahin 'yon ay kailangan kong sundin ang plano. I have to find out if Fabienne exists. If Fabienne is real... then that means I'm not crazy. My brain didn't make it up and my soul, if this kind of concept does exists, is really occupying someone else's body.
Mariah and Noah were with a maid when they came in my room. Ang maid ang nagbuhat ng mga gamit na kailangang dalhin. I sighed at the sight of it but didn't say anything.
Kinsley's full name is Kinsley Grace Aguirre. She's twenty-one years old while I'm only twenty. October ang birthday niya habang ako naman ay November. That makes her a year older than me.
They live in an expensive estate. Malaking gate para sa malaking bahay. This shouts of their status in life. Hindi lang sila middle-class. Mariah explained the family business. Apparently, we own a bread factory and several bake shops. She manages the family business alone since her husband passed away due to health condition when Kinsley was eleven.
Habang nasa sasakyan ay sinabihan na ako na may dalawa pang nakababatang kapatid si Kinsley. Kirsten, fourteen years old and Nial who's five years old.
Nasa dining area ang dalawa nang makapasok kami sa bahay. They were eating their snacks but stopped when they saw us arrive.
"Ate Kinsley!" the fourteen year old happily exclaimed. Tumayo ito at tumakbo para salubungin ako ng yakap. "Na-miss kita, Ate!'
I awkwardly smiled and let her hugged me. Siya rin naman ang kusang kumalas. Malaki pa rin ang ngiti habang nakatitig sa akin.
The five year old Nial made his way to me, too. Yumakap ito sa aking binti. Umayos siya ng tayo at sumenyas sa akin na yumuko dahil may ibubulong siya. I have no choice but to do what he wanted. I crouched.
He placed his tiny hand near my ear and leaned on me. "I kept our secret, Ate. Can I have my cookie now?"
Kumunot ang noo ko sa kanya. Ngumiti lang siya nang malaki at hindi ko mapigilan na mapangiti nang makita ang bungi niyang ngipin.
"Don't hound your, Ate. She needs to get some rest," pagalit ni Mariah sa mga ito. "Come on, honey. I'll show you your room para makapagpahinga ka na pagkatapos."
Tumayo ako at sumunod na lang sa kanya paakyat ng hagdan. My room is the first door near the stairs. Binuksan niya 'yon pero pinauna niya akong pumasok. There were four other doors.
"May apartment ka na malapit sa campus niyo. You hated driving kaya pinili mo 'yon para walking distance, but since..." She cleared her throat, making me look at her. "You'll be staying with us again for the mean time para mabantayan ang kundisyon mo."
Alam kong hindi lang tungkol sa pagkakaroon ng 'amnesia' ni Kinsley ang gusto nilang bantayan. They wanted to make sure that I won't be doing what Kinsley did the night they found her.
"Your brother already packed some of your things from the apartment. Nasa cabinet mo na. Your phone and a fresh change of clothes are on your bed."
Lumapit ako sa kama at kinuha ang phone mula roon. I unlocked it with my thumb. Thank God for that because I have no idea what Kinsley's passcode is. I locked it again and sat down on the bed while scanning the room again.
"Are you comfortable?" tanong ni Mariah.
Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kanya at tumango. "Yes. Thank you."
"I'll leave you here then. Get some rest," sabi nito. Hindi siya agad umalis at tinitigan muna ako gamit ang malulungkot na mga mata bago tumalikod at isinara ang pinto.
I heavily sighed.
Who are you, Kinsley?
Inilibot ko ang mga mata sa kwarto ni Kinsley. I might have clues about her if I check her things. It's wide... but my room's wider. I dropped my phone on the bed and walked around the room.
May puting vanity mirror siya na may mga light bulbs na pumapalibot sa gilid ng malaking salamin. She's got quite a collection of makeups and brushes on top it. Kinsley's already pretty and from the looks of it, she's vain about it. Meanwhile, I don't like makeups. I just use tinted balms.
Umupo ako sa harap ng stool na 'yon. I observed Kinsley's outer appearance. Maputla pa rin ang kompleksyon niya. Hindi ko alam kung dahil 'yon sa kakagaling ko lang ng hospital o sadyang maputla talaga ang kutis niya.
Staring at the reflection like this, I can't help but compare. Her body figure is feminine. She's not that slim whereas I have a slender and fit body because of my sport. Her face is smooth while mine's dusted with little freckles. Magkaiba ang hugis ng ilong namin pero parehong matangos. Her eyes are black, while mine is a sterling gray thanks to my mother's European genes. Her lips formed the perfect bow while mine's full and pouty.
Habang tinitigan ang salamin ay bumabalik ang lungkot ko dahil sa sitwasyon. I took a deep breath before standing up and headed to her wide closet.
I grimaced when I saw some of her clothes. Fashionable but it doesn't cover up much. She's liberated. There's a fitted dress with really thin spaghetti straps. May top na sobrang backless ang likod. There were a lot of cropped tops. I scrunched my nose. I'm not comfortable wearing this kind of clothes. I prefer classy and elegant clothes that shows just the right amount of skin.
At the end of her clothes, there were school uniforms. My eyes widened because these are the regular uniform in our university. We study in the same school!
Napansin ko ang dalawang corporate attire ng business and finance institute. So, that means she's either a business management or accounting student.
Ipinagpatuloy ko ang paglibot at inisa-isa ang bookshelf niya na malapit sa isang study desk. A few rows were filled with educational books. Some rows were occupied by novels with a variety of genres. One row's filled with books with the same black spine. I can tell that these materials are in mint condition, almost unused. I guess it's just for show? Kinsley didn't seem to be academically inclined.
Her study desk was clean and organized. A laptop was placed on top of it but I know better than to open it. It's most probably protected with a password.
Medyo pagod pa ang katawan ko pero ito na ang pagkakataon ko para mapatunayan na totoo ngang may Fabienne sa mundong ito. The easiest way to search someone is through social media.
Bumalik ako sa kama at muling binuksan ang phone ni Kinsley. The phone is already connected to a WiFi. I quickled opened the Facebook application. Her account's logged in. Hindi ko 'yon inalis. If my memories are correct, I know my Facebook e-mail address and password but I know opening it will be a mistake. I have to find out the whole picture here before I make my move. I have to be extremely cautious.
I quickly searched for Fabienne Sloan on facebook. I held my breath as the screen loaded. And there. Unang-una na lumabas ang account ko, with the same profile picture that I clearly remember. A photo of me sitting on a fountain somewhere in Italy during the summer.
I exist. It's true. It's not a lie made up by Kinsley's brain.
I know I can't search the account because mine's very private. Walang makikita roon bukod sa mga kaibigan ko sa Facebook. But to prove that my memory is right again, I tapped on the account and... there. It's private alright.
Now that I've proven that Fabienne Sloan exists, I have to know if I'm really her. I have to know where my body is.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko mahahanap ang sarili ko. Should I start with our hospitals? Or maybe just like Kinsley's body, another soul is already hosting it and my body is already at my home?
To further check my memories, I searched for the last thing that I remember as Fabienne. The swim meet. Madali kong nahanap ang Facebook page ng Swim Philippines. There were irrelevant new posts and I scrolled down until I found a post about the swimming competition held last September 20 and a picture with me at the center and a medal hanging around my neck.
It's really true. My memories are true.
Napangiti ako pero medyo napapaluha rin. Pinaghalong excitement at pagkakagulo. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko. I'm glad that the details in my head are indeed facts but that only made me more confused.
Paano nangyari ito? Does this mean my theory is right? That I'm really Fabienne and I've possessed Kinsley's body? Paano? Bakit? Does it have something to do with what I overheard back in the hospital? To keep me safe?
Kung totoo 'yong narinig ko, then the owner of those two voices know about my situation. It's the girl who did this to me! They have the answers that I need! Pero paano ko naman sila makakausap? Hindi ko nga sila kilala. I just know the guy's name is Azrael.
I don't know any Azrael. Ang kilala ko lang Azrael ay 'yong archangel na nasa Bible. Azrael is commonly known as the angel of destruction and death.
Death.
I gasped. My eyes widened. Could it be?
Fuck. More than just my current situation, I'm beginning to question the truth about the mysteries of life and the existence of human and celestial existence.
Nababaliw na nga ba talaga ako?
I ended up falling asleep due to exhaustion. Hindi ko 'yon namalayan. I just found half of my body lying on the bed. Ang mga binti ko ay nasa sahig pa. Hindi na nga ako nakapagpalit ng damit.
I checked the phone. It's already five in the afternoon. My stomach growled loudly. I'm hungry.
Pagkababa ko ng hagdan ay nakita ko agad ang dalawang nakababatang kapatid ni Kinsley sa living room. They're watching a cartoon. Their backs were on me kaya hindi nila alam na nandito ako. Better. Hindi ko rin naman alam kung paano ko sila pakikisamahan.
I continued walking. Hinuhulaan kung nasaan ang kitchen. I passed by the huge white French double doors with the French windows as an extension on either sides. I could perfectly see the patio.
Itinuloy ko ang paglakad hanggang marating na ang kitchen. I immediately saw Noah and Jakob. Noah's filling two glasses with orange juice while Jakob's sitting on the tall stool. Noah's chuckling while Jakob was shaking his head while wearing a smirk, like they were just talking about something funny before I entered.
Noah's eyes lifted from the glasses and found me by the entryway. Surprise painted over his face. "Oh, you're awake. Are you hungry?"
I nodded and timidly walked towards them. Aside from Noah, I can feel Jakob's eyes on me. His stares felt like it's sinking through my skin. I want to squirm. His effect on me is unbelieveable, really.
"You can ask the maid to prepare something from you," sambit ni Noah.
I resisted rolling my eyes. "I can cook my own pasta."
Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Noah sa sinabi ko. Maya-maya ay bigla siyang humagalakpak sa tawa. "Kinsley, you don't know how to cook. You can't even make decent scrambled eggs without poisoning yourself."
Kinsley can't, sure, but I can. I've always wanted to be independent. As much as possible, ayaw kong umaasa sa iba kung kaya ko namang gawin. I know how to cook. I'm actually good at it.
"Watch." I shrugged and began to search for the ingredients I need for my chicken pasta.
"Kinsley? Cooking? This is going to be entertaining." Noah chuckled.
They're well-stocked, so it wasn't a problem. Walang Italian blend cheese, but mozzarella's an alternative. May canned marinara sauce na which is good. I can make one from scratch kung wala but that's additional cooking time.
I washed my hands and started with the penne pasta. I boiled water and placed the right amount of pasta. Dinagdagan ko na para bigyan din sila mamaya.
"Where are the knives?" tanong ko nang hindi ko 'yon agad nahanap.
Noah's aready sitted beside Jakob's. Kanina ko pa alam na pinapanuod nila ako. I think they're waiting for me to fail at my cooking attempt. Noah just stared at me, mukhang nagdadalawang isip na sabihin sa akin. I know.
Kumunot ang noo ko. "I'm not gonna stab myself with it. Don't worry."
Kumuyom ang panga ni Noah sa sinabi ko. Huminga siya nang malalim at matapos ay tumayo para kumuha ng knife. He gave me a warning stare before going back to the stool.
I briefly washed the blade before cutting the chicken breasts and bell peppers into strips and quickly dicing the garlic with so much ease. I glanced at Noah and Jakob. They both looked amazed. Gusto kong matawa sa itsura nilang dalawa.
I sauted the three ingredients with olive oil. Sunod kong binuhos ang marinara sauce. I let it simmer and checked the wall clock for time. Ten minutes for pasta. Five minutes for the chicken mixture to cook.
While waiting, I searched for a big rectangular porcelain plate where I can place the finish product. Naghanda na rin ako ng sariling plato para sa sarili. They can get their own.
As soon as ten minutes passed, I drained the pasta from water and poured it on the chicken mixture. Sinunod kong ilagay ang mozzarella cheese bago pinatay ang stove. I mixed it with the spatula until the cheese fully melted.
Isinalin ko ang pasta sa malaking plate and topped it with the parmesan. Dinala ko 'yon sa dining table kasama ang sarili kong plato.
I poured myself some pasta before placing the serving plate on the center of the table. My mouth was already watering from hunger and craving as I filled my mouth with some pasta. Napapikit at medyo napahuni pa ako sa sarap no'n.
"Patikim nga!" Noah stated and walked towards the table. May dala na siyang dalawang plates para sa kanila ni Jakob.
Noah got two servings for him and his friend. Jakob brought the pitcher and a glass to the table. Sunod ay dalawa pang baso. The other one's for me.
"Oh fuck, this is good," Noah groaned with food still in his mouth.
Namula ako sa paraan ng pag-ungol niya. The way he said it is giving me mental images but it's still a compliment, I guess. Jakob settled on the chair and I watched him taste my pasta.
He paused while chewing as if he's trying to judge the taste in his head. Nang matapos ay wala s'yang sinabi at ipinagpatuloy lang ang pagkain. Napanguso ako roon.
"Kailan ka pa natutong magluto?" Noah asked at napangiwi. "Ah. Hindi mo nga pala maalala."
I just shrugged and continued eating. Tahimik lang din sila na kumain. Nang mapatingin ako kay Jakob ay bigla kong naisip ang nangyari sa hospital.
Jakob's face familiar because I saw him play. That means he attends the same university as me and Kinsley. Siguro ay pati si Noah since magkaibigan sila?
Kilala kaya nila ako? Matunog naman siguro ang pangalan ko dahil kasama ako sa swimming team ng University. Plus, I'm smart and my family's well known and filty rich. Siguro naman ay narinig na nila ang pangalan ko minsan?
"Pwede bang magtanong?" I asked. Napatingin silang pareho sa akin.
Walang sinabi si Jakob pero tumango si Noah. Kinuha niya ang baso at uminom bago sumagot. "Oo naman. Ano 'yon?"
"Do you two know... Fabienne Leona Sloan?" I asked.
"You thought you were her the first time you woke up right?" Nag-angat ng kilay si Noah sa akin.
Nag-init ang pisngi ko at medyo nahihiya. I can't help but cringe at the way I acted that day. They must think I was loon.
"What about her?" Noah asked.
"Kilala niyo ba siya? Or have you heard of her?" I carefully asked.
"I don't know her personally. Legal management student ako and she was a chemistry engineering student so that made it slightly impossible for our paths to cross," Noah explained. Lumalim ang simangot niya. "I didn't know that she was a real person when you mentioned her. I didn't know her until yesterday. I heard..."
"Heard what?" I asked.
Huminga nang malalim si Noah. Tinitigan niya ako at parang pinag-iisipan ba kung sasagutin niya ang tanong ko o hindi. His face visibly darkened and his expression was grave.
He let out another heavy sigh. "She... She's already dead, Kinsley. Fabienne Sloan died yesterday."