“So Miranda, kelan naman ang kasalan niyo ni Christian? I bet malapit na!” Nagpatuloy an gaming pag-uusap. It seems I’m enjoying myself whenever I talk to her. Mabait naman kasi siya, not like those girls na typical sa isang babasahin o soap opera. She’s nice and she screams pure innocence kahit na seven years ang agwat naming dalawa.
“I still don’t know pa, Alyssa. If ever naman na makapag-usap na kami nila daddy and his family, siguro okay na.” Then she shyly smiled again. Mararamdaman mo naman sa isang tao kung fake sila, and she’s not. She’s very transparent at gusto ko ang taong ganyan.
“You know Alyssa, I like your hair. Noong unang kita ko sayo, I was about to say that pero nahihiya ako. Baka isipin mong feeling close ako or whatsoever eh.” Natawa ako at nakita kong genuine ang pagkahiya niya. I am beginning to like her.
“My hair is naturally brown and kind of curly. My father had a Spanish decent so ayun, doon namin nakuha ng kuya ko ang ganitong buhok.” Hinawakan niya ito at mukhang natutuwa siya. She’s envious of my hair, while I’m envious of her boyfriend.
“Wow, ako kailangan ko pa magpasalon to get that hair color, pero ikaw normal lang. You’re such a beautiful, young woman Alyssa. Kapag nakikita kita, it’s like I miss my youth.” Then she began giggling and I find it really refreshing.
“Ganun? Super stressed na kaya ako! Like my eyes are always friends with dark circles. Ang daming trabaho and take note, iisang taon pa lang bago ako gumraduate ng college niyan.” Then she giggled again. It’s like she’s becoming a friend. Kung sana lang hindi ka napunta kay Christian, malamang kaibigan na kita.
I am not a friendly person, that’s why I don’t have many friends.
But, I need to stay away from him.
“But you’re doing a great job, Alyssa. It’s hard raising this kind of business at competitive. You manage to make it pretty well, so that makes you awesome.” I am definitely flattered right now. How could I hate this girl for being too kind? She’s beautiful, kind and warm.
I am nothing like her. Deep down inside, I am rotten by jealousy, envy, anger and hatred.
“Thank you. I’m flattered and I really hope we can be good friends.”
=-=-=-=-=-=-
I dialed Althea Marie’s number. I need to hear her quirky voice.
“Hi, thea!” I greeted here.
“What is it, sweetie? Is it about your gown? Damn may fitting nga pala tayo next week so cancel all your appointments on Wednesday, okay?”
“Of course! Ikaw pa!”
“Aly, don’t ever dare to forget that or ipapakaladkad kita sa bestfriend mong nagngangalang Engr. Christian Alexis Falcon! He’s happy to annoy you.”
“A-ah… no need for him to drag me there. I’m actually marking my schedule now to make sure I’ll be there. Don’t worry.”
“Okay, by the way nga pala, why did you call?”
“I’ll just miss your voice, Thea. Madaming work… at super stressed na ako.” A tear escaped my eye. I can’t imagine myself parting from her and breaking a promise. I’m breaking my promise, and I hope you can forgive me. I hope you forgive my selfishness and serious insanity, Althea Marie.
“Wag pakapagod. You’re not really used to being tired kasi nga hindi ka athletic at iwasan mo na magheels. It adds more stress to your body. I hate the feeling whenever I wear heels.”
“Opo ma’am.”
“Good!”
“Always remember that we’re friends and that’s never going to change. You’re my best friend and you know that. You know that I wasn’t the friendliest person around and I can count my true friends using my right hand, correct? That means you’re special for me, Althea Marie.” I am trying to hold in my tears, for her not hear me cry. I am trying my best but tears flood my eyes and… I let them fall.
“Ako rin naman eh, I am not friendly kaya nga friends tayo. Oh sige na, mauna na ako. I have a 7 AM roundtrip check sa planta so I better get my as* to sleep. Pagagalitan lang ako ni Migs. Bye Aly!”
“Goodbye, Althea Marie.”
I want to tell her everything what happened earlier and how I was hurt, but I can’t. She should never know that I am in love with his brother, or else papatayin niya si Chris. I can’t imagine her hating her own brother dahil lang rejected ako. I want to have an outlet with all these pain.
Parang gustong sumabog ng dibdib ko sa usapan namin kanina ni Miranda. She unknowingly just slapped me with reality at ang hirap tanggapin. Sa kanya si Christian at hindi siya magiging akin. I hate this feeling. I so want to go away and move on. Pakiramdam ko pinatay niya ako kanina sa sakit ng naramdaman ko. I felt drowned into the deepest part of the ocean and I died.
Ayoko naman na basta na lang mawalang parang bula. Pakiramdam ko kailangan kong mawala ngayon at gusto kong magpunta kung saan makakakita ako ng tama. I’m done with this love that’s too insane to carry on.
I need to go, and I need to be gone for awhile. Iyong tipong walang makakahanap sa akin at Malaya akong makakapag-isip ng mga bagay-bagay. I am giving my family a heart attack, pero I am already dying of heart attack, and it’s too painful.
Tumayo ako papunta sa maliit na workstation sa condo unit ko at binuksan ang computer. I need to look for a place where I can stay. Thank goodness for the power of internet, I managed to find a place and book a flight to that particular place I shall never tell to anyone. Pakiramdam ko kasi mali na itong ginagawa ko. Umaasa pa kasi akong mamahalin ako ng lalaking gusto ko. I want him so much I can die for him.
But then again, it’s wrong to love someone who’s already taken.
I packed some things, did internet banking to make sure na may pera ako and no one can just find me. I left mails to be sent to my family pagtapak ko ng airport. I really need to go. I had my line disconnected and went to prepaid sim card instead. I need to take away the pain away… in the hardest possible way.
It’s only 4 PM, so I went to the salon to have my long, curly and brown hair to be cut in bob. I had it in just plain black. Sabi nga nila, when you cut your hair short eh nawawala na rin iyong masasamang nangyari sayo during the times na kasama mo ang mahaba mong buhok. That will surely take all the pain away. Habang ginugupit ng babae ang buhok ko, mahigpit akong nakakapit sa handle ng upuan at naiiyak. Naiisip ko na naman si Christian.
Pagkatapos kong magpagupit. Sumakay na ako ng sasakyan papuntang airport at pinakuha ito sa isang pick-up-a-car service na malapit sa airport. Bye muna sayo, my car.
I wore my shades at naglakad na papuntang airport. Walang nakakaalam sa pupuntahan ko at wala namang nakakakilala sa akin dahil iba na ang hairstyle ko. I didn’t wear my usual clothing at nagsuot lang ako ng tattered jeans and plain black shirt. I also wore some sneakers na bibihira ko lang suotin.
I can feel myself vanishing from this world while pulling my Louis Vuitton suitcase and I guess this will be goodbye for my Christian. I have loved you for so long kahit noong high school pa lang ako. I adored you from afar kasi alam ko naman na magkababata tayo at hindi mo ako makikita sa paraang gusto ko. I will always love you, but for now I need to regain my sanity.
I need to regain myself.
“Ticket niyo po ma’am.” Nginitian ako ng babae at natapos na niyang i-confirm ang ticket ko. I seated on business class para tahimik at walang istorbo. This will be the longest ride of my life, so might as well travel in comfort and style. After all, I am still Alyssa Emerald Mendez and I am rich, and classy, and beautiful, have lots of Louis Vuittons, have this beautiful plush pouty lips, got these long white legs and lost her sanity by loving a taken man.
I lost it, but I am gaining myself back. I love him, but I need to love myself as well.
=-=-=-=-=-=-
She landed somewhere unknown. Hindi niya alam kung saan siya ngayon pupunta at magmu-move on. Alam niya na malamang ay natanggap na ng pamilya niya ang sulat na pinadala niya. It’s probably for the best at iyon na lang ang inisip niya.
Naglakad siya patungo sa isang apartment. It was the most unluxiourious apartment she ever had and she felt like missing her own flat that she planned to leave for three weeks. It will be a big change for her, since everything had been spoonfed and she needs to live a life away… from him.
She unpacked her stuff and prepared her French dictionary. She doesn’t know anyone from the place and she doesn’t speak French which is the reason why she chose the place. It wasn’t exactly an ‘unplanned trip’, because she dreams of being in this place and no one knows that.
She’s gone. Alyssa.