MAUI, HAWAII
"Semaj what the hell are we doing out here?" Michael asked irritatedly as he was tired and jet legged from the eleven and half hour flight and uncomfortable ride to the Island. It was Joseph's wedding gift to his son and daughter-in-law that he be able to pay for their honeymoon. And having always wanted to visit Hawaii neither of them complained about the grand gesture.
And though Michael had missed his now-wife, having only seen her (physically) once a month since she'd left for college he'd just wish she'd picked another day to do whatever it is that she was trying to do tonight.
"Do you have your vows?" She turned to him, the breeze blowing her hair all over the place.
Michael nodded and held up the sheet of paper he had in his hands, a glass bottle cradled underneath his armpit.
"Okay I'll read mine first," Semaj smiled and unfolded the paper she had in her hands, digging her bare feet into the cool sand underneath them.
"Michael, I promise to love you without condition, to honor you each and every day, and to laugh with you when you're happy. To support you when you're sad, to guide you when you ask for direction, and to challenge you to be a better person while allowing you to do the same for me. I will forever be your biggest fan and your ever present listening audience for I have loved you more than anything else in this world and vow to do so until my very last breath."
Her eyes peered over the top of her paper shyly, causing Michael to forget all about his irritation hearing her recite the same words she had just the day before. She giggled, nodding her head in his direction for him to read his.
"Semaj, I love you enough to fight for you, compromise for you, and sacrifice myself for you if need be. Enough to miss you when we're apart no matter how long or how far. Enough to believe in our relationship and to stand by it when we're at our best and especially at our worst. To have faith in us, in our strength, and to never give up. I will love you enough to spend the rest of my life with you, to be there for you when you need or want me and to never want to leave you or live without you for you have made me into a better person than I ever knew I could be. And since knowing you and loving you has been the single greatest thing I've ever gotten to do in my life I find joy in knowing that I get to continue to be a part of your life, loving you more and more every day for the rest of our lives."
Semaj started with the tears again, poking her lip out and then playfully snatching his paper out of his hands.
"Show off," she whined and Michael laughed, pushing her hair behind her ear though it didn't stop it from flying all over the place.
"Okay, Mrs. Jackson please tell me why the fuck are we out here?"
"To put our vows in the earth," she said simply as if he should've known what that meant. "Bottle?" Michael handed over the bottle he was holding and then helped her put the pieces of paper inside and enclose it, sure that it wouldn't reopen.
Semaj grabbed his hand bringing them closer to the water. The waves pushed the warm beach water onto their bare feet, causing Semaj to giggle again and then she tossed the bottle as far as she could.
"And what is that 'posed to do?" Michael asked glancing up at the moonlit sky.
"It's like putting positive things into the atmosphere you know? Maybe putting it in the earth will make it a thousand times better. Not saying that we don't have to put in our own share of hard work, but positive speaking and positive vibes are known to work too."
Michael laughed, shaking his head as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "You ain't changed one bit."
"Never," she looked up watching him yawn and bit down on her bottom lip. "Are you too tired to..." She was cut off as Michael picked her up bridal style causing her to squeal. "I guess not."
He gently kissed her lips and then focused on where he was walking in the dark, heading to the back entrance of the building where they were renting out the condo. "You guessed right."
***
A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sittin' there
But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home
When there's no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight
***
3 & A HALF YEARS LATER
"Semaj!" Michael barked his eyes dark as he watched her grab a handful of his clothes, taking it out of his suitcase and throwing it onto the ground. She went for more but he grabbed her wrist. She snatched from him, his once neatly folded clothes flying across the room.
"You don't get to walk out on me Michael!" She screamed and went back for another handful, but he pushed her back. "Not on us!"
"And why the hell not?!" He'd been back at his suitcase, but stopped and whipped around. "What the fuck is left for me here? Cuz it damn sure ain't you. How could you do that to me?!" His voice rose with each word, "to us?!"
"Because I couldn't go through it again! I couldn't go through it again and I needed you to understand. I needed you to see my pain, but you didn't. You don't! You coddled me like a child and belittled the way I was feeling. You didn't let me breathe! You pushed and pushed and fucking pushed!"
"I had been through it before Semaj. I coulda helped you! We woulda healed together, but that ain't what you wanted. I wasn't what you wanted."
She whimpered her arms going weak and light tears easing down her caramel face. "It was hard with you, okay?! I told you that but you wouldn't fucking listen! It was easier with Jay. And before you go there he was only a friend Michael, but once again you let your jealousy blind you and couldn't see that he was there to comfort me and to be a listening ear when I needed one."
Michael's hands slapped his chest as he looked at his wife. "That shoulda been me! You ain't have to turn to another nigga for somethin' I woulda gave to you so easily!"
"It was easier to look at him than to..."
"To what?"
To look at you, she wanted to say but didn't.
Semaj shook her head and went over to the suitcase. Michael tried to grab it before she could get to it, but she yanked it off the bed, using the little bit of strength she did have to toss it across the room. It flipped over and collided with the full-length mirror leaning against the wall shattering it as the remainder of Michael's clothes fell out onto the floor.
"You promised. We promised we would never walk out on each other. You would never walk out on me!"
"That shit changed the minute you did what you did! You knew it was gon hurt me when I found out. That's why you kept that shit from me. You knew how pissed off I was gon be to know that my wife, my wife, would go and do some shit like that to me. Haven't I been through enough?"
"You, you, you, you. It's always fucking you!" She yelled at him. "What about me? Huh? I had it the worst, but you can't open your eyes for one goddamn minute to see it. I was here damn near dying and where were you? Flying around the world and-"
"A'ight man," he chuckled, shaking his head and waving her off. "Whatever. It's cool though. Tit for tat Semaj. I'm done with this. I'm done with us. You hear me? Since you so badly needed your fuckin space and time from me I'm givin' it to you. Ima give you all of it. Cool?"
She narrowed her eyes at him, taking a few steps closer because he had backed up toward the suitcase.
"What are you talking about tit for tat? Tit for tat?What's that supposed to mean?" She paused, reading his clenched jaw as if it were words on a page. Her eyes widened at the realization that settled in her heart. "You didn't...."
And just like that it shattered into a million pieces once again. It was like a punch in the gut as his eyes told her everything that his mouth did not. She had felt it in her gut a long time ago, but she didn't believe it. Michael would never. Her Michael would never hurt her that way, but as she thought about it the more sense it made.
Then she saw red. Rage filled her bones and she went for him. "You son of..."
She screamed, her fist pounding into his chest, his arm, and even one connected to his cheek. The tears that had been droplets at first turned into a waterfall and soaked her reddened face. Her swings kept coming, her words that once made sense turned into gibbers as she cried and took out her frustrations on her husband.
Michael grabbed her, finally breaking free and getting the upper-hand. His arms wrapped around her, holding her fist against her stomach to control her hits. Her back pressed against his chest as her cries broke his heart into two. Her head fell back on his shoulder as they both dropped to their knees his arms never once breaking the hold around her body.
She cried out to God and shook her head back and forth. She tried to get him off of her screaming for him to let her go. Screaming for him not to touch her. His grip loosened and she turned in his hold, pushing his body away from hers.
Michael let her go and Semaj turned, allowing him to see the woman he had broken.
But as she stared into the brown eyes that she loved so much she saw the pain she had caused him too. The pain they had caused each other showed in the state of their bedroom. Where they had broken the vows they'd said to one another four years ago. The promises that they'd written in stone to never hurt one another under any circumstances.
No tit for tat's.
But as they sat there on the floor of their bedroom: their hearts shattered, lies, betrayal, and jealousy playing as the common denominator in their downfall, a little thing called hope hovered over them. Hope that true love would prevail in the end.
Michael looked at Semaj, her knees to her chest and arms wrapped around her legs. Her tear-soaked face lied on top of her thighs, looking in the other direction. Fifteen minutes they had been sitting there listening to Semaj sniffle and occasionally let out a small sob before she eventually stopped all together. Until silence covered the room completely.
With a sigh Michael got up from the floor and went back over to his suitcase to pick up the pile of belongings that had fallen out when Semaj tossed it. He just grabbed it in handfuls and dumped it back in the bottom of the suitcase not caring if it was folded or not.
Once he had his clothes thrown in he zipped it up as best as he could and stood it upright, leaning it against the bed. He gathered his other items knowing that both of them staying in the house tonight was not the best idea. For it would only make things worse.
He was almost over the bedroom threshold when Semaj spoke for the first time within the last hour. Though it hurt her too much to even look at him she forced the words out of her mouth.
"What happened to us?"
Usually Michael had the answer to her questions when it came to their relationship, but this particular one had him stumped.
Ever since the incident he'd felt Semaj pulling further and further away from him and finding solace in another man who was not her husband. But because he loved her he waited for her, hoping that she'd come around and when he thought she finally did he learned that it was only so she could be in close enough range to drive a knife through his heart.
He looked at the back of his wife's head and she turned, allowing him to look into her red and puffy eyes. "I don't know Semaj. I just don't know."
***
A room is a still a room, even when there's nothin' there but gloom
But a room is not a house and a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heart