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**
Yet again, I ended up on the beach that evening.
Since I’d left Ronnie’s house earlier that day, everything seemed to pass by in some sort of surreal blur to me. I didn’t even know how I’d managed to concentrate on doing the food shopping or quickly popping round to both Charlotte and Linds’ houses to see them for the first time since they’d been back at school.
But as soon as I got the chance, I escaped from the family and made my way down to the beach to finally unleash all my tears that I’d been holding in for the whole day.
It was completely deserted tonight. It wasn’t even that late—only about ten PM, so I couldn’t understand why there was absolutely no one sat on the sand like I was, or strolling along with their dog. I wasn’t complaining, though. The fact that nobody was there meant that I could cry as much and as loudly as I wanted to, without being worried that someone might come and talk to me.
Even though he’d said it in one of the most horrible ways possible, Ronnie had made me see sense. I’d been so stupid this whole time to just let myself feel these things for Zacky. Ever since that night in New York almost two months ago where I first met my dad and those guys in the alley had tried it on with me, and Zacky had saved me before they could do anything, I’d just let these feelings build up more and more.
And now, I just felt heartbroken.
I choked out a sob, allowing my tears to fall down as I pulled my knees into my chest, the tide just about touching the tips of my feet. I’d been so caught up in my hysterical crying fit that I wasn’t aware someone had been stood behind me until they silently sat down next to me.
I glanced out of the corner of my eye, my upset just worsening when I came to the realisation that it was Zacky. But not wanting him to see me like this, I immediately wiped at my eyes and cheeks, trying to compose myself.
He turned to look at me, a frown instantly falling onto his face. “...Hi?”
Still finding it hard to compose myself, I wiped at my eyes even more, breathing deeply.
“Hello...” I eventually replied, staring forward.
“I was hoping I’d find you here.” He immediately said. “Been looking for you.”
I simply snivelled, unsure of what to say to that. I knew he was probably just coming to remind me that what happened between us couldn’t happen again, but I was really hoping he’d have the common decency to save it for another time. Another time when I wasn’t crying my eyes out.
“Midge...” He spoke again, looking away from the water and staring directly at my face. “There are things that we really need to talk about.”
And obviously, he wasn’t going to save it for another time.
That only seemed to trigger my tears more, and I buried my face into my hands, trying not to embarrass myself completely.
“Why the tears?” He then asked, his voice full of concern.
I shrugged, wiping my eyes again. “Shit day, that’s all.”
“Is it my fault?” He tilted his head.
Unable to answer that in words, I simply shook my head, staring forward again.
A small sigh escaped his lips and like me, he drew his knees into his chest, wrapping his arms around them while he stared forward. We sat in silence for a moment or two, but it wasn’t long before he shifted and spoke again.
“Midge, I was just scared.” He said, his words coming out rather quickly. “You can’t imagine the kind of shit I would...both of us would get in, if anyone found out about that kiss.”
As his words triggered my tears yet again, another frown fell onto his face, and he reached out his hand, gently turning my face to look at him.
“If I didn’t make you like this, who did?” He questioned, studying my face. It was obvious I didn’t have to say anything, as his expression told me the answer soon clicked. “Ronnie?”
I silently nodded, pulling away from him and staring out at the water again. Any physical contact with Zacky right now was just not a good idea.
He sighed. “Are you two really dating?”
I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, snivelling. “Does it matter?”
“Yes.” He said, almost as if that answer was obvious. “I just...I don’t understand what you’re doing with the gu—‘’
“I’m not.” I interrupted. “He and I are not dating.”
“...So, did you break up, or?”
I shook my head. “We were never dating. I don’t know why I said it. I guess I’m just...confused.”
He stared at me for what seemed like ages, before nodding. “Well...I’m glad.”
I tried my hardest to ignore that remark. I knew he be glad because he’d always had something against Ronnie, but he didn’t need to rub it in my face.
I then lay back on the sand, staring up at the sky and trying to ignore his gaze that was pinned down on my face. Eventually, he joined me in lying down, also staring upward.
“I’m sorry, Midge.” He whispered, nudging me slightly.
I breathed out shakily. “Why?”
“Well for a start, the way I spoke to you at that barbecue a week ago...”
I shook my head, sighing. “I’m just a kid. It doesn’t matter. My mum used to talk to me way worse than that.”
“No. I shouldn’t have talked anything like that.” He shook his head. “It was wrong.”
I shut my eyes, trying to make sense of what he was saying. Sure, he was probably just simply apologising, but I didn’t really understand why.
“What was wrong about the way you spoke to me, Zacky?” I questioned, shaking my head. “You said that we had to forget about that kiss and carry on as normal. If anything, you were doing the right thing.”
“No, because it doesn’t feel right!” He exclaimed, abruptly sitting up again. “Midge...forgetting about that kiss? It just...doesn’t feel right.”
His words only struck more and more confusion in my head, and I rubbed at my temples, trying to soothe my rapidly growing headache and make sense of his words.
“What are you trying to say?” I nervously asked him, exhaling shakily.
He stared into space, wrapped in his thoughts while I waited for his answer. It felt like he was never going to reply, and it only made me more and more nervous as to what the answer actually was. What he was actually trying to say.
Eventually, he turned to me and looked me directly in the eyes. It wasn’t the same as him just staring at my face like the numerous times he had since this conversation had started—it was something different. His gaze locked with mine and he studied my face, his expression turning from somewhat conflicted to suddenly decisive.
“I like you, Midge.” He spoke slowly, not once ripping his gaze away. “Way more than I probably should. And before, I’d hold back but then reprimand myself. But I’m done with all of that. I’m done holding back and trying to push these feelings away and pretend they’re not there. Because they are and I want to do something about them.”
The shock that grew inside me as I processed his words in my head was unreal. I didn’t know what to think. I kept opening and shutting my mouth multiple times, but no words would come out. It was like I’d forgotten how to speak. And I simply blinked forward, feeling completely numb.
Realising I wasn’t going to say anything, Zacky continued to speak, still staring at me.
“And you know, it’s very unlikely that a local band will ever rise to fame...especially the way we have.” He said, confusing me even more. “But that happened even though so many people told us it was stupid. So I figured...just because people may think it’s a little weird that I have feelings for you...who cares? I shouldn’t listen to them. Not listening has always done me a load of good.”
Still unable to speak, I diverted my gaze from him and stared back up at the night sky, trying absolutely anything to clear my head. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Was this seriously happening? Especially after everything Ronnie had said to me earlier today?
Zacky studied my expression for ages, before slowly lying back down. He breathed out a heavy sigh, but it sounded more of relief than of frustration. Almost like he was just glad he’d gotten that off of his chest.
This time, while lying down, he edged even closer to me so that our sides were pressed right against each other. I could’ve easily grabbed his hand and laced our fingers together, but I was still in too much shock to move.
“When you were a baby, you hated the sand...” He eventually spoke again, chuckling along with his comment.
I exhaled deeply, trying to compose myself and breathe properly, finally feeling like I’d be able to speak.
“I did?” I managed to also chuckle, relaxing ever so slightly. “I can’t imagine why. I love it here.”
“You fell over face first when your dad was walking with you out of the ocean one time.” He explained, laughing harder. “Got it everywhere.”
My lips twitched into a smile as I shook my head. “Now that definitely sounds like something I’d do. Some things never change.”
At that, he grinned, and I relaxed even more. I’d missed talking to him like this while we’d been avoiding each other. It felt good to be laughing with him again.
As I stared upwards, I suddenly felt him outreach his hand and stroke my cheek. I stayed absolutely still, allowing him to continue as I felt I couldn’t make any movement myself. As his hand then moved to play with a strand of my hair, he leaned forward and lightly pressed his lips to my cheek.
I breathed out shakily, closing my eyes. “Zacky, what are you...”
“Shh.” He whispered, moving his lips down my jaw line. “I’m doing what I want. And what you want, too.”
“I...what?” I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, trying to keep a grip on my thoughts.
He kissed my neck gently, immediately sending a shiver down my spine. “This.”
As I breathed in sharply, I felt his lips smile against my skin, and he began to trail his kisses back up again, all the way up my neck and to the end of my jaw, his lips right next to my ear.
“I want you...” He whispered gently, grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers together.
I sighed, opening my eyes again. “I’m just...done with disappointment. I can’t get you out of my head and that scares me more than anything.”
“I won’t disappoint you.” He kissed my cheek again, stroking my hand. “I promise.”
And yet another sigh left my lips. I was so conflicted. I’d been wishing for this practically since the day I’d met him, and now it was really happening, the words leaving my mouth made it sound like I was changing my mind.
Suddenly, Zacky pulled away and stood up, dusting the sand off his jeans. I immediately wanted him sat back next to me, holding me again. I felt empty without his arm around me like that.
“Well, you know where I stand.” He said, staring down at me. He appeared to be waiting for me to say something, but it was like I couldn’t get the words out.
I opened and shut my mouth again, unsure of what to say. At that, he simply nodded and turned, beginning to walk away, and panic ran through me. I couldn’t ruin this. Not now. Not after almost two months of waiting for it.
“Zacky!” I stood up, following him and grabbing hold of his arm.
Immediately, he stopped and turned to face me, an intrigued look on his face.
“Mm?” He murmured, raising an eyebrow.
I breathed out shakily, moving my hand to his and lacing our fingers together. “I want you, too...”
A smile immediately appeared on his face and he squeezed my hand, pulling me closer and staring down at me happily.
“So, where do we go from here?” He asked, tilting his head.
I could only shrug, still pretty short for words. “You tell me.”
And immediately, he let go of my hand, placing his hands on my waist and pulling me closer.
“Be my girlfriend.”
And all I could do was nod, before he leaned down to kiss me.