❤Awesome picture taken at St Lucia by my editor duchessoftheclouds love her sm❤
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“Bryson, I need you.” I said, covering my mouth from sobbing.
“I'm sorry.” I sobbed. “Please come and get me.”
This day I knew that Bryson was more than just a boy. He was a man, a man that took care of what was his. No matter his physical health, he told me exactly what I wanted to hear.
“Where are you? I'm coming.”
“I'm down the alley way from your father’s mechanics. I'm in a convenient store close to the gas station,” I said, wiping my tears.
“What happened, Madina?” He asked. I could hear the hostility in his voice.
I bit my lip as he spoke. “Never mind, I'll ask you when I see you. I'm gonna be over there with my friend Tony. Just stay put and don't move, I know where you are,” Bryson said, speaking quickly.
I nodded but then realized he couldn't see me. “Okay, thank you,” I sniffled.
“Beads?”
“Yea,” I hummed.
“I'm gonna be there in 10 minutes. You think you can handle that?” He asked.
I hummed in the phone as he sighed. “I'll be there soon ma, stay put.”
“Okay,” I mumbled and hung the phone up.
I closed my eyes as they felt heavy. I could sense my energy getting slowly drained from my body, like drops of water leaking from the tap.
I gripped my phone as my father called me many times.
I didn't answer.
I know what I was doing was wrong. We make mistakes. Learn from your mistakes, or end up worse.
For me, I wanted to learn from them. But no one allowed me to ever make mistakes. I was never supposed to make them.
My head felt hazy, and I knew what the result would be if Bryson didn't show up soon. Every time I forced myself to stop my panic attacks, my head would get hazy and I would end up fainting because of the lack of air.
“Salam, (peace be upon you) sister. You're Madina?” I heard a voice in front of me as I was crouching down.
I forced my eyes to open as I saw a light skin man with beautiful chocolate eyes stare at me worriedly.
I nodded, feeling my throat getting dry.
“Great. I'm Tony. Bryson's personal trainer, and friend.” He chuckled at the last part.
I closed my eyes again. “Oh shoot, that's not good,” he mumbled.
I felt him grab my arm. “Allah (god) will forgive me. I see you as a sister,” he whispered as my arm went around his shoulder.
I felt him put me at the back of the car, the soft plush seats making me want to drown into them.
“Bro, help me to the back. I can't sit in the front while she's looking like that,” I heard Bryson’s s voice.
“Bryson?” I whispered, trying to open my eyes.
“I'm here ma, I'm here.” I felt the seat beside my dip as a warm body filled my presence.
“I'm so tired… I just want to close my eyes,” I yawned as I rested my head on his shoulder.
I felt the car moving.
“What's going on her with her, man?” Bryson asked as he kept tapping my cheek to keep me awake.
“She looks both mentally and physically exhausted without any physical symptoms or injuries. I think it might be a mental disorder, Bryson, I'm not sure.” His friend said.
“Tell me how you feel, Beads. What's going on with you? You're scaring me, Madina.” Bryson said as his finger kept tapping my cheek.
I snuggled into his neck as my breath hitched in my throat, knowing how close I was. I didn’t move. I stayed where I was.
“I'm so messed up, Bryson. How can you find interest in me?” I sobbed.
I couldn't feel tears. My body was so exhausted it had no energy to produce tears.
“Shh, don't say that,” he said as his hand ran over my cheek softly.
“My chest, Brys. It feels like it's closing the air in my lungs,” I said, clawing at my shirt.
Bryson grabbed my hands as he stopped me from hurting myself.
“She's having a panic attack, Bryson.” I heard his friend Tony say.
I nodded as my eyes were still shut, keeping the sunlight out of view.
“Take deep breaths, Madina. We are almost home.”
“Don’t take me home. Please!” I yelled as my eyes shot open.
That's when I saw Bryson’s eyes that were rimmed red. At first I thought he might be high, but I didn't smell it on him.
He's been crying.
His blue orbs moved into my view as I moved closer.
“Dont take me home, Brys.” My llips quivered.
His forehead rested against mine as he nodded. “I won't.”
“Now, deep breaths,” he said.
I nodded and took deep breaths.
“Deep breaths, Beads,” is the last thing I heard as I let the darkness take me for the moment.
👑Time Past👑
“Bryson, you know how much I care for Madina. But her father will be really angry if she’s here any longer,” I heard a side whisper.
“Mum, please just do this for me. She can’t leave right now. Look at her… please,” Bryson pleaded.
“One more hour, Bryson, then she has to go home. I can't face her parents any longer. They don't know where she is. You could get in trouble for it!” Bryson's mother said.
“Thanks, mum.” I heard him whisper.
I heard the door open then close. That was my cue to open my eyes, but I felt so tired that I just wanted my mind to relax even more.
Warm fingertips touched the corner of my lips, then a large hand rested against my cheek.
The soft plush pillows smelt like a certain person that had digging my nose deeper into it. Whatever fell over my body felt like the warmest blanket I have ever came in counter with.
“Girl, you got me fucked up,” I felt Bryson grumble.
His hand left my face as he spoke again.
“I'm sorry for all the ways I've hurt you since the day we met.”
Bryson’s hand grabbed mine as I squeezed it slightly. I opened my tired eyes and tried my hardest to not to close them, because of the lamp that was lit beside me.
“Where am I?” I asked, trying my hardest to get up and look at my surroundings.
“Woah, don't get up so fast,” Bryson said, pushing me back down onto the bed.
I looked at his tired eyes and sighed.
“I'm in your room, aren't I?” I asked as I faced him.
His lips turned into a smile slowly. “Yes ma'am.”
“I'm in your bed, aren't I?” I asked, looking at his amused face.
“Yes ma'am.” He smiled.
I groaned and shoved the pillow in my face. I screamed as loud as I could.
Bryson moved the pillow from my face as his face morphed a concerned look.
“This is so embarrassing,” I mumbled, looking away from him.
“Don't worry, we've been through worse,” he reassured me.
I looked away from the ceiling and faced Bryson.
“We have, haven't we?” I mumbled.
I’'ve been through so much with Bryson in less than a year than I have been with people I've known more than 5 years. It was a rollercoaster. Scary, but I wanted to go higher.
“How did I get here?” I asked as I got up from the sheets.
Bryson was in front of me on his wheelchair as my legs dangled on the edge of the bed.
“You were exhausted mentally, Beads. You just fainted in the back seat out of nowhere,” Bryson said, searching my eyes.
I looked up at him. I know he wanted answers. How was I supposed to tell him what happened back in boba’s (dads) shop?
I put my head in my hands and looked down at my lap.
“Beads… tell me what's going on. Please be honest with me,” he begged as his hand rested on my wrist, pulling me forward.
I looked at his shelf that was filled with so many trophies. If I could recall correctly, this wasn't the first time I've been in his room. The first time was when he was drunk and threw a party. Chase told me he wanted to forget about me.
I guess that didn't work.
We sure have come a long way from that day.
“I'm sorry for bothering you, Bryson. I shouldn't have called you,” I said, shaking my head.
“No, no, don't even say that. I'm glad you called me. I've been calling you everyday, messaging you everyday… you never picked up. Did you see them?” He asked.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and found the courage to look into his blue orbs.
I shook my head. “I never got them because I… I blocked you, Brys. I did it because my father would have been even more angry with me if he saw your number popping up. I also did it because… I thought it would make it easier to forget about you,” I said, looking into his eyes.
He nodded slowly, looking away from me. “Did it work?”
“Did what work?” I asked.
“Did it help you to forget about me?” He asked, tilting his head.
His long hair swiftly fell to one side. He looked tired. So tired that he had no time to put product in his hair.
I hated the fact that I noticed that. I don't think anyone else would have.
I sighed and shook my head. “Not one bit.”
He smiled slightly. “Good.”
I laughed, slightly playing with my fingers.
“I want you to tell me what's going on, don't switch the subject. Just tell me why you've been getting panic attacks. Why you called me crying. Why you don't want to go home. Tell me everything… please just tell me. I'll listen till you're finished,” he told me.
I nodded.
“Okay.”
So I told him everything. I told him how my momma wanted me to go and spend some time with my dad since the fallout happened. I explained to him how he introduced me to Noah. I told him what Noah meant to my father.
I could see the tenderness in Bryson’s shoulder as he listened to me speak. I didn't cry, I just ranted. How my father wanted me to forget about him.
“I told him I couldn't just forget about you. I can't, Bryson. I don't know how he could just push someone at me. I was scared, Brys. It was all arranged, it scared me that my father might have, you know, talked to his family or something,” I said. covering my face.
Bryson grabbed my hands and let them fall on my lap.
“I can't forget about you. I cant live without you. I hope you know that,” he said as his face was only centimeters away.
I smiled, nodding my head.
“I don't care what everyone has to say. I don't care if they tell me I'm too young to have these type of feelings. But I do, Madina. I want you to believe me, and not what others have to say.” He said, his voice filled with affirming passion. The scared look told me that he wanted me to believe him badly.
I nodded, “I do believe you.”
He sighed and looked down. “Thank god.”
My smiled widened. “Don't stress yourself out. Everything happens for a reason. If we're meant for each other, it will happen in the future, inshallah (in god's will),” I said.
Never did I express this topic to Bryson. He was always the one to speak on it. But I had to let him know that he wasn't the only one in the ship. That I'm here to help him steer it.
He looked up and smirked. “We're meant for each other, Madina. If I can't be with you, I don't want to be with anyone!” He said.
“Shh, don't say that,” I said, poking his nose slightly as he grabbed my finger and I laughed.
“Promise me something,” I said softly.
“Hmm?” He hummed.
“If somehow god doesn't want us to be together… promise me you'll move on. You know, with someone who will make you happy, treat her with respect,” I said sadly.
Shit, I knew that if I ever saw Bryson with another girl, my heart would explode. I might as well have given up on any type of affection.
“You make me happy, fuck other girls. Don't speak on something like that,” Bryson said, angrily pushing away from me.
“Bryson, it hurts me. It does. But I'm just saying someone out there can make you happy-”
“No, Madina, you don't get it, do you? I've been around so many females. I've been through and tossed them around, while they were begging for my attention. It never made me happy, not once. I've found the only female that makes me happy, and that's you. You think God will give me another female in this world that will make me happy as you do? God gave me a favor once. He won't do it again,” Bryson said angrily, his hands waving everywhere.
“You can't give up if we don't work, Brys,” I said lowly.
He shook his head. “We will work, I feel it,” he said, resting his hand on his heart.
He wheeled closer to me and grabbed my hand. He rested my hand on his chest where his heart was.
The beats increased every second which scared me. I looked at Bryson’s glistening eyes as he pursed his lips.
“We are meant for each other. If I have to take another bullet to prove it, I will.” He said, looking into my eyes, and refusing to look away.
So this was my life now. A deep connection I had with a certain boy at school. Not just any type of connection, this was skin deep. We both knew it. We told each other that we couldn't live without each other, but somehow in my heart, I wanted him to find a way to live without me if things didn't work out.
I sat in the car as Bryson's mother sat at the driver's seat.
I smiled at her awkwardly and looked out the window. Bryson sat in the back quietly.
“I could have walked home, Mrs. Scott, there's no need for a ride,” I said politely.
“Don't worry, hun. Maybe if your parents see me, they wont get as angry,” she smiled tightly at me.
I sighed. “You don't know my parents,” I whispered.
When we reached down the road to my house, I looked back at Bryson and smiled.
“I'm sorry for causing trouble.” I told him.
He shook his head and moved forward. “Don't say that. I'll see you soon, okay?”
I nodded. “Okay”
“Thank you for the ride.” I hugged Bryson's mother.
She tightened her arms around me and whispered. “Call me if you need anything.”
I nodded and got out of the car. I saw Bryson get out with his crutches as he sat in the front of the car.
He rolled down his window and winked at me. I smiled and just as I was about to turn away, his eyes widened. My face morphed into confusion as I turned around and saw boba (dad) walking out of the house with momma right behind him.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I was ready for it all. Ready for another slap, ready for yelling, and punishments spilling from his lips.
Boba grabbed my arms and pulled me into his embrace. My head tested against his trying chest as he held me with warmth.
I was so shocked, I couldn't even wrap my own arms around him. I closed my eyes, hoping my shameful tears wouldn't spill.
“Thank Allah (god) you're alright, jaanem (my love),” Boba (dad) said with his arms still around me.
I didn't say anything. I was still angry, I just didn’t wanna blow up on him before knowing his truth. Even though he blew up on me when without knowing my truth.
I rested my hands on his chest and pushed away slightly.
“I'm fine, boba (dad).” I mumbled, looking down at my shoes.
I didn't see his reaction but I saw his head move towards the car’s direction.
He moved away from me as he walked over to the car.
Shit, shit.
I turned around as I followed him. Please, don't let this be the day he shows his true colors in front of Bryson.
Boba (dad) stood at Bryson’s window and stared at him. I couldn't see his facial expression, which scared me.
Momma stood beside me as she grabbed my hands into her warm ones.
“Bryson,” my father nodded at him.
“Sir.” Bryson nodded at my father.
His blue eyes skimmed over my appearance for a brief second before looking back at my father.
“What happened,” my father asked.
“She called me crying. When I reached her, she was having an anxiety attack, then she fainted. I took her to my house and let her rest there,” Bryson said, never leaving my father's eyes.
This guy has guts.
My father nodded slowly. “Thank you for taking care of her”, boba (dad) said.
I know it hurt him to say that. I could hear it in the strain of his voice. But he did anyways, and that counted for something.
“No need for a thanks. I'd do anytime for Madina,” Bryson said.
Ugh… could he make my heart swell anymore?
I mean, Bryson was so sweet to me that it kind of annoyed me sometimes. I'm honestly crazy, I don't know how else to explain it.
My father thanked Mrs. Scott, and then they drove off.
I turned around as soon my father did. I just wanted to go inside my room. I wanted to lock my door and read the Quran (holy book) under my blanket. I just wanted to get lost into those beautiful Arabic words.
“Madina,” my father called from behind me.
I didn't dare look back or answer.
I kept walking until I reached inside of the house. I saw Majeed on the sofa playing Call of Duty in the living room. Masoud saf beside him whilst reading his book.
“Dina!” My mother yelled from behind me.
That's when I stopped and turned around, staring into my mother's angry eyes.
“We are trying to talk to you but you keep walking away, what's wrong with you?” She asked angrily.
“What's wrong with me?” I asked.
At this point, Majeed dropped his controller on the ground as he stared at mother and I.
“Yes, you! You've been gone for 3 hours for Allah’s (gods) sake, and you come home with a type of attitude. Do you even know how worried your father was about you?” She asked me.
I scrunch my eyebrows and looked back at my father. He looked guilty. Almost too guilty.
“He didn't tell you?” I asked.
“Tell me what?” She asked, waving her arms.
“Boba (dad) was pitching me to one of his workers,” I said, crossing my arms.
“Wait, what?” Majeed asked.
“Madina,” boba (dad) said, walking closer.
“Tell her, boba (dad), tell her what happened today.” I said, walking away from him.
“Someone tell me what the hell is going on.” Momma asked, clearly exhausted.
“A guy named Noah works with boba (dad). Apparently, he had a plan where he wanted me to get close to Noah and forget about Bryson. Boba (dad) was hoping I'd like him enough to consider him as my future husband. He didn't even spend time with me. Just threw me at some stranger,” I finished.
The more I repeated his actions, the more disgusting I became. Not even with my father. Just with myself.
“You did what?” Momma asked, turning towards my father.
“You went husband-searching for my 17 year old daughter behind my back?” She asked.
“Jaanem (my love), I had to do something. She is going for a boy who does not suit her-”
“No, Kareem. That's enough- Majeed, bring Masoud to his room,” momma said, pointing her finger at him.
“Yes, momma,” Majeed said quickly as he grabbed Masoud’s hand and ran up the stairs.
“You have no right to make her feel pressured like that, Kareem. How could you, behind my back?” Momma asked.
She looked hurt. She was. Even though my boba (dad) has done a lot of things in life without my mother's intel. This time it looked like it was too much for her.
“You rather her be with Bryson?” he yelled.
“This is not about Bryson, Kareem. This is about how much you have pressured her. She had a panic attack for Allah’s (gods) sake, and we had to hear it from someone else,” momma said, pacing the floor.
I didnt wanna be around this at all. I know I was apart of it, but I didn't want to be. I wanted it to be quiet.
I walked up the stairs as they called for my name. I didn't turn around this time. I shut my door and locked it behind myself.
I crawled under my covers as darkness consumed me. But this time, my eyes were open.
I could hear the commotion all the way from my room, but I tuned everyone's voices out.
My silence was louder than words.
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A/N
Salam/What's up!?
Another update for my kings and queens! I told yall that I will try my best to update faster during my break! Love yaa
QOTD: Are you allergic to anything?
So for me I'm not. But like I know so many people who are allergic things. Man if I was allergic to peanut butter I would actually die. Like I love it so much😭 I'm so dramatic lool🤣
Salam/Peace, Raz✌❤