Ch. 023
Blessing in Disguise
"What are you smiling at?"
Napatingin ako sa asungot na nagsalita. It was King, and he was wearing a funny bow tie.
Napawi ang ngiti ko.
"It's none of your business." Sagot ko. Aalis na sana ako pero hinawakan niya ang braso ko.
"Ang ayos nating dalawa noong nasa Aklan tayo. Nakilala mo lang si Henry, nagbago ka na." Sabi ba naman niya.
Tinampal ko ang kamay niya sa braso ko. Kung makapagsalita kala mo may pinagsamahan talaga kami.
"I think I should be the one to say that, King. Hindi na kita kilala." Sabi ko. Aalis na sana ulit ako pero hinawakan na naman niya ako sa braso.
"Nandaya si Henry sa mga exams at seatworks namin sa Advanced Algebra para makapasa sa standards ng Dad mo. Magkaibigan kami ni Henry, at ayaw ko siyang maligaw ng landas. Ayaw ko siyang gumawa ng mali." Sabi niya.
"Kaya sinumbong mo siya?" I predicted. Ngumisi si King.
"It was for his own good." Pagdadahilan niya. "Kung napahiya man siya sa klase, that was because he took the wrong path. I just straightened out that path for him."
Ha! Seriously. This guy is so pathetic. Hindi ba niya alam kung gaano kalala yung ginawa niya? It ruined Henry's self-esteem. Hanggang ngayon, tingin ni Henry ay wala siyang direksyon sa buhay. He can't see how competent he is because the past ate him alive and it still haunts him up to this day.
"Kung kaibigan ka nga niya, sana inisip mo rin ang kapakanan niya. Sana pinigilan mo siya. Sana kinumbinsi mo siyang aminin kay Daddy ang nagawa niya para naresolba nila ng mahinahon." Sabi ko.
My dad would understand his students. He is a wise, dedicated and warm-hearted teacher for his students. Kaya nga di ako makapaniwala sa naging reaction ni Henry nung nalaman niyang anak ako ni Daddy.
May duda ako na may ginawang kagaguhan itong si King para magalit ng matindi si Daddy at para mapahiya si Henry sa klase.
"But I think you don't know the definition of a friend." Sabi ko saka ko siya nilayasan doon at pumasok ako sa bahay. Pumunta ako sa kusina para uminom ng tubig.
King is obviously poisoning my mind. Sinisira niya ang perspective ko tungkol kay Henry. But why? What for?
It would be ridiculous to assume na gusto niya ako because hello? It doesn't make sense.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang motibo ni King.
"Are you okay?" I looked up to see Henry's worried look. "Masama ba pakiramdam mo?"
"Hindi, okay lang ako." Sagot ko. "Are you done talking to them?"
"Yeah. Did you eat? Parang hindi kita nakitang kumain."
"I did." I lied.
"You didn't." Aniya. "Why would you have to lie about that?"
"Huh? Kumain naman talaga ako." Depensa ko. "Paano mo naman nasabing nagsisinungaling ako?"
"I was watching you." He replied. Seryoso ang ekspresyon niya.
"Talaga ba." I kept a straight face.
"Oo. Did King bother you again? Nakita ko kayong nag-uusap."
"Hindi naman. Inaantok lang ako kaya pumasok ako. Magpapahinga nalang muna ako sa kwarto." I took a step but he pulled me and enveloped me in his arms.
I failed to react properly. Nablangko ang utak ko at bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nung hinigpitan niya ang pagkakayap niya sa akin.
"Hey," sambit ko.
"Why should you run away?" Mahinang sabi niya.
"Huh?"
"You keep on running away from everything. Kung hindi ka kumportable, sabihin mo. Kung hindi ka natutuwa, sabihin mo. You can't always run away." Aniya.
It's the same thing King had told me when he was still the sane, decent, normal King I knew.
"When things are unclear, I'll be your clarity. Didn't I tell you that? When you're tired, I'll be your rest. When you're troubled, I'll give you comfort. I'll be your peace, your safe zone, your oasis. Wag ka ng tumakbo." He cooed.
What is he doing! Naluluha tuloy ako!
"Bakit, Henry? Bakit mo 'to ginagawa?" Tanong ko, napapaos bigla.
"I don't know, Paige. I was only supposed to distract you... pero parang nag backfire yata." Aniya.
My heart constricted at his response. Damn.
"Pero aalis ka pa rin." Nasabi ko.
"Iiwan mo rin ako."
"Should I just live here with you, then? Okay lang sa akin. But what if you woke up one day and felt like you had to leave again? I want to be with you but you're still not ready to commit." He replied.
Pinunasan ko ang mata ko. Medyo naluluha na kasi.
"Tama ka," tugon ko. "Tinatakbuhan ko lahat at kailangan kong matutong harapin ang mga yun. Tama ka rin na may hinahanap ako. Siguro, ako yun. Ako yung hinahanap ko. I am looking for myself and for my purpose in this life. At baka tama ka rin na hindi pa ako handang mag-commit."
"Thank you for being honest. Alam mo naman ang number ko, diba? If... by any chance... you want to see my face, just call me and I will drop whatever I'm doing... just to see you."
•••
Mabilis na lumipas ang mga buwan. Groundbreaking ceremony na ng itatayong hotel sa Buenos Grande ilang araw mula ngayon — gaya noong naunang nasabi si Henry.
Nasaan siya? Hindi ko rin alam. Pakiramdam ko wala akong karapatan na malaman.
Simula noong umalis siya noong gabing iyon ay hindi ko na siya nakausap pa. Baka nga nasa ibang bansa na siya eh. Posible ring masaya na siya na wala ako. Hindi natin masasabi.
Ngumiti ako para sa camera. Who would have thought na ang orihinal na balak ni Henry na mag invest sa hotel na ito ay mapupunta sa akin?
Sa pitong buwan kong pananatili sa Buenos Grande, nakita ko ito sa paraang hindi ko nakita noon.
These things were there but I failed to see them. Maybe seeing and looking are really two different things. Iba ang nakikita lang sa sadyang tinitignan mo talaga. The other one is given, while the other requires effort, time, and attention.
May mga museums sa Buenos Grande. May mga hot springs, gardens, private resorts, theme parks at zoo na hindi ko pansin noon.
I spent most of my time looking for gems in faraway places, when my hometown itself is a beauty that captivates the soul.
Noong una nahirapan akong makita 'yun. May urge na umalis ulit. Pero kung gagawin ko yun para na naman akong tumatakbo. And I was training myself not to run away.
And eventually, as the days passed by, I began to notice the beauty of the place I was in.
Bakit pa ako umalis alis kung ganito pala kaganda? Bakit hindi ko nakita 'to noon? I wondered.
And the answer came to me when I visited the facility for the handicapped na beneficiary ng hotel na tinatayo namin.
I met a woman, aged 50, blind.
She used to be a manager in a bank until she met an accident that changed her life, and her perspective.
All she saw was darkness, yet she was full of life. There are people who have perfect vision, like me, who are unhappy because we are constantly chasing something that doesn't exist.
I asked her why she was happy despite seeing only darkness, and why everyone listens to her and respects her.
These were the things she told me,
non-verbatim:
"I'm happy because there are so many things in life to be grateful for. I may not see, but I hear, smell, talk and most of all, I can feel.
So many people are constantly searching for something to make them happy, not realizing that happiness only comes from within themselves. You choose to be happy.
Whether you live in a hut or in a mansion, whether you eat cheap or expensive food, whether you finished school or dropped out of it, happiness is a choice that you make for yourself.
No one else can make that choice for you. So before you run out of time, choose to be happy. Life may not be the party we hoped for but while we are here, we might as well dance."
I realized that I was looking for happiness in all the wrong places.
My parents were too busy for me and it made me unhappy. So I lived with my cousins.
My classmates did not like me — nagmula daw ako sa angkan na sumakop sa Buenos Grande. I was an outcast, and it made me unhappy. So I transferred to a faraway school where no one knew who I was.
My boyfriend cheated on me. Of course it made me unhappy. So I left for Aklan.
Henry got upset when he learned I was his hated professor's daughter and it made me unhappy. So I went back to Aklan.
I got fired in Aklan. It made me unhappy. So I went to Pampanga.
I ran away because I was unhappy. Because I thought happiness is something that other people can give me.
Mali. Sakin dapat yun manggaling.
If I had known that sooner, I would have appreciated my parents more because they worked hard to give me a bright future.
I would have stayed in my school and proved to them that I am not a bad person. That my family did not colonize Buenos. That my ancestors fought for Buenos when the ancient foreigners wanted to own it by burning the entire place.
I would have easily accepted that Ringo was not the one for me and that I deserve better.
I would have stayed with Henry until his anger subsided.
However, me being fired and finding a job in Pampanga was a blessing in disguise.
Because we met again.
Had I not crossed paths with Henry again, there would never come a time for me to realize these things.
I guess everything really happens for a reason.