From The Dining Table- Harry Styles
We haven't spoke since you went away. Comfortable silence is so overrated. Why won't you ever be the first one to break? Even my phone misses your call, by the way.
-
Jake P.O.V.
3 weeks later
Broken. Lost hope. Damage. Heartache.
Everything crashes down around you when you're heart is played with. Life without Dawn is nothing. She ignores at a constant, and I can't help but to feel worthless whenever I brush against her in English, and she doesn't utter a sound. She use to become shy, redden cheeks or maybe even scowl at my touching, but now she's quiet and distant at my "accidental" touches.
This is the third day I've skipped English and the rest of my classes afterwards. I've come straight home and stare up at the ceiling fan.
Dawson woke up from his a coma a few days after Dawn ended things. Good news is he forgot who jumped him that night from amnesia. Bad news is he has a speech problem.
What can I say, karmas a bitch for rapists.
It's currently Friday after school, or should I say after 4th period when I take my daily pills to help me take my 3 hours naps. Back to the old sleep schedule.
She was the only thing that could help with that. Her warmth with her touches, and stolen kisses from the night. It's gone because I was too stupid or possibly she was too selfish to see past her jealousy.
Before I can even drift off to my distasteful sleep, my door is busted open by a peeved off Martinez.
"Fuck." I mumble, sitting up in my bed.
"So you're just going to avoid my calls and not show up to training for a week?"
I stopped going this week because I've lost hope with Dawn. She hasn't made any movement towards me in trying again with our failed attempts at a relationship.
"There's no point anymore. All of it was for her."
"So you're not going to challenge him?" Ledger he is referring to.
"No." I shut my eyes and begin to rest. He hums in an answer, and I hear his steps but instead of walking out, he's much more closer when I open my eyes. I see him pour a cup of water on my face that was on my bed side table, "Fuck off, Martinez." I sit up instantly, trying to rid of the water mess on myself, but the damage is done along with my sheets that are now soaked.
"Dennings, you are a selfish prick, you know that." He sits on my bed with a scowl.
"What do you want from me. I did this for her!"
"No you're doing it for yourself to be with her. All of this was for the girl, but now since you don't got the girl, you're going to give up? Those people in the Underground are counting on you!" He growls.
"I didn't ask them to!"
"So you're going to let those women be violated? You're going to let the selfish asshole win? Ledger. He will torment you for life if you don't follow through this fight!"
"What do you want me to do?" I roll my eyes.
"To not just think about yourself. This wasn't about you and your little girlfriend. It never was. The fight. It was about fighting the demon man at his own game, and right now he's winning. Dawn might be your first love, but don't you want the option of finding a new one without having someone raping them?"
"It'll only ever want her." I mumble, looking down at the sheets; remembering our nights together in here. Her skin glistening against the light imprints into my brain, and I can't help but to wish Martinez wasn't here. I need a release.
"That's the problem with you two. All you care about is yourself and she is the same as you. If you want her back, think about what she wants, what you want and compromise. That's how a relationship works, hermano." His voice much softer than before.
I nod my head in understanding. He's right, and I hate when he is. This wasn't about Dawn and I, this was start of revolution against Ledger, and my relationship with her was the spark of it. I still want her, but that doesn't mean it's the end of Jake and Dawn, in fact it's just the beginning.
"Now will you stop being a little bitch, and come train tomorrow?"
"Yes, Martinez." I yawn out. The medication is starting to kick in.
-
The next day...
Serena still strays away in the training. Dawn hasn't come since that day. Though I have Marcus watching after her so she isn't by herself. I'd rather any other person to do so, but Martinez somehow convinced me otherwise. He trusts him with his life Martinez's says. I can't help but to not like the guy. He ratted me out on Dawn, but I guess she was going to find out one way or another.
Those notes are still a threat, and even if she and I are no longer together, I will do anything in my power to keep her safe.
I love her, and I always will.
"Miss seeing your little girlfriend around here." Serena whispers into my ear after training. She usually leave with Alice, but Alice must have gone away with Casper because neither of them are here right now. Figures.
"Fuck off, Serena." I fire back as I pull off my sweaty T-shirt. I'm worn out more than usual. It's probably because I've skipped a week.
"Well where is she? I saw her at school."
"None of your business." I sit on the bench with my elbows on my knees.
" Why are you being so cold to me? Is this about the unforbbidden kiss that I gave you?" She sits right next to me, and I scoot an inch away, only for her to follow. "She found out didn't she. Jealousy isn't pretty on her."
I stay quiet as I feel I might break. This girl doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut, and if she isn't careful, I might do it for her.
"So what? You're going to ignore me?" She scoots closer to me, and I don't move away this time. Maybe it's the lack of affections that I've grown to like from Dawn, but the warmth of her body that presses into my thigh as it brushes into mine causes me to look straight at her. "Now I've got your attention." She mumbles seductively, glancing up and down my body.
This thin line between loathing and wanting tears thin and I've only ever felt like this before, and it was with Dawn. This very moment can be every argument that I've faced with that woman. When she first talked back to me English, or when she named me a man whore in front of a crowd of people.
Now I sit next to a girl she hates most in the world, and I can't decide how I feel when she presses her lips into mine hungrily. I don't know when she started this mayhem against my mouth or when I started to react against hers, but there's this mediocre taste of energy that I've felt plenty of times and it's not that special. It's a kiss I've felt with plenty of girls before Dawn. It's just Serena, and the way she whimpers into my mouth when I nip a certain way.
Or the way she grabs the sides of my neck for more of me. I don't know why I let this continue to happen, but I'm alone and Dawn left me. She left me because her stupidity and jealousy drove me away from her and into the arms of Serena.
But then I think back.
Dawn was right. All along. She was right, and maybe I'm kissing Serena for the wrong reasons, and not because I want to, but because she was there- but Dawn was right to be suspicious towards Serena because where am I now? I'm here with Serena, and I'd rather be at home with Dawn, curled in a ball on her small bed, watching old episodes of Friends.
It jolts me away from Serena, and her eyes widen at my abrupt stop. "What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry." I stand from the bench, "We shouldn't have done that."
"What's done is done? Right?" She stands along with me. If you didn't want it, then your lips wouldn't have kissed me back."
"If I really I wanted you, I would be with you, but I don't. I don't think I ever will, Serena. I mean for crying out loud, you still don't get me hard anymore." I look down to my limp lack of a bulge, which is in contrast if Dawn were to even bite her lip, it would be a different story.
"Fuck you Dennings." She clenches her teeth, pulling at her hair.
"You haven't in a while." I walk past her out the door.
"Where are you going!" She hollars after me.
I don't answer, but I know where I'm going. To my girl.
My one and only girl, that I should appreciate more, and this time I won't leave without a yes.
I drive quickly to Dawn's house in a matter of minutes. I know she is home by the light of her window. I knew if I'd called she'd flee. She would avoid me at cost to ignore the pain we've both inflicted on one another, so instead I climb her window stealthily.
My plan was to surprise her with my charm and affections, maybe even spill a few tears from both of us, but what I see instead is Dawn locking lips around Marcus in her bedroom through the window.
What I see instead breaks my heart into two, and maybe I am being hypocritical for doing the exact same thing with Serena, but that doesn't stop me for lurching through the window. I don't really know what's happening, expect I'm on top of Marcus, and his face has turned purple from my beatings to his face.
"Jake stop!" Dawn's voice screeches through her bedroom.