"Excuse me? You did what?", my therapist asked and raised her eyebrows in anger. I sighed shamefully and looked down to avoid her gaze because I was on the verge of bursting into tears.
"I don't even know what came over me, Alexandra. I'm so stupid!", I exclaimed frustratingly and covered my face with my hands to hide myself.
"Have you at least called her to tell her you left without her?", she asked blankly so I looked up to meet her eyes and I didn't even need to answer to her. By the way she sighed and shook her head, I knew I'd screwed up big. Very big.
"The worst thing is that I'm hurting her, I'm hurting myself, and I'm hurting our relationship and I don't know how I came up with that stupid idea. I wasn't even thinking."
"What about your mother? Did she tell you anything about your spontaneous action?", Alexandra asked tilting her head in curiosity.
"She kept on telling me that it was a mistake and asking me why I was leaving so bluntly but I completely flicked her off", I answered truthfully while shaking my head in lack of understanding.
"Brooke, you need to fix this whole situation", she said firmly.
"I will", I whispered and nodded my head determinedly.
Alexandra announced the end of our session so we both stood up and instead of the usual shake of hands, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and gave me some comfort and courage. That's how I interpreted it and felt it. She was giving me her whole support and telling me 'Go girl!'.
The whole drive home was a blur. I don't even know how I made it to my destination without crashing or killing some pedestrian. My focus was on one particular brunette and not on the road at all. I was crying, thinking, imagining and talking to myself sometimes, reminding me at loud of the miserable human being that I was. I didn't even bother parking in the garage, I just got out of my car, climbed up the stairs and made my way to my room while the only sound I could hear was the resonance of my own sobs.
"You left me", a voice startled me as soon as I stepped into my room and made me jolt up in surprise.
"Taylor", I whispered as if I couldn't believe it. Taylor. Sitting on my bed. Looking like a freaking goddess with her tight black dress and high heels and sporting her most serious expression.
"Come here", she demanded in a firm voice and I legit felt my limbs shivering at the coldness of her tone.
I closed the door mechanically, dropped my purse on the floor and approached the bed hesitantly before sitting down next to her, making sure to keep my head down to avoid her gaze. A big silence settled between us. I was frozen. I didn't know what to do or say and I was thinking, looking for something, anything that could justify my deed but I had nothing. Nothing to say about the fact that I'd left my girlfriend in Los Angeles and came back without her, without even telling her about it.
"It's not how things work, Brooke", Taylor said in a soft voice.
I got taken aback by the gentleness she was putting in her words. So taken aback that I raised my head and met her blue eyes, getting completely mesmerized by their beauty.
"You left me first", I blurted out and felt my eyes watering but did nothing to control them. I had nothing to hide from her.
"I was mad", she simply said.
"And I was hurting", I retorted in a shaky voice and focused back on my feet. They were interesting.
"You want to know what I did? I left because I went to see my sister, yesterday. And you know what I told her? To go fuck herself and to get the hell out of my life! I did that because she texted me saying that she's the one who called the paps on us. I did that because I'm so fucking in love with you that I don't give a shit if I have to lose my sister for you! But I came back and you were gone, Brooklyn. You weren't simply locked in a room or gone for a walk. You fucking took a plane and left me there!"
"I thought you were mad at me", I muttered sheepishly.
"Still! You don't just run across the country whenever things get tense or one of us needs space!", she exclaimed furiously.
"Why did you need the space?", I asked in a low voice and brought my attention back to her.
"Because I was gonna go see my sister and trust me when I say that it wasn't easy to go over there", she confessed in her usual caring voice.
"I didn't even want to leave you. I just panicked and I got scared and lost and-"
"You panicked?", she asked frowning worriedly.
"I really thought I screwed up. I thought you didn't want to see me or talk to me again but I screwed even bigger and I hate myself for acting that way", I confessed and felt some tears escaping my eyes but let them be.
"You want to know what I thought?", she asked softly so I nodded. "That it was all over. I thought that you didn't want to be with me anymore", she said frankly and I literally burst into tears at the sound of that.
"No", I whimpered while shaking my head in denial but also in fear. "I can't lose you", I choked and hung my head low to hide myself from her.
"Babe, you can't run away from me like you did", she whispered soothingly.
"I know", I mumbled almost inaudibly and sniffed loudly before bringing my hands to my face to weep my cheeks as I could. "And I swear I wanted to talk it out but when I tried you just ignored me", I added in a croaked voice.
"And I'm sorry for that. But I can't handle the thought of you leaving me again, Brooke. I don't think you realize how crazy I went all night."
"I'm stupid", I whispered to myself and grabbed my own wrist to squeeze it hard. I needed something. Anything to lessen the pain.
"I'm gonna ask you something and I need you to be honest with me", she said blankly before grabbing my hand to stop me.
"Sure", I mumbled and raised my head to look at her.
"Are you sure you're ready for this relationship?", she asked very seriously and I felt my heart literally breaking in my chest while its beating was resonating in my head.
"It's the only thing I'm sure of. I know I'm a mess Tay, but I never lied to you about my feelings and I've always given my everything for us because it's the only thing I want. I want to be with you", I rattled out in a begging voice to show her I was sincere.
"Come here", she whispered softly and opened her arms so I let myself fall in her arms and snuggled up against her while she engulfed me in the tightest embrace.
"You can't imagine how much I love you, Taylor", I mumbled timidly.
"Yes, I can. Because I love you just as much, if not more", she whispered and my heart went crazy in my chest.
I didn't say anything. I remained in this position without moving and got surprised when Taylor guided us down to make us lie down on the mattress. She buried her face in my neck and took a deep breath which I took as a good sign. But instead of dropping a kiss just like she was used to, she backed away and gave me the confused expression. What now?
"You smell different", she said while knitting her eyebrows.
"I do?", I asked surprisingly. "I used my usual perfume though", I said shrugging in lack of understanding.
"Your perfume doesn't smell that bad, Brooklyn", she pointed out in a serious tone.
"I don't know what to tell you. I'm sure I used the same one as usual and I didn't do anything in particular today, I just went to therapy", I said in a soft and reassuring voice to try and ease her mind a little but my eyes widened in realization when I mentioned therapy.
"What?", she asked impatiently.
"It's nothing. I think it must be Alexandra's fragrance that stayed stuck to my skin", I explained and shrugged a little at the end as if it was no big deal but her face hardened.
"How?", she muttered between greeted teeth.
"She hugged me at the end of the session", I said truthfully.
"Excuse me!?", she exploded furiously and I jolted up in startle.
"Calm down", I said softly and cupped her cheeks.
"That woman hugs you too much for my liking!", she exclaimed angrily.
"Babe", I whispered to draw her attention and stroked her skin with my thumbs. "She was just being supportive, okay? I was very down and she gave me a friendly shoulder, nothing more."
"Should I worry?", she asked in a low but very cold voice.
"Worry about what, Tay? She's my doctor and as far as I know, you're the one I'm in love with", I said reassuringly.
"I will personally drive you to your next session", she mumbled and hid her face in the crook of my neck. She kissed me this time so it was a good step.
"I don't get a real kiss?", I asked in a playful voice and heard her snickering. I shifted my head but she grabbed my nape and resisted to keep her face buried in my neck which resulted in a little hustle.
Taylor was trying her hardest to keep me from moving while I was intending to try and steal a kiss from her. My heart was in heaven. Feeling her body, hearing her laughter and smelling her intoxicating fragrance were provoking so much happiness inside me. I'd missed her. It was just for a day but I'd missed her so much. It'd been unbearable to lay in my cold bed without having that ray of sunshine next to me.
"I missed you, baby", I whispered against her ear and peppered her neck with butterfly kisses, lulled by the melody of her beautiful giggles.
"You won't give up, will you?", she asked teasingly so I kissed my way back up to reach for her ear.
"Kiss me", I whispered seductively and grazed her earlobe with the tip of my tongue. I felt her take in a hard breath while a pretty big shiver ran through her. Caught you.
"Brooke", she mumbled so I pecked her ear and leaned back to look at her and give her my attention. I instantly got engulfed in a wave of love and lust when Taylor's lips crashed against my awaiting ones.
I moaned in satisfaction at the way our lips danced together and put even more pressure into the kiss while I guided Taylor on her back to be able to be on top of her. I let one of my hands travel her body up and down while the other stayed peacefully next to Taylor's face to provide me some support. Taylor slid her hands down to rest them on my ass so I sneaked my way under her dress to feel her soft skin and went to look for her tongue to deepen the kiss even more.
I was well into the kiss, Taylor was too, but this guilty feeling was getting more and more prominent. I was regretting my stupid decision and I didn't even know if Taylor was ready to forgive me for it or not. I mean, she probably if she was making out with me, right? I was pulled out from my reverie when my lips were hit by coldness, which meant that Taylor had stopped kissing me.
"Shh, stop crying", she whispered soothingly and brought her hands to my face so I opened my eyes and noticed that they were indeed glossed by tears.
"Do you forgive me? Because I'm sorry, Taylor. I'm so so sorry", I said in a low shaky voice.
"Promise me that never again in your life you'll leave me behind like that", she said softly and stroked my cheeks to wipe my tears away.
"I'll never leave you. Period. Promise", I said nodding in reassurance.
"Are you up for a little outing?", she asked kindly while the most beautiful of grins crept on her lips.
"I look like crap", I mumbled and gave her a little rolling of eyes to add some dramatic effect.
"And you smell like shit. So hop in the shower and fix that disaster", she demanded in a strict tone and pushed my shoulders to make me roll off her.
"Not everyone is as perfect as you, Taylor", I said as a matter of fact and stood up to make my way towards the bathroom.
"Scrub that neck of yours!", she exclaimed firmly and I snorted amusedly at her remark.
Anything for my Taylor.
_________________
"I can't believe you brought me to this place", I said between my giggles.
"Aren't you happy to spend your evening at the amusement park in my company?", she asked sporting her exaggeratedly saddest frown.
"I'm the happiest as long as I'm by your side, my love", I answered in my sweetest voice and smiled brightly before dropping a big kiss on her cheek.
"We should go to the golf first to enjoy the daylight", she suggested enthusiastically.
"Sure, go play golf in designer dress and high heels", I said sarcastically but she apparently took it very seriously since she pulled on my hand to make me move in the direction of the gold field. That woman.
Taylor decided to buy us the equivalent of vip tickets that allowed us to have access to any activity or game we wanted. When we reached the golf field, we found ourselves in front of a huge line which obviously frustrated Taylor a lot. Let's just say that she wasn't very patient.
"Come on", she blurted out and pulled on my hand to make me follow her.
"Tay, what are you doing? We can't cut the line like that", I said in a low voice to try and remain discreet.
"I'm gonna make everyone leave, you'll see", she assured me and approached the front desk without any care in the world while people were cursing and insulting us.
"Good morning, ladies. Two adults?", the young woman asked politely.
"Actually, I would like to privatize the place for us two", Taylor said very seriously and my eyes widened in shock. Was she crazy?
"Of course. We offer the possibility to rent the full golf premises for two hours maximum", the woman informed us and Taylor clapped her hands excitedly at the sound of that.
"That would be perfect", she squealed like a little girl and set her purse on the counter to grab her wallet.
"What about the other people?", I whispered against Taylor's ear.
"Don't care", she said shrugging and handed her credit card to the lady.
"If I must say, it's a true honor to welcome you both here. Don't hesitate to rely on the staff for anything", the woman said kindly and gave the card back to Taylor.
"This is very nice but I'm gonna need your entire discretion on this one. You can't go and tell everyone about us being here. Okay?", Taylor said firmly and the lady nodded eagerly.
"Of course. The place is yours for the next two hours", she said in a low voice so Taylor smiled and grabbed my waist to make me move towards the door that leads outside.
"Taylor, is it fair what we just did?", I asked very seriously.
"I don't know. What I do know is that we both need to spend time together and have fun. It might seem selfish but I don't give a fuck. I only want us to enjoy without being bothered."
"This is very sweet of you, baby", I said softly and got on my tiptoes to kiss her cheek swiftly.
Taylor flashed me a bright grin and pecked my forehead before spinning around to go grab clubs and balls while I remained unmoving and stuck with my eyes fixed on her. I never got tired of admiring her beauty, her elegance, the way her brown strands flew around and the way her hips swang from left to right with each step she took. There was so much to look at. So much to love. Sometimes it was hard to keep up but I wanted to achieve it. I wanted to fully deserve her. And I would.
"Babe, stop dreaming and come!", Taylor's voice pulled me out of my deep thoughts.
"I'm not dreaming, I'm focusing", I said blankly and approached her before grabbing a club and a ball from her.
"You don't seriously think you're gonna beat me to this, right?", she asked chuckling teasingly so I raised an eyebrow and smirked playfully.
"Do I need to remind you of our last competition?", I asked back and noticed Taylor's face hardening.
"You cheated on that one", she retorted revoltingly.
"Not true. You're the one who can't handle my service", I said shrugging and laughed loudly at her angry face.
"We'll see if you can handle my killer swing", she snapped and turned on her heels to make her way towards the first course.
"It's just mini-golf, Taylor!", I exclaimed playfully and received the middle finger as an answer which made me laugh pretty hard.
I quickly took off running to catch up and gritted my teeth in pain but let it go. I didn't want to worry Taylor or to fight over the issue again. So I just wrapped my arm around her waist and walked by her side to regain the first course. I so generously let Taylor go first and watched her as she set her ball down on the little white circle.
"Don't start cheating", I said in a fake severe tone.
"How do you expect me to cheat if we haven't started the game yet?", she asked irritatingly.
"Your ball isn't in the circle", I retorted and pointed at it sternly so she sighed and bent over to move it backwards.
I couldn't resist. I extended my hand and made it land flat on her delicious butt which made her gasp and stand straight up in a millisecond. I giggled amusedly and bent forward to kiss her shoulder lovingly.
"It wasn't wrongly placed, was it?", she asked raising an eyebrow as her lips twitched to hold back from smiling.
"No", I mumbled sheepishly while shaking my head and pursed my lips to the side.
"Step back. I need to play", she instructed in a kind tone so I pecked her cheek and did as I was told. I took two steps back and gripped my club to watch Taylor. I smiled as I watched her focusing and analyzing the course in front of her.
"Go, Tay", I said enthusiastically to encourage her but she spun her head and sighed annoyingly.
"Do not disturb me", she said in a whiny tone.
"I'm just cheering for you", I explained softly.
"Well, don't. We're competitors here", she retorted and frowned a little before turning back to her ball.
"Are you sure you wanna play it like that?", I challenged in a playful voice.
"I don't joke with competition", she said firmly and hit the little yellow ball so I followed it with my eyes. It reached the little lump, rolled faster and fell straight into the hole. Taylor spun around, raised an eyebrow and smirked. "And I hate losing", she added and winked before motioning for me to take her spot.
Just wait for it.
_______________
"You don't want some cotton candy?", I asked in my kindest voice as I gripped her hand like never before.
"No", she snapped and kept on looking everywhere but in my direction as we walked through the park. I looked around me to think about something that would cheer her up and spotted a rifle shooting booth. Perfect.
"Babe, I can win you a nice teddy", I said enthusiastically and looked back at her but she was still sulking.
"No", she muttered grumpily. Okay, that needed to stop. I extended my free arm to circle her waist and made her spin around to be sure we were face to face but she still refused look at me.
"Tay, I'm sorry I won", I apologized in a soft tone and moved my head to my side to try and catch her pretty eyes. "Don't be mad at me though. I thought you wanted us to spend a good time together", I said in a saddened voice and heard her sigh before her blue orbs finally reconnected with mine. Yes!
"I'll beat you one day. I don't know how or when or where but I will beat you", she said firmly and pecked my lips which I took as the sign that ended this discussion.
"You really don't want a teddy?", I asked raising my eyebrows excitedly.
"Let's go", she said chuckling so I grinned brightly and kissed her cheek before turning on my heels to start walking towards the shooting booth. A young Latina woman was running it and was clearly bored out of her mind considering the way her face brightened when she saw us approaching.
"Good evening!", she exclaimed eagerly.
"Hi", I simply said in acknowledgement and looked at the poster to read the instructions.
"How many balloons do we need to shoot for that one?", Taylor asked so I looked at her and saw her pointing at a huge koala. I obviously couldn't prevent my giggles. It was too adorable.
"Twenty", the carny answered.
"Okay, then give me twenty pellets", Taylor said and took her wallet out before handing her the cash in exchange for the pellets. The Latina explained how to load the gun and gave some security instructions before stepping back to let Taylor proceed while I was holding her purse.
"Aim well", I warned and snickered at the sound of her loud sigh.
She pulled the trigger and a balloon exploded right away so I squealed excitedly and applauded to congratulate her. She flashed me a big smile and turned her attention back on her game, looking more adorable than ever.
"What's with the arm?", the carny asked while pointing at my dressing.
"Oh, that. I had to be hospitalized a couple of days ago but it was nothing", I explained nonchalantly.
"What happened to you this time?", she asked bluntly. My eyebrows shot up in surprise but I told myself that the lady was probably about my age so ultra connected thus aware of everything
"I told you. It was nothing, really", I said politely to try and make her understand I didn't want to talk about this further.
Cold mask on.
"It's nice to see you like that", she said in a kind voice.
"Like what?", I asked knitting my eyebrows confusedly.
"You don't convey the same image when I see you on tv or social media. You look more relaxed in real life", she explained casually.
"Thanks, I guess", I mumbled sheepishly.
"Babe", Taylor called so I looked back at her and saw her holding the pellet gun in my direction. "Come on, I shot ten so it's your turn now", she said in a tone that left no place to discussion.
Was she serious? Like, really? How could she feel jealous right now?
"When did you become so thoughtful and generous?", I asked teasingly.
"Brooklyn, I've always put a lot of effort into sharing things with you and being attentive and I will not tolerate that you contradict that", she reeled off and set the gun down before grabbing her purse.
I raised my hands in surrender and took her spot. I took hold of the pellet gun, opened it to insert the tiny bullet, closed it and brought it up to aim.
"Green", Taylor blurted out so I followed the green balloon as it flew around and waited for the right moment to shoot.
"Boom!", I exclaimed proudly at the sound of the balloon exploding loudly and opened the gun to get ready.
"You cannot miss a single one", Taylor said playfully so I looked at her and melted in front of her smirky face.
"Stop challenging me because you're gonna lose again and I'll never hear the end of it", I said chuckling and lifted the gun before closing an eye to aim at a balloon.
"Except you can't cheat at this game so maybe it's gonna reveal who the real boss is", she retorted unctuously so I pulled the trigger, killed the poor pink balloon and turned my attention back to my beautiful girlfriend.
"Game on, baby", I said and winked before cracking the pellet gun open to add some dramatic effect.
She loved to play too much. But I didn't think she'd understood she'd encountered better player than her.
______________
"What are we gonna do with all that?", I asked shockingly as I looked at the trunk full of teddy bears of all sorts.
"Wash them", Taylor said in a duh tone.
"Let's carry them inside first", I instructed and loaded my arms with teddies before walking towards Taylor's front door.
We brought them upstairs and dropped them in her closet since Taylor decided that we would store them in there, except for the gigantic koala that was coming with me to stay in my room. I mean, I'd won them all except for the koala that Taylor had gotten me.
"They're all very cute", she said in her sweet high-pitched voice.
"I'm glad you like them", I said chuckling and pecked her cheek before spinning around to make my way towards the bathroom.
This outing had been very nice, the restaurant we'd eaten at was insanely delicious, I'd had lots of fun, but I badly needed a shower. I removed my sweatshirt and tee shirt all at once, let them drop to the floor and used the hair tie on my wrist to realize my infamous messy bun. Talk about fashion.
"Brooke", Taylor called so I spun my head and watched her entering the bathroom. "Shit, sorry", she said hastily and turned back around as soon as she saw me barely undressed.
"Why are you looking away, Tay?", I asked in lack of understanding.
"You want the selfish reason or the other reason?", she asked back.
"I just want an honest answer", I said frankly and knitted my eyebrows in apprehension of what might come out of her mouth.
"This is quite hard to look at you because you're too beautiful and it's not good for my self control", she explained casually with her back to me.
"So what? You're just gonna stop looking at me or sleeping next to me?", I asked in a worried voice.
"No, babe, I didn't say that. Some moments are more intense than others so I need to learn how to control myself in order to respect you", she said very seriously and left the bathroom without any other word, leaving me here completely lost and amused.
I decided to give her some slack and to proceed with showering on my own which was something I'd barely done ever since I was with Taylor. The shower seemed more spacious and quieter. And more boring too. It was always nice to have Taylor all over me, dropping kisses everywhere and letting her hands wander around freely. I dried myself real quick and took hold of her bathrobe that I put on before stepping in the bedroom where Taylor was watching TV all so peacefully. I smiled brightly and approached the bed to join her and get my cuddles.
"Thank you for tonight, Tay. It was all so great", I said as I lay down next to her and got on my side to be able to look at her pretty face.
"You're welcome. I'm glad we could finally enjoy some quietness together", she said softly and gave me the cute toothless smile.
"You need to take a shower?", I asked nicely.
"I would but someone happens to have stolen my robe", she said in a fake outraged voice.
"Just dry yourself and come back naked", I said shrugging and she raised an eyebrow surprisingly. "What? You like to sleep naked with me", I added in a kind tone.
"Let me take care of your wounds first and I'll hit the shower right after", she said and sat up before turning around to stand up.
"I didn't take anything with me", I informed her.
"We bought everything in two, remember? So I took the rest with me to keep the necessary here", she explained in her usual caring voice.
"You're the best, my love!", I exclaimed to be sure she heard it from the bathroom. She came back with a nice case and sat down next to me before opening it to reveal a cute little kit.
"Your arm", she requested above a whisper so I extended it and she grabbed it before pulling the band aid off very delicately to be sure she wasn't hurting me. I grimaced a little at the sight of my boo boo.
"Put loads of cream cause it doesn't look pretty", I said in a low voice and pursed my lips in despair as I watched Taylor cleaning my wound to disinfect it.
"It's gonna be better in a few days, don't worry", she said reassuringly and sprayed cream all over the center of the gaze before placing it slowly. I held it while she opened the big band aid that she placed perfectly above the gaze to make everything hold on.
"You're an amazing nurse", I complimented playfully.
"And you a very sexy patient", she whispered and winked before taking the tube out.
I naturally undid the knot of the belt and opened the robe to help Taylor as I could and leave her access to my skin but she didn't proceed. She stayed unmoving while only her eyes were inspecting the sight in front of her. They were traveling my naked body with so much intensity and desire that my skin was growing hot each passing second.
Her silence was speaking louder than words. Her expression was worth a thousand love declarations and the curve of her smile deserving of all the kisses in the world. As long as they were mine obviously. She extended her hand to lay it on my stomach and she most certainly felt the way my abs contracted under her touch. It stung a little but I got past that. The pain was on the background.
"Am I making you uncomfortable?", she asked in a low voice.
"No", I whispered and shook my head a little to assure her it was true. She didn't say anything and kept on observing my body while her hand started moving along my skin.
It stroked my stomach on the way down, headed back up to touch my ribs and stopped right under my breast to let her thumb graze the curve of my breast before sliding aside to reach my side. Those same delicate fingers got back down to travel my waist and hip until they came in contact with my thigh.
"How are you feeling, right now?", Taylor asked above a whisper and moved her hand to place it on its initial spot on my stomach.
"Aroused", I slurred timidly.
"I don't wanna hurt you", she whispered under her breath as her hand slid against my skin to graze the side of my wounded rib always so gently.
"Look at me", I said softly and her grayish eyes immediately connected with mine to give me her attention. "You won't hurt me. I know you and I trust you, Taylor", I added in a reassuring voice.
"Are you sure you wanna give this a try?", she asked knitting her eyebrows worriedly.
I raised my body up to be sat right in front of her and grabbed her hand firmly before guiding it down to make her touch my moist folds.
"Does that answer your question?", I asked back huskily.
It did. It answered the question alright.