AMSTERDAM 23:00
NOVEMBER 21st
RECORDING: START
Hello. I am Nimja, and this is the story of a rivalry with an absolutely terrible company.
By now, you've likely realized that not that many things bug me. And you're right. Not that many things bug me. Not that many things anger me. In fact, almost nothing angers me. I am a hypnotist, after all, so generally I am very calm, even in extremely stressful situations.
But, of course, that doesn't mean I can't get annoyed or angry.
Because I can.
And if you do manage to annoy me... well.
Then watch out. I may be an adorable pink cat Pokemon, but I have a bite. I can be quite snarky if I get annoyed, to such a level where you could reasonably compare me to GLaDOS. In fact, OGiNiM has known me for so long that he's picked up on it, and has dubbed me by the admittedly humorous nickname of NIMJaDOS.
:)
It's quite funny.
Still... that's besides the point. The point is... I can be rather snarky when the time calls for it.
And nowhere was this more evident than the time I dealt with perhaps the worst video game streaming service in the world, with the silliest policies of all time.
Who are they, you ask?
:)
Well.
I believe the actual question should be "who were they".
See, that company exists, but not under the name which has haunted me for months on end now. But of course, I didn't know that at the time I found them. In fact, I just assumed that they were another video game streaming service.
When I actually did find out who they were, though... well, I figured a bit of playful revenge was in order.
And to execute it, I had to enlist the help of my old ghost buddies Aegis, Boomer, and Crowe.
The Spoken.
So, you might ask, what did I do?
:)
Well, just relax. I'll tell you.
It all started... well, you likely know where it started, so I'm pretty sure you can figure it out. After all, everything starts in Amsterdam. I was on my computer playing Portal like I always do, still thinking back to that extremely strange dream I had back when I was a human in which I was stranded in Aperture Science. It was quite interesting. But that's a story for another time.
The game was fun- extremely so- but I had recently gotten a bit bored of Steam. Don't get me wrong- Steam is an excellent video game service, but in recent years it had been having a few technical problems that were starting to annoy me a bit. So I decided that I would use Steam for Portal 1 and Portal 2- and only Portal and Portal 2.
As for the other games?
Well... I liked them.
But there had to be another video game streaming service out there with even more video games for me to play.
So I closed Steam, logged out of my account, and typed in:
video game streaming service
The very first thing that came up was a company called Daybreak.
Odd.
For some reason, the name sounded extremely familiar.
I felt as though I had heard of them before, but I couldn't place them.
I decided to click on the company website and check their policy. The last time I had gotten involved with a video game streaming service that wasn't Steam, I had gotten spam mail upon spam mail upon spam mail. Worse yet, I wasn't allowed to delete my account, even after I died.
Thankfully, though, Daybreak seemed to be different.
Note: seemed to be.
Reading their policies it seemed there was indeed an option for membership cancellation and account deletion. That was good.
But for some reason, I still thought there was something a bit fishy about the company.
So I decided to do more research first before deciding if I should actually join the service.
Now intrigued, I clicked on their Wikipedia page and was met with tons of info regarding the company.
But in particular it was the second sentence that truly shocked me.
"The company was founded in December 1997 as Sony Online Entertainment-"
Oh.
That was where I had heard of them before.
My eyes widened in utter shock.
"Sony Online Entertainment...?" I muttered. "Daybreak is the same company that had such stupid policies all those years ago?!"
I looked down.
"Well," I muttered. "No wonder I thought something was off with them."
Now, before I continue, let me explain my little relationship I have had with SOE in case you haven't been to my non-hypnosis website. Suffice it to say, my previous relationship with SOE was... not pleasant, to say the least. Mainly because- well, remember how I said that the last video gaming streaming service I had spammed me with emails and wouldn't let me delete my account?
Yeah.
SOE was that site.
Looking back now I simply view it as a silly policy, but at the time this happened, I was very much annoyed- and rightfully so. So I decided to talk to some of their executives about it, and suffice it to say, the conversation I had was... interesting.
Basically, to make a long story short, NIMJaDOS was in full force that day.
Here follows just some of the extremely snarky and GLaDOS-esque comments I made to SOE executives during that conversation:
Then, I must say, I am impressed by your ineptitude.
Spoiler alert: I still am. That's why I signed up for Steam.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but that's just a court-case waiting to happen.
Read that out loud, McLain. That totally belongs in a Portal game. Now if only Valve could learn to count to three.
And, of course, the most GLaDOS-esque line of them all:
I am truly impressed by SOE's company policies. One cannot do but wonder in awe and take note of how definitely not to treat your customers.
*cough cough* GLaDOS *cough cough*
Yeah... so that was a fun conversation.
Anyways, I quickly left and joined Steam, which is a much better company. But now, of course, SOE was no more.
Now it was Daybreak.
And right then and there I began to ask myself: even after they had been bought out by an independent organization, was Daybreak still a trustworthy company?
Hmm.
Well.
I smirked to myself, a plan already forming in my head.
There was only one way to find out.
And it involved... the Spoken.
Now smirking, I took out a piece of blank paper and drew my logo on it.
Daybreak was going to be in for quite the shock.
>:)
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA--!
----------------------------------------------
"So... let me get this straight. You want us to sabotage a company?"
Upon me revealing my plan to the members of the Spoken, that was how Aegis responded. I could tell that he had obviously misunderstood what I wanted to do.
Smiling, I shook my head.
"Not sabotage," I said. "Simply haunt them."
"Wait... what?" asked Crowe. "I'm sorry, could you repeat the plan? I'm quite confused."
I smiled.
"Here's the thing," I said. "The four of us are going to go to the headquarters of Daybreak Gaming in San Antonio, California. Once we are there, I will stay outside, while you three, in whatever way you can, prank the executives and freak them out. You know... have a little fun with them. Don't hurt them, of course- they are people, after all. I'm only out for a bit of playful revenge after how much they annoyed me with their idiotic policies all those years ago."
"That's the thing, though," Crowe asked. "Why Daybreak?"
"Because long story short, they used to be called Sony Online Entertainment, and as SOE they had horrible policies involving repeated spam and the inability to delete your account," Aegis responded in one breath.
I blinked and gaped at him in shock.
"How did you know that?" I asked.
"Simple," said Aegis, with a "smile." "I can read minds."
"Ooooooooooooooooookay, gotta agree, that's pretty stupid," Crowe said. "If you ask me, you should totally be able to delete your account whenever you want to."
"Agreed," said Boomer.
"See? Even Boomer thinks it's awful. And repeated spam?! Are you kidding?! No one likes spam!"
I smirked.
"Well... not unless Monty Python sends it," I said.
Crowe paused for a moment. "True."
Then:
"SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAMMITY SPAM~~!"
I giggled.
And then all of a sudden an idea came to me.
I knew exactly what to do to absolutely humiliate Daybreak to their core.
It was the exact same thing that my boss had done for me on Monty Python Day.
:)
You guessed it.
The Spoken and I would be spamming the executives of Daybreak... with the Spam song.
And the Spanish Inquisition.
And a ton of other Monty Python skits.
I looked directly at Crowe and smirked.
"Crowe?" I asked.
Instantly, Crowe stopped singing the SPAM song and turned to me. "Yeah?"
An evil chuckle.
"You're a genius."
"I am?" He blinked. "Well. I guess I am. Why?"
"Because you just gave me an idea as to how to get my 'revenge' on the executives at Daybreak."
"What?"
I smiled.
"They spammed me, right?"
"Yes."
"So naturally, we spam them. With Monty Python."
"WHAT?!"
"My boss organized an event very similar to this. Basically, we go to Daybreak and set up reenactments of Monty Python skits. I've got three in mind already. The SPAM song is one, the Spanish Inquisition is the other..."
"And the third?" Aegis asked.
Another smirk.
"Oh, that'll be the most devious one of them all. We come running towards them dressed up as old ladies carrying fresh fruit."
"What kind of fresh fruit?"
"Bananas. And they'll have to figure out how to disarm us."
"W-we won't hurt them though, right...?" Boomer asked, nervously trembling.
I smiled at him warmly. "No, of course not. This is all for fun, remember? I'm sure they'll find the reenacted Python skits very amusing. And the best part is that unlike us... they'll never see it coming."
Crowe grinned happily.
"Ooh--! Monty Python skits for Daybreak?! That sounds hilarious!"
"Only one problem," said Aegis.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
The other two members of the Spoken turned to me in unison and said:
"What the heck is Monty Python?"
I looked over at Crowe, and he grinned at them like a maniac.
"Well..." he said. "I guess we'll have to show you something completely different."
Aegis and Boomer looked at each other in confusion.
"BA-DUM-TSCHHHHHHHHHHH- pffft!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Spoken and I proceeded to watch hours of Monty Python on end in the castle dorm room.
I had never watched so much television in my entire life. By the time we had gotten to 2 whole days of nothing but Python, Aegis and Boomer had become such huge fans of the show that they were constantly singing the SPAM song on repeat.
:)
It was quite amusing.
After two days of Python, the four of us looked up the location of Daybreak's headquarters and soon discovered that it was in San Diego, California.
In the United States.
From there, the preparations began. The next two days were spent getting cans of SPAM from Dutch grocery stores, making Spanish Inquisition costumes, and buying bananas to "attack" the Daybreak employees with.
And with that, the plan was put into action.
Now, this was the first time in my life that I would ever visit the United States, and I wanted to try out something new. Mainly because ghost Pokemon on an airplane would be very strange for anyone who sees them. Instead, what I wanted to do was instantly teleport to the headquarters of Daybreak. That, of course, would be very hard to do, largely because I had no clue what the heck Daybreak looked like.
But then I thought about it, and realized that I could at least try to visualize the logo.
So that day, the Spoken were invited to my house for the first time.
Upon seeing my house, Aegis, Boomer and Crowe reacted exactly how you would expect them to react: Aegis just floated there, his eye wide in shock; Boomer just blinked, and Crowe?
Crowe enthusiastically started laughing like a maniac, before floating up to my bed and jumping on it. Well, he didn't exactly jump- he was a ball of poisonous gas, after all- but it certainly looked like he was jumping.
"THIS! IS! AMAZING!" Crowe happily exclaimed.
I giggled. "I'm happy that you like it."
"Like it?!" Crowe asked. "I LOVE IT! This is one of the greatest things I have ever seen in my life!"
"It is intriguing," said Aegis.
"I... I like it too," said Boomer simply, his eyes welling up with tears. "It's so beautiful..."
He sobbed. I smiled warmly at him, and was about to comfort him when-
"So! Are we going to Daybreak or not? I cannot wait to absolutely humiliate those corrupt executives to their core!"
Crowe.
He was clearly eager to get on with the "revenge" plan.
I smirked.
"Oh... we are. Get yourself ready."
"We already are," said Aegis.
"Do you have the bananas?"
"Yes."
"Do you have the SPAM?"
"Tons," said Crowe, smiling.
"Do you have the costumes?"
"Yep!" exclaimed Crowe, pulling out the Inquisition and old-lady costumes.
I smiled.
"Then hang on," I said.
And with that, Aegis, Boomer and Crowe grabbed on to my tail. I shut my eyes, tried to visualize the Daybreak logo, and prayed to myself that I was able to do it. The rush of energy that I had experienced with every teleportation soon came.
Except this time...
It was a lot more powerful.
Probably because I was traveling at such a long distance from the Netherlands to America.
For a moment or two it felt like I was in a portal. Yet, I couldn't open my eyes to see my surroundings, as that would break my concentration.
And it was stronger than ever.
The Daybreak logo was literally imprinted in my brain. It felt as though my body was going at supersonic speeds and yet at the same time was staying perfectly still and there was no way it would ever stop because it took such concentration to travel to the-
It stopped.
And the rush of energy seemingly knocked me and the Spoken back into a wall.
I got up and opened my eyes, expecting that it wouldn't have worked.
And yet...
What was in front of me shocked me to my absolute core.
From behind me I could hear the three members of the Spoken get up, groaning. But I couldn't respond to them. I was too shocked by what was in front of me. I heard Crowe speak from behind me:
"Hey, Nimja! Did we make it, or are you just too shocked to-"
He paused.
His jaw instantly dropped in shock.
Now, at this point I'm sure you'd like to find out why exactly we were so shocked.
:)
Well, then.
I will tell you. As always.
In front of us, at that very moment, was a huge red-and-white building. People were everywhere, on computers, and all of them appeared to be programming something. Most surprising of all, there was a giant sign in front of us.
In big bold letters it said:
DAYBREAK ENTERTAINMENT HEADQUARTERS
SAN DIEGO, CA
Oh my god...
We had made it.
We had actually made it!
And at that realization, my shock suddenly gave way to unbridled joy.
"I... I did it...!"
Now extremely happy, I started laughing and doing backflips in the middle of the room- until I noticed the executives. Realizing that I would be disturbing them, I quickly hid myself and the Spoken behind a table. Crowe happily turned to me.
"That was so awesome, Nimja--!" he whispered happily. "I'm serious, that was the best trance-port I have ever managed to be a part of."
I giggled.
"BA-DUM-TSCHHHHH..." Crowe whisper-rimshotted.
"Good one," I said. "But now we should go and set our plan into motion."
"Oooh--!" Crowe excitedly clapped his hands. "Daybreak's gonna be in for a treat--!"
I smiled and held up a can of SPAM.
"Yes, they are."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
REPORT: DAYBREAK ENTERTAINMENT
Dear Sir,
I wish to report about the highly unusual circumstance that has just occurred in our office building.
About a minute ago four strange creatures- a pink cat with hair, a living sword, a giant tree with one eye, and a ghost with big claws- came into our office building carrying cans of SPAM and singing the SPAM song from Monty Python's Flying Circus. Additionally, the pink cat held up a giant text conversation in the midst of all this SPAM. It appears to be from the days when we were still known as Sony Online Entertainment.
I have absolutely zero recollection of having ever communicated with somebody with the screen name visible in the chat.
Please inform me if this conversation did, in fact, occur at our company about 10 years ago. Also I would like a theory as to why these creatures are re-enacting Monty Python skits in our wake.
Yes, they're still doing it.
Sincerely,
Random Unnamed Executive #1
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAMMITY SPAM--!"
So it went for the next minute or so.
The Spoken and I marched around the room wearing the clothing from the SPAM skit, carrying with us giant containers of SPAM as well as the original email in which this all started. The executives at Daybreak were simply staring at us with extremely confused looks on their faces the entire time, and chatting with one another.
I can only assume that their conversations included things such as "Why are they doing Monty Python skits in front of our faces?" and "Why are they dropping SPAM on our heads?"
No, I'm not even kidding. That's exactly what we did.
Why?
Because I'm clever.
>:)
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--!
But I digress.
Anyways, after our little SPAM-fest, the four of us left the room, all giggling and chuckling to ourselves with devious delight. Crowe, of course, began laughing like a maniac.
"You should have seen the looks on their faces--!" he cried. "They were priceless! Absolutely priceless! And then we literally dropped SPAM on their faces-- and they had no idea what to think-- and... and... AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA--!"
He laughed psychotically. I had done that once before, and it was extraordinarily loud.
But now I was just giggling.
"Yes," I said, smirking. "Just wait until they get attacked by old ladies armed with pieces of fresh fruit."
Crowe giggled, as did Aegis, until Boomer suddenly interrupted them.
"Guys! They're talking!"
We stopped giggling, and I in particular got up extremely close to the door. Sure enough, the executives at Daybreak were in a panic:
"What the heck was that?"
"That was certainly random."
"Really? SPAM on our heads?!"
"Oh... I'm totally gonna kick those strange creatures out of here if they ever try to come back here again with another Monty Python skit!"
"Why? Monty Python is funny."
"Yeah, but they just dumped SPAM on our heads for no reason!"
On the contrary, though.
There was a reason.
I smirked, as the executives continued talking.
"Well... there could have maybe been a reason."
"I actually just sent a message to the boss regarding what I saw. Apparently many years ago we had a heated conversation with some guy named... I don't know exactly, but I think his name was Spirit. He claimed we had been sending him spam mail and wanted to remove his account."
"Oh-! I know who he is!"
"You do?"
Now I was very intrigued.
"Yeah, aspirit. I hear he's moved on from that and has a YouTube channel now. I got news about the whole thing when SOE's European division talked to us before the deal..."
"He has a YouTube channel?"
"Yeah, his name's Nimja Hypnosis."
And at once the entire place went up into a furor.
"NIMJA HYPNOSIS?!"
"WE TALKED TO NIMJA?"
"That's insane! Oh my god-"
"Think this is why we changed that policy? We got hypnotized into it?"
I smirked.
"Hmmm." I muttered. "Perhaps."
"Well, now what?" cried one of the executives. "Do we go after this Nimja guy or what?"
"Slow down. He may just be doing this for fun."
"Well, I mean, yeah, but still! I was hoping for a nice day at work, that's all! Geez! I wasn't expecting some kind of Spanish Inquisition!"
I smirked. It was growing bigger. Now ready for even more fun, I turned to the members of the Spoken and nodded as they put on their Inquisition costumes. Outside, the room had grown deadly quiet, and I could hear one of the executives ask:
"What?"
And at that moment, the four of us burst out in full garb, led by Crowe, as he screamed out the five immortal words.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
REPORT: DAYBREAK ENTERTAINMENT
Dear Sir,
Okay. This is getting weird.
They're back. And they're doing it again.
And this is a full 2 minutes after the first time they appeared. They're currently in front of us, reciting the entire speech about "our chief weapons." The ghost with the scary claws appears to have memorized the entire speech. Well, that's something.
Oh, and did I mention that the pink cat creature is smirking at me?
Why is he smirking at me? This is quite unusual.
They're taking out a giant scroll now. Probably about to read charges, I presume.
Please take me out of this, sir. I am begging you. This is getting way too out of hand. And also: apparently that conversation you had back in the day?
Yeah, that guy's a successful YouTuber.
I don't know if you've heard of him. His name is Nimja Hypnosis.
Sincerely,
Random Executive #1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"We, the undersigned, hereby find you guilty of repeated spam and terrible policies from nearly 10 years ago." I smirked. "And we're fully willing to forgive you, if you decide to confess."
The Daybreak executive that I was talking to only blinked at me.
"Who the heck are you and what in the name of God are you talking about?" he asked.
"Simple," I said. "I am a member of the Spanish Inquisition."
He looked at me, unconvinced. A smirk.
"Oh... I see," I said. "You want me to prove it, don't you? Very well, then. Cardinal?"
Crowe nodded.
"FETCH-- THE COMFY CHAIR!"
The Daybreak executive blinked, as the rest of the Spoken ran off to grab a comfy chair.
As for me?
:)
You can guess what I did.
I smirked at him.
"Where's your boss?" I asked.
The executive looked around and then pointed to a gray door in front of me.
"He's in there."
I smiled, then nodded. "Thank you. I need to go have a few words with him about the company."
The Daybreak executive blinked.
"Okay... what are you and why did you need to bring that up?"
"I am a Mew. And I have noticed quite a few changes to the company since the rebranding. Namely... they have gotten rid of their policies on deleting accounts."
"So?"
"Here's the thing. I am Nimja, and this whole little experiment is all in good fun. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and meet with your boss regarding this whole thing."
I took a look over at the Daybreak executive, and his jaw was dropped in pure and unbridled shock.
Hmmm. :)
I wonder why.
Perhaps my ears were burning, I don't know.
Now, you might be asking: why did I want to speak to Daybreak's boss, when the whole time, my plan was to get revenge on the executives?
Well, here's the thing: that wasn't my true plan.
I wanted to get "revenge" on the executives, but there's a reason why I put revenge in quotation marks. It wasn't actually revenge. It was good fun. My real plan was to first shock and amuse the company, and then compliment them.
Compliment them?
...Hm.
:)
Yes.
You see, I had noticed after checking the Daybreak website that Daybreak was not the same company as Sony Online Entertainment.
Well, they were, of course, but at the same time, they weren't.
Their policies were completely different; they had different management; they allowed you to unsubscribe from their account, something that SOE had infamously failed at doing to millions of people.
In short, they were better.
They had changed.
And that was good of them.
I just didn't think they knew that.
Anyways...
With that, I went straight to the office of the unnamed boss of Daybreak Entertainment.
And just out of the corner of my eye I saw the Spoken carry in a giant comfy chair. I smiled to myself.
The time had come.
-----------------------------------------------------------
REPORT: DAYBREAK ENTERTAINMENT
Dear Sir,
So... guess who's here.
Nimja Hypnosis. AKA your supposed former client. He says he wants to talk to you. Well, that's something, I guess. Right now he's walking right to your office.
Or should I say floating.
He's a Mew.
Sincerely,
Random Executive #1
REPLY
Dear Executive,
Let him in.
Sincerely,
Boss
-------------------------------------------------------
"Hello?"
I opened the door to the boss' office as soon as I heard him speak that one word from inside the room. To my surprise, he was a lot younger than I thought he would be. As soon as I saw him, I smiled.
"Hello," I said.
The boss nodded at me and smiled back.
"Spirit," he said. "You're still in our records."
"Actually, it's Nimja now," I said, with a chuckle.
"Oh yes. Nimja..." He looked down. "You have a hypnosis channel on YouTube?"
"I do." A nod.
"I've seen some of your videos. You're really good at what you do."
I smiled.
"Thank you," I said.
"You're welcome," came the reply. "I just got an email from one of my executives saying that you wanted to talk about our company policies?"
"Yes, I did," I said.
And then came the bombshell.
"Specifically, I wanted to say... thank you."
The boss blinked in surprise. "Excuse me?"
I smiled.
"Before you became your own independent thing, you were perhaps the dumbest company with the silliest policies in the world," I said. "You broke all the laws of freedom, violated my right to account deletion, and kept sending me spam email after spam email about games that I still will never play. For years. And it wasn't just me, it was millions of other people."
The boss suddenly looked regretful and stared down at the floor.
"But..."
He looked back up. I smiled.
"You've changed," I said. "You're not the same company that you once were. Ever since you were bought out... you don't have the same policies you once did. You've given up on them. And I commend you for that. It takes a lot of courage and bravery to admit you made mistakes 10 years ago, and to change them."
The boss of the company smiled.
"Nimja... you are truly something, you know that?" he asked.
I chuckled.
"Indeed. And dankjewel."
"Dank—?"
A smile. "I'm Dutch."
"Oh-! Forgive me for not remembering that! I forgot for a moment that you were Dutch. Uh... I assume 'dankjewel' means 'thank you'..."
"It does. Well done."
"Alright... then what's 'you're welcome' in Dutch?"
I laughed. He clearly didn't know Dutch, it seemed.
"You're probably going to be very confused," I said, before clearing my throat. "Graag gedaan."
He blinked.
"Gesundheit. I'm not even going to try and say it aloud."
:)
Well.
Now, it appeared, called for a little teasing.
"Come on... try it..."
"No."
"Try it." I smirked. "You know you want to."
He paused.
"Say it again for me?"
"Graag gedaan."
"Yeah, no thanks."
I chuckled.
But then at that moment, the humor was interrupted by... well, more humor.
"OH MY GOD! HELP! WE'RE BEING ATTACKED BY THREE GHOSTS DRESSED AS OLD LADIES CARRYING BANANAS!"
The Spoken!
I had completely forgotten about them!
Instantly, the boss rose up from his seat. "What was that?"
"HURRY UP! COME OUT HERE! THEY'RE ATTACKING! THEY'RE HITTING US WITH BANANAS!"
The boss smiled. "Monty Python fans, I presume?"
I smirked at him. "Oh yes."
He exchanged a grin with me, then instantly got back into business mode and turned to leave.
"Hang on, I'll see what I can do," he said.
He left.
And so did I.
By the time I was outside...
:)
Well, let's just say that the sight in front of me was something completely different.
The Spoken were dressed up in their old lady outfits and were now beating Daybreak employees down to the ground with bananas.
Good for them. They had done their job.
The employees, of course, were helpless. They had no idea what to do or what to think.
Thankfully, though, I was not only a dom, but a huge fan of Monty Python's Flying Circus.
So I knew exactly how to disarm somebody armed with fresh fruit.
Bananas specifically.
I smirked and floated forward.
"You fools," I muttered.
The executives all looked at me.
"Don't you know how to disarm somebody with a piece of fresh fruit?" I said, still smiling.
The executives all shook their heads. I chuckled.
This was certainly going to be fun.
"It's very simple," I said. "First of all, you force them to drop the banana. Then, you eat the banana."
"Force them to drop the banana?" asked one of the executives.
"Exactly. That way, you will have effectively rendered them helpless."
"Well, why didn't you say so? I would have chokeheld these creatures until they had no more bananas on them!"
With that, the executive started to grab onto Aegis, but before he could say anything, another executive interrupted.
"Wait!"
The first executive turned.
"What if he's got a bunch?" the second one asked.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Crowe.
I giggled.
"Suppose he's got a gun?" cried the third executive.
The second one shrugged. "It's better than a pointed stick."
"SHUT UP!" Crowe yelled again.
"Okay, okay..." He paused. "CHARGE—!"
And with that, all the executives at Daybreak Entertainment wrestled with the Spoken, grabbing and eating bananas like it was a free-for-all. Screams of terror echoed throughout the Daybreak headquarters, and the boss of Daybreak was watching the whole thing unfold in front of him with perhaps the biggest smile on his face.
And as for myself?
I smiled.
Then giggled.
Then laughed.
Then laughed uproariously- this was hilarious!
And instantly all the executives turned to me, holding banana peels and old lady costumes, and looking at me with very evident confusion. I just floated forward, laughing my butt off.
"Well done, Daybreak, well done!" I exclaimed, laughing. "You have more than proven yourself. I am extremely happy and proud to say that yes, I will be signing up for your streaming service."
The executives all blinked.
"Huh?"
I smiled.
"Allow me to explain," I said. "This entire thing- the whole re-enactment of those Monty Python skits- was a test. I wanted to check in with you after 10 years and see if you were still a trustworthy company after ridding yourself of those old policies from your SOE days."
An executive raised an eyebrow. "And you thought the best way to do that was by unnecessarily dumping SPAM on our heads?"
"Yes. Just as you did to me all those years ago."
The executive didn't seem to get it at first.
But then it slowly dawned on him.
His eyes widened.
"Oh." He looked down. "Now I think I get it. You spammed us."
"Just like we spammed you," another executive added.
A smirk. "Exactly. But of course, I didn't want to send you legitimate spam email. So... I decided to have a bit of fun with you guys and spam you in the other way. That's why Crowe dropped SPAM on your heads- it was a pun."
"Crowe?"
The Haunter stood up. "Me—!"
"GAH-!" cried the executive, instantly jumping back in fear.
"What?" Crowe asked. "I'm pretty friendly. None of those pranks were meant to actually harm you. Oh, and by the way, these are Boomer and Aegis. They're members of the Spoken."
"The Spoken?"
"It's a pun," I said. "You won't get it unless you're Dutch. And I, of course-"
"Am Nimja," said the executive. "We know; we've seen your videos." Then, he paused. "But, you know something?"
"What?" I asked.
The executive smiled.
"Those pranks... were actually pretty funny."
"Yeah!" a second one agreed. "We didn't know you were into Monty Python."
A chuckle. "What can I say? I'm a nerd."
"Well then." The executive stood up. "Answer me these questions three: WHAT IS YOUR NAME?"
I smirked. So these people were Monty Python fans too, it seemed.
"I am Nimja."
"WHAT IS YOUR QUEST?"
"To hypnotize people."
"WHAT IS THE AVERAGE VELOCITY OF AN UNLADEN SWALLOW?"
I looked down, pretending to be confused.
"Ooh... That is a tough one. Well, you'll have to be more specific than that. African or European?"
The executive blinked.
"I don't know that!"
I smirked.
Then:
CR-R-ACK!
"Drop."
The executive screamed and fell to the floor. I giggled.
And soon, so did the Spoken.
And then the boss.
And then, all of the other executives.
:)
And before you know it, we were all piling over each other in a fit of laughter and could not stop.
Thinking about it, that was really all the proof I needed.
These guys were in no way stupid people.
On the contrary.
They were trustworthy.
And most important of all, they were huge nerds.
Just like myself.
If joining Daybreak meant I got a chance to chat with nerdy executives, then I was more than happy to rejoin the old streaming service that, all those years ago, had been home to some of the stupidest policies there were.
They had changed- for the better.
And I could not wait to get started.
Now, many of you have probably read this story all the way through and thought to yourself, "Well, that was silly."
:)
True.
But then again, it's Monty Python.
Aren't they always silly?
RECORDING: END
WAKE