Chapter Twelve: History Won't Care At All

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AMSTERDAM 23:00
NOVEMBER 20th

RECORDING: START

OGiNiM's POV

HeLlO, EvErYoNe WhO Is LiStEnInG To ThIs! My NaMe Is OGiNiM. BuT YoU LiKeLy AlReAdY KnEw ThAt, DiDn'T YoU? Of CoUrSe YoU HaVe. YoU'vE BeEn FoLlOwInG My AdVeNtUrEs WiTh HyDrO, SlAnG, AnD MiJnHeEr FoR ThE PaSt TwElVe ReCoRdInGs NoW. It'S NoT As If YoU WoUlDn'T KnOw WhO I Am! SiLlY LiStEnEr!

AnYwAyS, YoU'rE PrObAbLy AsKinG YoUrSeLf, "OGiNiM, WhY ThE HeCk ArE YoU EvEn ReCoRdInG ThIs? DiD NiMjA AsK YoU To?" WeLl... NoT ExAcTlY. I AsKeD MiJnHeEr If I CoUlD ReCoRd OnE Of ThEsE, NoT ThE OtHeR WaY ArOuNd. ThE GoOd NeWs WaS, He SaId YeS. AnD So HeRe I Am, AbOuT To TeLl YoU ThE StOrY YoU'vE PrObAbLy BeEn AsKiNg SiNcE ThE FiRsT ReCoRdInG.

NaMeLy...

HoW ThE HeCk DiD I BeCoMe ThE WoRlD's BiGgEsT NiMjA FaN In ThE FiRsT PlAcE?

WeLl, GoOd NeWs! I'm AbOuT To TeLl YoU! IsN'T ThIs ExCiTiNg?! I'm SuRe It MuSt Be FoR YoU, CeRtAiNlY. AfTeR AlL, YoU'vE NeVeR HeArD ThIs StOrY BeFoRe.

NoW, BeFoRe I StArT TeLlInG YoU ThE StOrY Of HoW I BeCaMe... WeLl, OGiNiM, I ThInK It MiGhT Be BeSt If I ToLd YoU A FeW ThInGs AbOuT MySeLf. NaMeLy, My ReAl NaMe. WhAt, DiD YoU SeRiOuSlY ThInK ThAt OGiNiM WaS ThE NaMe ThEy PuT On My BiRtH CeRtIfIcAtE? It'S JuSt A ScReEn NaMe, ThAt'S AlL. I SwEaR.

So, HeLlO! My NaMe Is ThEoDoRe CaRdWeLl— TeDdY, To My FaMiLy AnD JuSt AbOuT EvErYoNe WhO KnOwS Me PeRsOnAlLy. No, I HaVeN't BrOkEn AnY VaSeS, In CaSe AnY Of YoU DiE-HaRd NiMjA FaNs HaPpEn To Be LiStEnInG To ThIs. YoU, Of CoUrSe, CaN CaLl Me OGiNiM, BeCaUsE ThAt'S ThE NaMe YoU'vE LiKeLy KnOwN Me By FoR ThE PaSt TwElVe ReCoRdInGs. As FoR HoW I GoT ThAt NaMe...

WeLl, I'Ll ExPlAiN It To YoU LaTeR, BuT YoU ShOuLd Be AbLe To FiGuRe OuT ThE "-NiM" PaRt. JuSt SaYiNg.

AnYwAyS, WhAt ElSe...?

OoH! HeRe'S SoMeThInG I BeT YoU DiDn'T KnOw! I LiVe In OnTaRiO, CaNaDa, AnD-

Oh...

Oh... YoU AlReAdY KnEw ThAt...?

WeLl, OkAy ThEn... LeT's SeE If I HaVe AnY OtHeR FaCtS To TeLl YoU AbOuT MySeLf... HmM...

Ah! GoT It! I KnOw WhAt 'T KoFsChIp Is! Do YoU KnOw WhAt 'T KoFsChIp Is? I'm BeTtInG YoU DoN't, UnLeSs YoU'rE DuTcH. It'S OnE Of ThOsE MnEmOnIc DeViCeS. YoU WaNnA KnOw WhAt It Is?

...No?

AwW, CoMe On! LeArNiNg DuTcH Is FuN--!

YoU SuRe YoU DoN't WaNt To KnOw WhAt 'T KoFsChIp Is?

...YoU AbSoLuTeLy SuRe?

AlRiGhT... BuT I'm WaRnInG YoU, It'S FuN--!

YoU'rE PrObAbLy MoRe InTeReStEd In ReAdInG ThE StOrY, AnYwAyS. AnD ThAt'S PeRfEcTlY FiNe.

So, ArE YoU ReAdY?

...AlRiGhTy ThEn! HeRe It Is- ThE StOrY Of HoW I BeCaMe PeRhApS ThE BiGgEsT FaN Of NiMjA In ThE WoRlD!

NoW, As YoU MiGhT HaVe GuEsSeD, OnCe UpOn A TiMe, I DiDn'T UsE To Be ThE HuGe NiMjA FaN I Am NoW. In FaCt, I WaSn'T EvEn InTo ThE DuTcH LaNgUaGe!

GaSp!

I KnOw. ShOcKiNg, IsN't It?

BuT It'S TrUe. BeFoRe I GoT InTo NiMjA, I WaS JuSt ThEoDoRe CaRdWeLl, A CaNaDiAn PaPeR BoY WhO WaS AbSoLuTeLy MiSeRaBlE WiTh HiS JoB. DiD YoU KnOw I HaD A JoB OnCe? I KnOw. YoU'rE StUnNeD. LiKeLy, ThE OnLy JoB YoU CoUlD LiKeLy EvEr SeE Me In Is WoRkInG At NiMjA InCoRpOrAtEd!

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