"Oɴ ᴍʏ ʙᴀᴄᴋ, ʙʀᴇᴀᴛʜɪɴɢ ʜᴇᴀᴠʏ, ꜱᴛᴀʀɪɴ' ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛ.."
His body knew from the moment he jumped out that bus. His body knew once his eyes landed on that giant wormhole-type ship. Peter himself, though, had yet to have a clue. He assumed it was his Spider-Sense just acting out more than normal because he was also panicked. He was scared for his city at the time, and once he was on the ship itself, he was scared for the world. Scared for you, because he knew someway, somehow, you'd follow. You'd learn where he went.
You would absolutely travel worlds to find him, and he knew he'd do the same. It was half of why he was on the ship- half of why he was in space, on another planet. He refused to let his entire Universe just slip by.
He refused to let a world, full of thousands of countless memories and future possibilities of certain milestones and moments just fly by him. He was going to fight for his neighborhood- his city, his world. He was going to fight for May and for you. For happy holidays with May and sweet tender memories with you. He had to be sure you made it out with him. The world wasn't worth being in without you. It wasn't. He never imagined a world without him though, not quite yet.
Apparently you felt the same. You weren't going down without a fight, and god did you ever put up one. How you managed to follow was way beyond him, but he wasn't surprised that you did. You found him, and you fought with everything in you. However, it all seemed to be in vain. Everyone fought till they bled- until the bitter end, and yet the stone was still acquired by that purple bastard.
"Pʀᴀʏɪɴ' ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴀɪɴ'ᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ ꜱᴜʀᴇ ɪᴛ ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ʙᴇ.."
His senses were going even crazier than before. It made the silence surrounding him and everyone else that much more scary. One stone was left, and who the hell knew how long it would be before he got it. There were no if's anymore, just one single when. He would get that last Infinity Stone- and then what?What would become of humanity? Would he be forced to watch you die? Or Tony? That's what he had wondered at first. It's what crossed his mind in the terrifying quiet. It was all he could think, aside from you. You swarmed his thoughts instantly. Thousands of possibilities and futures- now blurry and uncertain because that monster got what he so desired. This wasn't fair. This wasn't how this was supposed to go.
Then it happened.
First it was the dark gray skinned man, calling out for his friend before just disappearing into nothing. Then came the woman with antennae. Fearful and confused. Soon, it was the other man, the one who'd been with them.
He let out a soft "Oh man.."
Lastly, it was the wizard, the one who had said he wouldn't give up the stone for anyone or anything- and yet he did for Tony. Peter was grateful, but still so very confused. Why did he change so suddenly? Why would he give in to that purple monstrosity? Why?
"This was the only way.."
Peter then looked to you, heart crying out at the mere thought of watching you slip away. This couldn't be happening, not now, not to them. He fought with all he had- he fought so damn hard. Why was it never enough? Why couldn't he ever-
"I don't feel so good..", he said suddenly, senses running rampant, screaming in warning. His body was desperately trying to keep him going- but for a brief moment, he couldn't grasp why.
Your wandering eyes instantly shot in his direction. You'd been lost in your own world for a moment or two, trying to piece together what was happening and why. Trying to convince yourself that Peter and you would make it through this. You had to. It was him and you against the world, and you'd be damned if you lost.. but god.. had you done so already?
"You're alright. You're alright.", Tony said, trying to convince himself despite the sight before him.
"Peter?", you gasped, catching him as he fell into you. "Peter. Hey."
"[Y/n]- I can't- I don't wanna go.. I don't..", he clutched you with all his might, gripping you like you were his only lifeline, and you were. You always had been. "Please. I don't wanna go." You could feel him shaking in your arms, could feel his tears. It was the most painful thing you'd ever felt. You'd give anything to have Thanos come back her and break all your bones. To rupture your organs- anything, anything else but this.
"Oɴ ᴍʏ ʙᴀᴄᴋ, ɢᴏᴛ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ʙᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ᴄʜᴇꜱᴛ. I ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ- ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I'ᴅ ɢᴏ ᴏᴜᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ.."
You were shaking with him, breaths coming out choppy and panicked. This was so wrong- this was so fucking wrong. You were both only seventeen. You had so much ahead of you. Finishing High School together. Discussing college. Thinking of jobs and careers and what the future held for you both. There were dreams of moving in together, of decorating an empty small apartment together. His and Hers sheets and pillowcases. Matching keys and keychains. Stealing each other's socks, scarves and beanies. Borrowing his shirts for pj's. Nights off spent binge watching TV and starting childish pillow fights. Pizza and video games. Talks beneath the moon atop the rooftop of your new shared apartment building.
That was never going to happen now, was it?
"Sᴏ ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʟʟꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴍᴏᴍᴇɴᴛ? I ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ. Mʏ ᴠɪꜱɪᴏɴ ɪꜱ ʙʟᴜʀʀɪɴɢ ᴀꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛꜱ ᴛᴏ ғᴀᴅᴇ.. Pʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴘᴜʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜɪꜱ.."
There was a huge difference in coming close to death, and actually feeling yourself dying. Peter never expected to ever know both. He'd felt panic when he was trapped beneath that building. Panicked and helpless and on the brink of being crushed to death. However, he managed to lift that building enough to free himself. He escaped death and made it to where he was supposed to be. He saved what he set out to save, and though he got beat up, he lived. He couldn't do this here, could he? His senses were going insane, throwing every warning sign they could at him, and his body was only delaying the inevitable. There was no lifting this from himself- no freedom. He could only cling to you and beg for a life he, at first, hadn't thought he'd lose. He grew weary as he fought it.
"Mʏ ʀɪʙꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ʙʀᴇᴀᴋɪɴɢ I ꜱᴡᴇᴀʀ. I'ᴍ ᴏɴʟʏ 23 [16], ᴄʀᴀᴡʟɪɴ', ꜱᴇᴀʀᴄʜɪɴ' ғᴏʀ ᴀ ʟɪғᴇʟɪɴᴇ I ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴄᴀɴ·ᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴄʜ. Sᴏᴍᴇʙᴏᴅʏ ʜᴇᴀʀ ᴍᴇ. Sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴏʀ. Gᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴏғғ ᴛʜᴇ ғʟᴏᴏʀ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴛᴏᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱʜᴀᴋɪɴɢ. ᴛʜᴇ ꜱʜᴀᴋɪɴɢ."
Life truly was unfair. So young, so much ahead of him- and he was begging. He was pleading and crying and wanting so desperately to scream. He didn't want to leave you. He didn't want to go and god you didn't want him to either.
Please don't leave me, Peter-
"Tʜᴇ ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ ɪꜱ ʙᴏɪʟɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴠᴇɪɴꜱ. Oʜ ɢᴏᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀɪɴ, ɪᴛ'ꜱ ᴜɴʀᴇʟᴇɴᴛɪɴɢ. I'ᴍ ʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ ɪғ ɪᴛ ᴍᴇᴀɴꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴇɴᴅ."
He wasn't even in much physical pain. He didn't feel much, just his senses and how they soon began to waver. What was killing him was you, your face. It was blurry through his own tears, but he could see well enough. He could see the look in your eyes and the way you tried to hold your sobs in. He knew what this would do to you, because he knew what it'd do to him. He fucking knew, and it was killing him. Everyone else left so fast. Swift and with the wind- so why was his leave so slow? Why was the world torturing you both like this? In this moment, he hated his accelerated healing. He hated it because it was drawing this out. It was making the pain worse- it was taking it's time in tearing your heart from your chest.
I don't want to go.
"Tʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀᴢᴇ, I ꜱᴀᴡ ᴀ ғᴀᴄᴇ. A ꜱᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ, ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ʟɪғᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟɪᴠᴇ. Hᴏᴡ ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ғᴏʀɢɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ? Hᴇʟᴅ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴀɢᴀɪɴꜱᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴇꜱᴛ. Tᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ᴀʟʀɪɢʜᴛ, ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀғʀᴀɪᴅ."
His vision blurred over completely for a moment, and when it cleared, he saw you above him. His head was in your lap, and you were smiling. It was such a joyous smile, it made his heart swell happily and become full of warmth. The dreadful cold feeling of death crept away from him. Your fingers ran through his curls, humming softly to him.
"We made it.", you say softly, "We did it, Peter."
He smiles at that. You sound so happy and so proud, and he loves it. You two made it. You outlasted a war- and he could just feel that you were in a shared home. Home. He could feel and sense that he was home. He didn't have to see bright decorated walls or a feel a fluffy and inviting bed. He didn't need a welcome mat or a key. He just needed you. You were home, and so as long as he had you by his side, he was always right where he wanted and needed to be.
He shifted, moving so he could rest his head against your chest and hear your soothing heartbeat. It was calm and quiet. "I know.", he said, "I know."
"I love you." You words come out in a sweet hum and he feels small goosebumps rise upon his skin in response. He could never get over hearing you say that. It was so sweet and often unbelievable. A girl like you? So perfect in every way, loving him? It was incredible. You took his breath away just by looking at him how you did. Your love for him was never-ending. It surrounded him and made him feel at ease in his chaotic life.
"I love you too."
Then why won't you stay?
"Cʟᴏꜱᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇʏᴇꜱ ᴀɴᴅ, ʀᴇꜱᴛ."
Suddenly, your heart rate picked up. It was pounding inside your ribcage and it almost felt like it might burst against his ear. He looked back up at you and your smile was long gone. Tears were streaming down your face and your lips wobbled as you spoke. You were rocking your bodies back and forth, cradling his head in your hands. Your sobs chopped up your words and he was breaking all over again. The cold clammy hands of death were gripping at him even tighter now. He was going and he felt it. He felt his body disappearing- his organs turning into nothing. He felt you shaking and on the brink of screaming and losing it.
"You're okay. You're alright, Peter. We're okay.", you were trying to comfort him- and you were trying to deceive yourself. This wasn't happening. He wasn't going anywhere. No.
"I'm sorry..", he tells you, "I'm so sorry.."
"Peter please-"
"I love you.", his voice was soft and low. He was right on the brink, and he needed you to know. He needed you to feel it, one last time.
"Peter I- Peter! PETER!"
You didn't get to say it back. You didn't get to see his eyes light up one last time- like they always did when you expressed your love for him. He faded into ash- turned to nothing but dried blackness on your shaky palms. Though- not before his bright eyes went dull and looked away from you. He looked away- because he didn't want you to see his light die out. He didn't want you to know just how terrified and hurt he truly felt. He didn't want you to have that last memory of him. He wanted you to have a soft and true 'I love you'. Peter wanted you to feel the weight of his love one last time- one last sweet sentence. Something to hold you over for a little bit.
He blew away with one small gust of wind, and then you lost all sense.
Your blackened palms dug into your eyes, screams erupting from your throat and spewing out your quivering lips. You were on your knees, surrounded by ash in a vacant and practically dead planet- and yet somehow, you were sure it could feel your loss. Or perhaps it was just the other two survivors. Two souls that lost as much as you, but had been spared a lengthy and torturous good-bye. One of those souls didn't even get to say good-bye to her loved one.
They ached with you, but differently.
Your screams would forever haunt their dreams and waking thoughts.
His face would be burned into the backs of your eyelids- and so you never stopped your screams. You never stopped, and your future- those His and Hers and sweet late nights filled with loving touches. They never got the chance to become the present..
Peter no..
"(Cᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɢʜᴛ..) Pʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴘᴜʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜɪꜱ.."