Love of My Life- Queen
"You've broken my heart and now you leave me. Love of my life can't you see. Bring it back, bring it back. Don't take it away from me because you don't know what it means to me."
Jake P.O.V.
"Let's go." I lead her to the car with my hand on the low of her back, and I open the car door with the other.
She holds in a laugh, and I look at her questionably, "You've never opened the door for me, that's all." She answers from my immediate stare.
"Yes I have." I answer defensively.
"No you haven't." She smiles.
I don't argue with her because I honestly can't remember the last time I have which means this is the first time.. I shut the door behind her and begin to walk to my side. I see movement, and my eyes linger to Lauren's house. She's there by the window; staring aimlessly at us. I have no know idea how long she's been there but it's quite creepy. My glasses hide my stare down, but I ignore her presence as I get in my car. I start driving towards my house, and I look over to see my lover's eyes closed. She must still be exhausted. I am as well.
She clutches the black box to her tightly, and I can't help but to want to throw the box out of the window. It's just so goddamn embarrassing to me. And it haunts me to this day that she never got them in the first place. How I found out was by mistake. It was right after me and Dawn started sleeping together. It was such an awkward time with Dawn, that I didn't know how to tell her. There was no point at the time either. I was trying to stop whatever was going on between us for both of our sakes with Ledger, but I of course failed.
How I found out was when Dawn was in the restroom one night when I slept over. I saw her homework assignments, and I realized her handwriting was no where near the writing back in junior high. So I thought maybe it's changed? My suspicions grew, and it was confirmed when Alice pulled me aside and told me the truth after school one day.
Lauren's guilt began to grow when she noticed Dawn and I were in the same class together, so she started to worry if I would say something to Dawn about the letters. I didn't because I was honestly embarrassed to think of that time of rejection of my life. I guess while Alice and Lauren were screwing around, it slipped out. Alice had no idea what she talking about because I never told Alice about the letters. Lauren told her I'd understand it.
And to say I wanted to cut the dumb short haired blonde bitch was an understatement. I wanted to end her. I caught her walking down the hall one day and bellowed all sorts of profanity. I have no idea up until this day of what I said, but I was pretty damn passionate about it.
I look over at Dawn. She's so beautiful, even with her pajamas and her hair not done. Her face is bare, and I wish she would keep it that way all the time, but she chooses to wear makeup sometimes. She does look pretty with makeup on I will admit, but her bare face makes her look more innocent and angelic like that it makes me want to keep her safe and hidden from this toxic world. Her eyes open wildly out of no where.
I turn quickly to look out of my windshield, hoping she didn't catch me staring at her sleeping form.
"You alright there?" I ask.
"Do you have any of my letters that my fake myself gave to you?" She asks instead of answering me.
"Why?"
"I want to see what she wrote to you." She looks out the window.
"Glove compartment."
She starts to gawk at my glove compartment. "Why do you keep it in there?" She opens it and out comes the things that have broken me.
"I really don't know why." I answer truthfully.
She pulls out a necklace first, and she dangles
it in front of her face. "What's this?"
"Serena gave it to me on our 6 month anniversary." It reads S+J. "I wore it a few times only to please Serena. I didn't like wearing it because I felt childish to have letters on me."
"Oh." She says, and tosses it in the corner. "So anyone that has broken your heart lies in here?"
"Only two." I answer. Her and Serena.
Next thing she pulls out is something that flicks a memory in me like a cassette tape when you hit replay.
Freshmen year
"Come on!" Serena giggles in my ear.
"No!" I squeal, as she tries to poke me with her lipstick.
"Come on, I want to see your lips in red." She peppers my neck with kisses.
I soon relent, "It's going to come right off right?"
"Yes, loser." She pecks my lips, before unscrewing the top. She holds my chin to her, and expertly begins the paint on my lips. I knew right then and there that was the first time I fell in love. Her chocolate brown eyes swam with amusement and cheerfulness that I wish I can still see today, but we're not the same anymore.
Her eyes stay at my lips, and now they look to my free eyes. She was the only one to see them then. "Done." She whispered.
"I love you." I said for the first time.
She just laughed at me and hid into my neck. I pulled at her tan cheeks and smooched our lips together sloppily.
"Stop. You're going to ruin your look! See!" She shows me through the mirror in my room.
My lips were still red, but the color has transferred onto hers as well.
"Shut up, S." I kiss her again and she lets me this time.
-
She was my best friend for the longest time, and I loved her for the longest time. I still love her, but just not the same anymore. She is no way near the level of how much I love Dawn. And when I found out about that night when she cheated on me, it's changed me whole. And I'll never be the same. I'll never trust the same.
"Wow, that's romantic." Dawn says solemnly as I had recalled the time Serena put lipstick on me. Dawn tossed the lipstick aside. I can tell she's irritated by my quick lipstick story, but she shouldn't be considering it was years ago.
I don't respond because I don't know what to say really. It was kind of a cute story.
She finally pulls out the two letters that broke my heart in the eighth grade.
She opens the first letter, and I had wished that I threw that shit away as soon as it was revealed to be fake. I'm such an idiot.
Dawn P.O.V.
Sometimes I forget that Jake had a girlfriend at one point. Considering he doesn't really talk about her, only makes me think she still important to him. I don't like her, and I don't think I ever will. I mean you can't blame me for not liking my current boyfriend's ex. Just the fact he keeps some of there love symbols in here makes me want to burn that ugly necklace, along with melting the old Mac lipstick. I wonder why he kept it?
I dispel these thoughts as I open the first letter that Lauren wrote to Jake.
Jake-
You're letters are lovely, and I find myself reading them over and over. Though I do find your drawings to be a bit shitty... in a good way. Haha :). Anyway I don't really know what to say, and I'm sorry I'm not really smooth with words like yours. Even though you just talk nonsense most of the time. I'm sorry I'm so shy around you, it's just you make me not be able to speak because of how wonderful you are. I hope to open my shell around you soon enough.
-Dawn
"Fuck Lauren." I throw the letter at the open glove compartment.
He stays silent, so I begin to throw the two letters back in the box I'm withholding along with the stupid lipstick and necklace along with it.
"What are you doing?" We've now pulled up to his apartment.
"I'm throwing this shit away." I begin to unbuckle but he holds me back with his arm.
"That's not yours to throw away."
"Why do you still want it? It's fake, and the necklace and lipstick you don't need."
"I don't care if I don't need it." He tries grasp for the items, but I bust out the door. I walk up to his apartment, and surprisingly his door is already open, he must have forgotten to lock it.
"Dawn what the fuck are you doing?" He rushes behind me.
"You don't need these anymore. I begin to tear the first letter, but he snatches it from me.
He's beyond livid behind his glasses. "This isn't yours. This is mine."
"But it isn't me-"
"I don't give a fuck, Dawn!" He takes the lipstick, and the second letter, along with the necklace. "This shit is sentimental to me." He turns his back, holding the necklace between his fingers. I don't really know what to say, and for the most part I feel utterly embarrassed.
I don't understand why he chooses to keep these items when he doesn't need them.
"I feel numb most of the time." He says. "Fighting in the Underground has caused me not to feel much, and it's hard to stay that way. When I get punched, kicked, tortured, I have a plain face. When my parents died. I felt numb. I cried, yes. But afterwards I fell silent and residual. It was weird." He sits down at his couch, looking down on the floor. "I felt nothing. I literally felt nothing. I know I should have cried longer, but I literally felt nothing. I felt empty. And for the longest time I felt that way. I keep things. Little nick nacks around the house so I won't forget them. I won't forget the feeling of them."
"You keep old letters and a crusty lipstick so you won't forget how you felt about it?"
"Yes, Dawn." My name coming harsh from his lips. "That's what I do." I've sense that I have hurt his feelings, but I don't know how else to say it.
"I feel a lot, and when I do I shut it off. I go numb. I stop feeling it, and I know that's not healthy, so I keep things to remind me on why I felt the way I felt." He stands from the couch and walks to his bedroom.
Why am I so selfish? Why do I feel like the bad guy. I thought I was doing him a favor to rid of these old memories, but I guess it's just erasing his feelings of importance. I follow him to his room where he has stripped his shirt. His back is embedded with his stitched gashes. "I'm sorry I don't understand." I say.
He turns back to me, and his shoulders shrug. "Whatever."
"Don't whatever me." I frown to him.
"What else do you want me to say. You took my shit, and decided upon yourself to throw it away, and stuff that doesn't even concern you."
"Doesn't concern me!" I go on my tiptoes to him. "She's your fucking ex, and you decide to keep shit from the past."
"I already fucking told you that it's for me to not forget on how I felt during that time! How fucking dumb can you get!" He raises his voice at me. The room has already gained a number of degrees, and all want to do is cry and scream. I do the latter.
"Well I'm so fucking sorry that I don't want MY BOYFRIEND to keep old shit from his ex!"
"Well maybe if you weren't such a fucking prude you would have had a proper boyfriend before me to give you shit so you'll understand the importance of a relationship!"
That stung deep in my heart. "I'm not a prude."
"Yeah you are."
"No I'm not."
"Yeah you are."
"No I'm not! I'm just a person who doesn't want their fucking boyfriend to be constantly reminded when he use to love his ex!"
"Well maybe I still do!" He spurs.
I turn around as soon as the words hit the air. I walk back into his living room. I grab the box full of letters and my bag full of clothes.
"Where the fuck are you doing?" He hollers after me.
"I'm going home."
"With what car? You left yours." I stop midway, and turn to his smug smile. I fucking hate that smile.
"I'll find a bus." I go to the entrance of his house. He's quicker than me as he closes the door as soon as I open it.
"Let me go."
"Or what?" He whispers behind me.
"Or I'll break your lipstick." I say childishly.
"Stop being so petty."
"Stop being mean then."
"Stop being sensitive."
"You stop being sensitive. I said I was sorry, and instead you bash on me and call me a prude." I don't dare look at him. I look straight ahead at the door. The embedded lines I count in my head silently. "And then you say you still love her."
"I think I always will." I rest my head against the door frame. His body is close behind me, and he rest his head against mine. "You will understand one day. When things go to shit. When you leave me, you'll find someone better, and then you'll remember our laughs. Our cries, and smiles. And you're going to love those memories when you find someone after me.
"I never want to hear you say that again." I mutter.
"What? That you'll find someone worthy of you."
I stand straight, causing him to raise his head from mine. I turn around, and his eyes are now more visible than ever. "You drive me fucking mad, but I wouldn't want anyone else, unless you give me a reason to leave you."
He furrows his brows, and his eyes linger to my chest.
"You really hurt my feelings by saying you still love her."
"I know, but it's true." I begin to turn back around, but he stops me. "Stop being a baby." He grips my cheek in his right hand. The love is different." He shakes his head. "It's a memory. You are much more than a memory, Dawn. You're everything to me. All of this is for you." His eyes hold sincereness to them, and his once darkened eyes full of hate and anger is now light and puffy.
"You called me a prude."
His other hand massages my backside, and I know what he's trying to do. He's trying to distract me, and I think he's doing a good job.
"Obviously I know your not. Our sex life is amazing." He squeezes my behind while connecting our foreheads together.
The corners of my mouth go slightly up, but my right hand pulls at his hair, causing him to groan. "You call me that again, I'll be sure to leave you." I say not meaning any word of what I'm saying.
"I'll never let you leave me." He pauses. "I'm sorry for calling you a prude."
"You better be."
He shuts me up by kissing me finally. The box that has been cradled in my arms is now on the floor, along with my bag full of clothes. He lifts me up, and my legs cross around his torso. He leads me to his bedroom with much trouble as his eyes are closed. He tumbles over the lamp near the hallway, which makes me clutch to him and breakaway from his lips. "Watch out." I giggle in his neck.
His cheeks are warm on my forehead, and I can tell he's slightly embarrassed. He continues his walk down his hall, and he shuts the door with a slam. He locks the door straightaway.
My laughter echos the room when he tosses me on the bed. His sleepy smile plays at his lips when he falls on top of me.
"I can't breathe." My laughter filling the void of silence.
He kisses my neck with his tongue peeking out, and it's no longer funny anymore. My moans begin to fill the room, and he shots up from my neck.
"What?" My sexual frustrations taking me whole.
"Are you feeling okay? Is this okay?" He rubs my neck where my bruise is at. Ledger and my father's choke on me days before.
"If I'm being honest, I forgot about it until now."
"Sorry."
"Sh." My tongue licks his mouth open. "Let's talk about it after." My hands swirl around his shoulder, making sure to be careful with his lashes.
My elbows push forward so I'm by the headboard, and he follows suit. His eyes never breaking mine. His lips find mine, and I feel the rush again. The rush of excitement. My hands play at his hair until his own hands take mine and place it both sides of the bed. The fluidity of our movements have never been this slow before. I kind of like it, yet at the same time I want to go faster.
I can't move under his weight, and I can tell he's doing this on purpose. He wants it slow, and I'm okay with that.
Smut scene... check Smut book out!!!!
--
Once he's back on earth he lays on top of me. His wet forehead pressed close to mine. "Fuck you're amazing."
"Ditto." I giggle at my own lack of words, and he smiles at me with his sleepy eyes.