July 21,2021
Taehyung age 22
"Just shut the hell up! Stop making excuses!" I yelled, trying not to cry as I stared at my boyfriend before me.
Jungkook just stared at me, a look of guilt washing across his face. "It was a mistake!" He yelled back, causing my blood to boil even more.
"Get the hell out of here!" I screamed, grabbing the cloths that were scattered on the ground and throwing them at Jungkook.
"Babe, please." Jungkook plead, looking at me with sad eyes. No way in hell was I going to fall for that look again.
"No! You slept with another guy in our apartment, while I was in France for a fashion show."I said, finally breaking down, the stress from work and the recent event causing me to start sobbing as I fell to the ground.
"Tae....." Jungkook said softly, slowly edging towards me. I shot him a hateful filled glare and looked away.
"Get out before I call the landlord........ " I muttered, closing my eyes in an attempt to calm myself.
A few moments later, I heard the door slam and I flinched, starting to sob uncontrollably. My legs gave out from under me and I cried into my hands. This was the first time this had happened in the past 2 years.
I thought he had changed, I thought he no longer slept with other people.
I guess I overestimated him.
Staggering up, I shuffled to the bed, falling down and crying into the pillow, my heart aching as numbing pain flowed throughout my body. My muscles ache with the need of a release and I just closed my eyes, the coldness of laying alone seeping into my bones.
As the darkness surrounded me, I remembered the time when I looked over the edge of the school building jokingly with Jungkook. I had slipped that day and Jungkook had grabbed onto my hand to keep me from falling to my death.
I remember the clear worry in his eyes and it showed me that he actually did care for me, that he was capable of not seeing others as pawns in which he could get anything he wanted but, as an equal.
Tonight changes that.
I'm not the same Taehyung that allowed him to sleep around with other people while we were dating. I need him to look at me and only me. I might've allowed him to act that way 4 years ago but, I need him to settle down with me or not be with me at all.
After settling my breath, my body felt heavy with exhaustion and before I knew it, the pain, stress, anxiety and sorrow of the night was washed away in the darkness of my dreamless sleep.
July 22
11:29
My body didn't want to move and my mind was blank.'what exactly happened last night?' I asked myself, remembering a fight with Jungkook but all of my thoughts of the previous night were a blur in a headache.
Sitting up slowly, I managed to not cause my headache to worsen. Jungkook, my boyfriend of 4 years, has constantly cheated on me but this is the last straw. Looking up from the bedsheets with sad eyes, said eyes landed on the beautiful glass flower he had boughten me as a gift, causing me to let out a soft sob.
"Why? Why do I have to love you? Don't you love me back?" I sobbed, covering my face with my hands.
My heart aches and I just wanted the pain to end. Who would have thought that the incident 5 years ago would have lead us to where we are today? Am I the only one who changed in the relationship so it could last longer?
I wish he had tried to change, just a tiny bit.
Then maybe this fucked up relationship could have lasted longer.
A year
A month
A week
Even a day
If he had changed just enough to let relationship longer, maybe I wouldn't be feeling as if I'd been played by him and waisted 4 years of my life loving him.
Because, he hasn't changed.
So, doesn't that mean he doesn't love me enough to even try?