Review by Sunshine: Wickedly Yours
Author: queen_of_sass
SPECIAL NOTE FROM REVIEWER:
- There will be spoilers in this review. I have tried to keep things ambiguous, but there were some very specific moments I wanted to refer to.
Summary: 5/5
I think your summary is perfect. You already showcase a sophisticated and fluent style of writing, and you weave in the general plot, characters and setting seamlessly. I like the dramatic flair with the one-sentence paragraphs, and I genuinely felt my jaw drop when it came to the sentence about Blake courting the younger sister, Colette. How scandalous! And your final sentence was a fantastic way to tie everything together. Amazing work.
Grammar: 3.5/5
I'm assuming you know this, but there were quite a lot of errors scattered throughout those later, unedited chapters. But generally, I'm confident that you know your grammar and punctuation rules! There were never enough errors to break the fluency, and most of them seemed to be typos or Wattpad malfunctions. But there were definitely some things that need work, even in the edited chapters. I'll focus entirely on those edited chapters for now.
There were some clunky sentences happening. Let's take the following sentence, for example:
"This made the determination in Colette's eyes turn into cold, hard steel, and her face to scrunch like she had swallowed something sour."
The "this made" at the start of the sentence doesn't correlate with the "her face to scrunch up. Otherwise, it reads, "This made her face to scrunch up" – which doesn't really make sense. I would change it to:
"This made the determination in Colette's eyes turn into cold ,hard steel, and her face scrunched up like she had swallowed something sour." Or, another alternative: "This made the determination in Colette's eyes turn into cold ,hard steel, and forced her face to scrunch up like she had swallowed something sour."
There were a few clunky moments like that, so another thorough edit wouldn't hurt. Another thing to keep in mind of is over-repetition of words. Let's take a look at this sentence:
"Her cerulean eyes were bright and starry-eyed."
Lovely sentence, except the repetition of "eyes/eyed" made it awkward. Just change it to starry, and it gets the same image across.
And another note I made was to keep in mind punctuation within dialogue. If dialogue is followed by a verbal tag (such as "he said", "he murmured", "he ordered" or any other possible words that describe how the dialogue is said), the dialogue ends with a comma. If followed by anything else, it would be a period. So, for example, I found:
"Make sure you are not seen." Sophia ordered.
I'm pretty sure the "she ordered" is considered a verbal tag since that is how the dialogue is said. The words themselves are an order. So it should be:
"Make sure you are not seen," Sophia ordered.
But otherwise, great job! You definitely need to polish up those later chapters when you get the chance, but I think you already know that. 😊
Character Building: 5/5
Amazing. That's all I have to say.
But, then again, I don't think I'm allowed to do that so let me elaborate. The dialogue is excellent, very much in-character with the characters you have developed, and ohhh my god, the banter between Blake and Sophia is so freaking cute! Your characters all create very strong impressions – I found myself hating the Earl with a passion, found myself loving Alessandra with a passion, and found myself wanting to strangle and hug Colette at the same time. All your characters are wonderfully distinct.
I suppose I should talk about the main characters, too. Sophia's snide remarks as an omniscient narrator are incredibly engaging as well as comedic when they need to be. She is a strong character, and very bold for the time. And I think you've executed this well; some people can go seriously overboard when they put a rather bold heroine in and end up making it seem entirely unrealistic and Mary Sue-like. But you have stayed away from that territory and have kept her a badass, but a reasonable badass. Well done.
She goes through hell and back, and she definitely spirals a bit – but she had a reason for it all. She doesn't just get pissy for no reason. With all those societal pressures around, yeah, who can blame her? And better yet, she's a flawed character. She's not perfect. She has her pride, she has her impulses, and yeah, curiosity killed her cat. Good – a flawed character is an essential part of every story. Perfect characters make things boring. You have done an excellent job here.
But the highlight for me has to be Colette. Because she screwed up so much, and yet she did it all to save those siblings of hers. She made the wrong choices, as Alessandra pointed out. But, once again, if she was perfect, would we have a story? My heart hurt for her – she was in an impossible predicament. And she even started trying to step up against her father a bit. Didn't work so well, but you could see the hints of development and I loved that.
Even the villains were fleshed out, so props to you! Did I despise the Earl and want to rip his intestines out? Yes. But did I sort of sympathise with him when I read his backstory? ... Yes.
So well done!
Writing Style: 4/5
It's so wonderful to find an author who actually describes the setting! Lovely use of sensory imagery, and you masterfully incorporate literary devices to enhance your writing. You have extremely powerful chapter beginnings and ends, which have tinges of philosophical nuances to them. You also have an extensive vocabulary that is used well. Be careful not to overuse metaphor – when you have more than two metaphors in a sentence, both of very different themes, it can be a little jarring.
Also, be careful with the italics! While they are effective, make sure the right things are italicised. The italics indicate the thoughts within the characters' head, right? So, in this example:
"Don't do it, her mind warned, don't you dare"
The part, "her mind warned", should not be in italics. Because then it's the voice in her head saying her mind warned and that's weird.
That aside, the varying perspectives were handled well. Voices were distinct, and were also very insightful. I will admit that the sophistication of your writing was far less consistent in the unedited chapters, but again, I think you are aware of this. I especially think your dialogue in those future chapters need a bit of work to feel as slick as they do in the first few chapters. That's the main reason I scored you a bit lower for this – I can't wait to see the story once those chapters are edited! Right now, while they're still good chapters, the loss of that nimble writing is kind of obvious and so it did break fluency every now and then.
Also, this is definitely a personal thing, but I was thinking that instead of having "A few weeks later" at the start of chapters to indicate time jumps, use a more professional method? Personally, I suggest using actual dates or just weave it somewhere in the writing that a few weeks have passed. I know it's quite a difficult thing considering this is Wattpad and it's not like most readers will remember exactly where the last chapter left off, but just a suggestion.
Plot + Originality: 4.5/5
Okay, so when I read the introduction, I did catch that people found similarities between your story and Pride and Prejudice. And yes, I agree that there are some similar themes.
But anyone who says that this story 'nearly and completely resembles Pride & Prejudice' can come and have a word with me. Because they are wrong.
I have read both your story (though it's not yet finished) and Pride and Prejudice, and it's like comparing two stories with dragons in them. The stories may have completely different plots, different characters, different writing styles, but because they both have dragons in them, people find the connection and immediately seek similarities. I will say that the biggest similarity I found was the setting, but that's a good thing – it means you are staying true to the period.
Which brings me onto my next point: your transition into the past. It's excellent. You very seamlessly wove in the societal expectations, the setting, the clothing and attitudes into every chapter. The unedited chapters definitely needed work, especially in the dialogue. I did some research and it's incredibly rare for someone in that period to say "bull" in short for bullshit – that slang started popping up around the 1960s.
And your plot feels like it could be a television series! I was genuinely surprised when Colette didn't show much of an interest with Blake, and then my jaw dropped further when their father wanted to murder Blake, and then came the near-rape and the mess Colette drove everyone in and the pregnancy and- just, anyone who says this is like Pride and Prejudice needs to rethink everything. There were definitely some things that felt slightly overdone, like the pregnancy and murder at the altar, but you wrote it well regardless.
And I'm so glad you had that chapter between Blake's 'death' and his 'oh he's alive' moment. I hate it when authors show them alive one chapter afterwards. It feels somewhat anticlimactic when that happens. So well done!
OVERALL SCORE: 22/25
I spent hours reading this book, and it was very much worth it. I didn't really realise it was nearing midnight until I finally started writing the review. Overall, your story is great, your attention to detail and imagery is wonderful, and all you need to do is brush up those unedited chapters. Great job!
(On a side note, I hope Blake finds them – that reunion might just be the reunion of the century!)