Self Control- Frank Ocean
Noses on a rare, little virgin wears the white. You cut your hair but you used to live a blinded life. Wish I was there, wish we had grown up on the same advice. And our time was right. Keep a place for me, for me. I'll sleep between y'all, it's nothing. It's nothing, it's nothing. Keep a place for me, for me.
-
We pull up to the station, and I feel my breathing decrease.
"Are you ready?" Lauren asks me.
We've been sitting in the car for 15 minutes, and I don't think I'll ever be ready. But I nod my head to her and begin to exit the car. She follows suit, and I enter the sunken police station.
Men in police suits scour the floors, and the place itself is a madhouse. I see the front desk, and a man huffily types away at the computer monitor. I stop in my tracks. What am I to say to him? What am I to say about my father?
"Dawn?" Lauren's arm wrapped through mine; breaking me out of concentration.
"Huh?" I huff.
"You can do this." She soothes. "Come on." Her feet carry me towards the desk, my feet try to stay glued to the floor, but slowly we come closer to the desk.
The man takes notice of us, and his once harsh glare to the screen turns slack. "Hello, ladies. Can I help you?" He attempts a smile.
"Hi. I'm uh... Lauren."
"Okay." He shrugs his shoulders.
"This is my friend Dawn. Dawn Rivers. Her father attacked her and her mother, and one of your detectives called Dawn to claim a report." I thank Lauren with a squeeze to her arm. Though she can be a major bitch at times, she still is one of the nicest people to me.
"Oh. Yes of course. Excuse me for one moment." He stands from his desk and heads through the mayhem ahead of him.
"Thanks for coming with me." I finally speak.
"Anything for you." She mumbles back to me, as a tall dark man approaches me with some files in his hands.
"Who's Dawn Rivers?" His familiar voice rings through my head. He was the one who called earlier.
"Me." My voice trembles for unknown reasons.
"Come with me. Alone."
I look back to Lauren, and I want to beg her to not leave me, but she takes her arm out of mine. A smile presses to her lips, as she lightly pushes me to the detective. "I'll still be here when you get back." She reassures.
I nod to her in agreement. I had to do this alone, I can't always have someone hold my hand in these situations. Even though every second I was apart from Jake just made yearn for him more.
So I follow the man, and we sit at a desk in a empty room. I believe he can sense I'm nervous only because he continues to eye me in all sorts of ways. Why am I so nervous? I'm here to tell him the truth, and nothing but the truth.
"I'm detective Montey. We spoke on the phone earlier today."
I nod my head of understanding, but my eyes don't look at him directly.
"I just have a few questions for you, and then you can go home."
I wish I could go home, but going home would be the possibility of getting hurt.
"This is your father's second recorded offense. Am I correct?"
"Yes." It's his second recorded, but he's done a lot more than that.
"Has there been any signs of relapse of his alcoholism?"
"I don't know."
"How do you not know?"
"I barely talk to him," I tell him the truth.
"I see." He leans back in his chair, his hands playing with his shaven face. "What happened yesterday? Exactly from your standpoint."
I release a breath and let myself be lost in time. Yesterday felt like years ago. Yesterday morning felt like decades ago. It's hard to imagine that my dad and Ledger both did horrible things to be me in one day.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
I shrug, my eyes stinging of heartache. I wish Jake was here with me now.
"Is your mother in the hospital?"
"Yes." I croak out. "She's staying an extra day there."
"Okay." This whole time of my confession he's been writing on a notepad. "Are you willing to press charges."
"Yes," I say without hesitation. I won't give my father any more chances to have a proper relationship with me. He's lost all of that because of his lack of self-control, and I don't regret anything of it.
I file for a restraining order against him, and detective Montey tells me it takes a few days to kick in. "We'll contact your mother as soon as she's out of the hospital. Do you know when she will be released?" He opens the door for my exit.
"I don't know."
His brown eyes slack down to the floor. "You're not close with your parents I'm assuming."
Use to be. I don't respond and exit out the door. He follows right behind me. "Well, I'll keep in contact."
"When will my dad be released?"
"For a few weeks. It'll be a lot longer when your mother comes down to the station."
I nod my head in understanding. I feel Lauren's presence as she stands up where she sits. Her arm wraps around my shoulders. "Are we ready?" She asks.
"Yeah." I look to her, then back at detective Montey. "I'll talk to you later."
"Goodbye, Miss. Rivers."
Lauren and I soon leave afterwards. We drive through to get some food and head back to her house.
Jake hasn't called me today. I know he's probably busy with figuring out what to do with the Underground, and the whole set up the match, but it's weird not being in contact with him. I always hate to be away from him more than a few minutes. And the fact that he hasn't sent anything in hours, makes me unhinge. Maybe I should call him? No, he can't be out of focus.
"Fuck all of this." Lauren blurts out on our drive back to her house.
"What?"
"I mean fuck it all, really." Her dangerous blue eyes glance at me for a second. "I know that you're feeling really down right now, and I don't know what to do it about it." I stay silent, waiting for her to continue. "Promise me when we get back to my house, we act like how all of this was before shit when downhill. Back in the summer when you'd stay at my house, or I stayed at yours and when we'd stay up and watch the cheesiest scary movies, and you'd still be scared shitless. Or when we first drank a bottle of bud light from my parent's cooler. When I was a virgin."
I laugh. "When we were both virgins."
She swerves a little bit to the side. Her eyes widening in bewilderment. "Dawn Montgomery Rivers!" She squeals. "You little sluzzzzzz." She teases. "Well I mean when you have Jake Dennings, it wouldn't be too long."
"He never pressured me." I furrow my brows.
She nods, but I don't think she fully believes me.
"Well, how was it?"
"I don't kiss and tell." I boast.
"Oh look at you. When Kellen and I had sex freshmen year, all you did was ask million of questions."
"You didn't even like Kellen." I roll my eyes. "And we were 15."
"Well. You can at least tell me if you liked it or not."
"I did." I smile at the first time me and Jake were together. Though it was painful at first, his stare in my eyes will forever be imprinted in my thoughts.
"Well good. I'm glad you found someone."
"Me too."
"But I meant it earlier. No bad energy when we step into my house. We forget all the bullshit and secrets. We chill and watch Netflix."
"Netflix and chill?" I laugh to her.
"You are beautiful, Dawn, but you're not my type."
I nearly choke on my spit.
"I joke." She laughs at me.
Wait what?
-
We kept our promise. We watched Netflix and chilled for the rest of the night. We decided no more cheesy horror films for tonight, and we decided on a cult classic with our generation. Friends.
In the back of my head, I recall when Jake and I first watched it together.
It was the first time he was openly affectionate, and my heart squeezes when he would squeeze my sides.
Lauren soon falls adrift under sleep, and I stay up for a while. I know I shouldn't call him.
But I do.
I dial his phone, and it goes straight to voicemail. I'm worried with all my senses tightening in my chest. I look back at my phone and a text pops up.
Jake❤️💋: Can't talk, love. I'll see you tomorrow. Gn. I love you.
The only reason how I know it's his, is he called me love. He only calls me this some of the time, but I cherish every time because I think it's romantic.
Me: okay. I'm going to leave a voicemail though. I love you. ❤️
He's probably one of those guys who hate emojis, but he'll just have to get use to them.
I call again, and the voicemail falls suit to an automated voice system.
"Hey." I whisper in the receiver. Lauren's about two feet away from me snoring. "I just wanted to hear your voice before I went to sleep. I miss you. Sorry for sounding clingy." I shake my head to myself. "It's just I don't like being away from you for too long. It's happened way too many times since we've started this thing. I don't know what I'm saying. I just miss you, and I love you. I mean already said it through text, but I just felt like saying it again. Anyways, I love you." I laugh at my repeat. "Goodnight." I hang up, and look at my blank phone. I need to get a picture of him. He has one of me. It's only fair.
My eyes soon fall as well, resting closer into the pillow. I pretend that the pillow smells like Jake and that Jake's laying next to me. If only.
-
I wake up to the smell of bacon. My eyes snap open, to the door. Footsteps are being made, and Lauren's mother's head pops in. "Good morning, girls." She greets us. Lauren probably filled her in when I texted her yesterday about staying the night over. "Glad to see you Dawn. Obviously not under these circumstances." She frowns down at the floor.
"Mom. Chill." Lauren groans, she stretches her long limbs out and sits up in the bed. She had just woken up as well.
"Would you mind helping me set up the dining table, Lauren." Her mom asks.
"Sure." She yawns. She looks to me, "I'll call you when breakfast is ready." I nod and relax in bed.
She waddles down the stairs behind her mother. She picks her wedgy out, and I can't help but let out a giggle.
I stretch myself out once more. I begin to reach for my phone, but it's not above my head on the pillow anymore. It must have fallen under the bed.
I groan internally, rolling my eyes to myself. I climb out of bed and crotch down to see where my phone fell. It's dark under here. I grab Lauren's phone and use it as a flashlight on her settings. The screen flashes and it's landed in an open shoebox under her bed. The shoebox lays right against the wall where the bed meets at the wall. I grab the box by pulling it out. My eyes immediately grab my phone, but my eye catches something. On the side of the box, it reads For Dawn.
I furrow my brows in confusion.
I look back in the box and see papers with written letters... poorly drawings... of me.
Lauren was obsessed with me?
But I look closer. The handwriting isn't pretty like her girly handwriting, and it looks kind of familiar.
Dear Dawn,
I bumped into again. I said sorry, and you smiled at me. You're so cute. Why are we both so shy. I don't get it. Why don't we just date. I mean Lauren did say your too shy to talk to me in person, but I like you. When will you write back to me?
- Jake
"How do you like your eggs?" I look up horrified to Lauren as she pokes her body through the door.
"What?" She asks. Her eyes look down at the contents I hold.
"What the fuck is this?" I'm so confused.
"I... I can't explain." She stutters.
--
A/N: PLOT TWIST 😈😈😈 did you see that coming... no... then I did a good job this time 😈😈😈😈😈😈 look back to the chapter titled Powerful... there's a part where Jake is kind of being salty towards Lauren... also go back to chapter 2... I think there's something... Lowkey I actually don't remember. Anyways every chapter is getting 10 votes. Which is my goal. I'll update when each chapter gets 10 or more. So far it's lookin good 👀👀👀 thank you to all my readers, and especially the ones who love to make crazy predictions. Bet you didn't see this one coming 😈😈 vote comment, and share! Love ya ❤️