Two weeks later, Clarke put on her most believable smile as she walked through the corridors of the hospital. She loved working in the ER. It kept her mind busy. Clarke never had time to sit and think when she working in the emergency room, someone always needed her help. She didn't mind though.
As she turned towards the locker room, she spotted Octavia waiting for her.
"O? What are you doing here?" Clarke asked.
"I'm came to meet you for lunch. I was in town so thought I'd stop by. It's been so long since we had a girly day!" Octavia beamed.
Clarke smiled. A real genuine smile. Despite everything that had happened, Octavia still acted as though everything was normal. Clarke couldn't ask for a better friend.
"Alright, but I promised I'd pick Roan some lunch up and drop it off on my way home." Clarke nodded.
Clarke had been working shorter shifts until she made a full recovery. Mostly her shifts were just half days now. There were also less shifts. Clarke had begged for her boss to keep her usual rota, but he had insisted that she take some time off. He knew as well as Clarke, that isolating her from the hospital completely would only make things worse.
"Alright, I guess I can grab Bellamy and Lincoln something too." Octavia shrugged.
Clarke changed out of her nurses uniform, pulling on a pair of denim shorts, a lose black vest top and shoved her feet into a pair of converse shoes. Summer was now in full swing and Clarke loved the warmer weather.
The two best friends hurried out of the hospital and into Clarke's car. Clarke pulled up outside a little sandwich shop that they had been frequent customers of for years. Once they'd ordered lunch for themselves as well as Bellamy, Roan, Lincoln and even Murphy, Clarke drove them to the garage where the men worked.
Clarke pulled up outside the garage. She grabbed the bag of sandwiches out of the back footwell behind Octavia and climbed out the car. She then realised that this would be the first time she had seen Bellamy in two weeks. Clarke had been avoiding Bellamy since their talk in the hospital. She still felt guilty and part of her was still upset with Bellamy for sleeping with Gina. She had forgiven him, but she hadn't forgotten. It could also have something to do with the fact that she was trying to hide her feelings from Bellamy. Clarke loved him, she probably always would. But she valued his friendship more, and Clarke wasn't prepared to cross that line again.
As they reached the garage, Lincoln was the one to spot them first.
"Warning! Hot women entering!" Lincoln smirked as Octavia and Clarke walked into the workshop. Technically they weren't allowed in here, especially not dressed how they were. But the boss didn't seem to be around.
"What brings you girls here?" Murphy asked.
Clarke held up the bag of sandwiches. "Food."
It was all she needed to say as Roan and Bellamy slid themselves out from under a large truck.
"I heard food!" Roan yelled.
"You asked me to bring it." Clarke rolled her eyes.
"Yeah but I only wanted one sandwich." Roan said sarcastically.
Clarke rolled her eyes again, ignoring her brothers attempt at a joke. She handed him the bag of sandwiches.
"There's one for all of you." Octavia smiled as she clung to Lincoln's arm.
Clarke could feel eyes burning into the side of her face. She looked up to see dark brown eyes staring at her intensely. Clarke looked away quickly. More guilt consumed her as she looked down at her feet.
"Well thanks girls but we gotta get back to work, you should probably get out of here before Mr Grump gets back." Roan smirked.
"Alright, see you later." Clarke nodded.
As she turned to leave, she froze. Finn stood in front of her. Clarke had forgotten Finn also worked with her brother and friends.
"Hi." Clarke whispered.
Finn simply nodded his head once in greeting before walking away. Once again guilt consumed Clarke as she walked out of the garage, ignoring the concerned looks of her friends behind her.
Clarke and Octavia decided to have lunch at Clarke's apartment. They spent the afternoon talking and laughing. For the first time in a long time, Clarke felt like things were back to normal. She knew it wouldn't last, but at least for now she could enjoy feeling genuinely happy.
Clarke glanced at the time on her phone. They'd been here for four hours. She looked back up at Octavia and saw her best friend looking at her, almost studying her.
"I know what you're thinking O, just get it over with." Clarke sighed.
"I didn't say anything!" I Octavia said defensively.
"I know you want to ask me why I did it." Clarke said.
"You don't have to tell me. I know you'll tell me when you're ready and I'm fine with that. I just wanna know what happened with you and my brother?" Octavia said sheepishly as if Clarke was going to yell at her.
Clarke took a deep breath and leant back into the couch.
"Things got complicated, really quickly. There's not much to tell. I messed up O. I hurt two people who didn't deserve to be hurt." Clarke shrugged.
"You mean Finn and Bellamy?" Octavia confirmed.
Clarke nodded her head.
"So did you and Bellamy get serious?" Octavia asked. It wasn't judgmental, simply curious.
"Yeah and I screwed it up. Just like I always do." Clarke sighed.
"Bellamy told me that he was the reason you tried to kill your self." Octavia said quietly. "Well, he thinks he's the reason." She added.
"He wasn't the reason. Yeah I was hurt by what he did, I still am. But he's not the reason. At least not the only one." Clarke looked down at her lap. She was ashamed of what she had done.
"Talk to me Clarke." Octavia said, resting her hand on Clarke's arm.
"I lost everything. I lost my father, I lost my best friend, I hurt a nice guy, it was just all too much. I was so sick of feeling empty." Clarke whispered. Tears sprung to her eyes.
"Do you still feel that way?" Octavia asked.
"Sometimes. Not so much anymore, but it's still there." Clarke admitted.
Octavia never got the chance to respond as Clarke's apartment door opened.
"Clarke?!"
"In here." Clarke called out as she wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.
Roan entered the room. His face changed to full concern as he laid eyes on his sister.
"Did I interrupt?" Roan asked, his eyes flicking between the two girls.
"We were just talking." Octavia smiled.
"I can go if you like?" Roan offered.
Clarke shook her head. "No it's fine."
"Clarke, if you're finally getting things off your chest, I'll leave. As long as you're talking about things." Roan smiled softly at her.
Clarke shook her head. She'd done enough talking for today. Although she did feel a bit better for getting things off her chest, she wasn't ready to go into detail.
"One step at a time." Roan nodded, taking her hand. "Just don't forget that you can always talk to me."
Clarke nodded. She was truly grateful for her brother. He'd always been there for her no matter what. No matter what arguments or fights they'd had, no matter how much they disagreed on something, Roan had always been there for her.
"Thank you." Clarke tried to smile.
"But you do need to talk to Bellamy." Roan added.
Clarke let out a deep sigh. She knew he was right, but that didn't mean she had to agree.
"He's lost without you Clarke." Octavia said quietly from beside her.
"You can do it when you're ready, but you can't avoid him forever Clarke." Roan said.
"I'll talk to him." Clarke nodded. But she doesn't specify when.