"Ya! It's lunchtime! Yoojung-ah, what do you wanna eat?"
Jieun turned to her right slightly and saw another good-looking boy seated diagonally across her, leaning over to talk to Yoojung.
What's up with this school, why are there so many handsome guys around, Jieun thought to herself.
"Ya, Kim Taehyung. Can't you see that we have a new friend over here? Do you not know how to say hi?" Yoojung frowned and gestured briefly towards Jieun. Jieun smiled awkwardly.
Taehyung turned his head to look at Jieun and let out a huge grin. "Oh- annyeonghaseyo. I am Kim Taehyung, it's nice to meet you."
"I am Lee Jieun, please take good care of me!" Jieun smiled gratefully, feeling almost relived that Taehyung was not cold like Jungkook, despite being as handsome. Taehyung stretched out a hand and Jieun shook it.
"You know," Taehyung stood up and walked towards Jieun. He bent down and whispered into Jieun's ear. "Ignore that punk, he's always like that. Don't let it get to you."
"I can hear you, you know, Kim Taehyung." Jieun turned around, only to see Jungkook with his head still rested on the table. But the very fact that he talked to Taehyung made Jieun well-aware that they were actually friends. Taehyung gave Jieun a guilty look and shrugged.
"You wanna lunch with us, Jungkook?" Taehyung asked cautiously. Even though he was Jungkook's friend, he still had to be this wary? Jieun could not wrap her finger around it.
"No."
"Not feeling good today? Alright, we'll pack something for..."
"No, it doesn't matter." Jungkook lay on his table, not even bothering to glance at Taehyung for even a split second. "Go."
Yoojung did not wait for him to say it twice. She leaped to her feet, nudging Taehyung and a startled Jieun towards the door.
"Jimin-ah, lunch!"
Jieun watched as a petite-framed boy who was sitting on the seat next to Taehyung glanced up from his table for the first time. He wore black thick-framed glasses and smiled shyly when his name was called. Jieun hadn't even noticed him until now, because all this while he had his head buried in his books.
"Coming!" He capped back his black fountain pen and closed his books. He took off his glasses and placed them on the table, and Jieun couldn't help but notice how gorgeous his eyes were. When he walked past Jieun, Jieun caught a whiff of his scent. Flowers and baked apple pie. Sweet.
The four of them headed towards the canteen. Yoojung hopped onto Taehyung's back and Taehyung piggybacked her, running ahead of Jimin and Jieun. Jieun watched as Jimin fiddled uncomfortably with a keychain of a dog wearing a yellow tracksuit hung on his wallet as his eyes followed after the two, who were now hitting each other and laughing hysterically.
"So... you're Jimin?" Jieun asked tentatively, after much hesitation.
Jimin finally managed to peel his eyes away from the rowdy pair after a couple of seconds, and he turned to Jieun with a small smile on his face.
"Yes, that's me. I'm Park Jimin."
Jieun smiled.
"That's beautiful." Jieun didn't even know why she said that. But the way Jimin smiled shyly, the way he said his name with his voice trailing off at the end... everything made her want to say what she had said.
"I mean," Jieun looked away flusteredly. "That's a really pretty name. It matches you really well." She glanced over at Jimin to see if he was offended, but was relieved when she saw Jimin beaming back down at her.
"You really think so? Thank you so much, Jieun." Jimin chuckled, and Jieun made a mental note of how resounding and adorable his laugh sounded. Why are the guys in this school so... attractive?
Silence fell over once again between the two, and Jieun saw Jimin's eyes float towards the two of them in front again, who were now chasing after each other and playing tag.
"So..." Jieun felt like she needed to say something.
Jimin turned to look at Jieun again, raising his eyebrows and the corner of his lips slightly. "Mm?"
"You guys are... close friends?" Jieun started, and felt like she was asking too much on her very first day, so she added, "or something?" at the end, as if that would make things any less awkward.
But Jimin didn't seem to mind. He laughed again and Jieun smiled, somehow his laugh made her feel happy.
"Yeah, well. It's four of us actually. Jungkook, Taehyung, Yoojung and I. We've all been friends since elementary school, so yeah, we're close."
Jieun gasped. "Jungkook, as in, Jeon Jungkook from our class?" She knew that if the cold prideful Jeon Jungkook were to even bother talking to them, they must be close enough - but she didn't expect them to share such a bond. For some reason, whether his cold demeanour or his expressionless face, Jieun felt like he would have been someone who grew up and spent his entire childhood alone.
"Yes, him." Jimin caught sight of Jieun's appalled expression and chuckled yet again. "You look awfully shocked."
Jieun nodded, her eyes open wide.
Jimin furrowed his eyebrows, seemingly deep in thought. After a few seconds of silence, he turned his head towards Jieun, with a serious expression on his face.
"You know, Jungkook's actually a really nice person. It's just life that made him this way. Really, please don't mind him."
What made him that way? Jieun didn't even know why she cared so much. But she didn't say anything. Somehow, from the look on Jimin's face, from the way he put on a serious face when he had been smiling all this while... put an obvious message across to Jieun.
Don't say anything, don't ask anything.
~
"AH!!! IT'S THE F4!!!"
The four of them walked into the canteen later that day, and were engulfed by a huge mob of people, cheering loudly as the four of them walked into the canteen. Jieun shot Yoojung a look of pure confusion and Yoojung winked at her cheekily.
"Wha- what's happening?" Jieun asked, looking extremely confused.
"Our fans. You didn't know this, but well," Yoojung let out a shy laugh. "We're actually kind of popular We're known as F4 in our school... 'We' meaning Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and me, Choi Yoojung."
Jieun gasped as she looked around her. People snapped away on their phones, taking photos of the four of them and squealing in fangirl language. She had only seen this happen before in Korean dramas... But you mean, this kind of thing actually happened in real life?
"Look at those visuals... omo! Look at Taehyung-oppa today... he's so hot!"
"Dammit! I didn't bring my phone on me today! Can you forward me that photo of Jimin-oppa? He looks so cute!"
"Can you girls please just take a look at Choi Yoojung? She's so adorable... she's my ideal type, daebak!"
"Where's Jungkook-oppa today? Did he skip lunch again? Nooooo... that's not good for him!"
"Who's that girl standing next to Yoojung? A new student? I've never seen her before!"
"She's so pretty... heol."
"Is F4 turning into F5 today?"
And Jieun finally understood. The people she had just gotten to know in her class were the popular kids of her school... and she had unintentionally got entangled in their business. No wonder, their visuals were top tier. She had wanted to keep a low profile in this school... what did she just get herself into?
"AHEM! LISTEN UP PEOPLE!"
Out of nowhere, Yoojung suddenly disappeared from Jieun's side. Jieun followed the noise and looked up, only to see Yoojung with her tiny frame standing on a bench held down by two muscular guys (her fans, Jieun presumed), flailing her short arms in the air to get everyone's attention, as if they were not already all focused on her.
Jieun gaped at this powerful image of Yoojung. Her image now was a 180 degree change of her adorable, bubbly image in the class. Well, she was still unbelievably adorable and smiley, but she had this certain energy about her. A certain kind of aura that made it hard for anyone to keep their eyes off her. She was burning with charisma.
"Listen to Yoojung, she wants to say something!"
"Ah, she's so adorable."
"Her fashion is spot on today! Look at that blue hair band, I should totally go get one today!"
"The question is... can you afford it? Our Yoojung only wears branded goods, you know? I bet it's like GUCCI, or something."
"Have you ever heard of imitation goods? I can get GOOCHI alright? Or even CUCCI, or COOLCHI. The options nowadays-"
"Okay, shhh, you dimwit. You're interrupting her speech!"
Yoojung coughed loudly and waited till all the noise died down, before speaking.
"HELLO EVERYONE, I AM CHOI YOOJUNG OF F4."
Applause and cheers erupted in the canteen.
"Choi Yoojung! Choi Yoojung! Saranghaeyo, Choi Yoojung!"
Yoojung waved her hand once more and the crowd was silenced immediately. Jieun widened her eyes at how much power Yoojung packed in her miniature body.
"SO, TODAY I'M ADDRESSING YOU ON BEHALF OF F4. I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT, SO LISTEN UP." Yoojung paused intentionally, for dramatic effect. "TODAY, I WILL INTRODUCE YOU TO THE NEW MEMBER IN F4 - I MEAN, F5."
Yoojung glanced briefly at Jieun with a smile and Jieun cowered.
Me? Part of F5? No way.
That definitely was one of Jieun's weaknesses... self-confidence. She had always had low self-esteem since young but ever since that fateful incident, she had virtually none. That incident crushed everything in Jieun - not just her self-esteem, but her entire well-being.
Jieun turned and looked around. Everyone was busy talking amongst themselves, and Jieun couldn't help but notice that everyone was staring and pointing at her. Yup, she was getting way more attention than she wanted.
"Me?" She mouthed at Yoojung, her eyes widened in shock.
But Yoojung did not answer Jieun immediately. She grinned cheekily and turned her attention back to the crowd.
"IS EVERYONE CURIOUS WHO OUR FIFTH MEMBER IS?" Yoojung shouted.
"YES!!!" The crowd cheered.
"IT IS..." Yoojung winked at Jieun. "OUR TRANSFER STUDENT... LEE JIEUN!"
What in the world.
Jieun was totally expecting her name to be called, but yet this still took her by surprise.
Why her, of all people?
Her ears naturally blocked out the comments of people around her - a defence mechanism perhaps. But she knew everyone was pointing at her, looking at her, judging her.
And she hated that.
"SHALL WE INVITE LEE JIEUN UP BESIDE ME TO ADDRESS YOU GUYS?" Yoojung yelled cheerfully and the audience applauded in response.
And that was somewhat comforting. The very act of cheering felt like a form of reassurance to Jieun. That she was worthy, that she was good enough.
But was she?
She came from a poor family. She grew up with close to no friends, because she was so shy. These people in F4. Regardless of visuals, grades, talent or charisma, she probably couldn't even be compared to them. And that accident that took someone's life... It was all...
She didn't deserve it.
But declining would be an even worse option. Drawing other's attention by even being mentioned was bad enough, but declining... what would her reasons be? What if people judged her... and maybe even thought of her as a freak?
Plus, there was also Yoojung. Yoojung, who was one of the most innocent adorable human beings in existence. Yoojung, who had been friendly ever since the point she had laid her eyes on her. Yoojung, who had probably eyed her as the fifth member for a good reason.
She could not let her down.
Jieun grabbed hold on the hem of her skirt and clenched her fist tight. So tight her nails dug into the flesh on her palms.
You are brave, Lee Jieun.
She put on her best smile, walking towards Yoojung with amazing posture and confidence.
You can do this, Lee Jieun.
Yoojung watched on with a look of complete awe on her face as Jieun stepped up onto the bench right beside her.
You deserve attention and love, Lee Jieun.
Jieun cleared her throat and smiled even wider, as she caught sight of Jimin and Taehyung watching her with their mouths wide open.
"Annyeonghaseyo, I am Lee Jieun - the fifth member of F5."
~
"Wah, daebak! Lee Jieun, your charisma earlier! Impressive!"
Taehyung slapped Jieun on the back as he sat down next to her and Jieun almost spat out the piece of kimbap in her mouth. She forced a smile in Taehyung's direction as she tried not to choke. Jimin, who was seated opposite her, immediately offered her his untouched cup of water and Jieun gratefully accepted.
An extremely gleeful (when is she ever not) Yoojung sat down right next to Jimin with a heaping pile of food. Jimin shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Yoojung's arm brushed against his, but no one seemed to notice except for Jieun.
The crowd had now cleared off slightly, but there were still some people hanging around them, taking photos of them and Jieun couldn't help but still feel self-conscious for hanging out with the "popular kids".
"I told you, didn't I? I have a good eye for people!" Yoojung said, stuffing a huge spoonful of fried rice into her comparatively much smaller mouth.
"Ya, ya, ya! Slow down, you're gonna choke!" Taehyung handed her his cup of water and Jieun's eyes instinctively darted towards Jimin whom, as she had predicted, was looking down at his tray of food, pretending not to notice. But as someone who was extremely self-conscious, Jieun knew, that he knew.
"Ah, I'm so hungry though! I want to shove this whole tray down my throat a-s-a-p." Yoojung spoke between each bite, as Jimin and Taehyung watched on, horrified.
"That does sound a bit scary." Jieun said, mid-laugh.
Taehyung turned to Jieun.
"Oh, right! This is your first time seeing this, isn't it? I'm so sorry about it." Taehyung said, trying to use his hands to block Yoojung from Jieun's sight.
Jieun chuckled, as Yoojung frowned and angrily smacked away Taehyung's hands out of her way.
"Ya! I'm just being myself, alright? What's wrong with enjoying my food, anyway?" Yoojung said, before shoving an entire fried egg into her tiny mouth.
The egg yolk broke and the viscous golden yellow yolk ran down the sides of her mouth. Jimin, who had been looking down at his tray of food, was somehow aware of this and immediately passed her a paper handkerchief. Yoojung took it over and looked at Jimin gratefully, who was unable to meet her in the eye. Jieun giggled internally as she watched as Jimin tried hard not to smile when he turned back to his fried rice.
Her mind then drifted back to what Yoojung had said. About being herself, enjoying the food, wasn't that what mattered the most? Jieun couldn't help but feel slightly jealous of Yoojung.
How was she able to be this carefree?
Jieun could not relate. She had always feared judgement since the beginning on time, and made special effort to make sure she changed her hairstyle everyday and do everything she did gracefully and elegantly.
But she didn't want to be like that.
How she wished she could be more like Yoojung always so confident in whatever she did, not caring anything about what others thought, being so carefree. Even with many cameras on her, she could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, however she wanted, without fear of judgement from others. And she was still popular despite doing all that. Jieun felt inspired for some reason.
"Can't you be a bit more like Jieun?" Taehyung criticised. "Look at how elegant she looks, even when eating!"
Jieun stopped eating mid-bite and glanced over at Yoojung, who was now glaring at Taehyung, looking like she was all ready to bite. She let out a loud burp, and Taehyung had to physically clamp his hands over his mouth to prevent himself from bursting out in laughter, for fear that he was going to get attacked by an already angered Yoojung. Jieun laughed, but her smile vanished as she watched Yoojung shove more food down her throat.
Oh, no. No, no, no. No way you would want to be anything like me.
Yoojung scowled at Taehyung once more and Taehyung pursed his lips, turning his attention back to his food. She then looked over at Jieun and her expression softened, her beautiful smile returning to her cute face.
"By the way, Jieun-ah, you were so amazing just now!" Yoojung started talking, now that her food was all gone. "I made the right decision, didn't I?" She gave Jieun two thumbs up and smiled again at her.
Jieun smiled back, but she had a burning question that really bothered her.
"But why? Why me?"
Yoojung smiled knowingly, refusing to answer.
"Why not you?"
Jieun's eyes shifted away from Yoojung and landed on Jimin, who was so quiet all this time she had almost forgotten that he was seated right opposite her.
"Well... There are so many people in class who are probably much more influential, more talented, smarter and deserve this place way more than me... Why did you guys choose me?"
"Yoojung has always wanted another girl in our clique," Jimin answered. "She has been searching high and low for 'the one', as she calls it, but to no avail. Right at that very moment you entered the classroom, she whispered to Taehyung and I, 'she's the one!' and the rest is history. As for why she knew from the beginning, she was the one who made the decision, I guess we'll have to hear from her. I can kind of guess, but I think it's better for her to say it."
Jieun's eyes darted back to Yoojung, who was smiling after hearing what Jimin had said. She put an arm around Jimin's arm, causing his facial expression and entire body to tense up, as she finally spoke.
"I see myself in you. The self-doubt, anxiety, everything. Everything I once struggled with. Ah, the memories."
Jieun's eyes widened.
Yoojung? Self-doubt? Anxiety? How can those three words be put side-by-side?
"There, I knew it," Taehyung commented, smiling woefully. Jimin nodded along and Yoojung let out a chuckle.
"Believe it or not, it's true. We're all close friends here, so I'm gonna speak openly. I once struggled with all those things." Yoojung fiddled with her food, using her fork to push around lifeless peas left over from her fried rice around the You won't even wanna see me at my lowest. Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts - everything. It was horrible. But I got out of it, with a lot of help from my bros. It took me so much effort, but that's another story I'll keep for another day."
There. That was it. Even Yoojung, such a happy-go-lucky person, used to suffer from the same things she was now facing.
That gave Jieun hope. This meant that she had a chance of recovery. And a chance of recovery meant a second shot at life from a different perspective. She looked at Yoojung right in the eye, the corner of her lips curling upwards slightly.
"Thank you for choosing me, Yoojung."