The first time I'd saw her, she was gorgeous. Completely perfect, not a hair out of place and not a single crease marking her clothes. She was the epitome of confidence, enough to make any man want her and any woman green with envy. She captivated any room she walked in to, that was clear as day.
I was jealous of her at first; she was a stunning, mature, smart woman with not only a successful career but a successful husband and amazingly good looks. She'd won the jackpot, so I'd thought, until I got to know her and just how completely and utterly fucked up her marriage was.
Compared to her I was a awkward kid just barely stumbling my way through life. I was pretty, sure, but I didn't give off the aura she did, nobody could. It was so completely unique and so completely her and I knew from the second she spoke there would never be another person like her.
Eventually, with our differences sorted out and our lives back on track, we'd become friends. Close friends, closer than I'd ever imagined being with anybody, especially her. I knew her laugh in a room full of people, I knew her fake smile from her real smile, I knew what made her tick and what made her filled with joy. I knew her weird rituals, her favourite patients, her favourite scrub cap.
We'd spent every single day together for nearly two years, and while I wish I could remember the exact day, all I remember is that the first time I'd truly saw her, really fully set my eyes on who she was, I was a goner.
It was late one night, nearly into the early hours of the morning, and I was up in an on-call room reading a book and waiting for her to join me. She was in surgery and I always waited up for her when I knew she'd be late. She did the exact same for me, every single time.
Eventually, the door cracked open and she entered quietly, sitting down next to me, stretching her tired and worn neck. And I looked at her, for what felt like the first time. I looked at her.
She was tired; dark circles and bags surrounded her bright blue eyes. Her hair was a mess, long gone to the birds, in a messy braid that was in need of a wash. She was free of any make up, something that rarely ever happened, exposing the light freckles and blemishes that marked her as her own.
Sitting there, wearing the same scrubs she'd been wearing for nearly a full day straight, she was a mess. Completely and utterly imperfect in every way possible, yet still so perfect to me. And like this, as far away from the woman I'd met for the first time two years prior as she could possibly be, I fell in love.
This was her, pure and raw, everything she was and everything she wasn't was completely written on her face. There was no faking, no charade, nothing. This was all her, authentic and real and so fucking stunning.
"My back is aching, I don't think my muscles will ever be the same again" she'd groaned, as I moved to begin massaging her shoulders, something I often did when she had just finished a long, brutal night in the OR. With a sigh, she leaned into me immediately, savouring the tender touch.
"I don't know how you manage. You haven't slept in thirty six hours" I murmur, working my way down her shoulder blades "you're tough, but you're not Wonder Woman. You need sleep, love" she hums her agreement and then yawns, further confirming my statement.
"Coming back to this makes it all better. You always know just how to keep me sane" she tells me, stretching her arms out in front of her "you're too good to me sometimes. I don't know what I'd do without you"
I wasn't sure what I'd do without her either. She was my rock; my shelter from the storm we called life. If it weren't for her I'd surely have gone mad, driven wild by the stresses and anxieties the world thrust upon me constantly.
She turned and climbed into bed, and just as I did nearly every night, I climbed in with her. It was usually platonic, nothing interesting. But tonight was different, and I was praying to every god in the universe that she felt it too. She held the key to my survival and my demise; I'd be broken without her.
"Meredith" she whispers, turning on her side to face me. She places a hand on my cheek, stroking her thumb across my cheekbone lightly "I really mean it; I don't know what I'd do without you"
"Well for starters you'd have to rub your own back" I joke, tucking a loose lock of red hair behind her ear "and you'd have to get your own coffee in the morning. What a chore" my heart was skipping in my chest, and I knew I'd loved her for a long time, I just hadn't realized it.
I'd been falling for sometime now, longer than I'd known, and the bottom was finally here. Falling became fell and I was completely gone; hers for the taking as long as she wanted.
"I love you" she says, eyes searching my face. She'd said it before, and so had I, we always did. So, naturally, I assumed this was like every other time and I smiled.
"I love you too, you know that"
But she shakes her head, her eyes closing lightly. "Meredith, I'm in love with you. I don't know when it happened but I do know it did. And I can't take it back" she seems slightly nervous, but there's no need.
"I've been falling in love with you for quite a bit now, Addie. You own my heart" I can feel the butterflies in my stomach going wild, the butterflies she'd never fail to give me. Every day with her was like falling in love all over again.
We didn't speak after that; a comfortable silence loomed as we searched each others eyes, each other's souls, and found nothing but love. And eventually, slowly, she leaned in and she pressed her lips to mine.
It fit like puzzle pieces, and it felt like something I'd done a hundred times before despite this being only the first. With her, everything was comfortable. With her, it felt right.
"For two years you've been my better half. I almost can't believe this moment is happening" she confesses, once we've pulled apart. "It's as if the universe suddenly makes sense again; everything makes sense again"
I didn't believe in fate, but meeting her was definitely more than chance, more than coincidence. It was supposed to happen to turn my life upside down in all the best ways.
"My love, you are the universe"