William Moore
9/20/20 11:30 pm
First Rep
Second Rep
Third Rep
My arms ache by the time I set down my weights. Good. The ache means I'm getting stronger. I adjust my earphones, wiping a bead of sweat off my forehead before scanning the empty gym.
The windows leading outside are pitch black, and silence buzzes through the empty machines. Tomorrow morning- 6:30 am, this place will be packed. Sweat covered bodies pounding against treadmills and bikes, with the heavy grunts of body builders.
Right now- it's quiet. Peaceful . I find comfort in isolation.
Sometimes.
Because it's the only time I have to think.
...
9/21/20 6:30
"Hurry it up."
"Shut up." I groan coming to a stop. I rest my hand on my knees as I take deep breathes. Caden rolls his eyes impatiently as he runs in place.
"1 more mile till we have our 6 Will, push through it." Caden says checking his fitbit.
In the early autumn morning, our campus is being to awaken as students are out for morning jogs, early classes, and cups of coffee at the campus cafe.
I check my Fitbit too, 580 calories already burned and I feel exhausted.
"Ugh, fine." I say shaking my hands, and we start to tread along the pavement, my sneakers pounding against crisp fall leaves.
"Is it just me or are you getting weaker." Caden laughs as we jog side by side.
"Fuck off." I scoff. "I'm still a better football player than you."
"Yeah- well." Caden says smiling mischeaviously before sprinting far in front of me. "Lets see who gets to the dorms first!"
I laugh before pounding my legs quicker, following his path.
I cant decide whether he's the best, or most annoying person in the world.
...
9:30 am
"Hey babe." Cira says as her face pops up on my laptop screen.
"Hey, How are you?"
"Busy." Cira says furrowing her brows. "I don't know if I'll have enough time to study for my finals and my internship."
"You'll figure things out." I says leaning back again my headboard. "You always do."
"I know, I know. You'd think after two years I would have this whole college thing figured out."
"That's a real funny joke." I chuckle.
"Gosh, I'm loosing my mind." Cira laughs as she begins to put on some earrings. "What about you? How's college treating you."
"Um, fine." I sigh. "Training takes up so much time."
"Well don't burn yourself out." Cira says, she bites her lip. "Should I leave my hair like this?"
I study her nervous face with a small smile, "Cira you look beautiful."
She lets out a small laugh, "You always say that."
"It's true. You'd look beautiful with a rats nest on top of your head."
Cira shakes her head, "Oh stop, anyway how's your mom?"
My stomach sinks. "Uhm, they're not sure yet. They found some abnormal swelling but-"
"Oh no." Cira says her face paling. "You don't think it's cancer do you."
"I don't know what to think."
"You're moms the strongest person I know. If anyones gonna be fine, it'll be her." Cira says comfortingly. "I have a lot of faith in her."
"Me too."
"Anyway," Cira says checking her phone. "I gotta go- Text me if anything changes with your mom okay."
"Wait I love-" Cira's face is replaced with a black screen. "you."
...
9/22/20 10:45 am
"Are you coming?" Caden asks getting up from his seat.
"In a bit." I say putting my laptop back in my back pack. "Wait for me outside?"
"Sure." Caden says with a yawn. "But you're buying me a coffee."
A throng of students start to leave their seats, moving up the stairs to the exits.
I maneuver myself through them, finding myself at the front of the room, face to face with Professor Lucas, whose dressed in a blue button up shirt.
"Hey." I say clearing my throat.
Professor Lucas looks up from his computer, his eyes setting up on me. "Hey William." He says taking off his glasses. "How can I help you?"
"I flunked to last test, and I wondering if you offered any extra credit."
"I don't unfortunately." Professor Lucas says, "However."
He's fingers move across his keyboard and his eyes narrow until he finds what he's looking for.
"Ah, fortunately you were doing quite well on your previous tests. I can offer you some extra material to help you study for your final. If you average above a 90%, you can pass this class with a B."
"Oh, okay thanks." I mutter.
"I'll email you everything today okay?"
I turn to leave when he calls out my name, "I forgot. William, you can volunteer for an oral presentation at a research conference. You can discuss this class with board members. I can give a few extra points if you take part."
"Oh yeah, Defiantly." I say in relief.
"Don't worry." Professor Lucas says comfortingly, "everyone gets a bad grade every once in awhile."
"Yeah, thanks again." I say with a small smile.
Maybe things will be okay.
...
8:30 pm
I'm tracking my dinner on my fitnesspal app, while finishing up my homework. With tonights salad wrap I've eat 2000 calories, and with training I've burned 800.
Getting healthier has already improved my playing, and my grades. Plus I haven't attended any frat parties in a while either. I feel better. Stronger.
I'm interrupted from my thoughts by my moms call. I take a deep breathe before answering. What if somethings really wrong? What if she's dying?
"Hey mom." I say.
"Hey babe." My mom reply. Her voice sounds thick, and my stomach sinks. "How's school?"
"What's wrong?" I immediately ask.
"Um." My mom's voice catches. "Will, I'm alright but-"
"But what?"
"They found a tumor."
I can't breathe.
"William? Listen it's okay. I'm already scheduled for a lumpectomy. They don't think it's gonna be severe. But we won't know for sure how much tissue is infected until they go in for surgery okay babe?"
I don't say anything. I can't say anything.
"I love you mom," I manage to form, before hanging up.
I can't breathe. I can't-
My hands start to shake and suddenly I'm seventeen again. The same thoughts are running through my head.
My fingers are itching to go down my throat.
It's been to long since I've had these invasive thoughts. So long that I don't know how to tame them, and in a few seconds- I've locked myself in my bathroom, kneeled down in front of the toilet, and tonights Salad Wrap is gone.
My fingers push down against the back of throat, and I heave up the last remnants of my dinner, until it's only stomach acid bubbling the murky waters. I lean back against the tile wall covered in sweat.
I know I'm supposed to feel horrible. But I don't.
I haven't felt like this in three years.
I feel good. I feel.
I feel-
I feel like I'm in control.
And I don't ever want to loose this feeling.
...
Hey Readers!
Soo sorry for the long wait. I lost all my notes for this story
it was horrible, and I was on vacation.
Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
It's dedicated to someone very close to me who passed away
after many years of battling cancer. Rest in peace, we all miss you.
...
Anyway- some questions.
What do you think is mainly causing Will's relapse?
1. Cira being absent
2.His grades
3.Football
4.His mothers cancer
Lemme know in the comments what you thought!
Love you all so much.
xo,