Trigger Warning: A Phanfic

By lovesick_memories

6.5K 132 51

Warning: this fix contains strong language, mentions and uses of self harm, suicide, depression and eating di... More

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134 2 1
By lovesick_memories

Phil's POV-
I sat at the edge of the bed as Dan got ready in front of me. His curly hair dripping with water from just having a shower. He dried off his head with a towel and looked into our full length mirror, adjusting his outfit.

"At most it will be 2 hours," Dan told me.

I nodded, hugging my knees to my chest. I wasn't afraid of being by myself but I was insecure because I knew Dan was nervous about it.

"I'll be checking in," he said, "and expecting an answer from you." He pulled out his hairdryer from its drawer. He started drying his hair and combing through it with his fingers.

"Pj is in town today. He's only five minutes away and I'm going to ask him to come and check up on you if I feel like something is up...or if I'm gone longer." Dan almost yelled over his dryer. I layer back down onto the bed and cuddled up with Dan's pillow. I was beginning to get upset, he didn't trust me alone.

I jumped a little when I felt a large weight fall over my stomach and chest, knocking the wind out of my body for just a second. I lifted my head up to see a Daniel Howell laying face down on top of me. I poked at him until he also lifted his head. He laughed as he smirked at me.

He's always had the most beautiful smile. I adored the way that his eyes would brighten and the blacks of his eyes would become visible. His dimples would appear, only making him look more adorable than he already had. His smile was always somewhat crooked, but still amazing none the less.

"What are you looking at, you dork." He poked my cheek.

He rolled off my body and landed right next to me. He later face up, just as I was. Together we stared at our bedroom ceiling.

"Are you going to be okay?" Dan asked me.

"You won't be gone that long. And I'm an adult...and older than you,". I laughed as I spoke, "I think I'll be okay."

"And...are you okay?" He spoke very tenderly and a bit slower than he normally did.

Don't talk about your feelings.

You're weak.

You're fucking weak.

"I'm feeling a lot better than I had before. I think that I'll do just fine by myself tonight! And I can only get better from here, right?" I said to him. I tried to sound as real and as cheerful as I could. I had to do that for Dan's sake. I couldn't let him know that I wasn't doing the best. I couldn't hurt him again, not like I had before.

"Good," Dan smiled at me. He sat up, sitting on his heels. He leaned down and kissed my cheek. His lips felt warm against my skin, sending tingles down my body. As he began to sit up I made a noise that in some sort of way indicated "lip kisses too please!". In any way he understood the message and leaned down towards me again. He caressed my face with his hand and softly kissed me on the lips.

I wanted to pull him back down onto the bed. In fact, I did. The kiss began to get more intense. Dan's tongue smoothly intertwining with my mouth. I pulled at his hair and clutched onto his neck. He held himself up by his hands on my chest. I wanted so badly for him to stay there with me.

Before I knew it Dan was getting up, gathering his things into his backpack and saying his goodbyes to me. I could tell that he was worried about me, even if he was only leaving me for a little bit of time. He began quickly telling me about being safe and what he expected of me.

"I love you," He reminded me as I walked to the front door with him. He kissed my forehead just before leaving.

"I love you just as much," I called after him as he got into the Uber waiting outside for him.
~

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