Hey everyone, here's a new chapter for now. :)
Enjoy
Sorry in advance! (Don't worry, nothing bad happens, just read the other note at the bottom)
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Feyre
Wind brushed past me and gently lifted my hair as I smiled at Velaris through the window, rubbing a gentle hand on my stomach, the bump near non-existent, though I knew something was there. My pregnancy would take much more time than a normal human female's would, maybe months longer, maybe a year. My mind was too crowded to remember. I did not know whether the extra time better or worse. Fae time and workings were still slightly new and strange to me, even after over two years in Prythian.
Over two years. By the Cauldron over two years had passed. I was twenty one now, no longer the weak and small human girl I was at nineteen, no longer the broken, drowning, and guilt-ridden hybrid I was at twenty. No, I was strong now, powerful. Full of love and hope and a sense of joy that I had missed so much when I was drowning. And it led here, to this.
I reached up and rubbed my shoulder, still a bit sore from that creature, but recovery had gone quite well, not including the fact that I had been unconscious for almost a full week though.
Another presence soon entered the room, and I beamed up at my mate, who smiled back, though there was a slight strain in his violet eyes.
"Hello, Feyre darling," Rhysand crooned, walking up to me with cat-soft feet.
"You all are still in Velaris? I had thought by now you would be leaving off to the High Lord duties that you have, and the High Lady ones, I must add, since you are not letting me do them?" I raised a brow at him and tried glaring, but his smirk was making it quite hard.
"I knew that you would want my handsome and beautiful face around for longer, and I simply must oblige to your wishes."
"Prick."
"Mate."
I grinned at him and leaned closer into his chest, savoring the warmth there while hearing the steady beat of his heart. Even after all these, months, over a year after Hybern now, and the way he still rubbed at his chest occasionally made me remember. Remember the fear, the pain, the sorrow I had felt, as I heard his last I love you, not just as a loving declaration, but as his farewell from the world. He had given himself up to save us all, not once but twice, and what had I done, I got myself hurt and vulnerable in a world where we now, always in some way, had to be strong.
My shields were still up and strong, but Rhys still put two fingers below my chin and lifted my face to his, his expression stern but soft at the same time. "Whatever you are thinking right now, stop, I know you Feyre, and this was not your fault. None of it was."
Still, a part of me couldn't help but feeling it was.
A sigh left my lips, and I shook my head. For now, there was no use left dwelling on the past, it would only push me down. Even if it was over a year ago, I still strongly remember how I was after Amarantha, guilt and sorrow and pain eating me alive until there was little of me left, both physically and internally.
I shouldn't focus on what had happened, not at this moment. No, it was better thinking of the future. Of how we would retaliate for this violation. We would not tolerate it. I would be damned if we did.
"When will the trip to the Court of Nightmares happen?" I questioned, and I saw Rhys visibly tense, even if it was minuscule.
"Azriel is still gathering information, and we are planning." Not an answer.
"Rhys." The word was a sort of command, one telling him to speak, to give me an actual response. He looked away from me, and I saw his throat move as he swallowed, his spine straightening.
"When are we going?" I asked, catching his chin in my hand as I looked straight into his violet eyes. The stars that were usually there had winked out, only a small glimmer left. By the Cauldron, what was going on.
My ebony claws scraped against his shield in permission for entrance. No answer. A shudder came from him, and his eyes shut.
He was keeping me out.
"Rhys," I whispered, croaking it out. "Tell me."
"I don't think you would want to hear it," he finally responded. But the words-his tone, it was cold, reserved. Different.
"Tell. Me." There was only pure command in my voice-the voice of a High Lady. It disturbed me that I even instinctively had to use it in any way, especially with him.
I stared him down, moving closer so he could not refrain from telling me. For Cauldron's sake, I was his mate.
He swallowed once more. I had barely ever seen him this shaken-this, whatever it is.
"You're not coming to the Court of Nightmares," he said.
I recoiled, moving away from him as I heard his words.
"Are you mad?" I said, incredulous. "I damn well am coming, I am the High Lady, and this personally affected me-"
"Which is precisely why," Rhys interrupted, rubbing his forehead, "you are not coming."
"Why should I not?" I demanded.
"Because I almost lost you!" he yelled.
My arguments that were slowly rising up in me paused at his words. Then they fell, tumbling to the ground and shattering as if they were merely pieces of thin glass.
"I almost lost you, for weeks or months. I knew deep down you would not die, no, you would not be felled by that dagger. But you could have been in the sort of sleep for weeks, months, maybe even a year or two. You were gone from me for days, and I felt as if I lost you even then." He breathes in a shuddering breath, and his eyes completely darkened.
Silence was all that came from me, words clogged in my throat. I didn't even know what I would say. Probably the completely wrong words.
"Rhys..." My voice was breathless, soft. I wanted to comfort him, but I didn't know how I could. I had gone through his death, and had faced it with a broken heart. But moments later, minutes of agony and pure sorrow and desperation, I had him. I was lost in that healing but unbreachable darkness for days. And I was not even a beloved court member, a cousin, a sister, a friend. No, actually I was all of those things, but I was also more. I was his wife, his mate, his High Lady. He had to deal with me there but not, alive but not able to speak to him at all.
I wanted to throw my arms around him and embrace him, wanted to do it so badly, but I merely just couldn't. My mind was urging me to, but the still present by slightly slumbering anger kept my body in place.
Violet eyes met my blue-gray ones, and Rhysand peered into them, as if he could still see me, lying on a cold bed, as if my eyes were still closed as I slumbered.
"No," he croaked out, and I tensed. "You will not be coming with us."
"You have no right, no true reason to stop me from going. You cannot keep me out-"
"I have valid, true reasons Feyre," he cut in again. But this wasn't like the first outburst. There was no yell, no fierceness. It was empty, resigned.
Time, in time he would calm down. In seconds he would see reason, he would realize that we have been through so much, that I could handle this. The words were chanted in my head, but I gulped. I was not certain that they would be true.
"By the Cauldron, you are pregnant for Mother's sake. Pregnant and my mate who was just injured and vulnerable. Who knows what is there. You are in complete danger, and I was too much of a idiotic fool to stop it before. How could you or I stop it now?"
Ah, that was it. That guilt, I had seen it before. It was there after that experience with that wretched book at the Summer Court, the blood rubies. I had helped him get rid of that feeling momentarily then...but now, I had not a single clue.
He was right, in a way, I was in danger. But I knew I would always be in danger, I would always have a target, and so would our child. And I had not cared, not when I accepted the bond, not when I became his wife, his High Lady. It felt so strange, he had changed. I knew that in the end it was temporary, believed it, after all, after the war we still recovered from his death and...renewal.
But I could not simply be pushed to the side. No, I promised to myself I would not let myself be pushed around, and I intended to keep that promise.
"Rhysand," I said with a slow-burning poison. "I have every right to bestow my wrath alongside you on those wretched people in the Court of Nightmares. Do not deny me that right. There will be some way to protect myself. I can cover myself, cover my scent, keep Cassian and Azriel or Amren and Mor near me. I can and will do something."
He looked at me, black hairs spilling near his eyes as I saw him crumble. I silently sighed in relief, knowing that this was just the aftermath of what happened. And I understood, I really did. I express and feel the same concerns. In fact I did. But this-I needed to be there. Not only as High Lady, but to show whatever bastard there that I was in fact strong.
I saw Rhys crumble, and I began giving a small smile.
Then he hardened.
My back went completely stiff.
"Feyre," he said, and I snarled. But my expression softened.
"Rhys, you know I should go."
He gazed at me for a minute, and I could see that he was fighting himself. The side that was reason, telling him that I should go, that I deserved that. And then there was the fear, coaxing him to just make me stay, just for this one freedom.
"I do not think you should, Feyre. I believe you should stay in Velaris this once and-"
Utter rage swept through me, and my nostrils flared in indignation. Disappointment and a sort of twinge of betrayal followed the anger as I heard his words.
Suddenly the world spun and I was out of the house, my feet slamming on the street hard and sending a shock up my legs.
I knew what he was going to say.
He needed some time, and frankly I certainly did too.
I knew what was about to come out of his mouth.
I believe you should stay in Velaris this once, and that's final.
I was shocked that I didn't find anyone or anything at my shield, didn't feel something shoot down the bond. I hoped that it was only because he chose to give me some space and it was nothing else.
I gazed at my surroundings as the cool wind brushed past me, bending around me.
Those words, those words that I both heard and did not heard whirled in my head.
And that's final.
But before they could leave his mouth, I had turned away-turned away and winnowed straight out of the house, straight away from him.
Some time, I told myself, give him some time.
Hopefully, that's all this was, something that would fade and vanish quickly in time.
Because I did not know what else I could do...if it turned into something larger and worse.
Thanks for reading everyone. So sorry for not doing Hewn City yet, it's coming up. This idea just popped into my head, and I decided, hey why not, needed some new scenes and thought it would at least something. This chapter was a bit more than usual, around 500 words more, and I think I'll make them each this length now, as my writing has improved, at least I would say that. Hope you enjoyed, and check back later for the next chapter. Hewn City, coming soon.
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~booksaremybliss